Thread 22: Stories 76-90

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NON CANON

>Twi
"spike"
~~~
>Like, ohmahgawd! Lookit tha cutie who's come to see me! Hey, Spikey! I'm totally sorry 'bout being such a model of a modern major-general bitch to you last time! Wanna, like, let me help you get with Rarity, or Applejack?

"Actually, Twilight, I wanted to give you a gift. Maybe it'll help you."

>Really? Oh, you totally are the best little brother, son, friend thing a girl could ever have! If it weren't for all those things I just said, I would, like, totally find you dreamy. Actually, it's kinda totally hot thinking 'bout it from an insect angle.

"Incest, Twilight, and yeah... This was actually meant to be a mother's day gift to you. It's late but..."

Spike unveiled his gift, and Twilight's whole expression changed

It was not a gaudy accessory laden with gold and gems, but a simple band of brass, copper, and steel with elegant engravings ponies progression from stone tools to starships across a field of gears

Beneath the mural read: By the light of dusk and dawn, a million thoughts ignite the minds of a million people, and their brilliance inspires tomorrow.

Several long seconds passed in silence as Twilight stared at the crown, slowly, her breathing became heavy, her eyes teared up as she held it in her magic

"Twilight?"

>... It's... beautiful, Spike... Th-thank yo-... NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Then, she tossed it to one corner of the room and scrambled to the opposite

"Twilight?! What's wrong?"

>Stop it! Please! Just stop it! Too many get hurt! My fault! I-I can't anymore!

"Twilight?"

Twilight shakes her head, sobbing

>Please... Let me be without thought. I don't want to be who I was anymore. I don't want to hurt ponies, or dragons, or griffons, or anyone for my sadistic curiosity anymore!

"Twilight... You didn't-"

>Yes I did! I woke up Chitania and killed those griffons and Pommel which led to 32's madness! I made those robots who hurt so many ponies across Equestria! I brought violence into this world!

"Twilight... do you really believe that?"

>I don't believe it, Spike, I know it! Just... Please, stop trying to wake up old monsters. Please.

Another long pause and Spike walked over and picked up the crown, looking between it and Twilight

"So you're just going to run and hide?"

>I've never been a fighter.

"You're going to give up and throw away all the good things because of the bad?"

>There's no profit that equates the lives I've ruined. And any gain for me is undeserving.

"YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE UP BEING TWILIGHT JUST BECAUSE OF CHRYSALIS?!"

>... And many more reasons... Twilight Sparkle was a terrible friend, terrible family, terrible student, and even worse princess and scientist. Please, Spike, tell no one of this...

Now Spike too was crying

"I can't believe this. You're throwing everything away because you're now scared of what the future holds? A future you embody?"

>Any future I make will only end in flames.

"You know... I'm glad you tossed this aside. This crown was meant for a Princess named Twilight Sparkle, a rather gifted mare who could imagine the entirety of the future and make it happen."

>I am glad no such princess exists...

Screaming in outrage, Spike left the room and slammed the door behind him

Slowly, Twily forced the smile back onto her face, and forced herself to decide she needed to watch a romance movie, some chocolate, and ice cream, maybe call her marefriends like Caddy and Chryssi

Yeah, totally what she needed

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Spike"
~~~~~

>Because of course the damn thing is broken. Why ever would a fucking stove work in this red hive forsaken-

*BLAM!*

>...Oh, that is just adorable!

He may have been barring fangs and growling, but she was nothing but smiles.

>You shot your little spitball straw! Didn't your mom ever teach you not to pick on girls?

He was livid before, but now he was practically seething.

"We need to talk-"

>One sec!

Her smile was seemingly just a distraction. Before he could even register it, a circle of fire had spun around him, and consumed him. When he blinked next, he was in a place he didn't quite recognize, but felt... important.

>Like it? This is where I stuck Cadence after I abducted her. Sent Twilight down here too during the wedding. HAH! Backfired there, didn't it? Ah well, live and learn, right? Don't think they'd recognize it, though. Chitty dropped a lot of this on my head. What a bitch!

"...Fine."

He put his thumb on the hammer on Charity once more, and leveled it at Chrysalis's face.

"You've caused a lot of-"

>One sec!

His frustration only grew when her horn ignited.

"It won't work, Charity has enough enchantments to make sure it's never taken out of my-"

And that's when his elbow bent and his wrist twisted, and he now had a nice closeup of the inside of Charity's barrel.

"...Ah, I see. Well, I still don't have to pull the tri-"

*CLICK!*

Moved by an unseen force, the hammer pulled back.

"...I did not think this through."

>Nope! What's on your mind, sport? Besides a bullet if I get pissy. HAH!

"THAT!"

>My laugh? Actually, yeah, lots of ponies pointed out they hate that. You're not alone there...HAH!

"NO! Just... just everything with you! Everything you do! You hurt everyone and you don't care, you act like it's a big joke, like it doesn't matter at all to you!"

>Wow, what a shock... it doesn't!

"MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD IS BROKEN, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!"

Against all the force of her magic, he strained to move his arm to point the gun at her. It didn't work.

And she just rolled her eyes.

>Uh huh. Yep. All my fault. Totally drove her bonkers, me.

"IT WAS YOU! You were the one who made her jumpy at every turn, you were the one who stressed her out with your mindgames, you were the one who made it so she couldn't trust SHINING ARMOR anymore! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

She gasped, reeling back in shock.

And then jutting forward and blowing a raspberry.

"YOU BITCH!"

He strained some more. Nothing.

>So, what're you going to do, shoot me?

"NOBODY WILL CARE!"

>You wound me so. Alone in this world am I!

"NOT LIKE TWILIGHT!"

That, at last, put a frown on her face.

"Yeah, that's what really chaps your ass, doesn't it? Twilight starts acting not like herself and she's got ponies lined up around the block to get her back to normal. Twilight stubs her hoof and everyone gets a bandage out. But you? If you started acting like an airheaded idiot, ponies would CHEER. They would let out little cheers and thank goodness that fucking bitch persona was dead. They would sleep BETTER if you fell off a cliff. And you know what? They're right to. All you give us is heartache and looking over our shoulders for the minute you strike."

