The confession

	“Well? Any plans for tomorrow?” I asked the girl walking next to me on our way from school. I was rewarded with a playful jab to my ribs from her elbow.
    “Not all of us can be as popular as you, you know?” Eiri pouted, “I’m sure you’re already counting the gifts you’ll get in your head right now. It’s a lot more difficult for us girls.”
    “Maybe, but in a month there’s white day you know? What was it? Guys have to give back three times as much chocolate? Are you excited for whatever fancy expensive chocolates I’ll get you then?” I laughed at our little inside joke. We both knew that Eiri was allergic to chocolate so each March I had to get a bit creative with what kind of gifts to get my childhood friend. “Maybe some jewelry? Girls like jewelry I think. Well? Maybe a necklace? Or a ring?”
    “Hmmmmm.” Eiri shook her hands out of the sleeves in her oversized cardigan and paused to take a look at her outstretched fingers. “A ring? I guess that would be nice but I’m not sure if… well your family wouldn’t really like that.” Her slender elegant fingers disappeared beneath the fabric of her sleeves.
    We walked in silence for a bit but my mind was still fixated on the imagery of her outstretched hand. A ring on that would bring out a lot of her charm actually. As my thoughts returned to every detail of her hands I remembered the soft color of her nails matching her light skin. “Ah,” I paused, “You’re not using that nail polish I got you yet?”
    The tiny ends of her fingers peeking out from her sleeves darted away as she curled up her hands. “Well, actually, I looked up the brand and it’s apparently really famous in New York. Is it okay for you to give me something like that? I know it was my birthday but it still feels a bit excessive and I wasn’t sure if-”
    I waved her fears away. “Oh don’t worry about it. I actually don’t know anything about nail polish so I just went with the brand my sister used. I figured she’d have a good idea of what’s good or not.” Eiri nodded and I took her silence for acceptance.
    “It’s a really...bold color,” Eiri ventured, “I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to wear something like that. Such a dark red, won’t it just clash horribly with the rest of me? Ah, I still need to think about what to get you tomorrow. I better make sure it stands out from everything you’ll get tomorrow.” Eiri sighed.
	“What about this?” I suddenly grabbed ahold of her hand.
	Eiri blushed, quickly pulling her hand away, her thin fingers sliding out of my grip. “D-don’t be silly.” Eiri turned away and brought her hand up to cover her face that was turning red and not because of the cold weather. She stared at her shoes as she finally muttered, “I’ll try to get you something you like. See you tomorrow then.”
	As I closed the door behind me I thought about what I really wanted. I could still feel the soft heat from Eiri’s hand echoing in my palm. It was a pleasant and warm feeling. I wanted to hold her hand, to have those freshly painted nails on her delicate fingers intertwined between mine. That would be more than enough for a good Valentine’s gift.

	Eiri was not at school. There was no trace of her in the morning waiting outside my apartment but that wasn’t completely strange. We only walked back every day and there were just days when she would arrive earlier than me for her various club activities. Still, it was unlike her to be completely absent without notice. Her attendance was vital in securing her scholarships that were keeping her here.
	As I stared at the empty seat that she usually sat in I couldn’t help but feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought about Eiri and what she could possibly be doing at this moment. She rarely showed it, but she had a fierce stubborn side to her personality. I had seen her coming into class on the verge of collapse just to sleep the day away on her desk in a feverish daze. It was on more than one occasion that I had to call a ride for her to get home because of the state she was in so seeing her completely absent was somewhat of a shock to me. The hands of the clock kept ticking by and the words from the instructor registered without meaning to me. I could feel my thoughts drifting to Eiri...
	Eiri used to be my neighbor, our houses almost directly across each other. It was quite natural that our parents befriended each other due to both families having children around the same age. We were very close, with our dads playing golf every week and our moms visiting each other for tea. Of course, to us, none of that mattered. All that mattered was I had a friend I could get along with.
    Eiri eventually moved away, but I was too young to realize why. It wasn’t until I was in my teens that I hired someone to track down what had happened to my old friend. A series of bad investments and an unfortunate accident had cost Eiri both her parents and much of her wealth.
    Mired in debt, she looked completely different when I saw her again. What once were pretty designer dresses were now second-hand clothes that didn’t fit her. Her tiny smile was just a shadow of her old expression and there was a deep sadness lurking behind her eyes.
    It took a lot to convince my parents for me to attend the same school she applied for. My parents were understandably shocked why I wouldn’t go to their exclusive alma mater. It was a prestigious elite private school and there was no reason for me to go to an ordinary school. I was throwing my future away I was told, but in the end they relented. I just hoped my intentions weren’t too obvious.

    I looked at the boxes I received. Some of the chocolates were handmade, and some were quite expensive. I accepted them all with a fake smile on my face as I continued to worry about Eiri. Eiri wasn’t responding to any messages or phone calls and I was now seriously worried. Hurrying home to drop off my stuff, I called a ride to get to her place. The ride was long but the the churning in my stomach made it feel like it lasted forever.
    There was no response to my knocking on the door. I hesitated, then gingerly tried twisting the doorknob. It was unlocked. “Eiri? Are you here?” My call was answered by a startled yelp that sounded like it was in pain.
    “A-ah, I’m not ready...just yet” Eiri’s voice seemed to crack as she replied, “I’m putting the, um, finishing touches on your gift.”
    Eiri was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday but her face looked a lot different. There were bags under her eyes and her eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying. Her hair that she usually took good care of was messy and on her face there was a splotch of-
    “Oh! Sorry about this,” Eiri turned away from me and wiped her face with her arm. “It was a lot of work getting your present together. Here, come to the table.”
    I wordlessly followed behind her. It was my first time in her apartment and it was much smaller and older than mine. The wooden table and single chair were the only pieces of furniture I could see in the living room. Eiri circled around and motioned for me to sit down.
    “You know, I’m actually super scared. I was so anxious. I didn’t now if I could be brave enough to do something like this.” Eiri put her arms behind her back and squirmed nervously. “I have a lot of fears you know? I know you’ve got tons of presents today from other girls, probably girls better off or prettier or smarter than me. I know your parents don’t really approve of me or you choosing to go to this school. I don’t even know if I’m more than just a friend to you but…”
	Eiri took a few deep breaths. I could see tears pooling in her eyes again. She wiped her face with her long sleeves but I could tell they weren’t dry and hadn’t been for a while now. “I decided that today would be the day I tell you how I feel about you. I know my gift won’t be as flashy or expensive but....you’ll see.” She bit her lip in nervous anticipation. “I hope you like it.”
    Her damp sleeves trembled as she slowly placed a pink box in front of me. She sniffled, but I could see her eyes staring straight at me awaiting my action. The bow on the box was off-center and hastily done, something atypical of the crafts Eiri usually did. I could feel my hands shaking as I slowly undid the ribbon and lifted the lid.
    I dropped the lid to the floor in shock at seeing what was inside the box. White and cold, like the snow building up outside, Eiri’s hands laid within, one atop the other, overlapping in a way that resembled a heart. The ends of each pale finger were dotted with a drop of bright crimson that I could all too quickly recognize.
    “Happy Valentine’s Day.”