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Bad Poners (RGRE edition)

Jul 16th, 2017
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  1. Pinkie Pie
  2. ~_~_~_~_
  3.  
  4. >Be Anon
  5. >It was another day in horseland
  6. >Like usual, you were spending your Tuesday morning lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling, trying to keep the existential dread at bay
  7. >By your count, you had done this about four thousand times since your thirteenth birthday, and around four thousand times you had been a loser in this mental battle
  8. >But maybe today you'd be able to come out on top
  9. >Probably not, but you wouldn't know unless you tried right?
  10. >...
  11. >Yep...
  12. >That ceiling was really tannish...
  13. >Or maybe just a off-looking white?
  14. >...
  15. >You should probably get something to patch up that bit right there...
  16. >And there...
  17. >"Nonners."
  18. >Maybe you could just go ahead and repaint the whole thing...
  19. >"Nonners fo-fonners."
  20. >Eh...
  21. >If you wanted to paint the room you'd have to buy paint, and paint brushes, and something to open the pain can, and tarps so that you didn't get paint on the carpet
  22. >"Nonnnnnny!"
  23. >Maybe you could do that this weekend?
  24. >At the very least you could sucker someone to come in here and do it for you
  25. >Maybe Applejack
  26. >"Nonny fo-fonny salami!"
  27. >Yeah...
  28. >The second you said something about work and showed her a bit of skin--not too much though-- she'd be over in an heartbeat and--"
  29. >"Noooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
  30. >Pink invaded your vision before a weight settled onto your chest
  31. >A soft, fuzzy muzzle poked at your chin
  32. >"Paaaaaaayyyyyy aaaaattttttttteeeeeeennnnnnttttttiiiiiiioooooonnnnn ttttooooo mmeeeeeeeee!"
  33. >You frowned, trying your hardest to count the number of cracks on your ceiling
  34. >This, unfortunately, didn't make the whining or boops to the chin cease
  35. >"Nonny."
  36. "..."
  37. >"Nonny!"
  38. "..."
  39. >"NonnyNonnyNonnyNonnyNonnyNonnyNonnyNonny--!"
  40. >Your frown deepened
  41. >Lifting your head, you looked up to see a pair of deep blue eyes staring back at you
  42. "What?" you demanded grumpily
  43. >The eyes widened, and you could see the excitement and joy filling them
  44. >Oh god...
  45.  
  46. >Here we go...
  47. >"Nonny! There's my grumpy little colt!" the pink menace said, wiggling on top of you
  48. >Grunting, you let your head fall back to the floor
  49. "Pinkie, what do you want?" you asked
  50. >The pink party pony giggled
  51. >"Nonny, I'm hungry," she said, nose booping your cheek
  52. "Then go make yourself a sandwich," you grumbled, shoving her muzzle away
  53. >Pinkie Let out a whine
  54. >"But I don't want to, Nonnnnnny!"
  55. "Then order a pizza or something."
  56. >You tried to push Pank off of you
  57. >Unfortunately for you, she was a heavy ass earth pony, and you were still pretty focused with the ceiling, so she barely moved an inch
  58. >She did let out a giggle when your fingers dug into the fur on her chest
  59. >"It's too early. The pizza places aren't open right now," she said
  60. "Then wait for a couple hours."
  61. >"But I don't wanna," Pinkie said with a pout. "I'm hungry now and I want to stop the rumblies in my tumbly."
  62. >You threw up a hand into the air
  63. "Then what do you want me to do about it then?"
  64. >Ponko let out a thoughtful hum, resting her head on your chest
  65. >"Go make me a sandwich please," she said
  66. >You picked your head back up to look at the crazy pink horse
  67. "Make you a sandwich?" you asked
  68. >She nodded
  69. >"Yep. I like fried peanut butter and cotton candy sandwiches. No crust please," she said. "If you don't have cotton candy taffy's fine too."
  70. >Your nose scrunched up before you let your head fall back to the floor
  71. "I'm not making you a sandwich."
  72. >"Aw, why not?" Pinkie asked, wiggling up your body so that she could press her muzzle against your nose and look you in the eye
  73. >Usually, being pinned like this would have made you uncomfortable, but this wasn't the first time that Pinkie suddenly and without warning laid on top of you
  74. >It also wasn't the first time she had broken into your house, even though you were positive that you had locked the windows and doors the night before
  75. >Unfortunately
  76. "Because I have better things to do," you said, poking her cheek
  77. >Her muzzle scrunched up
  78.  
  79. >"Like what?"
  80. "Like not making you a sandwich," you replied
  81. >Pinkie puffed out her cheeks, and you had to make an effort not to laugh
  82. >"Come on, Nonny. It's just a couple of sandwiches," she said, booping your noses together. "It'll be fun!"
  83. "Fun for you maybe."
  84. "Nuh-uh! Colts LOVE to be in the kitchen, silly," Pinkie said with a giggle
  85. >You booped her nose hard enough to make her eyes cross
  86. "Not a stallion," you said, letting your hand fall to your side
  87. >"Of course you're a stallion, Nonny," Pinkie said matter-of-factly. "You have a willy and everything!"
  88. "No I don't. I have a series of pulleys that I use to expel waste," you told the pink horse
  89. >"Really?! Can I see?"
  90. "No."
  91. >"Please?"
  92. "No. Now get off me before I boop you again."
  93. >Pinkie huffed
  94. >"Pretty please with a cherry on top make me a sandwich?"
  95. "No."
  96. >"But you'll be in the kitchen! That's a stallion's natural habit!"
  97. "I already told you I'm not a stallion, and my natural habitat isn't the kitchen, it's right here. So let me run wild and free, Pank."
  98. >Pinkie pressed her weight forward, her big blue eyes seemingly getting closer though her muzzle was already pressed against your snozzle
  99. >"Come on. I'll be your best friend."
  100. "No."
  101. >"I'll throw you a "Nonny's a really nice guy" party."
  102. "No."
  103. >"It doesn't have to be a big sandwich. Just a little one, for a little pony like me."
  104. "I've seen how much you eat, so you're hardly a little pony, and the answer's still no."
  105. >There were a few moments of silence as the two of you stared at each other
  106. >It was a battle of wills
  107. >A clash of your very souls
  108. >"Please."
  109. "No."
  110. >"Please."
  111. "No."
  112. >"Please."
  113. "No."
  114. >Your eyes twitched as Pinkie took a deep, deep breath
  115. >"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease--"
  116. >...
  117. >Oh lord...
  118. >She wasn't gonna stop was she?
  119. >Growling to yourself, you narrowed your eyes
  120. >You were a wall
  121. >"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease--"
  122. >A wall...