>...Hey, lizardo?

"Call me that again, and I'll just blow my own brains out. Explain THAT to Shiny, I dare you."

>Just wondering... did Twilight ever... talk about me?

"Plenty."

>One good thing?

"...W-...what?"

>One good thing she said about me. I've done lots of good things! I saved the Crystal Empire, I helped Shiny with the trade stuff, I tried to stop Chitania and saved my hive, and I even helped out at the gala! Surely she's said one good thing about me, right?

"..."

>...Well?

"...I..."

>No?

"No. You did all those things for selfish reasons, you don't deserve praise."

>Oh. Okay. But she deserves my trust?

"Yes! Because unlike you she'd use the information for GOOD!"

>Liiiike DNA testing me to find out who my dad is, with a sample she got because I gave it to her in the hopes that she would find a way to make more Queens?

"...I... what?"

>Yeah! She found my dad. Could've saved her a BUNCH of time on that one, actually. But she just decided to go behind my back and get into my genealogy.

"...She had... reasons..."

>Course she did! She had a personal need she needed met and she decided a liiittle lying would be worth it! That'a boy, now you're actually thinking it through. But you've gotta be careful, otherwise they could get... information on you.

"...Like... like what? What could she possibly have on you?"

>Spiko, spikereeno, I'm going to level with you. I actually made a goof, messed up. See, I revealed that we Changeling ascend the same way ponies do. Now I know what you're thinking "If it's the same, what does it matter if she knows?" And I know! Same thought crossed my head. Buuut, unfortunately, balls kind of in her court now. She can reveal my secret, but make up something for HERS. Now, she probably hasn't told you the real way we ascend yet, probably made something up, but suffice to say, if that information gets out, I'm in a lot of trouble, you follow?

"..."

>Which means I trusted her with something vital, buuut... she just couldn't bring herself to say one nice thing about me?

"...Y-... you can let go of Charity now."

A smirk of pure victory on her face, she relented, allowing him to bow his head downward and let Charity hang limp in his claw.

>Atta' dragon! Now, just out of curiosity, how did you see this playing out?

"...I was going to make you go apologize to her."

>HAH! HAHAHA! HOLY CRAP! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Y-you dragons dream big, I'll give you that. AHAHAHAHAHAH!

"...P...."

>...What?

"...P-p..."

>Fluff the magic dragon, I am not reading you.

"...P-please go help my friend..."

Slowly, every inch of confidence began to melt away.

>...What did you just say?

"M...my friend is hurting, and she's scared, and I can't help her. Please go help Twilight. Tell her it's okay. Tell her you'll trust her more. Tell her SOMETHING!"

She couldn't keep her eyes from growing wide, or from stumbling back slightly.

>You must be joking.

The gun that clattered to the ground said he wasn't.

Neither did the tear streaked eyes that finally looked up at her.

"PLEASE! I don't know what else to do! I can't help her, Shiny can't help her, Cadence can't help her, Celestia can't help her, I'll take anyone! ANYONE to help her! S-she practically raised me Chrysalis. She's been with me since forever. I know she's not perfect, and she was a bad friend sometimes, but she doesn't deserve this! PLEASE!"

>...I'm not buying it.

He roared in frustration, falling back and slamming his fist into the ground.

"WHY WON'T YOU-"

>But with that in mind...

Slowly, he let his heartbeat slow enough that the blood rushing through his ears calmed down enough to hear.

"Yeah?"

>With that in mind... I am always open to a little, to use a sciency term, symbiotic.

"Symbiosis."

>Bullshit. That's not a word... anyway, a bit of give and take, you know? And not the sexy kind, because to be frank you really do nothing for me. Nooo... I'll make you a deal.

"W-...what kind of deal?"

>Hidden away in that lab of hers is a file on yours truly. Has a lot of interesting facts. Dangerous but fun facts. You catching my drift?

"...You want the file?"

>Do this, and I will do whatever it takes to fix little Twili. If my words don't work, I will use my mind control and force it out of her if I have to. I am skilled in a million ways to manipulate the mind, and I'll use a million and one. Do this little favor, and get your Twilight back. That sound good?

His brow furrowed in suspicion, and thought.

>Don't even have to answer yes or no, doesn't matter to me. Deliver it, I deliver right back. Don't, I stay away. That's the terms.

"...I don't trust you."

She grinned as the fires came back.

>Welcome to the real world. And Spike? One file missing, and the whole thing is off. I'll know, trust me... I'll know. Ring me up when you have the file.

And then he was back in Canterlot, alone.

With nothing but his gun on the ground... and his thoughts.
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NON CANON
>Spike
"Discord"
~~~
>I need... More to deal with her. I need something that can stop them. Chrysalis, Chitania... and Celestia's mom help me... but even Celestia, Luna, or you. Guess that last one doesn't given you a lot of motivation to help.

"Hmmm... Maybe not, but something that could kill gods, huh? I do always like a challenge... Gimme a moment!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDI3Kstg5Ok

Spike suddenly doubles over and grabs his sides, feeling part of him ripped out without any tearing of flesh

He then produced a single shot, breech-loaded gun to Spike along with seven rifle bullets

"Sorry about that, the best kind of magic, even chaos, needs a little bit of... Sacrifice! These are Origin bullets, made from your own ribs, don't worry, they'll grow back! (no they won't)

"They will separate one's inate magic, twist it, and then reconnects them in a crude manner, mangling them in the process, resulting in a very permanent, and very painful death for anything. Also, they will hit ANYTHING and only anything you want... Except for the seventh."

>W-What?

Discord sets down the weapon and it's bullets, slowly fading away.

"Remember, Spike: 'Six strike true, seven will mock you.'"
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>SA
'Pinkie Pie'
“Sombra”
~18~

~~~~~~

>So... that just happened.

“Apparently so.”

>We just saw the entire food chain of a Badlands Dragon.

'Uh huh.'

>First it was a lizard eating a bug.

“Then a larger bug ate the lizard.”

>The bug was then eaten by a Giant Hedgehog.

“Which was then eaten by the Trapdoor Spider.”

