Shining Armor Hates (?) Anon - Chapter Two

>“I’ve got another one!”
>You pause as Dandelion calls out to you. Glancing over your shoulder, you nod and make your way over to the mare, who has taken up position by some rubble that’s been knocked loose from one of the boutiques. After removing several of the vibrant roofing tiles from the pile, you finally catch sight of a faded blonde tail. Smiling, you grab another handful of rubble.
“Hang on there citizen, we’ll have you out in just a mom-”
>Your words fall short as the speculatively squished stallion springs out from his rubble resting place with a mighty roar. One of the unicorn’s hooves manages to clock you in the face, forcing you to stumble back onto your backside. With wild eyes, the pony fixes you with a vicious snarl, his green eyes flashing with a mixture of rage and fear.
>“Get yer darn hooves offa me!” he snaps, his light brown coat suffering the same desaturated look as his tail. You try to respond, but quickly decide against it, the pain rocketing up from your jaw to your head at your attempt, adding to the already irritating ringing between your ears.
>Giving your pegasus companion a stern look, you jerk your eyes towards the stallion. It takes her a few seconds, but Dandelion finally figures out what you want her to do. With a hesitant step forward, she clears her throat.
>“Pardon us, citizen. We’re-”
>“You’re a bunch of thieving hooligans is what you are!” the stallion growls, not waiting for a response and turning back to his pile. “Breaking into a poor pony’s house, I’ve got half a mind to call the Guard on you!” He continues muttering to himself as he stacks the bricks and shingles back the way they were with short bursts of magic from his horn.

>You stare at him, cradling your jaw and making note of his elegant, if torn and muddied, choice of clothing. While you can’t remember his name, you have placed him at multiple venues with ponies such as Fancy Pants, Sapphire Shores and the like. He’s no slouch, but he’s clearly not in his right mind.
>Dandelion shoots you an apologetic smile before turning back to the pony. As the stallion paces around his ‘house’, she clears her throat again.
>“Apologies, sir. We were just trying to make sure that you are all right.”
>“Fine, dandy,” the unicorn grunts, making one final pass around before pausing and nodding. “You kids shouldn’t be knocking on people’s doors in the middle of the night though. Someone might confuse you for an intruder.”
>Exchanging a look with your partner, you nod towards the stallion again. Dandelion sighs and squares herself.
>“I apologize again sir, but it’s not safe for you to be out here. Canterlot is in a state of emergency right now and we would like for you to come with us to a secure location.”
>The unicorn buzzes his lips and rolls his eyes.
>“I’m sure you’d love it if I left my house so that looters like you two could come in and take whatever you want! This is prime real estate; ponies would pay out the ears to have a personal lot here in the center of town.”
>“Sir, please…”
>“It’s not happening!” Scowling, the unicorn drops his bottom to the ground and scooches back until he’s almost completely hidden under his scrap house. “You two can go sit on an alicorn’s horn for all I care, I’m not moving!”
>With that, the unicorn makes a creaking sound with his mouth and shouts, “SLAM!” before setting his lips into a scowl and staring at the two of you.

>“I, guess we struck out,” Dandelion sighs, looking back at the unicorn and then back to you. “Anonymous, I’m so sorry it ended up like this. I should have known that he’d been negged before I called you over.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
>You finally manage to get the words out, rolling your mouth around in a small circle. It still feels very tight, but at least you don’t have flashes of your jaw popping off and hanging loose in the breeze. Patting your cheek twice, you force a smile and get to your feet.
“Just make sure that the main group knows about this guy. He won’t come willingly, but maybe we can have some of the unicorns drag him to safety.”
>Dandelion nods and gives a quick wave before zipping off to pass along your message to Glory and the rest of the Guard. You sigh and walk away from the stubborn stallion, noting that the other two ponies who accompanied you had cleared their area as well.
>They note the red hoof print on your cheek and have a chuckle at your expense, but after you tell them about the pony and their expressions darken. The earth pony of the pair sighs and shakes his head.
>“Another one, huh? It didn’t seem that bad from up on the roof, but…”
>His voice trails off as he focuses his attention down to the ground. The unicorn, seeing his partner’s distress, chips in as well.
>“All of these ponies are acting out of sorts. We don’t even really know much more than that, except that when they’re negged their coats and mane fade and it’s all tied to Discord somehow.”
“Yeah.”
>You give a heavy sigh, rubbing your thumb against your chin.
“It’s a real puzzler all right. But we’re not paid to solve mysteries, just move ponies to safety.”