  123. >"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease--"
  124. >WALL...
  125. >"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease--"
  126.  
  127. >...
  128. >"Pleasepleasepleaseplease--"
  129. >Reaching up, you clamped a hand over her muzzle
  130. >Wanting to make especially sure that you'd shut her up, you brought up your other hand and clamped her mouth down with it too
  131. >If you had a third hand you would have used it to shut her the fuck up as well
  132. "If I go make you a sandwich will you shut up?"
  133. >Pinkie shook her head back and forth, freeing her muzzle from your clutches
  134. >"Yepper peppers!" she chirped
  135. >You rolled your eyes
  136. "Fine, then get off m--"
  137. >"But you gotta remember to cut the crusts."
  138. "I will."
  139. >"And can I have some lemonade too?"
  140. "If I have some in the fridge sure."
  141. >"When can I get a hoof rub because I've had a long day?"
  142. >Your frown deepened so much that it felt like it was off your face
  143. "No. You're getting your sandwich and lemonade or nothing."
  144. >Pinkie clopped her hooves together
  145. >"Whoo!" she cheered. "Momma's getting some FOOD!"
  146. >Wiggling one last time, she rolled off of you, allowing you to sit up
  147. >You did so, though you weren't too happy about it
  148. >Goddamn Panko...
  149. >Pinkie rose to her hooves as you got up with a grunt
  150. >You stretched, wincing as bones popped
  151. "Go wait in the living room or something," you said. "I'll see if I even have bread in my kitchen."
  152. >"Okie dokie!" Pinkie said with an excited hop, nearly shaking with excitement
  153. >Nodding, you were about to take a step forward
  154. >Before you could do that, however, Pinkie reared back and hoof and slapped you on the ass hard enough that it made noise
  155. >"Don't forget the crust, Nonners!" Pank said, all smile
  156. >But you weren't smiling
  157. >You weren't smiling even a little bit
  158. >Slowly, you turned around and looked at the mare
  159. >The expression on your face must have been something, because the smile left Pinkie's face
  160. "You fucked up," you told the mare
  161.  
  162. ~_~_~_~_
  163. >Be Pinkie
  164. >You were in Nonner's kitchen, sitting in a corner with a dunce hat that said "Bad Pony" on it
  165. >Nonny was sitting at his kitchen table, nomming on a tasty looking sandwich
  166. >In front of him were about a dozen sandwiches that looked just as scrumdiddlyumptious
  167. >...
  168. >Your stomach growled
  169. >You looked down at it before looking over at Nonny
  170. "Nonny?"
  171. >Nonner's looked up as he slowly chewed
  172. >"Yeah?"
  173. >Your tummy rumbled a little louder
  174. "Can I have a sandwich now please?"
  175. >"Sandwiches are only for good ponies that don't slap people's asses Pinkie," your alien chum said
  176. >You frowned
  177. "Horse apples..."
  178. >Rainbow was full of horse apples when she said colts liked getting their hineys slapped...
  179.  
  180.  
  181. Rarity
  182. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  183.  
  184. >Be Anon
  185. >You had just finished work, and you were looking at a long weekend in front of you
  186. >There were no parties, and no one was trying to get you to do anything that involved group activities
  187. >So you were spending the first few hours of your weekend sitting on your couch with your face in a pillow
  188. >A guy could only lookup at a ceiling so long before the existential dread started getting boring, and if you pressed your face into the pillow deep enough you could almost hear the ocean
  189. >You knew that it wasn't ACTUALLY the ocean, just the blood rushing through your ears, but pretending you had a magical pillow was much better than using the thing to suffocate yourself
  190. "Yoohoo, Anonymous! Are you in there dear?"
  191. >You know...
  192. >This pillow was starting to smell a little funny...
  193. >"Anonymous, it's Rarity. If you don't mind I'll be coming in."
  194. >Maybe you should toss this in with the rest of your wash when you did it tomorrow?
  195. >Could you even wash pillows and clothes together?
  196. >What if your pillow burst and feathers got in all of your shit?
  197. >"Oh my goodness, will you just LOOK at this mes--oh, there you are dear!"
  198. >Hmm...
  199. >You knew one thing for sure
  200. >"Anon, are you asleep dear? Oh, I can see one of your eyes open! Anonymous! Anonymous!"
  201. >You weren't putting just a fucking pillow in the wash all by itself
  202. >FUCK wasting all that water for that
  203. >You let out a sigh as you felt someone crawl up onto your couch
  204. >Since your couch was marshmallow horse-sized, today's tormentor was forced to crawl up onto the small of your back
  205. >They did this without hesitation, even going so far as to wiggle themselves around so that they were more comfortable
  206. >"You know it's very rude to ignore a guest, dear," they said, poking the back of your head with their muzzle.
  207. >...
  208. >Maybe it would be alright if you put your pillow in with your towels
  209. >That way there wouldn't be that much of a mess if the thing broke and--
  210. >You tensed as you felt someone's nose brush against the back of your neck
  211.  
  212. >"And forgive me for saying so, but it's also very rude to continue to ignore your guest," your intruder said.
  213. >You frowned, lifting your head from your pillow and looking over your shoulder as best as you could
  214. >A pair of blue eyes were staring back at you
  215. >And not the other blue eyes either
  216. >You could sometimes ignore the owner of those eyes if you tried hard enough
  217. >No, these eyes belonged to a little horse that wouldn't stop
  218. >She was like the terminator
  219. >Except she was a horse and not a robot...
  220. >And she didn't have a german accent...
  221. >Or machine guns...
  222. >And Skynet didn't exist here...
  223. "How can I help you Rarararararararrarararararara?" you asked
  224. >"For one I'd like to know who taught you your manners, you grumpy stallion," Rarity said, tapping your chin with a hoof. "I've been knocking at your door for HOURS. You had me worried that something had happened to you!"
  225. "You knocked on my door twice before coming in," you said, letting you face fall back into your pillow
  226. >A 'harrumph' escaped the little horse
  227. >"Goodness me, goodness me," Rarity said, tsking. "I can only imagine how the manners of hyoo-man mares are if their stallions are like this."
  228. "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm from a proud, noble, and very lewd people," you said, reaching behind you to poke the little horse in the chest
  229. >Though you didn't see it, Rarity frowned
  230. >"I'm sure. Now, since it appears that you aren't going anything, why don't the two of us clean up this pigsty of a house, hmm?"
