MLS in SA: A kick and a miss.

by Roy Bragg
San Antonio Express News
12/17/16


In the past two weeks, Don Garber, the capstone atop the pyramid scheme that is Major League Soccer, has painted a positive picture of his league.

To believe him, your brain would have to flop like a bad striker.

Most of you don’t care about soccer, so please pass this message along to your one friend who does so I can splash the warm craft beer of reality into the unshaven face of your scarf-wearing pal.

As much as I love good soccer, it pains me to say American soccer, both professional and international, is presently a hot stinking mess.

I, as luck would have it, know how to fix it. Please read on.

The men’s national team recently canned its coach because the U.S. pooped its pants in critical international matches. The North American Soccer League is about to get red-carded out of existence. And MLS, despite what Garber says, is being propped up by hype.

Garber, for example, said MLS Cup television ratings were up 177 percent over the past year. Really? Who was watching last year — the 12 monitors in the production truck?

Nielsen ratings show every other program that night crushed the life out of the MLS Cup. It was almost criminal, but thankfully, there were no witnesses.

That list of assailants includes 50-year-old reruns of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman and Frosty Returns. My advice for MLS Cup 2017: Put Linus and Snoopy in goal

League attendance, Garber also said, averaged 21,000 fans per game.

Pretty neat trick, especially since 12 MLS stadiums can’t even hold 21,000, based on their listed capacities.

Here’s what probably happened: MLS teams did well in seven or eight cities that are soccer strongholds or where other sports teams stink.

In most cities, however, an MLS game would be a nightmare for anyone who has agoraphobia, which is a fear of wide-open spaces. In those towns, even the bogus attendance figure can’t hit 21,000, which is kinda lame.

And despite all of that, MLS continues to push expansion.

San Antonio and nine other cities, some with bigger stadiums and more fans per game, are vying for the same four slots.

The expansion fee, which was $10 million when Toronto joined, has ballooned to $150 million. At least it’s not the $200 million that league officials had predicted last season. Only $150 million. Phew!

Wait, Garber said, like a modern-day Ron Popeil. There’s more.

Any bidders will be expected to cough up another $150 million for a stadium and player development.

That’s $300 million, my friends.

Now consider what that money buys you in San Antonio.

The same 5,000 people who don’t show for USL games will be the same 14,000 people who won’t show for MLS.

Beyond nonexistent throngs of invisible fans and 300 million tokens of gratitude, MLS wants a bandwagon of corporate sponsors.

San Antonio doesn’t have them if you believe the civic leaders who won’t pursue MLB and the NFL.

Interesting and ironic fact: One of the major sponsors of soccer on a global scale is Herbalife, which itself is often referred to as a pyramid scheme.

San Antonio needs more than the four years Garber has set forth as his expansion timetable.

If MLS had the chance here right now, Spurs Sports & Entertainment would have done it already. Instead, SS&E came on board with 13-year window to land a team. That tells me SS&E knew what it was doing.

There is a simple and faster way for SA or any other city to move up to MLS, but none of the apparatchiks at the U.S. Soccer Federation or MLS, nor bandwagon fans, want to hear it.

The answer? Promotion/Relegation.

That system sets up a hierarchy of national leagues, from Tier I down to semi-pro. The worst teams in a division are paid a tidy sum to drop down a tier, while the best teams in lower tiers move up one notch.

In every other country, promotion/relegation works: a better feeder system, top-notch professional leagues, and deeper national teams. Promotion/relegation is the most American of sports business models, rewarding winners and offering a second chance for losers.

Under this scenario, SAFC could conceivably pack Toyota Field, win the USL and move up to the MLS for the next season. Cool, right?

It’s a better idea than having the game killed by a bunch of rich guys extorting loyalty and money from the rest of us.

And the soccer we see in the U.S. would be better.

rbragg@express-news.net

Twitter: @roybragg