>The stallions share an uneasy look between them before nodding and turning their attention back to you. Their eyes tell you everything that you need to know, an unconscious flitting about as they struggle to keep their attention on any one thing for an extended period.
>You’re not much better though, the anxious fluttering in your stomach keeping you on your toes. A rush of wings draws your attention away from the ponies, just as Dandelion rounds the corner with a big smile on her lips.
>“I found them!” she says with a welcome note of cheer in her voice. Another pair of ponies trot behind her and after a brief, whispered exchange, you see them turn their attention to the negged pony glaring out from his ‘house’. Dandelion lingers for a moment long before your pegasus partner pushes past and makes her way over to you.
>“Sorry it took so long; is there anypony else nearby?”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
>Giving her a smile you reach out and ruffle her mane.
“Since we’ve cleared this area, let’s move on to the next one.”
>While your companions nod, it only takes a few blocks before the earth pony stallion sighs in frustration.
>“What a mess. I can’t believe that we’re the ones having to deal with this, especially after the Nightmare Moon ordeal a few months ago.”
>Turning your head, you give him a wry smirk and chuckle.
“Well, it’s not like we did that much in that instance; it was all due to the Elements of Harmony that things were set right. The worst we had to put up with was keeping the peace and trying to rein in panicking ponies.”
>“Maybe for you,” the stallion snaps back, “but I was down in the lower reaches of the city. The ponies down there didn’t know what to think, and several members of the City Guard ended up in the infirmary after ending up on the wrong side of a bucking bronco.”
>After a moment, he sighs again and shakes his head.

>“Apologies, Sir, it’s just that between that, the Parasprite infestation in Fillydelphia, rumblings of a dragon migration, and now facing down the forces of Chaos, me and mine have had a real time of things lately. This isn’t what I signed up for.”
“Completely understandable.”
>Giving him a firm nod, you smile and turning your eyes forward again.
“But just like before, we’ll all get through this together and someone will find a way to put things right.”
>“Like Twilight Sparkle?” Dandelion chirps, giggling as you give a quiet grunt in response. “You really think highly of her, don’t you? Is that because she taught you everything you know?”
“No. Not everything.”
>“So just most then?”
>You sigh and do your best to avoid Dandy’s cheery face. Still, you feel your lips sink a little as you consider what she said. She’s not wrong, without Twilight, you wouldn’t be in the position you are today.
>In fact, without her, you might have never had the chance to get into the Canterlot Guard. A delighted giggle comes from your left, causing you to shoot Dandelion a glare.
>“I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Something along those lines.”
>The pegasus grins and nods as she flutters back to the ground and blows her mane out of her eyes. On second thought, you might have gotten into the Guard on sheer physical ability. If you were really honest with yourself, you had to wonder about some of the ponies who joined up with you.
>They’re not especially bad at their jobs, they just seem somewhat out of place. Then again, ponies who devoted themselves to protecting the capital of Equestria seemed completely unneeded six month ago. Perhaps the changing times required a change in the character of the ponies who took on this responsibility. Not that you’d dare to bring up that idea in conversation with them.

