[RGRE][MP] Rarity is Smooth as Fuck

>You know what?
>Fuck ponies.
>Fuck them in their stupid horse faces.
>Fuck their backwards-ass "herd" bullshit.
>Just.....
>....
>Just fuck them, man.
>You are Anon.
>You've been replaced.
>Twilight Sparkle.
>Excuse you; PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle.
>The two of you had been close ever since you violently burst into existence in Applejack's cellar.
>You'd been best friends for months and months and months.
>For the last year, you'd been "special someponies".
>Twilight wanted to include a bunch of her friends in with the two of you, but you thought that shit was WEIRD.
>She SAID she understood.
>She SAID that if her colt was happy, then SHE was happy.
>Said that sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make a relationship work.
>....
>Well, guess what was her most recent sacrifice?
>Yup, it was you.
>The minute she was gifted with those ugly-ass wings, she had been given access to the "Royal Herd".
>You were dropped the second that something better came up.
>"Why don't you just find another mare, Anonymous?", she said.
>"You're attractive enough, so it isn't as though you'll be on the market for long," she reasoned.
>"C'mon, Anonymous, don't be all huffy. Here's some bits; why don't you go on a shopping spr-Ow!" she cried as a bag full of heavy gold hit her square in the face.
>Superior human biology, you cunt!
>No other species can throw shit accurately like a human can.
>So here you are, drinking your troubles away in your basement.
>Lucky for you, you'd managed to strike a deal with PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle before you'd beaned her in the eye with her dirty money.
>Normally you'd need a mare's signature on a property deed, but PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle had been "gentlemarely" and "generous" enough to abuse her royal powers and make an illegal exception for you.

>She'd also paid off what little money you owed on your shitty fucking cabin, meaning that you could sit and drink all day in your dark room and never pay a single bit for your property.
>You thought that with the weird "matriarchy" thing this ponyland had going on, you'd have a hard time finding sympathetic faces after this whole ordeal.
>Turns out that PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle is socially-retarded as fuck, and nopony thinks that what she pulled on you was cool.
>Best part is, she's absolutely confused as to why Rarity and Rainbow Dash won't even talk to her any more.
>Rainbow Dash is just pissed at the PRINCESS out of principle, but Rarity is your drinking buddy now.
>Drinking buddy-slash-crying pillow, because you have emotions too, dammit!
>You're allowed to hurt!
>Especially when you've been drinking.

-----------------------------------

>"Honestly, I simply cannot believe how boorish Twilight is acting towards you, Anonymous."
>Rarity takes another dainty sip of her drink (horsewhiskey on the rocks) as she leans up into you.
>You sigh and look around for your bottle of horserum, only to find it empty.
>Some fucker stole your liquor while you weren't looking!
>Yer gonna... yer gonna get that asshole.
>Just you wait.
>Rarity pokes you in the chest with her hoof, spilling her drink onto your shirt and making a mess of your carpet.
>"You know what you need, Darling?"
>What.
>What do you need.
>"You need a well-raised mare, Anonymous. Somepony who won't dump you the minute something better comes around. And you know why I wouldn't do that?"
>Why.
>Tell you, dammit!
>"Because I can't imagine anypony better than you."
>Shit, son. Any smoother and it'd be like that once episode of The Magic Schoolbus where all the kids dicked around on a weird surface that had literally no friction.
>You know what? Maybe breaking up with Twilight wasn't actually all that bad. You think you've found somepony even better.