Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
When do you think I can move back?
Me:
I don't know grace
do you really want to rush this?
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
I don't know I was thinking if I did soon we can work on communicating better
Me:
I can tell you that this will be weeks - because I have to work on controlling my frustration and nagging
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
K
I'm just home sick a bit
Me:
I understand this is a difficult time for you - it is for me - but rushing it will not help. We both have things to work on, and as history has shown us, we cannot work on these issues when living together. You need a productive and safe place to focus on getting your symptoms under control; I need a place where I can work on not reacting and start responding.
I get it - but you've been gone for all of 3 days
Your ADHD makes it very hard to see the benefits of long term habits - and you need to form those habits. I have a hard time letting things go, I admit this, how do you think I can learn to let things go if every day seems to bring some new trouble?
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
No it's been almost a week
Me:
We are looking at easily a month or more, do not think because we are doing ok for a day or so that we have resolved the issues. That is the exact warning that Alan was given from his rehab
You have been gone for 4 days. Tuesday, Wednes, Thursday and Monday
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Ok
Friday, Saturday and Sunday we were together
and you saw what happened on Saturday
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yeah
After wedding I assume
Me:
I'm going to be honest, you asking me when to move back in immediately made me nervous
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Ok sorry
Me:
Trust me, I get it - it sucks what we are going though. But you need to train yourself to understand the long term consequences of our choices. If we chose to rush results, we will fail. And I know I'm tired of failing, which I'm sure you are too
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yeah
I'm stopping by afterwards to grab card
Me:
I know
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Just communicating with you
Me:
did my mom get you the $50?
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yes
Friday I will do the stuff I need to and not bother you with anything unless I need to
Because I don't want anything bad to happen or make you anxious
I'll do my stuff and you do your stuff
Me:
Ok, do you see what you're doing there? You're trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist. You're trying to predict my response to something that hasn't happened and in doing so, you are yielding the opposite result you are looking for.
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yes I can I shouldn't worry about Friday till Friday
Me:
You can worry about Friday all you want, but you are assuming that just being around you makes me anxious which is not exactly the case
and
you cannot worry about my reactions to things - you cannot control my reactions. You can only control your actions and you you respond. You should only worry about how you act and respond
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
You're right I shouldn't worry about you and your anxiety because I don't even know if you will be
Me:
I cannot worry about your reactions, I cannot control your reactions. I can only control my actions and how I respond
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yes
Me:
It's not being around you that makes me anxious - it's having trained myself that I have to be on guard for you to do something wrong. I have to stop that mentality. I have to stop worrying you will do something wrong, because we all do things wrong. I cannot make you change, but I can change how I respond to you and your actions. But, I cannot do that when I'm being bombarded with things to deal with. That's why we are living apart right now. I need to learn to change how I respond to your actions - so focus on you and your choices/actions and how you respond to me.
Grace Glenn (grace.k.glenn@gmail.com)
Yes agreed