“Sometimes it’s like walking on egg shells around these equines.”
>You whisper under your breath. Before you can take another step however, a chortle ripples up from one of the drains nearby.
>“Egg shells you say? What a wonderful idea!”
>Your small patrol stops in their tracks and instinctively the four of you huddle together as a raucous laugh echoes all around you. At once a flash of light sends your reeling back on your heels, an audible crunch crackling up from under your feet. When the spots disappear from your eyes you see that the grey cobblestones have been completely replaced by pearly white egg shells.
>Dandelion gives a small squeak of surprise and immediately takes to the sky, hovering off the ground to avoid stepping on any jagged edges. Unfortunately, the stallions don’t have that option. As they yelp and curse, trying to figure out how to move on the now painful path, you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.
“On guard, you three; it seems we’ve wandered straight into the clutches of Chaos.”
>“I like the sound of that, such wonderful wordplay,” the voice says with an almost sadistic glee. “But I’m afraid that you’re underselling me just a bit.”
>Your throat begins to tighten, your mouth going dry as you struggle to speak. At last, you call out to him again.
“Discord?”
>There’s a gentle pop and you see a tiny pair of mismatched legs and a serpentine tail dangling in front of your face. You try to tilt your head back to get a better look at the invasive body, but he’s got such a grip that it’s impossible to do so. He gives a jovial laugh and you feel a small hand pat you on the head.
>“Absolutely amazing, you managed to get it on the first try! Truly an impressive feat for a somepony who looks like he’s suffering from a flea infestation.”

>The tail whaps your cheek once for emphasis before Discord cackles again, a sulfurous scent assaulting your nose as the mischievous monstrous miniature vanishes from your head. After a moment of peace, the amalgamated horror poofs back into existence.
>Somewhere in the realm of eight to ten feet long from snout to tail, Discord lounges on a cotton candy cloud looking like something that Avant Garde would post up in her gallery. Every limb seems taken from a different species of earth dwelling beasts, while his tri-sectional body and mismatched wings give him a hastily cobbled together appearance. The entire mess is further complicated by the oddly shaped horns jutting from his skull, and one overly large canine, sitting snaggletooth against the rest.
>Discord rolls onto his side, propping his head up with a broad paw while his scaly claw strokes his goatee. Sickly yellow orbs sparkle with a barely contained amusement as he looks you over, before finally settling on your shoes. With a mock gasp, his eyes jerk back up to your face.
>“And here I thought that my egg shell bit would be enough to really set things off.  I wasn’t expecting to run into a creature with taste in fashionable footwear.”
>Curling your lip, you barely suppress the growl in the back of your throat, taking a determined step forward.
“Joke’s on you, I suppose.”
Unfortunately, Discord doesn’t wilt, instead opting to provide you with a wide grin that sends your heart thudding wildly in your chest.
>“Is it? I wonder…”
>The hairs on the back of your neck go up as you glance around for some sign of an incoming trick or prank, but find only the other ponies hard at work. They’ve settled down by this point, the unicorn is using a busted crate and lengths of rope to make temporary shoes for the two stallions. You hold back a smile, not wanting to give the Chaos King any ideas.

“Guess that’s just my luck.”
>Giving him a half-hearted shrug, you fix Discord with a smile. He gives a disinterested hum and takes a look over your shoulder. A slow smile spreads across his lips as he looks back into your eyes.
>“My, you are a resourceful bunch, aren’t you? Much more entertaining than my previous guests; but since you’re here, how about we play a little game?”
>There’s an audible poof of magic as the amalgamation rattles his right hand about a few times before letting a pair of yellow dice bounce across an invisible table. They settle on snake eyes, a pair of red dots staring up at you before they begin to blink and glance in your direction. The now eyeless Discord gives a delighted cackle while you scowl and smack the dice away.
“We’re not interested in your games. The only thing we want is for you to set everything back the way it should be.”
>“Oh ha, ha, set everything right. That’s a good one!”
>You square your shoulders and glare at the Chaos King, your lip curling up into a snarl as you do. He grins for several seconds more before his expression begins to falter.
>Wait,” the once jovial jester narrows his eyes to mailbox slits as he scowls, “you’re serious? You don’t appreciate what I’ve done with the place, do you?”
>Crossing your arms over your chest, you give him the straightest face you can manage. Discord examines you from the left and the right, even going so far as to curl around you once and observe you from the top of your head.
>At once, a pair of white gloved hands appears in front of you, the index fingers pressing into either side of your lips and forcing your scowl into a smile. As soon as they vanish, you return to glaring up at the Lord of Chaos. Soon after a tired sigh echoes through the alley.
>“Such a pity, it seems that I was wrong; you’re no fun after all. And my hopes were so high, what a shame, what a shame.”