'The Trapdoor spider was then dragged out of its weirdly tiny hole...'

>Was then eaten by an even larger lizard which was then eaten by the dragon...

“...Which is now being eaten by the Giant Antlion...”

>... When we get back... I'm formally requesting that Celestia turns this place to glass. How much longer until we reach the rock farm?

'Just another day or two that way...Oh look its a swarm of those first bugs!'

The bugs then swarmed the antlion leaving nothing but an empty exoskeleton.

“...”

>... This is still better than paperwork.

~~~~~

18 stared at the pile sitting on the floor and carefully took a sip of her tea. She frowned and looked at the beverage in her hoof.

~It need a bit more sugar.~

Looking back up she discovered to her horror, that another three stacks had materialized around the pile.
~... It's breeding... That has to be it...~

She blinked and another pile appeared.

~GUARDS BRING ME A FLAME THROWER WE MUST KILL IT WITH FIRE!~
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>42
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>My Queen! You look... chipper.

"Oh, you know me, barrel of joy."

>Ah, yes. You are always quite... quite happy. But I actually had a question.

"No, I do not approve of you dating Shiny. He's too young for you."

>W-WHAT!?

"Pffthaahah! I cannot believe you took that seriously. Naahhh, tag that the first chance you get. But you better use your position of power in manipulative ways to get me some Shiny-bits, that's an order."

>...Oh, uh, heh... anyway, your Majesty, I admit it isn't so much as a question as a... request.

"Oh?"

>Yes, actually. I was wondering... I admit this is fully overstepping my bounds, but I am compelled to ask... will you... help Twilight?

"...Oh?"

>Yes, well, your mind magics are far beyond what I, or any other Changeling for that matter, are capable of. My own attempts were... less than successful. But if anyone can undo the damage caused by the research, it's you. So, please. Would you go fix her? I'm sure Shiny would be very appreciative!

"Nope."

>...I'm sorry?

"I said no."

>But... but...

"Why?"

>YES!

"..."

>...f-forgive me, Majesty! I did not-

"Ahh, cut it out, 42. I'm not mad. Never am at you. Okay, look... one sec."

In an instant, they were surrounded by a magical barrier.

"Okay, it's like this. That "research" she gave me? Supposedly everything? Missing some chapters. Chapters I cannot get to, but need to be gotten. Mostly related to the you know what om nom nom. Possibly kill us stuff too. So, I've got Spikeo out on a little fetch quest. If he delivers, I'll hold up my end of the bargain, of course. And everyone walks away happy."

>...What happens if he doesn't? What if he just... just walks away.

"..."

Without another word, she turned around.

>Majesty? What if he doesn't? He... he might not... Highness?.... C-Chrysalis?

She did not respond, just kept walking.

>WHAT IF HE DOESN'T!?

She turned a corner, and she was gone.

And the solider was alone

>...You can save her...
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>Suckerpunch
"41"

>...

"..."

>"..."

The wind whistles by the two as they sway in the wind.

>"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! NO IT ISN'T! FUCK YOU IT TOTALLY IS! QUITE PARROTING ME! NO YOU! YOU DID IT FIRST-GAAAAAH!"

The two grumble and look away from each other...they are hanging by a couple of harnesses off a cliff, tangled up with each other.

>...This was a bad idea.

"No shit, Sherclop."

>I mean, our whole thing is who the better fighter is, right?

"Right."

>So why the fuck are we racing now?

"Because doctor."

>Fuck the doctor!

"Tried, failed, likes the colts."

>I-really? Gah, no, that's not what I meant! We shouldn't care what he thinks, we're hardened warriors!

"We are?"

*SMACK*

"Ow!"

>Yes we are!

*SMACK*

>Ow!

"Ha!"

*SMACK!*

"Ow!"

>Haha!

*SMACK*

>Ow!

"HahaHA!"

The two grab each other and rear back their heads, but stop just short of headbutting each other again.

>"NO!"

>...

"..."

>Close one.

"Yeah. We...we do NOT wanna be unconscious up here."

>Ohhhh yeah.

"You...you think anyone's gonna notice we're not there?"

>I reeeeeally hope so. Otherwise we're gonna have to try having you fly us up there.

"I can't carry you!"

>I know, your body is too light to-

"Fucking lardo!"

>This is MUSCLE, ya overgrown horsefly!

"Whatever pizza pony!"

They would be rescued several hours later, when a weather team heard them arguing over a scheduled thunderstorm.
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AppleSpike Date: Day 1
~~~
Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!

Spike sits at his forge, working metals and alloys, hammer pounding and shaping iron into steel and steel into tools. Pausing his work, he glances around and then runs over to drop a record on a player.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSm6nnwesV4

Then he set eagerly back to work.

Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!

Beneath the din of his work he began to chant:

“I am the bone of my sword.
Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.
I have created over a thousand blades,
Unknown to death,
Nor known to life.”

He was becoming positively giddy as the song swelled into crescendo.

“Have withstood pain to create many weapons
Yet those hands will never hold anything.”

He raised his hammer for the final blow to finish shaping yet another crude practice blade.

“So, as I pray: Unlimited Blade-”

“Loverboy, ya’ll in here?”

“Gah! Don’topenthedoorgetontheflooreverybodywalkthedinosaur!” Spike blurted incoherently as Applejack walked in with a quizzical expression.

“Uh, if ya wanted me not ta come in, ya’ll migh’ wanna repeat that ‘cause Ah ain’ got any clue what’chu jus’ said.”

Spike calmed down and sighed. “It’s fine, just me over reacting. So, what can I do you for?” As though prepared for that statement, Applejack takes out a trio of battered old tickets written up by him that promised ‘one magical evenings’.

Spike looks at himself, dirty and covered in sweat from the forge. “Uh, okay, I’m gonna need to get cleaned real fast then. And figure out a good place-”

This time, Applejack cut him off with a kiss. “No need ta, Spike. Ah went an’ took care o’ the arrangements. Jus’... Correct me if Ah’m wrong, but, if Ah combined mah three tickets, would that coun’ fer a full, magical weekend?”