  231. "My house is not a pigsty," you grumbled, trying to roll onto your side
  232. >Rarity countered this by simply lying down completely onto your back, pinning you against your couch
  233. >"If I hadn't seen you lying in here I would have thought that this house was owned by a group of rowdy mares, darling," she said, giving the back of your neck another nuzzle
  234. >You tensed again, wiggling in place
  235. >You couldn't stand when she did that
  236. >Which, unfortunately, is why she fucking did it
  237. >Pain in the ass fashion heors
  238.  
  239. >"When was the last time that you've taken out the trash? Or swept these FILTHY floors?"
  240. "Since the last time you broke into my house and laid on my like this."
  241. >You could feel Rarity's tail brushing against the back of your legs as she shook her head
  242. >"It looks as if I'll have to come over more often then, to make sure you're acting like a proper colt and not some mare that hasn't washed her coat in a month."
  243. >She gave your hair a sniff, grimacing
  244. >"Perhaps a month and a half..."
  245. "Bathing too much is bad for you," you said. "It lets the disease come through the skin. That's what every medical book says."
  246. >"Maybe every medical book a thousand years ago," Rarity said, hopping off your back. "Thankfully, we don't live in such a wretched time. Now get up you silly stallion. Before we can even BEGIN to clean up this mess we need to get you clean."
  247. >She tried to move you with her magic, but she was no Twilight and you were three times her size
  248. "I'll take a bath later," you said, lifting a hand up and trying to blindly boop the mare
  249. >"You will do no such thing, Anonymous," Rarity said with a stomp of her little hoof. "Now come. We'll need to bathe you at least half a dozen times before you're presentable."
  250. "Presentable for who? you're the only little horse in here, and that's already too many."
  251. >"A stallion should always present himself as if he were about to go to the Grand Galloping Gala. Now up you brute. Up, up!"
  252. >Tiny little horse or no, slowly but surely Rarity had you sitting up
  253. >Then it was only a matter of time before she had you up and walking upstairs toward your bathroom
  254. >The fashionista made sure to hold your hand the entire way, spouting nonsense about your "crassness" and "how you might become the first spinster in the history of Equestria if you keep this up mister"
  255. >You just ignored the little horse the best as you could
  256. >If you had been a more emotionally inclined man you might have kicked her out of a window
  257.  
  258. >There was more than one opportunity to do so, and it would have looked fucking sick probably
  259. >But windows were expensive, and you were cheap
  260. >So FUCK that
  261. >Dragging you into your bathroom, Rarity turned on your shower before closing the door behind the two of you
  262. >"Now get out of those clothes. I'll see if you still have the shampoos that I bought you last time. From your smell I expect them to be untouched."
  263. "Hey, it was a long day at work," you said, giving the little horse the finger before pulling off your shirt. "People sweat, especially when it's hot out. Not that you'd know anything about hard work."
  264. >Rarity snorted
  265. >"I'll have you know that while I may not be Applejack I've been known to work VERY hard," she said, puffing her cheeks out at you as she adjusted the water's temperature for the shower. "Now come, come. We have a long evening ahead of us."
  266. >Not wanting to draw this out--because that's EXACTLY what Rararara would do if you told her no or ran out the door-- you completely undressed
  267. "If that water's too hot I'll give you something to whine about," you grumbled, stepping into the shower
  268. >And you would too...
  269. >She was tiny, magic or not
  270. >You could probably beat this little horse to death with your dick if you wanted to...
  271. >"I can assure you the water is perfect," she said, grabbing a loofa and liquid soap. "Now come here so I can wash you off."
  272. >You frowned
  273. "I'm not five, I can do that myself."
  274. >Your frown was answered with a frown
  275. >"Apparently not, since I have to come into your home every week and rescue you from ruining your appearance," Rarity said, giving your leg a poke. "Now come here."
  276. >Fucking horses...
  277. >Grumbling, you did as she asked
  278. >Just to be a bastard though, as you got closer you pivoted your hips and before snapping them forward
  279. >This caused your johnson to swing around and slap the little horse on the muzzle
  280. >She twitched, taking a half step back before glaring up at you
  281.  
  282. >"A brute of a stallion," she said to herself, the faintest of blushes appearing on her face. "But even the roughest brutes can be molded."
  283. >She then poked your belly
  284. >"And as your friend and a gentlemare it's my duty to help you become the gentlecolt you were meant to be! And I shall, even if I must come here every day!"
  285. "Yah," you said, rolling your eyes as you squatted down so she could wash you properly. "Just what I need, another little horse breaking into my house everyday..."
  286. >Another 'harrumph' escaped Rarity
  287. >"You'll thank me when you find a wonderful herd for yourself, Anon," she said
  288. >You were about to retort when you felt the mare rear back and give your bare ass a pat
  289. >It wasn't a hard pat, but you were naked, and she was naked
  290. >You were also pretty grumpy and she was a little horse...
  291. >Frowning as hard as you could, you looked back at Rarity
  292. >The unicorn's eyes were slightly widened, as if she realized her mistake, but it was too late
  293. >There were no breaks on this train
  294. >You quickly stood up to your full height, staring down at the mare
  295. "You fucked up."
  296.  
  297. ~_~_~_~_~_~_
  298.  
  299. >Be Rarity
  300. >You were in Anon's living room, facing a corner
  301. >There was a dunce hat that said "bad pony" on it on your head
  302. >You also were sitting in a box that said you were a "bad pony" as well
  303. >It, of course, was nonsense
  304. >You knew you were a very good pony
  305. >Nevertheless, you were forced to sit in the box as Anon--who was now clean-- was taking steps toward making his pigsty of a home livable
  306. >While such a thing would have usually made you rejoice, you were finding it very difficult to do so in your state
  307. "Anonymous, MUST I sit in this box?" you asked, looking over your shoulder at the human. "I feel like a foal!"
  308. >Anon looked up from his sweeping to frown at you
  309. >"Bad horses need to sit in the box. Now be quiet; you still have ten more minutes."
  310. >Huffing, you once again faced the wall
  311. >You should have known that Anonymous wouldn't like his hindquarters slapped
  312. >Hyoo-man or not, he was still a stallion!
  313. >...
  314. >This was the LAST time you took advice from Rainbow!
  315.  
  316.  
  317. ~_~_~_~_~_
  318.  
  319. Twilight Sparkle
  320.  
  321. >Be Anon
  322. >It was that time again
  323. >The bad time
  324. >And not the bad time during the night when you try to figure out how to make a hangman's knot without looking it up
  325. >No...
  326. >This was worse
  327. >Much, much worse...
  328. >"Come on, you're doing great, Anon! If you knead the bread a little more it'll be PERFECT."