“Enough fooling around!”
>You shout with a snap, at last losing your patience with the trickster. For an instant, Discord’s eyes seem to bulge out of his head. There’s a burst of clove scented smoke that leaves you hacking, but by the time it clears, the abomination has disappeared. Somewhere in the distance, Discord tuts mockingly.
>“Temper, temper you bald baboon; Chaos may reign, but I do have my priorities. And while you’re certainly an interesting find, after that last outburst you’re very, very, VEEEERY low on that list. Somewhere between taking care of bits of celery between my teeth and deciding what’s for supper.” As you feel the heat build up under your collar, you hear a disembodied laugh.
>“But...”
>From your left, there’s a squeal of surprise. You whirl and spot Dandelion, her face pinched between the talons of Discord’s claw. The nightmare creature turns to you and flashes a toothy grin.
>“I do believe the four of you could benefit with a change in attitude.”
>The pegasus pony’s brown eyes go wide as she shifts her focus to you.
>“A-Anonymous, pl-”
>Discord locks his gaze in with the pony with fluffy mane, the words catching in her throat. She struggles for several seconds, you can see the lump in her throat bobbing as she seems to gasp for air and scream at the same time. The stallions are frozen in place, but even as you take a step forward you see it start.
>It begins at her snout, her lush golden coat giving way to a dull, drab brownish-grey. It spreads quickly across the length of her body, a terrified shudder rumbling down her spine right behind. As the color drains from her tail, Discord releases the Guardspony who falls to the ground with a thud. She shakes off the cotton in her head before settling her eyes on Discord. And she screams.
>“Run away!”

>Her wings flutter, bringing her back up into the air and she rockets off down the street, leaving the three of you behind. You know you should follow her, but your legs don’t seem willing to move. In the span of three seconds, Discord managed to take the cheerful, forced bravery of Dandelion and twist it into some negative reflection. You, you need to save her. As your brain begins chugging away again, you blink.
>When you open your eyes again, Discord stands in front of you. Grinning.
>“And now my plucky primate, it’s your turn.”
>The clawed hand of Chaos cradles your jaw as he hefts you from the ground with comparative ease. Before you can begin to struggle, those yellow eyes burst with a magical energy and you feel your limbs go limp.
>“Now, let’s just take a little look see and find out what it is that makes you tick.”
>A flash of light bursts in front of your eyes and as your vision clears you hear a stern voice calling out to you.
****
>“Eyes up, Anonymous!”
>On instinct, you snap your gaze toward the sound, but instead of the rivulets of milk pooling down the streets in the upper district of Canterlot, you see the smiling face of a young mare staring at you.
>You blink a few times and the chalkboard behind her comes into focus, and you feel the slick wooden surface of a chair beneath your bottom. A slight shimmer of purple magic surrounds the chalk as it scrapes against the surface of the board again. The purple unicorn glances back at the floating instrument and smiles as she continues.
>“I know that today has been exhausting, but there’s one more test that I’d like to do.”
>An eerie sense of familiarity rings out with those words. As you try to place your finger on it, the chalk lands on the base of the board with a clatter, the black surface reading ‘Magic 101’. Twilight Sparkle tosses her mane, turning her attention back to you in the process.
>“I’d like to test your magical aptitude.”

