Jump 190: Venom

Jump 190: Venom

Location: San Francisco (in the MCU)
Age: 23
Identity: Scientist
Drawbacks: [0] Dream Match

[200/1000]  Truth Will Out
[Free]      Exobiologist
[500/1000]  That's A Biblical Name, Right?
[700/1000]  The Truth Show
[1000/1000] Wealthy Business

I looked around and frowned. This isn't right. None of this is right.

I reached through space and open a portal, stepping into an apartment kitchen.

"Wade." No answer. "Wade! I know you're here!" Still silence. "Stop playing patty-cake under the covers in there and come out here!"

"Just a minute! I have to get my face on," from another room. With a roll of my eyes, I turned on the oven, snapped my fingers to summon some prepared ingredients, and put a few potatoes in before I start grilling steak, cheating with a bit of magic to speed it up a hundredfold. Forty seconds after I started, Deadpool veritably leapt into the kitchen with a pair of large caliber pistols in his hands aimed at me, a sword harness on his back, and a war cry on his lips. Which rapidly faded when he saw the steak dinner I've whipped up. "Hold on a minute. Weren't you supposed to be a robot? And where's Hugh Jackman?" he asked, pulling off the Deadpool mask which absolutely did not match his boxers and t-shirt.

I motioned vaguely at my face and responded, "I'm a friend of Sarah Connor." Dropping the accent, I continued, "And you mean Automaton. But seriously though, what the hell? Why are you here, and not uh..."

"Dead of super-cancer?" He glanced over the meal and shrugged, holstering his pistols when he saw I had no weapons in hand, no apparent sign of hostile intent.

"No, I mean you're about twenty years younger than I thought you were supposed to be. And also alive, but more like... why is this world here because I'm pretty sure I took it with me. Guess they remade the world. I've seen a lot of variations in my travels - and hey, grats on beating the odds and getting a happy ending, seriously - but this is the most flawed one yet."

Comically, he lifted his hands to his face, a la Macaulay Culkin. "Flawed? But we're meta now!"

In stereo, we both emitted an "eugh". I nodded a bit, muttered, "So things went off the rails sometime around when Thanos decided to cover the Addams Family theme song, retroactive changes to the continuity of the universe?" I cast my gaze out the window, trying to gauge the world, get a feel for it.

Wade cut into one of the steaks, speared a piece and chewed on it experimentally. "Huh, I was expecting poison or something. So let's call it the Great Retcon. Thanos snapped his fingers, Hulk and Iron Man undid it..."

"Damn it. I specifically stopped that from happening," I grumbled.

"...so Tony Stark is dead because the stones kill people for some reason when they get used but only in this universe, now some girl built a suit of armor in her dorm with a box of scraps so we've got Iron Heart, Captain Marvel's running around doing her thing, the Asgardians have Valkyrie in charge and she's running around doing stuff, Black Panther died and his sister took the mantle or something..." He paused and rubbed his chin. "The studio's on this girl power kick, I think. Also there's this giant stone arm that's just sticking up out of the Pacific ocean that nobody ever talks about. And they STILL can't even afford to get the X-Men in for a guest appearance! It's like cake. The cameo is a lie."

I patted him on the shoulder. "Best start believing in cameos, Wade. You're in one."

He gasped, looked toward the ceiling, exclaiming, "Noooo!" ...and grabbed a piece of steak, chewing on it mid-nooo, eventually trailing off. "... hey, this is some good steak."

Ladies and gentlemen, Wade Wilson.

---

Things played out essentially as one might have expected, at least at first. Eddie Brock was introduced to his new roommate. Things played out fairly well, up to and including his stopping the launch of a rocket that was going to be the cause of some terrible things happening. In the aftermath, the The Life Foundation's remnants were quietly bought out by a shell company. And then Eddie got the opportunity of a lifetime to kickstart his career!

No, I don't mean the interview of Cletus Kasadey. Though that was part of what made it happen - it didn't hurt that the warden elected to ensure that it took place in a proper setting, with a layer of plexiglas between the two. One could say "poor Cletus" for what potential he lost, but to be terribly honest Carnage's creation being undone would leave the whole universe better off. No, after uncovering the location of many of Cletus' victims, he got a job offer in New York City. Where, coincidentally, his former fiancée had also received an offer from a law firm.

He was moving into his new apartment and had turned on the television to see what he could see, only to see a message that Spider-Man was Peter Parker.

Apparently he'd missed the memo on Spider-Man at all, and now had to deal with a similarly-themed vigilante. And in addition to that, while he was out in costume Venom found himself also having to deal with some sort of robot man who kept showing up every time his symbiote wanted to eat a criminal, stopping it from happening in increasingly improbably elaborate ways and insisting it was the automaton, not the robot man. At one point, the automaton literally had grabbed him and shoved a king size Wonka bar in his mouth.