  329. >You were standing in a kitchen
  330. >You had a lump of dough in your hands and a bowl of flour next to you, and you were kneading said dough with all of the fineness of a man who just couldn't quite find a fuck to give
  331. >"No, not like that, Anon. You gotta be a bit more gentle with it. Look, watch how I'm doing it."
  332. >Did you also mention that you were wearing an apron?
  333. >Because you were
  334. >It was frilly and pink and had hearts all over it
  335. >The thing was also tiny--only going down to your belly button--and it did nothing at all to shield you from all of the flour, eggs, dough, and whatever else you had been working with today
  336. >"Like this, Anon. Squeeze and flick. Just squeeze and flick."
  337. >Spike was standing next to you
  338. >Well, not standing exactly...
  339. >Since he was such a tiny little lizard, he was forced to stand on top of a stool so that his stubby little arms could reach the counter top
  340. >While this would have usually been HILARIOUS, you were so fucking giant that you had to bend down like some kind of idiot so you could work your dough
  341. >To anyone watching, you were sure it made a startling contrast...
  342. >"You're doing great, Anon," a voice said behind you.
  343. >You snorted, looking over your shoulder so that you could look at the one that had dragged you into this kitchen
  344. >Motherfucking Princess Twilight "these wings aren't just a phase dad" Sparkle
  345. >The princess was sitting at a table, as she had been for the last three hours
  346. >Sitting around her were the results of both your and Spike's culinary skills
  347. >His looked fantastic; the kind of food that you'd see in a magazine
  348.  
  349. >Perfectly browned bread, salads, sandwiches, pancakes that looked like they'd melt in your mouth on the first bite
  350. >And then there was your shit
  351. >Bread that had been burned so that it looked like a hockey puck
  352. >Pancakes that could have beaten someone to death
  353. >A plate of cookies that were so foul they seemed to drink in the light of the room
  354. >A bowl of soup that looked like swamp water
  355. >And you weren't even going to get into your cookies...
  356. >You eyed everything on the table, before looking at the princess
  357. "I think you and I have a different definition for the word great," you said, giving your dough a squeeze before slamming it into the counter
  358. >Spike huffed
  359. >"Gentle, Anon, gentle," he said. "You don't want to upset the dough."
  360. "The dough's not some fucking high school goth kid. It's dough," you replied
  361. >"Anon, language," Twilight gently chastised. "And if I were you I'd listen to Spike. I've never met a better cook in my whole life."
  362. >Spike puffed up in pride at the statement, finishing up his dough with a flourish and tossing it into a bowl
  363. >You, however, weren't so moved
  364. "That's all well and good, but why the hell do I need to learn this shit?"
  365. >"Language, Anon," Twilight said, hopping out of her chair and making her way over toward you. "And you need to learn this because it's important for a stallion like yourself."
  366. >"Yeah!" Spike said, tossing a wet towel over his bowl and pushing it away. "The best way to a mare's heart is her stomach after all."
  367. >"That's right," Twilight said. "It's important for stallions to be able to prepare delicious, healthy meals for his herd and children."
  368. "Really?" you said, tossing your ball of dough into the air before letting it fall onto the table. "Well, unlike ponies, we human's don't need to do any of that, since, you know, we drive our kids out of the nest right after they're born to they can fend for themselves."
  369.  
  370. >For a moment, Twilight's eyes lit up
  371. >The tip of her horn glowed, and with a pop a piece of parchment and a quill appeared out of thin air
  372. >Oh here we go...
  373. >You braced yourself as the alicorn opened her mouth, ready for the barrage of questions
  374. >Thankfully, Spike, ever your little nigga, cleared his throat
  375. >This caused Twilight to pause
  376. >Gears started to turn
  377. >Critical thinking was applied
  378. >The smile on her face slowly but surely turned into a frown, and her nose scrunched up like it always did when you made up some bullshit story
  379. >"Anon..." she said
  380. >And there we go...
  381. >Took her only a couple of seconds this time...
  382. "What? It's a good way to weed out the weaker kids," you said, turning your attention back onto your dough. "No one gets all that hurt; except all of the kids that get taken by wolves I guess..."
  383. >"Horse apples," Spike said, coughing into a claw
  384. >Your gaze flicked up to him
  385. "Why don't you go and horse apples yourself another loaf of bread or something, smart guy?" you said, sticking your tongue out at him
  386. >Spike giggled, grabbing another bowl and sliding it over to you
  387. >"I think you kneaded that enough, Anon," he said. "Now we just need Twilight to..."
  388. >Twilight perked up
  389. >"Oh yeah. Give me a second."
  390. >The tip of her horn glowed
  391. >Both you and Spike watched as her purple aura surrounded your bowls
  392. >"You know, most ponies need to wait hours for their bread to set," the little dragon said
  393. >You snorted
  394. "Yeah? Well I get around all of this nonsense by sexually harassing ponies at the market until they give me things to eat."
  395. >That tactic worked a little better than most people would think
  396. >Once, you even managed to get a cooked turkey from a flustered gryphon
  397. >You had thought it weird that a bird cooked another slightly smaller bird, but you HAD eaten like a king for a couple of days
  398. >Eventually, Twilight's aura disappeared from the bowl and the alicorn smiled
  399.  
  400. >"There you two go. Now just put the finishing touches on your bread and I'll have it cooked up in a jiffy!" she chirped
  401. "Yeah, let's get this over with I guess," you said, pulling the towel off your bowl and looking down at your bread
  402. >It looked fine for now, but you knew not to get your hopes up
  403. >Every time Twilight used her magic to cook your grub something screwy happened, as all of the carnage at the table showed
  404. >You must have looked upset, because Spike places a claw on your shoulder
  405. >"Hey, I'll be fine this time. You did everything you were supposed to," he said
  406. "Yeah, but I did everything I was supposed to on the last dish, and the dish after that, and looked what happened there," you replied, shrugging.
  407. >"Aw, come on, it's not that bad, Anon," Twilight assured
  408. "If It wasn't that bad you wouldn't have almost broken your teeth trying to eat that donut I made, Twi."
  409. >Twilight opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it
  410. >"...At least you're starting to get better?"
  411. >You gave the mare a look
  412. >She giggled nervously
  413. >"Welllllll, why don't we go ahead and see about that bread huh?"
  414. >"Give me a second and I'll put the dough on pans," Spike said, quickly hopping off his stool and scurrying across the kitchen
  415. >In a matter of moments, he had a pair of pans in his claws and he was climbing back into the stool
  416. >Dropping both balls of dough into the pans, he gave Twilight a thumbs up
  417. >"Alrighty, do your thing Twilight!"