Spike smiled and kissed her back. “You can bet the apples on your ass it does- Whoa!”

Applejack slips head head under Spike and navigates him onto her back. “Then hang on tight, partner, ‘cause we only got seven’y one hours left in this magical weekend, an’ Ah ain’ missin’ a second of it!”

“Wait, I need to turn the furnace off!” Spike screamed as Applejack unceremoniously smashed through the wall of the forge and flew far and fast from Canterlot.

Meanwhile a resentful sun princess grumbled as she was left alone to contend to the mountains of paperwork. In the shadows of these mounds of paper work, Celestia would plot her revenge on a certain farm pony.

Once she dug herself out from beneath the files and forms that is.

The trip continued in silence, and after a few spirals and circles around the mountain top and a blindfold, Applejack sailed to her destination, but despite how much fun she had intended for them to have, despite how happy Spike normally was around her, despite not even looking at him, she could feel a weight on his mind on her back.

“Try not ta hold a party on mah back, there.” Applejack teased, prompting a startled reaction from Spike.

“Huh? Sorry, just…”

“Somethin’ on yer mind, sugarcdube? Ya’ll wanna talk ‘bout it?”

Spike sighs. “I would, but it’s sort of secret, not just a ‘me alone’ secret, it’s the kind that ‘really affects other people’ secret.”

“Ah know what’cha mean, lover boy… Ah wish Ah could help you.” Applejack’s head hung briely as they soared and snapped back up when she felt a very affectionate kiss on the back of her neck, making her squeek.

“I think this just might.” Spike laughed from behind. “So, where are we going, anyway?”

Applejack’s lips curled and did a somersault in the air that left Spike briefly suspended in the air before dropping back on Applejack’s back. “Ya’ll see when we git there!”

“You are so lucky I my species is resistant to air sickness right now.”

“Really?”

“No clue, actually.”

When the two finally landed, Applejack set Spike gently on the ground and removed the blindfold revealing non-other than…

“Our romantic three day an’ two night getaway will be happenin’ in tha one an’ only… Ponyville!” Applejack introduced with grandiose and swept her wings in a ‘behold!’ gesture. There were several long moments of silence as Spike took it all in and soon Applejack felt sheepish. “Uhh… I guess it ain’ tha Four Seasons. Look, maybe we kin find some place else, jus’ hop on an’-”

“Applejack?” Spike cut her off, his voice quivering a bit. “Can… We go to the Library for a bit?”

Dust, silence, and long shadows greeted the two after they had opened the old library door. Many books were missing from the shelf, but just as many were left in their place. All around the place was in a state that could have been called ‘half-packed’.

“You know… For a long time Twilight and I thought the move to Canterlot would be temporary. That once things were settled, we’d kind of come back here. Guess not.” Spike commented and waded through the memory thick air, pausing to run his claws over the faded burn spot when Twilight first ascended.

Soon, Applejack joined him, nostalgia in her mind and tears forming in her eyes. “‘lot sure has happened, ain’ it? But this place’ll always feel close to tha heart.”

“Yeah.” Spike muttered while moving into the living area, climbing the stairs examining Twilight’s bed and then his own. “I can’t fit into my old wicker basket anymore.”

Applejack chuckled and hugged Spike from behind with her wings. “Ah didn’ really plan fer you ta be sleepin’ in that anyway.”

“That’s right, where are we sleeping?” Spike grinned teasingly and turned to her, booping her nose. “That Four Seasons you were talking about?”

“Sweet Apple Acres.” Applejack replied, rolling her eyes which then paused on Twilight’s bed. “‘Course, maybe a night here’ll do us some good.”

Spike brightened and kissed her. “That’s a great idea, actually! Make yourself at home! I’ll go buy us some groceries then make us something to eat!”

“C’mon, Sugarcube, all Ah need from you is time together, you don’ need ta do nothin’ more special fer me than-” Applejack was cut off by her own stomach rumbling. “Maaaaybe a hay burger an’ fries don’ sound too bad.” Her stomach rumbled louder. “Make it twenty?” it rumbled again.

Spike could barely hold back his laughter. “Why don’t you just come with me?” He asked extending a hand.

Applejack smiled and placed a hoof in his claw and the two left the library, in search of a meal.

The pair wandered the streets of Ponyville, greeting familiar faces, wandering, get lost and sidetracked, what was supposed to be getting ingredients for lunch from a grocer became a three hour outing in of itself.

And when they finally made it to the grocery store itself, the couple came across an amusing sight.

“Tomatoes!” Trixie shouted and pelted Zecora with the produce. “Corn!” She pelted Mayor Mare. “Laser gun-! Oh, for the love of myself, please, is there not another way to appease this spirit?!” She fell from her perch and into a begging position.

AJ29 looked over his shoulder, sighed, and shook his head. “Sadly, it doesn’t seem like it. Not unless a dragon comes in riding an Alicorn princess-”

“Oh, Faust, he’s back!” Mayor Mare cried and hid behind Zecora’s ample rear.

The zebra took the initiative to greet the pair. “Spike and Applejack, I can’t believe my eyes! Seeing you back in Ponyville is such a pleasant but unexpected surprised.”

“Thank ya, kindly Zecora. Spike an’ Ah ‘re on a bit o’ a date. So, 29, how’s tha job wit’ tha Mayor?”

29 looks between Zecora, Trixie, the mayor, and the phantom child and answered “I shat say it befits mine status, but tis one which hath led me to interesting places.”

Spike chuckles and regards the Mayor. “C’mon, you can come out, I don’t even have Charity on me. See?” Slowly, Mayor Mare stepped out from behind Zecora. “So what’s brought you guys together, you’re sort of an odd assortment.”

“Hah! Says the beast with the dirt shoveler.” Trixie scoffed. “Your majesty.” She quickly added.

“Righ’… Ah’m gonna ignore that.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “So, Zecora, care ta explain?”

“Our alliance is one quite odd, I can only explain it as an act of God. But together we work to lay lost foal souls to rest, when it comes to appeasing them, I confess, 29 seems the best. To so do, we seek to fulfill their final, earthly request.”

