It's...a complicated issue. I don't think it's your fault, Asilly. You're dealing with one of the worst afflictions ever, and it's really, really bad for you. It's not your fault that you're inflicted with crippling misery all the time. It's hard to deal with, it's hard for others to help you deal with... Horrible depression and horrible dypshoria don't mix. You desperately need some medication, is the only thing I can think of to actually help.

Maybe another issue is that you're so down on yourself. Like, when you talk about how...pathetic, or awful you are, or anything like that...People are naturally going to try and convince you that you aren't, that you're a good person, and all that. But I don't think you can believe it. And I think other people realize that you won't believe it