okay so:
basically my roommate's kind of a fucking psycho but acts like your friend? it's so weird
like she'll be so nice to me one day and then literally ignore me. like she'll plan outings, but when we go she literally won't say a word to me. it made me really think that maybe there was something about me that she didn't like?? like maybe I was just annoying or obnoxious to be around??? bc whenever we were going out and she went lowkey nonverbal, I would at first think, "oh, that's just how some people are. I totally get it, social fatigue is real." but the worst part was when we would run into people we knew, she would all of a sudden become the most TALKATIVE person alive. she would literally ignore me to talk with the random people we just ran into (EVEN IF THOSE PEOPLE WERE SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS?? AND NOT HERS???))) she would try and isolate me from my own friends?????? like it was genuinely so upsetting.

she also says so many out of pocket things that are just subtle enough to fly under the radar (like that time she said to me, "you have no other friends than us," which was blatantly untrue but made me question everything) and then turns around and acts so nice, which makes you really think you're going insane.

or the way she would be so passive-aggressive to my suitemate, and lowkey talk shit about her behind her back and act like it was a joke we were all in on. but genuinely she started to get really mean to my suitemate, mainly after I kind of expressed annoyance at my suitemate, as you do when you live with someone. but I don't think she realizes you can dislike a specific aspect of someone without hating their entire being??? like a small annoyance shouldn't be enough to despise someone????? but I guess she felt validated and began to get really mean to my suitemate and shit. at one point I literally confronted her like, girl, aren't you being a little to mean to her?

This girl really had the audacity to say, "no, we're chill. see, I'm still nice to her, we went to this theater show together." BUT THE THING IS??? I????? was the one who invited them separately??? like my roommate was unaware my suitemate was coming until I had to cancel, so it was only them two. that's literally the only reason why they went together alone, bc I cancelled.

and then I start talking to my suitemate randomly one night and the topic of my roommate comes up, and I realize my suitemate kind of knew the shit that was happening behind her back. and we compare notes and realize, oh shit, my roommate really is psycho!! that theater show she used as an excuse to say she was so close with my suitemate???? she literally ignored my suitemate the whole fucking night, and whenever she tried to even make small talk and ask her questions, my roommate would literally shut her down immediately and act like she was some kind of annoying kid she had to babysit. like it literally isn't even that hard to pretend you like someone, my roommate was just doing that because she wanted my suitemate to feel bad.

also, this girl is sooo weirdly obsessed with this large group of guys who live on the floor above us??? like she has a boyfriend, but she's literally OBSESSED with these people. she knew them first, but would act super possessive of them. whenever I started befriending them, she would act like me and the guy were basically strangers, and would be surprised that we 'knew each other.' girl I have class with him, we fucking hang out, you've literally spoken to him once. fym?? you're the stranger here.

this one guy from that room specifically: me and my roommate were walking to class, and this guy passes us in the opposite direction. he waves at me, since we're /actually friends/, he but doesn't see my roommate I guess and keeps walking, or maybe doesn't even know her well enough to wave at her. no big deal it's literally a 2 second interaction, like who gives a fuck.

I GUESS MY ROOMMATE??? she TURNS AROUND and starts play-acting offended, saying shit like "hahaha what the fuck? come on, why did you ignore me? screw you!" whatever whatever. like makes kind of a big deal trying to be 'funny' but it literally isn't that deep.
the thing is, it was sort of weird in the moment but it's fine. like we move on.

but literally a week later, my friend walks into class and he tells me, "oh, your roommate just flipped me off in the physics building." obviously I'm confused, like what??? and he's like, "I think she's still upset I didn't wave at her." and I lowkey already forgot that moment, so the fact that she still remembered, and apparently still cared enough was so weird. by the way, this is a guy she barely fucking knows. she somewhat knows his girlfriend, but beyond that she literally has only seen him around. like why is she so weird about me being friends with him and her not??? she's so possessive over these guys it's so weird.

there's so so many small things, but it was so hard for me to notice until I finally had that realization with my suitemate, just bc my psycho roommate would act so mean and then turn around and be so nice again. it really made me think that /she/ was the one who cared, but just got annoyed when I was being weird.
nope, she's just insecure. before she got really defensive around me second semester, I still remember her telling me that she was originally worried because I seemed like I would party and go out and shit, but after finding out I'm secretly pretty introverted and have strange hobbies she was happy. it sounded kind of sweet (??) back then but now knowing her insecurities with popularity it's kind of strange. like girl?? so after finding out that the 'popular girl' you couldn't hang out with in high school was a normal fucking human being who doesn't actually care about what you do, you now feel so self-superior????

she would always try to hold her friends over other people's heads, even though she really just treats all of her 'friends' like the same thing: just a fucking experience, and once you're finished making her feel better about herself, she gets annoyed and ignores you.
(also, making fun of someone who got sexually assaulted.... or going to campus protests because you don't want fomo even though i KNEW she did not give a single fuck...... or ignoring her boyfriend when he came to visit, poor guy....................)
like this girl was insane and lowkey made me feel so self-conscious about myself. so that's kind of what happened.

LOL SORRY YALL shit was crazy I'll be back on the grind now that she's (kind of) gone so yayy
hopefully sophomore year won't make me eat my words but yeah LOL