Spike and Applejack nodded while the opposite quartet waited for a question of their sanity.

“So, anythin’ we kin do ta help?” Applejack offered, making the others blink.

“You don’t think I’m crazy?!” 29 askes with relief in his voice.

Spike chuckled. “29, you would not believe half the things we’ve seen. Hey, Applejack, remember the cursed teapot?”

“Ugh! Don’ remind me!”

Trixie then spoke up: “Wait! Then you can help us! The soul we’re currently with demands Trixie reenact some demeaning, old, and dumb cartoon- Ouch! Poltergeist! Poltergeist!” Trixie cired while nursing where a hefty ear of corn had smacked her.

“If you are willing help fulfill the spirit’s desire, Spike, would you please get on Applejack and ride her?”

The two blanched, blushed and coughed. After a few seconds, so did Zecora.

“That came out wrong.” she confessed without rhyme.

“Yeah, no kidding. Look, wouldst thou simply mount the Princess like dragon conquerors of old?” 29 attempted to clarify, only for the couple to stare at him.

“So… you also want me to have public sex with Applejack?” Spike asked.

“Wait, did the dragons of old do that?”

Spike shrugged. “No real idea, but I get what you mean, Applejack, would you mind?”

“Hop on, partner.”

Spike mounted applejack who then reared onto her hind legs, wings flairing. “Hiyo, Applejack! Away!”

FLASH!

“Oh, lawdy mah eyes!”

“I’m blind!”

“Uhh… Sorry, should have warned you about that.” 29 apologized to the two writhing on the floor. Quickly, her turned to the other three and shouted “Cheese it!” And they bolted.

The rest of the day was spent so normally. An old normally that had been before everyone moved to Canterlot, before this all had began. Spike cooked lunch while Applejack tidied up the library, they ate, then worked together to clean it up some more. They read books, they talked for hours, and be sunset, the two had curled up in Twilight’s old bed together, sleeping better than either had in ages.

“AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I’M FREE!” Celestia cheered erstwhile in Canterlot as she broke free from her papery tomb. Then she noticed the stacks which had formed while she was buried and, and in slow motion, watched them topple on top of her and bury her again.

“Dangit…”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twi
"32"
~~~
"Ah, my captor returns! Last I heard, you had gone mad-"

>HEY, MAREFRIEND! You know what you need? AN EXTREME MAKEOVER!

"... Merciful mother of Celestia, kill me now."

Meanwhile, Chrysalis somehow watches from afar

'Part of me thinks this is a way better punishment than anything I could have done. Another part of me actually wants to fix Twilight now or break the poor bastard out.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rekulk
"AJ"
'Rarity'

'You're leaving?'

Rekulk whistles a happy tune as he surveys the contents of a newly acquired cart, laden with bags and sacks and boxes, all full of the essentials he knew his race would thrive upon. The tarp-clad Morlock turned to Rarity.

>Not for always, Diamond Princess, it is time Rekulk returned to my people. I have traded the last of my shimmerstones and must get more, for the trader's work is never done.

'You realize after what you've done we would have happily just given you these supplies, right?'

Rekulk shakes his head.

>No no, that trade must wait, for the Princess of Apples, Giver of Chances, has promised Rekulk 'whatever', and such a trade cannot be handled lightly! I must consult my people and the head of metal, for I know doing it myself would lead to another 'Food Bag' incident.

'Well, I will not keep you then. Safe travels, Rekulk.'

>And happy days to you, Princess of Diamonds.

Rekulk begins to set off, a smile on his face beneath his ridiculous new suit. But at the gates he encounters someone else.

>Aha! Princess of Apples, how wonderful!

"Ah just wanted to let ya know we appreciate what ya'll did down in the caves. If you'n yours ever need any help, just ask, ya hear?"

Rekulk nods.

>Thank you, Giver of Chances, and should help, Rekulk's or otherwise, be needed again, do not hesitate to ask it. Give Rekulk's best wishes to Spike of Scales and Blood of Blue, and...should Zhetri Tuuhl return, perhaps tell him of Rekulk's deeds?

"Sure, pal, sure..."

>Farewell, Princess of Apples, Rekulk returns home until he returns here, for the trader's work is never done!

The cart clattering behind him, the Morlock trader begins the journey home, whistling to himself. Leaving behind the beautiful city of white with its friendly people, its wondrous locales, and its most masterful deception. He knew not what was in the dungeons and he did not care to know.

For what could possibly be down there that would interest him?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Applejack"
________

>WE HAVE FINALLY DONE IT!

"So ya finally done went and gave into 56's advances, eh? Well, can't say Ah'm proud or condone it considerin' he's a minor'n all but Ah am glad it's done and over with. Didn't hit a homerun on the swing, did he?"

The smile casually hanging on Applejack's lips almost begged Luna to hoof her one, but she ignored the jibe and instead slammed down a folder that bore the eyebrow-raising title "Chitania Roundup".

"Er... What's all this'n?"

>We have it, apple one, we really have it this time! This other Queen, this Chintuna- she needs to be brought to justice for her several heinous crimes against ponykind!

"Okay, followin' ya so far...."

>So we've drawn up some of our best guards, fifty of them to be precise. Look here, at this page.

The folder was flipped open and Luna pulled out a document titled "The Nightmare Brigade".

"Annnnn' ya lost me. What's this... Nightmare Brigade supposed to be? Ah've never heard of 'em."

There was obvious joy in Luna's tone as she puffed out her chest.

>We all have our little secrets, apple one, and one our greatest happens to be this squad of guards here! We started the Nightmare Brigade whilst we were still Nightmare Luna and, while not exactly a proud moment in our time, it gave birth to ten of the most elite guards Equestria has ever seen!

"..."

>Ha, your silence is most amusing! Yes, apple one, we have an army that even our own sister would be hard-pressed to remember! They are fiercely loyal and would follow our word even if we ordered them to leap from a cliff. Like the very shadows that haunt this castle they are and kept hidden they've been, oh yes, until the right moment! And what better time to put these ruthless assassins to work other than finding this once damned Changeling Queen?

"What better time, ya ask? Why, surely not WHILE Chitania was busy stompin' everythin' to dust when she first showed up. Or, ya know, when she got to the castle. Orrrrr after you yerself got put in the dirt- no, surely not all of those times. THIS moment right here, when everything's been said and down, this is the perfect time to unleash this secret agent army o' yers."

>...

"..."

Very slowly and carefully, Luna closed the top flap of her envelope and scooped it up from Applejack's desk. She remained silent for a second or two, then began to back away.

>Soooo... let us pretend this meeting never occurred.

"Let's. Y'all take care, Luna. An' really, no hanky-panky with 56 until he's legal."

>Oh silence thine's frippery....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NON CANON

>Cadance
“Twilight”
‘Shiny’
(Celestia)
-Chrysalis-
~Applejack~
[Luna]
+???+
__________

She stared across the room, at the diamond-studded clock hanging on the wall. Its ticking was more pronounced than it’d ever been as each click sent a tremor down her spine but she remained firm.

>Steady girl… you can do this. You have to….

It had been a downright chore setting this match up and she only had five hours to get prepared for it. She could only pray that by the end… things would be right….

