This is a thing?!

>Wake up.
>You know it’s coming.
>You’ve done this enough times to know the routine by now.
>So you get your breakfast and eat it just in time to hear a *pomf* at the door.
>That’s different.
>And different is usually bad.
>You wearily get up from the table and walk over to the door.
>You take a minute to breathe deeply.
>Compose yourself...
>Breathe out...
>And now you’ve got your scowl on.
>You throw open the door.
>Oh no.
>What the hell is THAT?!
>Fluttershy has turned herself into some kind of hellspawn.
>Well, that would imply that she wasn’t one before, but now she’s even more hideous.
>She’s nothing more than a head with wings and legs.
>She hovers in front of your face.
>”Are crab p0nies your f-fetish, Anon?”
>This is a thing?!
“THIS IS A THING?!”
>HOW IS THIS A THING?!
>”W-well... Twilight said...”
>Twilight.
>It’s always fucking Twilight.
>And her goddamn p0ny magic.
>You’ve had enough of these goddamn mystical p0nies on your goddamn motherfucking plane.
>You’re going to wipe her from existence once and for all!
>You push the Flutterfly out of your way and march into P0nyville.
>She follows you, as she always does when you try to ignore her.
>She keeps trying to plant her rear on your crotch.
>You bump into her and send her spiralling through the air each time.
“You’re nothing more than a head right now! Even if you did take my dick, it’d end up going into your brain!”
>”Nuh-uh!”
>She floats in front of you and opens her mouth.
>And then she winks.
>Not with her eyes.
>You can see right through her.
>”Ta-dah!”
>You think you’re gonna be sick.
>Again, you swat her out of your way and continue to stride into P0nyville.
>When you get there you’re shocked by what you see.
>The whole of P0nyville has been transformed into these twisted little parodies of themselves.
>And the worst thing is...
>They’re all going about their daily business!
>Tiny little crab ponies walk awkwardly to and fro, but otherwise seem unfazed about their sudden perspective change on life.
>You run into the middle of the town square, screaming.
“WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS? HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?”
>”Hey buddy, keep it down!”
>You snatch up one of the tiny p0nies.
>It easily fits in between your hands.
>It’s also slightly spongey.
>You scream in Bonbon’s face.
“HOW ARE YOU SO CALM? WHAT IS THIS?!”
>”I d-don’t know! I just woke up like this...! Please don’t hurt me...!”
>You hurl her with all your strength into the distance.
>She collides against the side of a building and lands on the floor with a light *pomf*.
>She gets up, apparently none the worse for wear for her flight, and continues with her day.
>You snatch up another p0ny.
“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!”
>”Hey, dude...”
>This one is pretty much a ball of hair.
>You’re not even sure it’s a p0ny.
>”Chill out, man... This is like, totally extreme, man...”
>Of all the little fuzzballs you had to pick, your hands landed on the alpaca.
>You drop kick him and he sails into the distance.
>”RADICAAAAAAAaaaaaaalllll.... *ping*”
>Your mind refocuses on its task.
>You are going to give Twilight hell for this.
>You stride through the marketplace.
>”Well howdy, sugar!”
>It’s Applejack.
>She’s like, a foot tall.
>She looks up at you with big green eyes.
>She’s manning her stall diligently despite her disability.
“Uh... Hi, Applejack...”
>Truth be told, you’ve always had a thing for her.
>And now in her truncated form she just looks so cute...
>You spare a furtive glance around the marketplace.
>Nobody’s looking at you except Fluttershy...
>You take the chance to swipe the apple p0ny and hide her in your jacket.
>”Hey! Ooh...”
>You stuff her deeper inside your clothes and she simply deforms to your body.
>You feel her legs cling onto your chest and you make your way to the library.
>”Oh, Anon! Can I get in there too?”
>Fluttershy tries to squirm her way into your jacket with Applejack.
>You wave a hand and swat her away once more.
>You reach the library and enter.
“TWILIGHT! Undo this right now!”
>You take the time to actually look at the state of the library.
>It’s in an absolute mess.
