Moltov's Christmas Adventure 2012

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through TwitchTV
Not an emoticon was stirring, not even a BigNig.
The splits were hung by the stream with care,
In hopes that St. Teh Urn soon would be there.

The runners were nestled all snug in their PBs,
While visions of Dead Hand luck danced in their heads.
And Moltov with his #FastFingers, and Link in his cap,
Had just wrecked viewers brains with vineclips and hoverslides.

When out on the courtyard there arose such a clatter,
Moltov panicked when seeing what was the matter.
Away to the princess he flew like a flash,
Then Guard #1 looked left and RIPed Teh Urn fast.

The moon in the sky loomed ever closer
Allowed the Guards Before Night of evening to draw nearer.
When, what to Kaepora’s wondering eyes should appear,
But a WESSing Link, Supersliding past his leer.

With a little old chicken, so rough and course,
Moltov knew in a moment it must be an ISG source.
More rapid than SVA his flaming chicken had formed,
And it whistled, and shouted, and was shield-dropped!

"Now Skulltula skip! now, Actor Glitch! now, Dead Hand Luck and Vine Clip!
On, Bombchus! On, Castle Before Night! on, on Zelda and Lullaby Skip!
To the top of the Graveyard! to the bottom of the Shadow Temple!
Now backwalk away! Sidehop away! Bombslide away all!"

As Bongo Bongo that before the sandy storm fly,
When Moltov met with an obstacle, Guay in the sky.
So up to the Colossus, along the seam he treaded,
YOLO Strats be damned, bird in the sky hookshoted.

And then, in a twinkling, Twinrova heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hover boot.
After Link spun about, and was killing Armos en masse,
Down the hole Link came, Spirit Medallion at last.

Nabooru was dressed all in armor, from her head to her foot,
And her soul was all tarnished with black magic and soot.
A bunch of plating Link had dislodged from the Gerudo thief,
And he looked like a hero, just crouch-stabbing with relief.

Twinrovas eyes, how they burned! Their wrinkles how scary!
Their broomsticks were like boomsticks, their noses like a canary!
The temple was to a close, with an RNG boss conclusion,
Link was like, “whatever… HOOKSHOT CONFUSION!”

The witches had died due to the powers of YOLO,
And the lights encircled their heads like a halo.
Moltov had a proud face and a little round medallion,
That spun above his head, the speedrunning rapscallion!

Link was off to the forest, with Stalfos and wingdings,
To get a bow, and smite the Dark King!
With it in hand, and Holy Arrows of Justice in tow
Soon Moltov would have a new WR to show

He spoke to the chat, and went straight back to his work,
And shot Ganondorf, sniped that green-skinned jerk.
After descending the collapsing tower, the King of Thieves was thought seared
Suddenly a noise, a wild Pig appeared!

Link sprang into action, Hookshot in hand,
And away he roasted the porker, into BBQ Land.
But I heard Moltov exclaim, ‘ere he signed off, into fame,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-game!"