>Right, you remember this; it was your first spring in Equestria. With a heavy sigh you lean back in your seat and cross your arms over your chest. The sun warms your face and you can smell the fragrant grasses beginning to bloom. After several seconds, you grunt and shake your head.
“Twilight, we’ve been over this already.”
>You lift one of your hands, drawing a lazy circle in the air.
“I’m not magical. I don’t have a horn like you do, so I have no magical abilities.”
>You regret the words almost as soon as they come out of your mouth. Twilight smiles and begins drawing four legged stick figures on the blackboard. A unicorn, a pegasus, an earth pony, and then what you can only assume is you, as it’s standing on two legs. Well, either that or a minotaur.
>“That’s not entirely true! I’ve been doing some research,” you interrupt her with a groan, but Twilight only smirks and carries on as if nothing had happened, “and according to modern magical studies, all creatures on this world have an inclination towards magic, however slight; they just happen to manifest in different ways!”
>Putting on a straight face, you stare blandly at Twilight for several seconds. Her smile never once falters, though she does seem to bounce a little in an attempt to contain her excitement. Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you sigh and shake your head.
“So, are you saying that my magical ability is the power to walk upright?”
>“Maybe! That’s why I want to do some tests!”
>Tests, tests, tests, this mare is fixated on tests! If her methods hadn’t been so efficient, you would have dropped her like a bad habit months ago. But they had, and you owe her quite a bit as a result. Closing your eyes, you scowl.
“You’re not going to let me get away with not doing this, are you?”
>Twilight makes the excited pony squeal sound and you feel your serious façade falter as your lips turn up. Fair enough. Getting to your feet, you smile down at her and raise an eyebrow.

“All right then; what do you need me to do?”
>“Just stand right there, I have a new spell I’ve been practicing for just this occasion called Detect Magic!”
>As Twilight squares her hooves, you hold up your hand to try and stave off the inevitable.
“Woah, hold on there! Am I being tested or the test dummy, here?”
>A burst of magic flares from Twilight’s horn as she grins at you, her face that of a mare possessed by power and delight.
>“Yes!”
>Before you can protest, a purple light envelops your entire body. It leaves a tingle all over you, as though your entire body had lain strangely and was now suffering from pins and needles. The inside of your skull begins to tingle and despite your best efforts, you eventually bring your fingers to your aching head, massaging your temples in the process.
>Twilight isn’t faring much better, the purple pony’s muzzle twisted into a sour expression as she plants one of her hooves again. Her horn burns brighter and the tingling intensifies. Gritting your teeth, you try to fight back the sensation, though when your head feels like an overripe grape being pinched, there’s little you can do to ignore it. Finally, you break.
“T-Twilight, I really think it would be good if we stopped.”
>The sweating mare shakes her head, her lips curled into a fierce smile.
>“Absolutely not! No make-ups allowed!”
>As the pressure increases yet again, your teeth begin to grind together. Your eyes bulge in their sockets, threatening to pop out of your skull if this keeps up much longer. Sweat dribbles down your face and into your bloated orbs, bringing a stinging pain into the equation. And then you feel something snap inside of you.

>The flow of magic stops at once, sending you crashing to your hands and knees. As your lungs struggle to remaster breathing, you glance up towards your tutor and see that Twilight has plopped down onto her hindquarters. She shakes her head several times and then beams a smile across the lawn to you.
>“I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!”
>She stands and bounces over to you, her expression never fading as she puts her muzzle against your nose.
>“‘No magic’, he says, well I say, ‘HA’ because you -do- have magic! That backlash was certainly didn’t cause itself after all.”
>You’re completely lost, though you’re still struggling to find your voice to tell her that. Thankfully, Twilight takes a short breather.  She bites her lip and begins placing from left to right, shooting glances at you ever few seconds. You’re about to suggest she stop to avoid getting whiplash when she starts again.
>“I’m not sure how or why, but what magic you’ve got inside of you reacted to mine. And while it’s not much, it’s quite potent!” Several seconds tick by before Twilight raises her eyebrows and bites down on her lip again. “I… I’d like to run some more tests, if that’s all ri-”
“Not. Today.”
>With a wheeze, you shake your head and drop down to the ground. The grass brushes against your face, tickling you as you stare off into space. You can hear Twilight’s heavy sigh, but before she can try to persuade you further, a Castle Guard calls out to her.
>“Twilight Sparkle? Princess Celestia would like to speak with you.”
>The young mare’s eyes widen as she turns quickly.
>“Of course! I’ll be right there!”
>As the purple pony moves towards the guard, you push yourself up and rub at your cheek. The pain was a memory now as your limbs began working again, but the excited smile on the unicorn’s face would linger far longer. It was wonderful, to see her so excited.

