Anon's brother is getting married

>Be Anonymous, younger brother of Incognito.
>While your big brother made a name for himself here in Equestria with his heroic feats alongside the elements of harmony, you chose the simple life.
>Everytime there was some sort of creature, monster, or eldritch abomination hell-bent on destroying existence you chose to go home and let the appropriate authorities settle the situation.
>Because you liked living.
>These horses may have the ability to fall a few hundred feet and bounce right up, but you didn’t.
>Therefore, you opted for the living option when faced with powers beyond your comprehension.
>And again your ability to comprehend the situation was being tested.
>Suffice to say, you are failing.
>”So will you be my best man?”
>Eyeing your brother with a raised eyebrow you couldn’t help but curse him in your head.
>As far as the genetic lottery went he was the lucky one. Tall, perfect teeth, and handsome.
>No homo, he is a sexy bastard.
>How often did he make the mares in town leave main street soaked just by walking through on his way to the Princess Playset Castle.
>Not to say you were ugly.
>You were the most average individual on the face of the planet back home.
>At least that’s what you told yourself.
“Best man for what?”
>Laughing heartily your brother patted you on the back.
>”I’m getting married. Can you believe it?”
“I thought making stupid life decisions was my job, that’s what dad always said anyway.”
>”There’s that negativity again, I thought we agreed that you’d work on it.”
“You agreed. I told you to go fuck yourself.”
>Walking right past you through the doorway into your simple home, Incognito sat down on the couch.
“No, please come in and make yourself at home.”
>Shutting the door you sat in the recliner across from him.
>”So you in?”
“I’m in for knocking some sense in to you.”
>Giving you that smile that had all the mares swooning Incognito leaned forward.
>”You know you couldn’t ever beat me in a fist fight.”
“I have a shovel, it’s the perfect equalizer. And on top of that, I have a nice little spot in the backyard to hide the body so—“
>Incognito’s face settled into a more serious expression.
>”I know we don’t always get along Anon”
“We never get along”
>Ignoring your correction Incognito continued.
>”But, you’re still my brother and it would mean a lot if you were the best man for my wedding.”
“And there’s no way I can talk you out of giving your balls away?”
>”Nope”
“Fine, but I’m not giving any speeches and there better be alcohol. Real alcohol.”
>Bounding over the table Incognito wrapped you up in a big hug.
>”You have no idea how much this means to me little bro.”
>Hanging limply in his embrace you only grunted in response.
“So who’s the lucky mare that get to put your balls in her saddle-bags for safe-keeping?”
>Setting you down Incognito patted you on the back again.
>”You remember Twilight Sparkle, she’s the princess that greeted us when we got here. She’s a great mare Anon, and technically we’ll both be royalty due to some weird ancient law.”
>Great, now you can add possible abductions and torture to the regularly scheduled dangerous events that take place here.
>”As a bonus, Twilight has a bunch of cute friends who’ll be there as bridesmaids.”
“I regret my decision already.”
>Almost like a lightbulb went off over his head, your brother grasped you firmly by your shoulders.
>”Just be careful of the mint colored one.”
>That got your attention.
>If Incognito became serious about something, it usually meant a barrel of bad news.
>”She likes humans and doesn’t seem to understand the word ‘no’”
>Fucking peachy.