The symbiote found the taste surprisingly agreeable after the fact, though still plenty insulting, but toned down the hunger for brains in favor of a hunger for chocolate. Or, as the automaton explained in agonizingly slow tedious speech, anything containing phenethylamine; but the automaton had threatened to show up and smack the symbiote with a newspaper if he kept trying to eat other things that can think, unless those things were trying to commit mass murder.

In any event... Venom and Spider-Man had occasional clashes and disagreements on the appropriate level of brutality. Spider-Man was dealing with a lot, all considered - even if WHiH ran a massive piece exposing Mysterio as another villain who lied to everyone because Tony Stark cared more about an up-and-coming high schooler than Quentin Beck's ego. It didn't hurt that at one point Spider-Man shook an EXCEPTIONALLY confused Peter Parker's hand on live television, but the poor kid's life was still turned upside down as a result of it all.

In unrelated news, the automaton beat seven different shades of shit out of an assortment of ungrateful Skrulls who were so angry at not getting what they wanted on a silver platter that they were purposefully causing problems, because there's no other way that Quentin Beck should have passed muster. Starting with a fake Nick Fury. The real Nick Fury was less than enthused about this, but the automaton expressed he was quite done when it came t coooperating with SHIELD's rotting corpse since apparently the only part of it that was competent was Hydra. If in exceptionally more rude terms.

About a week later, the aforementioned automaton dragged Venom into the mess. Apparently a Super Skrull is not a match for a gleeful symbiote who has been told that yes, it IS okay to eat this particular guy's brains because he is trying to commit mass murder. Apparently Nick Fury had a plan to deal with this as well, but... well, sometimes the direct route is best.

Another agency called EXALT apparently came into play to replace SHIELD, accepting very little personnel from the disgraced agency. This of course made them decide that it was someone's power play behind the scenes and they worked to counter EXALT, but this really didn't go terribly far as the new agency had the explicit support of everyone SHIELD previously had. They proved their competence as well, dealing with such things as rogue agents and assassins from other countries not playing by the rules *cough* the Red Room *cough* Wakanda *cough*. And such were dealt with quickly. Didn't work out so well for one Riri Williams, since she was arrested on charges of conspiring with Wakanda - EXALT made sure they couldn't leave, despite the power of  ̶b̶u̶l̶l̶s̶h̶i̶t̶ vibranium, because they made sure to recruit field agents who had a minimal amount of competency. Shuri and her entourage were returned to the Wakandan border in chains.

The effects of that particular butterfly flapping its wings included Venom eating Namor's brain as well; EXALT on the other hand dealt with the forces of his attack, then told Wakanda via diplomat in no uncertain terms that if their citizens were in one of their signatory nations acting in a paramilitary manner, they would be forced to assume it was an act of war and would treat it as such.

Wakanda does not like being talked to in this manner, of course, but that small diplomatic gaffe was amplified by the automaton walking into Wakanda's throne room, pointing out that they are the biggest fish in a very small bowl, and he would address their acts of war personally if they chose. Unfortunately, Princess Shuri was not her brother and lacked any diplomatic inclination, and this led to a very brief would-be Black Panther trying to disassemble him on the spot. After he swiftly dislocated several of her major joints, the royal guard attempted to do likewise and were immediately defenstrated.

"Actually, you know what, Shuri?" the automaton calmly spoke. She coughed, trying to pop her shoulder back into place as she flopped against the floor, the nation's advisors cowering on one side of the throne room. "There were two Wakandans who were remotely inclined to notice anything outside of your nation's borders, and they were the better part of your family. And then you do not even take the throne when your people need you. You are a disgrace to your bloodline and Wakanda is a disgrace to humanity, thinking itself somehow above it because you have vibranium. Tony Stark could synthesize it! And he did not take that knowledge to the grave. You wish to be the most important nation on Earth? Then you shall be the only nation on Earth, the rest will leave you behind."

The automaton left in short order, flat out ignoring any further attempts to attack it.

Life on Earth continued as normal as far as anyone could tell. As the years went on, aside from Wakanda having withdrawn into its borders and shuttering its diplomatic mission, and a lack of having to deal with any aliens thanks to EXALT, life continued as normal. Peter Parker's life was more bearable, and no magic solution was needed to the problem that had been addressed. Venom continued to be a rival to Spider-Man, though Eddie Brock became something of a mentor to Peter Parker when they were 'off the clock'.

Peter briefly hosted the symbiote, but was not much a fan in the end. Though the symbiote still occasionally tried to get back, if only because Peter apparently spoiled it entirely too much with assorted snacks.

It would come out years later that the world was now on the inside of a dyson shell, now, and it was only a footnote that one nation had not been invited along. After all their bluster, Wakanda was the only nation left on Earth. Everything outside of its borders had been stripped to the bedrock, the oceans empty.

Nothing was left alive on Earth except Wakanda.

Wakanda forever, indeed.