  418. >"Alright!" the alicorn said, the tip of her horn glowing
  419. >Two beams shot from her horn, hitting the balls of dough
  420. >There was a hiss, then a puff of smoke
  421. >When the smoke cleared, you saw that Spike's bread was perfect
  422. >Perfectly browned and a perfect circle, with a dorky little heart carved into it
  423. >Yours on the other hand...
  424. >You could feel an eye twitched as you looked down at the smoking, black... thing in front of you
  425. >Twilight and Spike looked as well, one exasperated and one confused
  426.  
  427. >"How...?"
  428. >"Oh Celestia, not again..."
  429. >The three of you stood there in silence for a good minute or two
  430. >...
  431. >Goddammit
  432. >Clearing her throat, Twilight gave your ass a little pat
  433. >"Well... lets just hope you get into a rich her--HEY!"
  434. >Frowning harder than you've ever frowned, you turned around and picked the princess up
  435. >In her surprise, Twilight kicked and flapped her wings, but you made sure to hold onto her nice and tight as you made your way over to a corner in the room and sat down
  436. >"Anon, what are you doing? Put me down!" a flustered Twilight said
  437. "No," you said, staring at the corner resolutely. "This is your fault for making me do this shit so we're suffering together."
  438. >"It's just cooking!"
  439. >Your eyes narrowed down to slits
  440. "It's a big deal when you have to do it for hours just to find out you're a giant fucking Sweetie Belle," you hissed
  441. >Twilight frowned
  442. >"Language."
  443. >You growled
  444. "We're. Sitting. Here. Dammit."
  445. >Spike, looking at you, shook his head
  446. >"Hyoo-mans are weird..."
  447.  
  448.  
  449.  
  450. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  451.  
  452. Applejack
  453.  
  454.  
  455. >Be Anon
  456. >Be out in Sweet Apple Acres
  457. >Like you did with most mornings, you were helping Don Granny beat some protection money out of some trees
  458. >Since most of the trees, obviously either of very stubborn Irish descent or some kind of greasy horse-tree Italians, were tough nuts to crack
  459. >They didn't want to give up their apples
  460. >Fortunately for you, the Don wasn't against you using a bat to get what the family needed
  461. >So you did what you could one swing at a time, all the while wondering if today was going to be the day when someone tried to knock the apples from your branches
  462. >You could only hope you guess...
  463. >"Anon, there ya are!"
  464. >You grunted, swinging your bat as hard as you could
  465. >When you had first started doing this, nine times outta ten a swing would hurt you more than the tree
  466. >But, after doing this for hour after hour, you knew just the sweet spot
  467. >The end of your bat connected with the trunk of that poor, defenseless tree--a store owner by the look of him-- with a satisfying crack
  468. >You watched as the tree swayed violently
  469. >You could also hear the tree scream...
  470. >"Anon! Do ya got hum in yer ears, I'm talkin' ta ya!"
  471. >You looked away from your victim and turned toward Captaino Applu
  472. >Behind her was her sister, lil' Applu, and her friends Sweetie Belle and...
  473. >And...
  474. >The other one...
  475. >You took a deep breath, resting your bat on your shoulder as you wiped the sweat from your brow
  476. "Is there something you needed boss?" you asked
  477. >The Captaino nodded
  478. >"Yeah, I was wonderin' if ya could help me with somethin'."
  479. >From the look on the Captaino's face, you had a feeling that whatever you were helping with wasn't going to be particularly fun
  480. >Not as fun as beating up trees anyway
  481. >Still, she was a made mare and you weren't, so you had to shut your mouth and do what she said
  482. "And what's that, boss?"
  483. >Captaino Applu frowned, looking back at her sister and her sister's friends
  484. >Turning back toward you, a bit of bashfulness colored her features
  485.  
  486. >"Well, um, I..." the mare began, rubbing the back of her head. "The lil 'uns here have a couple o' questions that they'd like answered..."
  487. >You turned fully toward the group beside you, eyebrow raised
  488. >A twinge of suspicion pricked the back of your neck, but you made sure to ignore it
  489. "Oh?"
  490. >The Captaino nodded
  491. >"The... um, well, ya see, usually when the girls here have a question they go an' ask Big Mac, but since yer here and stallions are better with the young 'uns I'd figured I'd bring them to you."
  492. >You turned your attention to lil Applu and her friends
  493. >They were all staring up at you hopefully, bright, innocent smiles on their faces
  494. >If only they knew what was really going on...
  495. >You squatted down and motioned the fillies forward
  496. >They eagerly did so as you sat you bat onto the ground
  497. "So what do you little munchkins wanna know?" you asked
  498. >"Can ya tell us about sex, Mr. Anonymous?" Applebloom asked
  499. >"Yeah! Tell us about sex please!" Sweetie Belle cried, her voice cracking
  500. >Your eyebrow raised a little higher
  501. "Sex?" you said, your gaze flicking back toward your captaino, who refused to look at you
  502. >"Yeah! We're 'bout ta learn sex ed in class an' we wanna know EVERYTHIN' beforehoof so we can get a really good grade on it," lil' Applu said
  503. >"We wanna show everpony else that the Crusaders known ALL about sex!" the... other one said, puffing her chest out
  504. >...
  505. >What was her name?
  506. >You swore you knew it...
  507. >It started with a S...
  508. >Swirl?
  509. >Skippy?
  510. >Something like that?
  511. >"I've been tryin' ta ask Applejack about it all day but she won't tell us ANYTHIN'," lil' Applu said, giving her sister a dirty glare. "So she brought is ta ya!"
  512. >Scratching your chin, you looked down at the baby horses for several seconds
  513. >You then looked back over at the captaino
  514. >She was looking at you with a pleading expression, both hooves pressed together
  515. >'Please help me' you could see her mouth to you in horse-Italian
  516. "Hmmm... So you kids wanna learn about sex then?"
  517.  
  518. >The Crusaders nodded
  519. >"Nuh-ha."
  520. >"Yep."
  521. >"If you don't mind."
  522. >You hummed to yourself, collecting your thoughts
  523. "I guess I can tell you a little about sex then," you said, sitting down in the dirt
  524. >The Crusaders let out a cheer, and your captaino let out a sigh of relief
  525. >Without prompt, the fillies crowded around you and sat down, their eyes wide and their ears perked up
  526. "Lets see... I guess we should go ahead and start from the beginning huh?" you said to yourself.
  527. >You looked up at the sky, your eyes narrowed
  528. "First, I guess, a mare and a stallion need to have an interest in each other. That interest can be physical, it can be one likes a character trait of the other, or the way they talk, or laugh, or a million other things. What's important is that both parties have some kind of interest on the other. You get me?"