~~~~~

‘Oh I don’t believe this shit….’

-Well nibble my ass and spank me silly… Shiny? Talkin’ to you there.-

‘Save it, Chrysalis.’

~Mah stars and apples, what in tarnation…?~

[We are well-versed in the many arts of spell-casting but still we must ask! What black magic is this?!]

(There’s just no way… wait, I know what this is! SHE’S PRANKING US AGAIN! THAT’S IT!)

>Can the peanut gallery please be quiet? At least on my turn?

The dull thunk of an empty wine bottle being set down echoed around the room and Cadance lifted her now free hoof to just under her chin. Eyes narrowed, she surveyed the vintage chess board, which may as well have become a battlefield with the intensity at which she and Twilight dueled one another.

“L-like ohmahgaaaawd, C-Caddy, girlfriend! I d-didn’t know you played C-Candyland!”

And it looked like everything was falling into place exactly as planned. The shell was cracking….

Cadance didn’t even bother sparring the nervously smiling princess a single glance, focusing instead on the six or so moves playing out across her mindscape.

>You know as well as I do that we’re playing chess, Twilight. You’ll find no Peppermint Forest or Peanut Brittle House here. Only my effortless victory.

As one, the collective around them “Ooooooo’d” breathlessly.

This only served to further enhance Twilight’s painful grimace until she looked quite like a clown who had sat on a tack.

“I- w-well, yeah it is, girl! See, th-this piece h-here, the, uh… the kni- I mean, piece of… licorice? It’s-”

>Not the move I’d make if I were you. But I can see you’re not as good as I initially pegged you to be, Twilight. From the beginning, your move-set has been rudimentary and your counters lackluster. Why, I don’t even think I’ll be able to take pride when I eventually capture your king.

The words fell from Cadance’s mouth with piercing force, and she knew they’d hit their mark by the way Twilight’s expression swiftly changed from that false façade of ignorance to just a glimmer of what she’d purposefully been keeping at bay. Her Twiency side. The rousing chorus of “Oh snap!” and “Daaaaaayum!” from all around probably didn’t help matters either.

But when Twilight made an intentional reach for her rook, Cadance knew it’d be a move to shift the tide of this war.

And she was right.

“Rook to e5. Your move.”

Even the tone of Twilight’s voice had changed, posture and atmosphere as well. Cadance matched her stride appropriately and the battle began anew, with moves that took less than twenty seconds to shift a piece across the board.

~They’re really goin’ at it… might even be better’n me.~

[Shining Armor, we did not know your muse had such skill at the game of chess!]

Shining could only shrug, just as confused and bewildered as the next pony witnessing this. Was that really his Cadance there…? Was that actually his ditzy wife keeping up with and matching Twilight move for move? At a complex game like chess? Where genuine thought had to be employed?

‘I… I guess? I had no idea… Um, go honey?’

No one seemed to pay the empty wine glass at Cadance’s side any mind, too enraptured at the almost feral way the two bounced strategies off one another. A piece hadn’t been captured for the past twelve moves but territory was being heavily invaded. It would only be a matter of time before-

When Cadance’s queen was taken after a valiant four-turn struggle, Twilight chuckled with a touch of superiority.

“I think you just lost your most valuable piece.”

The crowd gasped as one.

Cadance merely flicked a pink bang from her eyes, the very picture of phlegmatic.

>It is not uncommon that a winning strategy will sometimes necessitate sacrifice. What, do you really think you captured my queen of your own skill? My, my, and they call me silly.

While everyone else winced as though struck, Chrysalis tapped Cadance over the shoulder, instantly recoiling.

-Daaaamn, this mare is on fire!-

There was hardly a flicker of change within Twilight’s face. She continued to smirk, waiting until Cadance made her move to counter with one of her own.

“You’re slowing down, Cadance. Is something… the matter? Coming to a crossroads concerning your moves? Or perhaps the light at the end of that tunnel is suddenly looking less than illuminatory?”

[Red flag! Kicking thine’s opponent while down should not be prohibited!]

~That’s… goldarn it, that’s a completely different game, Luna.~

[Still!]

Cadance once more placed a hoof to her chin, ignoring Twilight’s words for the most part and concentrating on the small victory that came with hearing more than a little of the old purple genius shine through in her tone.

Yes, the light at the end of the tunnel was indeed getting dimmer. But there were still other broken tracks of importance that she’d have to drag Twilight down as well, so now….

“The game is over, Caddy, but girrrrrl, lemme tell ya, you got my hair all-”

>Bishop takes Knight. Check.

“…”

The game could really begin.

Twilight’s face cringed. The wine bottle was knocked over as Applejack moved to inspect the board. Then she nodded as though she were the referee.

~Well, shucks! Looks like Cadance is still in it!~

“It doesn’t matter. If she wants to parlay the inevitable, I can oblige.”

>Then, with your newfound spring of generosity, oblige me with an answer: why have you buried the real Twilight?

