old ass dxm trip log

i am a creature.

i am a creature lost in space.

i am a space lost in creature time

time is irrelevant, everything is nothing

i am nothing and you are nothing

i love you the way you love me
i love truth the way falsities escape me.
i can't comprehend what i want to say
or what i feel, think, hear, taste, smell...

my senses feel like they've gone a little bit haywire. i think that i am 3 hours in now; T=0:00 was around 2230, 2300 CST. current time is 0138. thoughts are very hazy. wondering now why i did not start writing this earlier. cigarette tastes strange, but, it has an interesting effect on the dxm trip. i wouldn't say it potentiates it, so much as it grounds it a little bit. every time i type on the keyboard, the light from this netbook moves and i can see it very clearly moving on me. i feel extremely sensitive to light.

right now i am sitting outside of my apartment on a netbook, overlooking the street out in front of me, and contemplating the effects of dextromethorphan. my dose today was fairly small; 400mg dxm, and 8g guaifenesin. i do not really have much of a desire to consume the guaifenesin, but i lack the expertise and capability to do any sort of extraction of the dxm. besides, about a week ago (maybe 3 or 4 days ago), i took a total of 16g of guaifenesin and 800g *at least* of dxm, so i'm sure i will be fine on that front.

but this almost feels mre powerful than then. let me see if i can recall..

T-00:20:00 - eating. specifically, eating the nissin chow mein noodles, orange chicken flavor, and popcorn, with dr. pepper as a beverage.

during this time i am watching tv and contemplating taking the dxm. i plan to, but i am not sure when. i keep thinking.

T-00:00:00 - i take 20 mucinex dm generic equivalent tablets, equal to 400mg dxm and 8g guaifenesin.

T-00:15:00 - wow i feel a little weird but not much.

T-00:45:00 - starting to get very tired

T-01:00:00 - holy cow it hit me. headspace has been smashed. body feels light. i feel like i am floating. i feel like i am spinning. i feel like i am running. must sit up, but lying down feels so good...

T-02:00:00 - watching television was very difficult. could not focus on anything going on; svu was on i think. an episode about a bishop or some nonsense with a gay son who had a significant other addicted to meth. i used to be addicted to meth; it's funny, i remember reading that dxm will help the tolerance build up with meth. thoughts like this induce cravings, but they pass quickly.

T-02:45:00 - fiancee is tired and needs to take a nap. this is the time where i step away and decide it is time to sit in the bathtub. this is one of my favorite pastimes; i like to surf sites like thedaillywtf or erowid while sitting in there and reflect on the day, reflect on my existence. but something was weird this time.

T-03:00:00 - it feels like it got more intense. everything is bendy and spinny. i feel like i'm starting to lose contact with myself, if ever so slightly. i'm still here, i'm still alive, and i know that i should remain that way, but it feels like my mind is wanting to tear away from my head. it feels like i don't have any limbs anymore, and that these things that are attached dto me are moving of theirown volition; it just so happens that they are alligned perfectly well with what i want to exp0ress. arms are weird.

(times are approximate btw)

i keep hearing cars pass by and it gives me a very shrill sense of excitement, but one that passes very quickly. i feel like i can hear and feel my heartbeat in every inch of me, but i know that i can't. it isn't actually there; it just so desperately wants to be or maybe i want it to be. i'm not quite sure.

breathing is extremely easy. i attribute this to the guaifenesin; i don't really have a basis as to why i am doing this, but whatever is happening in my body, reminds me of the vasodilation effects of certain amphetamines and other stimulants. i'm not exactly in the best shape, andi often have trouble breathing, but for some reason, right now i feel extremely clear. i feel this is probably from the guaifenesin loosening up all the mucus as well. does dxm have any stimulant tendencies? i recall reading somewhere once that it has some slightly stimulant properties... but then again, i could be remembering wrong..

there's a strange pain in my right temple. it's hollow. it feels like it's connected to the nauseated feeling that i have in my stomach, running up my esophagus. it feels very... unsettling, to say the least. i finished my cigarette (a pall mall menthol 100, for those keeping track at home), and am considering having another. though, it also gets me wondering, as i know the consumption of tobacco through combustion produces a maoi of sorts, and would that not potentially lead me to serotonin syndrome? who knows; it's a risk i'm willilng to take while i ccan breathe so easily.

cigarette removed from pack, placed between lips, and lit. ahh, this is wonderful || couldn't find regular lighter, so i had to use my zippo that my mother-in-law(-to-be) purchased me for my birthday. it has an ace of spades on it; i appreciate the sentiment greatly. i love using zippos; there's something about that smell of those aliphatic hydrocarbons, as they like to call them. feels like there's a split on my lip where i put the cigarette in, but when i remove it, it goes numb.

the flashing from the computer screen is starting to get more intense. i wonder how long i am going to keep writing this for; is this a trip report, or is this a trip journal? i am lost somewhere on the cusp of madness, but i feel if i keep writing, i might figure something out. the smoke from this cigarette feels very light and refreshing; my mouth is kept cool, but i also find myself experiencing the negative end of cannabis consumption (smoked a blunt about an hour ago, would say contained about 50% schwag/reggie/whatever, and 50% hydroponically grown goodies) with the wonders of xerostomia. feels like there is something lodged in my throat; i want to smoke more weed but i can't until i wake my fiancee up as she does the rolling.

"but surely, ozz, you could just hit a bong or something, right?"

unfortunately, no. we have no pieces; we did, as recently as a month or so ago, but due to some extenuating circumstances, the piece that we had (a lovely bong at that) is no longer in our possession. even so, i have gotten to the point where i am spoiled. i would love to have a hit out of a gravity bong or something like that, but i really do enjoy smoking blunts. if people would still call weed dope *which is not unheard of evidently* then i would definitely be a dope fiend. still, i can do without, with a little bit of effort.

cars keep coming. thoughts keep derailing. it's coldishot outside. there was a car coming through the apartment parking lot; it's lights were bright. for a moment, i was convinced it was god coming for me, but that passed.

i stopped writing for a few minutes to check facebook, see if a friend of mine was on to share this report with. also checked bluelight. as i read through a topic on making trip reports, i noticed a strange feeling in my throat. that same lump in my throat i thought i felt earlier now feels like something trying to make it's way back out. i think emesis is imminent, as it were. however, this is not unheard of; my previous trip also was permeated by this nauseous feeling.

it is now T+03:30:00 approx.

i am starting to think that i should go back inside and sit down, as this netbook is about to die. it does not have a very powerful battery, so the lifespan of a charged battery is, well, pretty short. taking it inside...

managed to make it in to my chair. specifically, the chair is a papasan;  my mother purchased it for me many years ago. i absolutely love it, it's extremely comfortable and i love the feeling of falling back into it. i can hear my cat purring, i think.

i can't write anymore. i'm going.