  529. >The fillies nodded
  530. "Next, when there's enough interest, a mare usually--but not always--goes up to the stallion and tries to get to know them. They can do this by becoming their friend, or talking, or even taking them on a date or something along those lines. You all still with me?"
  531. >Once again the girls nodded
  532. >Behind them, you could see your captaino nodding to herself with a smile on her face, looking at you in approval
  533. "After, that if there's still an interest, both parties do what they can to grow this interest. That usually means spending more time with each other, maybe having out with the other party's friends or even family."
  534. >The Crusaders nodded, all of them leaned toward you, completely enraptured with what you were saying
  535. "If both parties grow close enough, then they might start having a sexual relationship with each other. Now, all of this can happen in a timespan of a few hours or years if you're unlucky, but in the end most ponies are looking toward this end."
  536. >"But what happens in the sex part?" the... other one said.
  537. >You looked around the apple orchard before leaning toward the girls
  538.  
  539. >They leaned toward a bit as well, practically squirming
  540. "Well... a lot of times a mare will take the stallion back to her apartment or house--or their apartment or house, if they already live together. They might have gotten a nice dinner together or watched a movie or something like that. But when the mare gets him home she'll usually take him into her bedroom and..."
  541. >The Crusaders leaned so close to you that if they had been just a little bit taller their snouts would have been touching your face
  542. "And then... THE STALLION BITES THE MARE'S HEAD OFF!"
  543. >The fillies drew back with a yelp
  544. >Your captaino, who had been all but beaming, looked gobsmacked as you hopped to your feet
  545. "HE BITES THE MARE'S HEAD OFF AND OPENS UP HER CHEST," you yelled at the top of your lungs. "AND THEN HE LAYS EGGS IN THE MARE'S TUMMY! AND AFTER THAT HE TAKES THE MARE OUTSIDE AND BURIES HER IN THE GROUND!"
  546. >The fillies look beyond horrified, but you don't stop there
  547. "AND AFTER TWO OR THREE MONTHS THE MARE'S EGGS CATCH AND ALL OF THE BABIES DUG UP, POOPING AND PEEING EVERYWHERE!" you shouted, wiggling your fingers at the fillies. "YOU'RE ALL EGG BABIES! ALL THREE OF YOU! AND YOUR MOMMAS RIPPED YOUR DAD'S HEADS OFF! I KNOW, I WAS THERE!"
  548. >This was the final straw for the fillies
  549. >"AH! RUN GIRLS!" lil Applu screamed, spinning around and taking off down the row of trees
  550. >Her friends were quick to follow, both of them screaming at the top of their lungs as they ran as fast as their little hooves took them
  551. >Watching them go, you stood up to your full height and placed your hands on your hips
  552. >You looked at Applejack, whose jaw was nearly touching the ground
  553. "That's why I'm not allowed to be a thousand feet from the schoolhouse."
  554.  
  555. ~_~_~_~_~_
  556. >Be Big Mac
  557. >After clearing out the north orchard, you decided to go back to the house for a glass of lemonade
  558. >The day's work was nearly done, and you found yourself humming a tune as you neared your house
  559. >You could go to the spa today...
  560. >You had a voucher, and you HAD been working your tail off...
  561. >But Thunderlane DID want you and the fellas to take a quick trip up to Canterlot for a shopping spree...
  562. >As you pondered what to do as soon as the last barrel of apples was put in the barn, you made your way up the front steps of your porch
  563. >Instead of seeing your dog, as was usually the case, you saw Anon
  564. >The giant green stallion was sitting in a far too small box
  565. >On this box, in your sister's horrible hoofwriting, were the words 'darned idget stallions box'
  566. >You paused, looking at Anon with a raised eyebrow
  567. >Anon just looked back at you calmly
  568. >"Whatever you're thinking, I do kind of deserve this," he told you, pulling out a flask from his pocket, opening it and taking a sip. "And it was worth it. Really, really worth it."
  569.  
  570.  
  571.  
  572. ~_~_~_~_~_~
  573.  
  574. Rainbow Dash
  575.  
  576.  
  577. >Be Anon
  578. >It was market day, a time to restock your dwindling supply of alcohol, cheesy puffs, and other, less essential things
  579. >You were in the middle of a rigorous haggling session with Ponyville's local grumpy horse and lesbian Bonbon
  580. >And by that you meant you had your pants down and were shaking your ass in her face
  581. >"Anon, I don't know how many times I need to see you that this does nothing more me," grump horse said in that bored, flat voice of hers
  582. "I don't care. I'm gonna keep doing this until you give me those caramels for five bits."
  583. >"Ten."
  584. "Five."
  585. >"Eight, and that's the lowest I'm going."
  586. "Bullshit," you said, dropping it like it was hot, before jutting your ass at the mare, forcing her to jerk her head back. "Five, or neither of us is going to get anything done today."
  587. >Bonbon's eyes narrowed
  588. >You could see it in her eyes that she wanted to tell you to fuck off
  589. >Unfortunately for her, she knew that you weren't some limp-dick sally that went back on a promise
  590. >No...
  591. >You'd keep shaking what your momma gave you until she closed her stand up for the night if you had to
  592. >You've done it before, and you were more than happy to do it again
  593. >Her nose scrunching up, Bonbon sighed
  594. >"Fine. Just pull your bucking pants up and give me my bits you whorse of a stallion."
  595. "I'm not a slut if I don't put out," you said, bending down and pulling your pants up with practiced ease. "I'm just a tease."
  596. >"Yeah, well get your teasing flank outta here before I call the guard. Again."
  597. >Works every time...
  598. >You quickly reached into your pocket and pulled out a handful of bits, slamming them into the stand's countertop
  599.  
  600. >Frowning, Bonbon took them and handed you your candy, which you took with a smile
  601. "Pleasure doing business with ya," you said, stuffing the candy into your pocket
  602. >Bonbon's frown deepened, and she made a gesture with her hooves that were you pretty sure was the horse equivalent of the middle finger
  603. >Not that you gave a shit or anything...
  604. >Cause you got your motherfucking candy...
  605. >Stepping away from the cart, you looked around the marketplace for your next victim
  606. >Across the street, you could see the gryphon that sold the town its meat sitting at her little stand trying very hard not to look at you
  607. >Even from here you could see her feathers puffed out and her beak scrunched
  608. >And we have a winner...
  609. >Grabbing all of the food and what-not you had collected thus far, you began to make your way across the street, all the while wondering what'd you get
  610. >A roast might be nice...
  611. >Or maybe you could get some fat and bones and make a little something with that...
