Curtains For You

======Writing Prompt=======
I can totally see her using actual curtains to cover lewd places while hiding self innawoods to see if someone will come to... check what's there.
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4chan is making me weirder and weirder everyday.
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>Somewhere, somewhen, a pony stares awkwardly out of his house through a window.
>It was nightfall, and ever since he noticed the pink drapes mysteriously perched on something in the darkness of the moonless night, he hadn't dared move a muscle.
>His ears twitched and flicked around nervously.
>He couldn't find anything else, just the night breeze wafting over the mountain and down along the valley.
>Where did the curtains come from?
>After roughly ten minutes of mute horror, he gathered the courage to move.
>Out through the doorway and into the dark night, he moved from cover to cover as best he could.
>He was nuts, insane!
>Or so his instincts told him.
>But he was a brave pony; why else would he be out innawoods?
>He finally reached the mysterious cloth, covering over some large building in the night that wasn't there before.
>Now that he was close he was even more confused, stepping along the long strands of the poorly woven mat that flowed out from behind the curtains like a red carpet.
>He took a deep breath and shoved open the draperies.
>He gasped at the foreign thing that was hiding behind them.
>An alien door that smelled of something strange with a bulbous object along the crack that ran down the center of the door.
>Was that one of those new security camera domes?
>Maybe a comically large door novelty door buzzer?
>What kind of wacko pony would make a house like this without at least baking "welcome to the neighborhood" brownies?
>He reached out a hoof tentatively, keeping a lantern suspended beside himself with magic.
>He pushed on the squishy door buzzer, hoof sinking in unimpeded.
>Nothing happened, and he pushed into it again, this time prodding it a few times.
>The door opens with a fleshy groan, revealing an unlit passageway.
>"U-unf."
>He froze and looked up slowly, lifting the lantern upwards to the source of the noise.
>A pink light flared to life high above him, highlighting a gigantic head looking down at him.
>A unicorn's horn hung over the empty space, drowning out the stars around it with magical light.
>The lighting didn't let him see its eyes, its mane casting a great shadow over the figure's face.
>In the glinting light he could dimly see a wide, cheshire grin under the nose.
>The passage opened enough to let light spill inside.
>It was wet, ooze dripping like the aftermath of an explosion in a jello factory.
>The smell was getting more pervasive.
>The jolly, candy-like button pulled back into the wall and then back out again, the passage contracting and opening again with it.
>The face made a kiss with its lips, the loud smack echoing over the crickets and owls who were usually the only noisemakers in these woods.
>He looked back down at the door, still open, still staring out at him through the curtains.
>He took a panicked step back and the ground shifted.
>The strands moved in concert to send him flopping forward towards the curtains.
>He tumbled into the garishly pink drapes, which eagerly gave way.
>His injuries ended with a slap against the door, which at this point, was obviously not a door to a house, but to another passage entirely.
>He did not intend to stick around to see the foyer.
>The warmth and heat from this close up made him redouble his efforts.
>He untangled himself and got to his feet just in time to hear a suppressed, girlish chuckle.
>He yanked open the curtains, only to find something blocking his way.
>He held up his trusty firefly lantern and found, to his horror, a giant hoof.
>Without ceremony it pressed him into the doorway like a train-sized ram-rod.
>Limbs yielding and slipping underneath the pressure, he was crammed inside, tripping and slipping along the edges.
>Coming to his senses inside the fleshy space, he fought to get back up.
>He wasn't done yet, he was sure of it.
>The experienced pioneer slipped on some of the mess inside the passage clumsily.
>By the time he made a break for his avenue of escape, the tunnel rocked as the hoof moved and slid across the entrance.
>He bounced into a side with a wet slap.
>Suddenly, he found himself pinned by a reflexive squeeze, the passage tightening on itself.
>Through the narrowed space, he heard grunts, distant and passionate, followed by a loud sigh.
>The hoof seized up in its fondling and a bubbling, frothy ooze slithered down the passage towards the entrance.
>He sputtered and inhaled, trying to get some semblance of fresh air, but his soaked and sticky self seemed to trap and attract what heat and humidity surrounded him.
>He half-stumbled, half-clambered, towards the entry, but found a hoof still blocking the way.
>He pushed and butted against it to no avail, the mass of soft flesh surrounded by a rock-solid rim simply did not wish to move.
>After a short time of sticking his nose as close to the cracks in the seal and gulping down fresh air, he wasn't sure what to do.
>It came down to simply sitting there until the desire to see his cabin again made him renew his efforts.
>During the second try, the entrance simply closed up, the folds squishing together to bar exit.
>He groaned in frustration, noting a fresh dampness to the passage slowly seeping in as well.
>He simply resolved to play the waiting game, sitting by the entrance as the only real choice he had left unless he wanted to re-experience the panic of a few minutes ago.
>She had to relent eventually, right?
>"Oh-h-h-h yeah,' the voice from elsewhere groaned, satisfied with this outcome as well.
>The passage squeezed, clamping on him with another claustrophobic motion, before releasing at his refusal to panic and struggle this time.
>He heard a loud sigh before the voice returned.
>"Sleep tight."
>Oh, hah hah, he thought bitterly.
>He'd get out once she dropped her guard.
>And then he'd never so much as look at curtains ever again.