Jump 386: Justice League Dark

Jump #386: Justice League Dark
>Ace of Wands, reversed: The start of an explosive situation threatening to consume all who get too close.
So another day at the office for these guys, right?
>Age: 96,837
WAIT, WHAT.
>Identity: Monster
>Drawbacks: (+400) Age Of The Soul, Open Invitation, Bit Of A Problem
So in other words this is Constantine's fault. It's ALL Constantine's fault. This is what I get for thinking the multiverse is better off without Trigon.
>Fluency (1300)
At least I don't have an accent unless I want one.
>Stranger (1200)
Well, if I'm going to be some kind of guy who's so old that he's a monster, at least I can be vague about who I am.
>No Trap Can Hold Me (800)
Well, at least I will always find my way to freedom, no matter what.
>The Curse of Immortality (Free, Monster)
Meh, this is not new. This is so far from new.
>Ghost (600, Monster)
This on the other hand, THIS is new. Well, sorta, Danny Phantom doesn't count. Still, this has amusing implications for my final form.
>Primordial (300, Monster)
Now THIS has amusing implications for ALL my forms. This makes every alt form I have explicitly at the apex of their potential. So think about that, then consider I went Avangion in Dark Sun.
>I Am (0, Monster)
Well, this will help with the willpower, won't it? I should have gotten a green ring at some point and not just a blue. Oh well.

"So, what the fu- oh, god damn it. Hello, Constantine. Who's your friend?"
>"I told you that I wasn't done with you, you fucking prick."
"I... oh for the love of god, now there's two of you."
>"Yeah. Saw you pop up, found where you were coming from... lo and behold. Now what kind of man would I be if I didn't help myself out?"
"I'll cede that point. So you've got me contained in a binding circle, in a magic-charged domicile, and I feel a bit of a draft, so could we please skip the dick-waving contest and cut to the chase?"
>"Fine. You're going to answer our questions, and you're going to like it."
"Oh, I think I very much WILL like it. You might not. Ask away."
>"And just to make sure, you're not going to be able to lie until I dispel that circle."
"Your resistance only makes my penis harder."
>"..." "Sod off. Now then. What world are you from? What reality?"
"Earth. There's a Constantine there too, or so I hear. Among other things. Magic there's much more low-key, but I'm told it's a thing."
>"And you're moving between worlds, obviously- but why? What's the bloody point of this?"
"Honestly? It's always been the novelty of seeing other worlds, and everything else was just the icing on top. Never thought I'd get to do something like that unless it was postmortem. Though at the moment is seems to be, why am I so goddamn old?"
>"Yeah, the circle's preventing all lies. Including your appearance."
"Oh, well, that's depressing but I don't think it's working right. And now I'm the baldest motherfucker since Lex Luthor. At least I have a fabulous beard, do either of you have an ectoplasmic razor?"
>"Do shut up with the jokes."
"No."
>"How many people have you killed with your antics?"
"Now that's a loaded question. Directly or indirectly?"
>"It's all your fault, don't be playing word lawyer."
"Then... if we're talking indirectly? Probably... I'd say probably at least twenty billion, hate to say. No, no, I'm forgetting- probably close to fifty billion- no, the Emperor- fuck, that probably makes a hundred billion."
>"Sweet Jesus." "I knew you were a monster."
"Yeah, because it's my fault that planets were bombed from orbit with xenos and asshole people trying to exterminate me and not caring for collateral damage."
>"Uh-"
"You maybe want to ask me how many I've SAVED? How about tens of trillions at minimum? How about entire fucking galaxies of people spared the horrors of constant and unrelenting war?"
>"How about you coming into a world and everything getting bollixed up because of your greed?"
"How about your planet was fucked before I got there and I did everything in my power to fix it, and it's one among hundreds of thousands that I've visited in my time?"
>"It's your fault-"
"God DAMN it Constantine, shut up! The only thing that was my fault was the fact that you could pin it on me and not someone else! You know what's my fault? Not Trigon deciding to make the world's biggest Manwich, because he made his choice! Not you running away instead of trying to save people because you'd have been slaughtered alongside them! And I would have done the same if I had no other option."
>"You have no right-"
"I have as much right as anyone else! Your world would have been utterly lost if I hadn't shown up. Now ask me something that matters instead of this goddamn broken record."
>"Fine, you sodding bastard. Who are you?"
"I am who you see here, obviously, except I'm not actually this fucking ancient."
>"You know that's not what I meant. Your name."
"Crux, Michael Cross, Christopher Robin, Marius Octavianus, Cristobol Colum-"
>"YOUR TRUE NAME, YOU MONSTER!"
I smiled, thinly. "I am not going to tell you my true name, but hey, you get points for trying. Still, I was born a man, as you can see." I swept a hand over my form. "And despite being very much NOT, at times... I am still a man in mind, at heart. Now if you'll excuse me..."
>"You're not going anywhere."
"Oh, but I think I am."
>"But... you can't-"
I stepped out of the binding circle, still translucent, and inclined my head. "Go home, John. I swear to you I did everything I could do to make your world a better place, within reason. I know why you're upset, but after what happened... some people chose not to come back to life and preferred the afterlife. Frankly, it's a miracle so many people did. Actually, you know what? Here, hold on a second."
>"How the bloody hell did he leave the circle?"
I reached into thin air and pulled out a black stone. A moment's concentration saw it duplicate itself in my palm, and the original was sent back to the warehouse, where it belonged. I tossed it to the Constantine that did not belong, the older, ragged-looking one.
>"And this is?"
"The resurrection stone, a badly mis-named artifact because it can't be used to resurrect anyone, but it's from a world that didn't have the same sort of magic you do around here. Turn it over in your hand and think of who you want to chat with. It won't call who you want to talk to while you're here, but it will once you go home. Your daughter, her mother."
>"This... what's the price? Everything has its price."
I caught a flicker out of the corner of my eye, a slim, pale figure looking at me with her head cocked. "I give it to you freely and without reservation, Constantine," I told him. "Just try not to mis-use it. In fact, try not to use it more than once or twice, yeah? And if a girl comes up to you out of nowhere, asking why you're playing around with such things... it belongs to her, so be very polite."
>"R-right..."
I glanced over at the Endless that only I could see, her lips quirked in a slight frown, before she shrugged her shoulders. Looking back to Constantine, I said, "Seriously, do NOT mis-use that. It's not useful for anything but talking to the shades of the departed, and won't bind them in any way." I saw her nod to me at the edge of my vision, and then inclined my head to the Constantines again. "As I was saying... I've got things to see, but I know how this is going to go. Just call me if you can't pull your fat out of the fire and I'll handle things, yeah? Or if you want to sell your soul for the fifth time."
>"What." "What."
"I accept gently used souls! I like to clean them up and put them back where they belong, though, it's a hobby more than anything..."
>"You're weird." Three voices at once, but only one of the three was amused.
"I'm glad you think so," I answered, but the only one I was addressing was invisible to the Constantines. "Have a good night, folks, I'm going to go get some sleep. Ghost or not, I'm tired."