  612. >If this little bird was particularly flustered today you might even be able to get a couple of really nice stea--
  613. >"Hey there good looking, you miss me?"
  614. >A shiver ran up your spine as a raspy, overly loud voice made its way to your ears
  615. >You paused mid step, and as you stood there, eyes widening, you could feel hatred building up inside of you
  616. >This kind of hate wasn't natural in the human body
  617. >It was too concentrated, too pure
  618. >It was almost like you were pulling the hatred from the earth just to feel it the moment that voice hit your ears
  619. >In a matter of moments, you could feeling it welling up in your stomach, spreading out to your extremities
  620. >Slowly, you turned around to see a certain grinning blue pegasus with a rainbow mane
  621. >The hatred concentrated, and very nearly felt solid in your stomach
  622. "Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," you growled, channeling every bit of that hate into your voice
  623.  
  624. >While the ponies walking around you flinched at your tone, many looking at you with worry and even a little bit of fear, the one that you had unleashed your malice on seemed completely unaffected
  625. >"Yeah, it's me," Rainbow said, puffing out her chest. "I was just flying by and I saw that your flank looked pretty fat this morning, so I thought I'd come over and say hello."
  626. >She gave you a wink
  627. >"You're welcome."
  628. >You said nothing as she began walking around you, poking around at the bag in your arms
  629. >"Whatcha got here, hot stuff? Food for after the two of us rut later today?"
  630. >You could feel the heartbeat of the earth
  631. >The trees sang songs of silence and sadness
  632. >On the wind, you could hear a single word
  633. >H A T E
  634. >"You know, I was talking to Rarity the other day and I heard you had a little fun with her in the showers," the pegasus continued, rubbing herself against your groin as she circled. "I didn't think you were into those kind of mares, big guy, but I hope you at least gave my sis a good time."
  635. >You watched as Rainbow's mouth moved, but you couldn't hear a single word she said
  636. >All you could see was her big mouth opening and closing, like a drying fish that was gasping for the air that would never come
  637. >"I'm kinda wondering when you're gonna throw this girl a bit of cock too," Rainbow said. "I know, I know, you're probably just a bit nervous to ask somepony like ME to dirty dance, since I'm so awesome and all, but there's no need to be shy big guy. The Dash will give you a night to remember, you don't have to worry about that."
  638. >Stopping in front of you, the pegasus winked, producing two tickets from under a wing
  639.  
  640. >"I'll tell you what, I got two tickets to some fancy-shmancy play up in Canterlot. Why don't I come over at like five and take you up there so we can have ourselves a little fun?" she offered, waving the tickets at you. "I'll take you out to dinner, you'll wear something nice, and at the end of the night I'd milk that cock of yours dry. How's that sound?"
  641. >You tried to open your mouth to say something, but when you did no words came out
  642. >Dash must have taken your silence as approval, because her smile widened just a hair
  643. >"Great! I'll see you in a couple hours, hot stuff," she said, giving you a wink before brushing past you. "Make sure to get ready early huh? I don't want to wait around for you for half the night because you can't get your hair just how you like it."
  644. >Rainbow then extended a wing and gave you a slap on the bottom
  645. >This was a hard slap; the kind of slap that would have had you leaping into the air and yelping in any other case
  646. >But your rage had you rooted to the earth like a tree
  647. >It flowed through you, filled you to bursting
  648. >You knew no fear, no hunger, no weariness
  649. >At that moment, you weren't even human
  650. >No...
  651. >You had ascended
  652. >Slowly, you looked over your shoulder at the retreating pegasus
  653. >Your expression must have been death itself, because the ponies around you took a few hasty steps backward, some ponies even hiding behind their carts
  654. >It took a few moments, but when you could finally get your mouth to work you spoke
  655. "You fucked up."
  656.  
  657. ~_~_~_~_~_~
  658.  
  659. >Be random garbage pone
  660. >You were making your way around town, humming a little tune to yourself as you dumped any full garbage cans you found near the street into the cart you were pulling
  661. >It was just a little after lunch time, and your shift was starting to wind down
  662. >As you tossed a couple of garbage bags into your cart, you wondered what you'd do with the rest of your day, as well as what your stallion was going to make for supper tonight
  663. >You hoped that it was carrot casserole, since you and your herd had been eating leftovers for the last three nigh--
  664. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  665. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  666. >You very nealy jumped out of your horse shoes as the sound of very frantic, very angry screaming filled your ears
  667. >Your head whipped to the side to see that Anonymous fella running at you at full hilt
  668. >The hyoo-man's eyes were wild, and his features almost looked demonic
  669. >Upon closer inspection, you noticed that he was carrying Rainbow Dash over his head
  670. >Just like the hyoo-man, the pegasus was screaming her head off, a look of very real fear etched on her face
  671. >you could see her wings flapping frantically, trying to get away, but Anon's grip around her barrel was absolute
  672. >Ohbuckingshit
  673. >Eyes widening, you desperately tried to unhitch yourself from your cart
  674. >Stallion or not, you weren't stupid enough to stand in front of an angry giant
  675. >You liked living, thank you very much
  676. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
  677. >"SOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEPPPPPPPOOOOONNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
  678. >When Anon was just a few feet away, you finally managed to unhook yourself
  679. >Yelping, you hit the deck, covering your face with your hooves
  680. >Anon, roaring like a Ursa Major, leaped over you, eyes glued to the one of the empty garbage cans you had just sat down a few moment's prior
  681. >Just as his feet touched the earth, he reared back before sending Rainbow crashing down
  682.  
  683. >You lifted your head up just in time to see him throwing her face first into the trash can
  684. >A mighty clang rang out, and the garbage can bent outward as the now twitching pegasus was forced inside of it
  685. >...
  686. >Okay then...
  687. >Anon looked down at Rainbow for a second or two, before silently spinning around and going back the way that he came
  688. >You watched him go, both confused and a little concerned
  689. >Thankfully, after a few moments, you heard a voice come from the garbage can
  690. >"So... was that... a no... to the date... then?"
  691.  
  692.  
  693.  
  694.  
  695. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  696.  
  697. Fluttershy
  698.  
  699.  
  700. >Be Anon
  701. >It was late at night, and after spending an hour or so looking at yourself in your bathroom mirror wondering about just how worthless it all was, you found yourself lying in your bed
  702. >You had your covers pulled up to your neck, and you were staring up at your bedroom ceiling
  703. >Unfortunately, it was too dark to see any cracks, but you passed the time imagining you were staring into the abyss
  704. >And, like always, that motherfucker blinked
  705. >You had just about been ready to close your eyes to try to sleep when you heard something
  706. >It was very quiet, but you could hear something making its way up the stairs
  707. >You immediately sat up
  708. "Satan, is that you?" you called
  709. >Whoever was making their way up your steps paused
  710. >You cocked your head to the side
  711. >It was probably one of the flower sisters again...