The room held no windows but that didn’t stop the chill that wafted through the silent air; it swirled around in the wake of Cadance’s question, and it was only then that the bubblegum princess deigned to look Twilight in the eyes. And the reaction she saw on Twilight’s face, that twisted amalgam of shock and building reluctance… it was almost exactly how she pictured it…

“…King to Rook two.”

The pieces were being moved with magic now, rather than by hoof.

>Interesting. And no, not the move, but your thus far silent rebuttal. I’ve been watching over you since you were a foal, Twilight. I’ve been witness to your many delightful ups and your manic downs, but this one seems to have really dug in its hooves. Rook to Kings Rook three. Check.

A piece slid across the board with definitive force and there was silence, hardly a feather was ruffled.

Twilight alone scoffed, however forced.

“Bishop to Rook three. The knowledge of you being my foal-sitter is quite old, Cadance.”

Another victorious mental tick was made by the sudden use of her full name and not a nickname.

>I suppose this is my fault. I wasn’t aware that after… recent events, you would be left frail and brittle like a saltine cracker, or that you’d latch onto the first gateway that allowed you to escape… well… yourself. I figured you would bounce back in due time; I should have tried harder but I was blind towards your inner anguish. You’re probably thinking right now that you’re not my responsibility. Correct?

“…”


>Well, that is where you’re woefully wrong. Every friend I have is my responsibility. Bishop takes Bishop.

Every eye in the room followed that little chess piece like it might explode. The subtle movement of Twilight scooting back in her chair was so diminutive that no one caught it.

Except for Cadance.

“You… you don’t know, Cadance…. W-what I did-”

>What you did you did because you felt it best for everyone deep down. You became overzealous, hungry for answers. Your curiosity got the better of you, no thanks to a certain insect who shall remain nameless….

Using an idle hoof, Cadance spun the empty wine bottle until it faced Chrysalis who looked the other way with a determined air of ignorance.

>So to continue this constant stream of self-pity towards yourself is anything but fruitful.

A concentrated purple hue overcame one of the game pieces.

“…This constant stream of self-pity will keep me from unleashing anymore destruction onto the world. So long as I remain thought-free, my hooves will remain blood-free. I refuse to put anymore lives in danger than I already have. Rook to Bishop four.”

>And yet you fail to realize the simple fact that by shutting yourself off, not only are you stunting your own growth, you are also being uncharacteristically selfish. Rook takes Rook.

Almost before the prior move could made, Cadance was already making hers, ignoring the look of utter hurt and bafflement that overcame her sister-in-law. Those wings gained through princess-ification shuffled with indignation.

“E-excuse me? Me, selfish? H-how dare you say- I’M DOING THIS TO SAVE PEOPLE! PAWN TAKES ROOK!”

Her anger translated to the chess piece, causing it to roughly slide across the board, nearly knocking others over in the process.

>To save people, you say? Then you are going about it very poorly, Twilight. Bishop to Bishop seven.

“It’s easy to talk, g-girlfriend… when you’re hooves are spotless. You helped me see that taking the path of less intelligence could yield carefree moments. No one else has been hurt since I’ve been like this. Queen… takes Knight Pawn.”

That backhanded way of thanks to her new lifestyle was easily shrugged off as Cadance narrowed her eyes at the board, the board where there were now magical streaks left behind with each move made.

But it was close now… Twilight was faltering, evidenced by her slight pause. That single spark of hesitancy might as well have been an admission to defeat.

Cadance knew what had to be done now. She had to break her precious sister… then rebuild her from scratch. It would hurt like being rent open and laid bare, but the renewal could quite possibly save ponykind.

>No one else has been hurt…? Again, you are mistaken. You can come in now.

On her word, the rooms participants turned as one when the door began to creak open, revealing only a dragon, a dragon holding a pistol in limp fingers… a dragon with tears running silently down their cheeks.

He slowly stepped into the room, past the others and towards the table. Twilight regarded him fearfully, like a ghost that had risen to haunt her.

>Look at him. Look at your brother and tell me that no one has been hurt by your actions.

“I-I-... why’re y-you doing this? I-”

>Just as Applejack has been preordained to bring order to this world, you, Twilight… you’ve been preordained to lead it to better things, discover and create untold wonders. Tragedies are unavoidable. To make great strides is to stride over something, but if you allow each setback to stop you… you will wind up hurting far more than if you’d just trudged forward with your head held high.

Charity hit the ground with a clatter and Spike reached for Twilight’s hoof, feeling it twitch in his grasp. He visibly struggled with words to say, his face scrunching up, until finally speaking the simplest desire of not only himself but of Cadance and everyone else:

+I want the old Twilight b-back… I… I want my sister back!+

When he began to openly cry, she quickly joined him, all false pretenses dissolving into nothing as she brought the dragon close to her and used her wings to cover him as she sobbed out apologies for everything she’d done, from disobeying Shining, to unleashing Chitania, to dropping all that she was….

And they weren’t the only ones. From Celestia down to Applejack, the room was alit with the sound of choked sobs and sniffles as a single tear no bigger than a grain of rice escaped Chrysalis despite the emotionless look on her face.

“I’m s-sorry! I’m sorry for what I did, f-for what I became! It w-wasn’t right, it was dumb and stupid- I shouldn’t have hid, I- I- please don’t hate me, I’m sorry, I’m s-”

A hoof fell upon her head in a nuzzling fashion and she glanced up with red-rimmed eyes to see Shining standing over her, managing a watery smile as best he could past the tears.

‘It’s okay, Twily… w-we love you now as we always have, it’s okay….’

Hardly anyone noticed as a pink hue of magic gripped one of the smaller chess pieces….

>When you shut yourself off to the world, no one benefits but everyone suffers. Equestria needs us all to be the best us we can, and we will. Because we have each other. So... continue to keep us all in check, Applejack. Celestia, continue to be a warm beacon we can gather around. Continue to be the very definition of second chances, Luna. Hold your gun for Equestria and pull the trigger for justice, Spike. Never lose your ability to see the good in everyone, my husband. Chrysalis… you could stand to trust us a little more as playing the devil will only end in misery. And to you, Twilight, your lab calls. You’ve got a lot of wasted time to make up for.