>Piles of books are scattered everywhere.
>There’s an exceptionally large pile on one side of the library.
>It seems to even have an archway on the front of it.
>Out of this archway scuttles a Twicrab.
>”Anon! I-“
>Your initial instinct when faced with something small and skittering is to stomp it flat.
>So that’s what you do.
>Your boot comes down hard on Twilight’s bulbous body.
>It flattens with a *squee*.
>And then you realise what you’ve done.
>You remove your boot and Twilight’s body springs back up.
>Her eyes don’t point in the same direction now, though.
>Maybe that’s a feature?
>”Ohai, Anon! I r liek books.”
>Shit.
“Twilight you need to turn everyp0ny back to normal. Now.”
>”Otay!”
>Her eyes point away from each other in apparent concentration and her horn sparks slightly.
>She gets a flickering aura around her horn and then it suddenly dies out.
“What...? What’s wrong, Twilight?”
>”Idunnolol. I cannot brain today. I have the dumb.”
>Goddammit, you broke the one unicorn who could fix this mess in P0nyville.
>Well, at least you have Cutiejack.
>Your musings are interrupted by a wet sensation on your ankles.
>Fluttershy is humping one of them while Twilight licks the other.
>You kick them both away.
>”Why won’t wub meh!” Twilight squeals.
>And that’s your cue to leave.
>When all else fails, return to base and bring out the big guns.
>Alcohol.
>You leave the peaceful madness that is P0nyville with a squirming Applejack in your jacket.
>Fluttershy obediently follows you all the way home.
>You open your front door and turn around before Fluttershy tries to invite herself in.
>”S-so... Are we going to rut now?”
>You get a great plan.
“Yeah, sure Fluttershy. Hold on a sec and let me just get something.”
>”Yay!”
>As she cheers you see her wink through her open mouth.
>You force down your bile once more.
>You retrieve your fly swatter from your kitchen.
>You return to the front door to see Fluttershy doing circles in the air with joy.
>”O-okay! I’m ready to-“
>You bring the fly swatter down hard on her.
>You drive it all the way down to the floor with extreme prejudice.
>She is squished violently.
>You bring the swatter away to reveal a yellow waffle on the floor with four twitching legs.
>She’ll probably be fine.
>You get back into the house and unzip your jacket.
>You take out your little Applejack.
>She takes a deep breath when you get her into fresh air.
>Oh dear.
>She didn’t take the trip too well it seems.
>Her eyes are slightly derped.
>She has a weird grin on her face.
>Eeeehhh... She’s still good.
>She’s still cute as a button.
>You lie down on the sofa and place her on your belly.
>She looks around and stands awkwardly on you.
>You give her a scratch behind the ear.
>She doesn’t really respond to this.
>Usually the p0nies love it when you scratch them.
>She’s not really responding to anything.
>Maybe you broke her?
>Well shoot.
>You put her on the floor.
>She just stands there.
>You sigh.
>Today has been a disaster.
>You figure you’ll have a little nap.
>You start to doze off when you see an orange blur land on your chest.
>Applejack is standing on you, looking off to the side somewhere.
“Uh...”
>She turns to face you.
>And that’s when you realise where you’ve seen that weird grin before.
>That’s her >rape face.
“No, Applejack, no!”
>She leaps at your face, and all you see is black...
>You wake up that evening naked in a ditch.
>Your crotch is covered in apple sauce.
>Fucking Applejack...

>”W-wait, you already used that ending b-before!”
“Have I? Well... Nobody will remember. That was like, my first story!”
>”Man, you suck at endings!”
“Shut up! It’s hard! What do you even know about writing, Dash?”
>”I have my novel about the Wonderbolts!”
“Yeah, because that’s a shining example of fiction...”
>”Naa! Naa!”
“Don’t you start, Futashy!”
>”Hey, man... Be cool...”
“Alpacabro, get out of here! You’re hardly canon, anyway!”
>”Man, that’s harsh...”
“I know, Alpacabro. I’m sorry. You know I love you, man.”
>”It’s coo’ brah. It’s coo’.”