Redheart Can't Into Human Anatomy

Posted 11/25/13 (14723116)

>Day Anon in earth.
>Things are pretty good, you need a checkup though.
>Drive to the clinic.
>They are pretty full, a pony doctor should be good enough though.
>Enter the doctors room.
>She’s a small white pony with a pink mane and tail.
>Her cutie mark is a red medical cross, so you know this mare is legit.
>”Do you have any medical issues that I should know about before I start, sir?”
“Nope!” you happily chime.
>”Right then, lets see your hoo.... SWEET CELESTIA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR HOOF?”
>You look at your hands.
>You don’t see anything wrong with them. Maybe a few scrapes from work, but thats it.
“What? What’s wrong?”
>”Those things sprouting out of them! You have five of them!”
>She couldn’t possibly be this stupid.
“My... Fingers?”
>”Are “fingers” normal?”
“...Yes.”
>”Oh! In that case, next test!”
>This mare might not be as legit as you originally thought.
>How the hell could a mare live on Earth for any period of time, and NOT notice fingers.
>You once convinced your friend that North Korea was going to lift itself into space using technology they stole called The Retro-Proto-Turbo-Encabulator that used blutonium from saturns rings, maybe she was just having a bad day.
>You give her the benefit of the doubt, and let her continue.
>”Okay, stick out your tongue.”
>You oblige.
>”What the heck have you done to your teeth?!”
“Muggg teef?” You say through your open mouth.
>”Yeah! Why are some of them really pointy?”
>You close your mouth. No way. How could she not know this?
“My canines? My teeth that help me eat meat? Are you talking about those?
>”You eat meat!? Thats sick!”
“Almost every human eats meat. Its normal.”
>”Well you still shouldn’t. Thats probably why you humans don’t have any fur on your body. The meat has tainted your body.”
>Nope. This mare is beyond hope.
>Fuck it, the body does a good enough job keeping itself alive, you can wait a little longer.
“How the hell are you a doctor? You don’t know anything about humans!”
>”Well... I’m not technically a doctor, I’m a nurse.”
>Worst horse.
“Well you’re a bad nurse then!”
>You grab your things and leave, but right as you enter the car the mare exits the building with a paper in her mouth.
>”Sir! Can you please rate your experience?”
>Fuck that. This mare is nothing but trouble.
>Seething with rage at the fact that this mare would dare ask you to rate your experience, you pull out and drive straight into traffic.
>On your way home, you have a stroke and crash your car, breaking both your legs.
>If only a doctor was able to warn you about your high blood pressure.