And with a climatic scrape that captured every eye, Cadance made her final move.

>Bishop to Bishop eight, discover check. And incidentally… mate.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pinkie
"SA"
~~~~

>Okay, I know this looks bad...

"..."

>No! Really! I get it, I get why you would be worried. That stampede of Fangticores is probably going to last a while, and it is doubtful this spire of rock will if your bubble shield goes out.

"..."

>...I also notice that, yes, I am on top of you, and should said shield go out and we fall into the stampede, best case scenario we re-enact a certain scene and traumatize some kids. I get it. But let's not focus on that! Let's focus onnnn... on us! You know? We never talk. You're the brother of my best friend, and I feel like I hardly know you. How are you? You like being a Prince?

"It's fine."

>Cool, cool...

"...Can you tell me a joke?"

>Huh?

"I heard you were good with jokes."

>Oh! Yeah! Um... How tall should an earth pony's legs be?

"How tall?"

>Tall enough to reach the ground!

"...Heh."

>Like that one? Here's another! A messed up looking unicorn limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of something strong. He downs the lot and says to the barpony, “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got.” "Why, what have you got?” the bar pony asked. “About half a bit and a carrot.”

"HAH!"

>A coach takes his star athlete to a doctor after a nasty stumble, and he asks the doctor "Will I be able to race him again?" Doctor looks back and says "Yeah, and you'll probably win!"

"HAHAHAH! Ohhh, thanks, I needed that. We need to hang out more."

>We do! All the fun stuff happens with you.

"I wouldn't call it fun."

>The straight man never does!

"...So do you think Sombra will find his way back?"

>Yeah, sure, I mean eventually...

"...Tell another, please?"

>Okay, a voodoo pony starts drinking and gets pulled over...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NON CANON

>AH HAH! I have my files at last, Twilight Sparkle! All of my machinations have fallen into place!

"...You could've just asked, I just didn't think you wanted anything on yourself, so I burned anything that could be used to hurt you."

>...Ah. I see. Most of these are the various felonies I have committed. This is not so much a medical file as a rap sheet.

"It's pretty long."

>I see that. The thickness was noticed, I want you to know.

"Sooo..."

>...YOU WIN THIS ROUND, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!

"Get out of my lab."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

also...
Non-canon
>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~
>Let's see... Petty larceny, obviously, impersonating military, assault and battery, homicide, possession of illegal drugs, use of illegal drugs, selling of illegal drugs, arson, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, statutory rape-

"Hey, they said they were 18!"

>smoking in a non-smoking area, impersonating a government official, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England, counterfeiting, extortion, illegal use of magic, assaulting royalty, jay walking... This thing goes on forever...

"Yep. I'm just that cool."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chitania
"???"
~~

CRACK!

Just like that, chitin shattered, black chunks mingling with liquid life and sailing through the air. With a wet THUMP, a foreleg hit the ground.

Followed shortly by a battered, bruised and bloodied Titan Queen.

All around her, they stood poised Beings both big and small. Soldiers forming a circle around her, standing on waves upon waves of their dead, easily ten thousand corpses. But they had hope now, hope as they watched her breathing became hard, vision became hazy, and she felt herself slipping. They couldn't stop the mocking laughter from starting.

Which exactly what was needed to re-ignite the flames of her rage, and with fire burning in her eyes she got back up, and let out an ear splitting roar of pride. In fear, they wavered, and screamed in terror as she dove forward, ready to rip them all apart long before she would succumb to death herself.

"Do you ever have any normal dreams?"

And then it was all gone.

The soldiers, the scorched wasteland, even the damage upon her. All gone.

She frowned, upset.

>Damn! How did you make it into my mind yet again!?

"We have been here since the chimeras showed up. We actually waited for you to notice. Even Jugglejack noticed when we were in his dreams for more than a few seconds. JUGGLEJACK. Does thou even know of Jugglejack? He dreams of juggling and STILL DROPS THE BALLS!"

>...But you can't take over my mind! What now!?

"You are right, thou art too resistant to mind control."

>A necessity in a world of those who can toy with your minds.... Though I admit dream mind magics are ones Mother never prepared me for.... BEGONE!

"No."

>Yes!

"No."

>I COMMAND IT!

"No."

>...

"No no, keep concentrating, we are actually curious how long it will take you to kick us out this time. Chrysalis does it completely subconsciously."

>...She's alive?

"How have you not heard this?"

>I dropped a mountain on her!

"She's fine."

>...

"Oh, feeling a touch embarrassed?"

>No.

Aww, is the mighty Queen a touch upset that her niece so easily broke free after but a few minutes?"

>No I'm not, the ice was worse.

"We know little of science, Chitania, but we art fairly certain that is not sound thinking."

>Why are you here? Are you under the impression I am currently crushing one of your armies in my sleep? A reasonable fear, I understand, as I doubt I would need a single waking moment to stomp your home flat once again.

"We are here to deliver unto you another warning. Soon you shall be found, it is only a matter of time. And then your judgement... shall be swift, and final.”

>...No, really!? You're going to try to find and kill me!? Oh my sweet mother on fire, what a shock. I'm stunned. STUNNED. Cannot comprehend such a thing being true. What horror, I thought you and I would get together and sing songs of frienndship!

“YOUR HEAD SHALL BE UPON A PIKE!”

>Yeah, I know. If I lose, I die. I get it. Yawn. See how bored I am? I'm dreaming and still yawning.

“Watch thine dreams, monster. The moment we see a single indication of what dank hole thou currently stews away in, we shall be there, and thine heart shall be in our hooves.”

>Uh huh. By the by, did you ever get all of the shrapnel out of your hair? That thing has to be a pain to clean. Well, in any case if you're going to fight me don't worry about it, you won't have a scalp to clean by the time I'm through with you.

“We shall see thee again, creature. Count on it.”

>...I know you're still there.

“No you don't!”

>I'm waking up now.

“THOU SHALL-”

~~~~~

>Snk!? Guh... fucking... asshole.

{Miss? You're drooling on the books.}

>Shut up and find me a book on magic for dreams.

{...But you're a pegasus, why would you-}

>NOW!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________