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Mar 17th, 2018
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  1. >>58550501
  2. >Naturally stronger than their human charges, they are invisible to human eyes and are incapable of being harmed by Celestrians considered to be of a lower stature than them, their bodies refusing to commit such an act.
  3. Consider replacing 'they' with 'Celestrians'. Structurally it would refer to humans and the sentence taken alone either humans or Celestrians would make equal sense.
  4.  
  5. >You may be any monster from the Dragon Quest IX video game, provided that it does not reach the level of “boss tier”, such as below, or any Metal monsters.
  6. This is a clunky sentence, I'd reword it to exclude metal monsters before bosses. (also hoping there is a way later in to be the Metal Slime)
  7.  
  8. >Martial Artist- A class known for their speed and strength, along with their prowess for unarmed combat. However, this also comes with the tradeoff that they noticeably weaken when made to fight in such a way that makes them wield one.
  9. replace 'one' with 'a weapon' or 'weaponry'
  10.  
  11. Gladiator- Fierce fights... ...pool being ever lower
  12. ...fighters
  13. ...even lower
  14.  
  15. >Ranger ...in more senses than one.
  16. I was expecting a followup on that and never was told how they are one with nature in multiple senses.
  17.  
  18. >Critical Claim
  19. Fires should not be capitalised.
  20.  
  21. > O Zone
  22. Just wanted to say that is one awesome ability
  23.  
  24. >Itemized Kill
  25. I'm curious what would happen on an opponent who normally would drop nothing. Say a mook or minor beast from a no video game setting.
  26.  
  27. >Cattle Prod 'dab hand'
  28. Love the use of the phrase the first time in Knifework, but its uncommon and the second time is repetitive
  29.  
  30. >Crosscutter Throw
  31. Would you mind telling us what this looks like early on? (at the end I gathered that it was a boomerang)
  32.  
  33. >Rain of Pain irregardless
  34. regardless
  35.  
  36. >Omniheal ....be able to heal entire times, or armies ...Along with this you’ll find
  37. times?
  38. Find what? What will I find?
  39.  
  40. >Sage Perks
  41. I wonder about switching the 100 and 200 CP perks about. Both seem equally powerful, but Jack's Knack has a lot more utilitarian uses (that I can quickly think of) over time. idk, something to consider.
  42.  
  43. >Break It Down (100CP, Discount Luminary):
  44. Should this be 200 CP?
  45.  
  46. >Blind Man’s Biff
  47. Not sure if perk name is derived from game or misspelt
  48.  
  49. >Mini-Medal Stash ...they will replenish themselves at a rate of ten medals per week.
  50. I understand replenish to mean go up to the initial value, but you can be sure people will ask more than once if it is not explicitly stated. (or maybe I'm wrong abou t replenishment)
  51.  
  52. >Party Tavern ...This also comes with a curious sentient alchemical machine named Crock Pot who would be happy to make some equipment native to this world provided you have the right materials and a strange girl in a green dress who once every two years can summon a friend from a past jump to the Party Tavern to have a conversation with...
  53. As written this says I need both the right materials and a strange girl in a green dress to get Crock Pot to make equipment.
  54.  
  55. >Seafarer Irregardless
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