  712. >Those horses always broke in on Mondays to steal your socks when they thought you were asleep...
  713. >"U-Um, Anon? It's me, Fluttershy," someone called
  714. >You frowned
  715. "Fluttershy? Are you sure?" you asked
  716. >"Y-Yes, it's Fluttershy. I promise."
  717. >Hmm...
  718. >It sounded like Flutters...
  719. >But every dummy knew that demons, especially Satan, could change their voices
  720. >And that red motherfucker wasn't getting you
  721. >Not fucking today...
  722. >"Can... Can I come up please?" "Fluttershy" asked
  723. "What for?"
  724. >There was another pause, and in the silence you could just make out the quiet flapping of wings
  725. >A moment of two later, you could hear someone twisting the doorknob to your door
  726. >You watched as you door opened, revealing a very nervous and non-demonized Fluttershy
  727. >In the darkness, you could see the little horse shuffling in place, her wings twitching at her sides as she snuck glances at your face
  728. >"I-I was wondering if I c-could s-s-sleep with you please," she muttered
  729. >You looked the pegasus up and down, causing her to squirm even more
  730. "And why do you want to do something like that?" you asked. "In fact, why did you break into my house in the first place?"
  731.  
  732. >Not that you really cared
  733. >What was this tiny little bird horse gonna do?
  734. >She had all the ferocity of a Canadian
  735. >Fluttershy flinched, and she lifted her gaze from the floor to look at you
  736. >"I didn't b-break into your home. I m-mean, I did, but not t-to do anything bad," she insisted, taking a few quick steps into the room. "I was just, um..."
  737. "Just what?" you asked as she trailed off, trying to hold back a yawn.
  738. >Flutter's looked back down at the floor
  739. >"I was just, um..."
  740. >She trailed off again, looking for all the world like she wanted to run for the door
  741. >You resisted the urge to sigh
  742. "Fluttershy, get your yellow fanny over here and speak up for Christ's sake," you said, motioning her over with a hand
  743. >"U-Um, no thank you. I t-think I'll just--"
  744. "I wasn't asking. Get your butt over here before I get out of this bed."
  745. >With an 'eep!', Fluttershy scurried over to the side of your bed
  746. "Good, now tell me why you broke into my house at--"
  747. >Squinting, you looked at the clock hanging on the wall across the bedroom
  748. "--two thirty in the morning?"
  749. >Flutter's blue eyes snapped up to your face before they snapped right back to the floor
  750. >"W-Well, I was t-thinking this morning a-about how hard it m-must be to you to sleep a-alone like this," she murmured. "I-I'm a mare, and I d-don't think I could stay in a b-big, lonely house like this a-all by myself..."
  751. >After a minute or two, she finally worked up the courage to look at you
  752. >"S-So, I t-t-thought that I'd ask you if y-you wanted me t-t-to keep you company tonight," she said, shimmering so badly that you could barely understand her. "If y-you want me t-to go that's f-fine. I'll understand."
  753. >You said nothing, just staring down at her
  754. >...
  755. >You know...
  756. >You probably should call the cops on this little horse, or at the very least throw her out...
  757. >She DID just break into your house with the intent to do lord knows what to you...
  758.  
  759. >And it sure as hell didn't have anything to do with snuggling, you were sure about that...
  760. >Your eyes narrowed
  761. >You then let out a hum
  762. "You know, coming here was pretty brave for you, Flutters," you said
  763. >Fluttershy mumbled something under her breath, not daring to look you in the eye
  764. >You scratched your chin, before grabbing one end of your blanket and tossing it off of you
  765. "Come on. Get on up here before I change my mind."
  766. >Almost immediately, Flutter's perked up
  767. >"Really?" she asked
  768. >You nodded, patting the empty space beside you
  769. "Come on. Possible would-be rapist or not, I may as well humor you."
  770. >Letting out a squeal, Flutter's hopped up into your bed
  771. >You both had to shift around a little, you watching out for her twitching, flapping wings, but eventually you both found yourselves in relatively comfortable positions
  772. >The little horse had her muzzle buried in the nape of your neck, one wing wrapped around you
  773. >You had both of your arms wrapped around her barrel, both to keep her close and to give you the ability to throttle her if she WAS actually Satan here to steal your soul
  774. >...Or whatever the hell Satan would steal from you
  775. >The red fuck
  776. >"I-Is this alright?" Flutters asked. "Are you c-comfortable?"
  777. "As comfortable as I can be," you said, closing your eyes
  778. >And you weren't lying either
  779. >Demon, rapist, or whatever the hell Flutter's was, she was pretty damn warm and soft
  780. >She almost smelled very faintly of vanilla
  781. >This caused you to hold the mare a little closer
  782. >She let out a coo, nuzzling your cheek as you closed your eyes
  783. >This wasn't so bad you guessed...
  784. >Sure, it was a little annoying that she had to do this when the night was almost over, but maybe you'd actually be able to get some sleep in what little night there was left...
  785. >Sighing to yourself, you were about to let the inky blackness of sleep swallow you whole when you felt Fluttershy shift
  786.  
  787. >One of her hooves reached over, and before you could even guess what she was doing she gave your ass a little pat
  788. >It was so soft that if you hadn't been lying in bed that you probably wouldn't even have noticed it
  789. >But you did
  790. >And because you did you found your eyes snapping open
  791. >Letting go of Fluttershy, you sat up and looked down at the pegasus, who looked like she had just got caught with her hoof in the cookie jar
  792. >She tried to open her mouth to say something, but it just morphed into another 'eep' as your eyes narrowed
  793. "You fucked up."
  794.  
  795. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~
  796. >Be Fluttershy
  797. >You were in Anon's livingroom
  798. >It was very dark, and very quiet
  799. >You were sitting in a box in the corner, and on your head was a dunce hat that had the words 'bad pony' on it
  800. >After you had given the human's flank a little pat, he had carried you all the way down here, set you into the box, and told you you couldn't leave from the spot until the sun came up
  801. >You, of course, only shook your head, not wanting to get in any more trouble than you already were
  802. >...
  803. >At least Anon put a pillow in the box and gave you a blanket so you could sleep...
  804. >Frowning, you nuzzled yourself into your VERY uncomfortable bed
  805. >You were going to have a stern talk with Rainbow tomorrow...
  806. >T-The butt...
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