>As Twilight reaches the steps, she turns back to you.
>“We’re not through yet, Anonymous. I’m going to find out how that magic of yours works, count on it!”
>You laugh and wave her off, closing your eyes and mulling over the words in the back of your mind. That promise, it had been the first of many broken promises between the two of you.
***
>Your heart clenches in your chest and you feel the familiar tingle of magic flowing over your body, starting at your feet and moving upward. Your eyes snap open and you see Discord grinning at you.
>“Oh good, you’re back. I would hate for you to miss the show!”
>The tingle in your ankles rises higher, past your knees and up your thighs, an uncomfortable feeling of static pervading your entire body. It reaches your ribs before you feel the still foreign surge of magic inside of you.
>Twilight might not be here to save the day, but she’s given you enough to push back. Gritting your teeth, you force your arms to move and wrap them both around the slender clawed arm of your assailant.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
>Discord raises an eyebrow as you allow the power swelling inside of you to burst. The Chaos King gives a pained yelp, releasing you and pulling his arm out of your grip as he recoils. You hit the ground with a thud, your lower body aching as color begins to seep back into your limbs. Discord shakes his claw several times before blowing on it. He then fixes you with a curious smirk.
>“My, my, perhaps I didn’t give you enough credit after all. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten scalded like that.”
>Pushing yourself to your feet, you square shoulders and jab your index finger in his direction.

“There’s plenty more where that came from.”
>Right, plenty more; if you can stop your knees from clacking together and shake off the drained feeling of exhaustion that comes with using up what little magic you have in one shot. Discord seems to consider your offer for a moment before waving his paw in your direction.
>“As entertaining as that would be, I’ve got something else to take care of beforehand. And besides, I doubt it could be considered sporting for me to let you take me on by yourself.”
>A sense of dread grips your stomach as you glance over your shoulder and notice that the two stallions are gone. They must have run sometime after you got scooped up. Not that you can blame them. Shaking your head, you turn back to Discord, only to see the vacant street in front of you.
>As you jerk your head around to catch sight of him again, a chuckling cacophony begins, the teasing sounds bouncing off the stonework walls around you, giving no clear sign of where the Lord of Chaos may have disappeared to.
>“Don’t strain yourself, I’ll be back for you shortly; after I’ve finished some unexpected business in Ponyville. I’m sure the two of us will have quite a lot of fun.”
>The hairs on the back of your neck go on end as you feel a tickle of magic permeate the air. Then, from above, Discord’s voice rings out clear as day.
>“And by the way, my prickly primate; you may have been prepared for the eggs, but in the end the yolk’s on you!”
>You have enough time to slam your eyes shut before the sky above you opens up and a deluge of raw egg soaks you to the bone. The feeling of runny yolk sliding down the back of your neck and under your armor is enough to make you squirm in disgust. Discord’s spirited laughter fades into the background as you try to shake off some of the clingy slickness from your arms and legs.

>Unfortunately even as you shake off the excess slime, the rest of it sticks to you like glue; it’s going to take one heck of a shower to get this gunk off. But that will have to wait until you’re safely reunited with the rest of the Guard. Deciding to make your way to the rendezvous point, you take a few steps down the street when a thought causes you to pause.
>Dandelion had flown off in the other direction. From the look in her eyes, she was absolutely terrified, and now she’s out behind enemy lines all alone. You grip your spear tightly and shake your head.
“Just keep walking, Anonymous. She’s trained for this and she can take care of herself.”
>But your legs refuse to move. After several attempts, you sigh and turn on the ball of your foot, walking in the direction you last saw the pony with the fluffy mane fly off in. There’s not much else you can do at this point, it would be better if you’re alone when Discord comes back. But you can’t just leave your squad mate out there alone and in her condition.
>Giving your arm another useless shake, you head deeper into the city, hoping for a miracle.