Thread 76: Stories 61-73

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cloudy Quartz"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and the date is in question! Now for our main guest...MY MOM!!!

CQ nods
"Pinkie..."

>Hey Mom, how was mother's day?

"Your father made it quite special."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...we had s-"

>Thank you for that wonderful answer. I get it.

"You didn't say anything, so-"

>That's all the time we have now. I'm going to hope this doesn't haunt my dreams. It took a while for me to get to you, but happy late mother's day.
CQ wakes up.

"She looked well."

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>Random Apples
"Random Canterlites"
'Random Guard'
~~~~

>Raish' thish' barn, raish thish barn, juan, twu, fwee furr!

"Sweet Celestia, they're dismantling my shop!"

>Togetha, we can raish thish barn! Juan, twu, HURRRKH!

"No, please, not my priceless *CRASH* ...statue..."

>Finnish da fwame, reshyclin wood, *URP*, workin' hard, yer doin' good!

"NO, YOU'RE NOT DOING GOOD! THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD! AAAAAH!"

>Stop strugglin' lil piigy.

"Let me gooo, heeeelp, I am being ponynapped!"

'HALT! In the name of Canterlot's Law, cease this-'

*screee-CLANK!*

'...That mare just ripped a cast iron street lamp out of the ground with her bare hooves.'

*CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!*

'And now she's using it as a hammer...'

>Turn 'em round quick by the right elbow, Grab a new partner, here we go!

'...I am going to wait for backup. Yep. That's what I'll do. Right. Here.'

~~~

"THOSE MONSTERS! They're tearing apart my barn! NOOO! DON-.... wait."

'...Now that's just confusing.'

"It's.... it's a double barn."

'...'

>NOOOO!

>WE SHOUNNA PLAEEED FAUSHT!

>GAME OVER MARESH, GAME OVER!

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>"AJ"
"Apples"
'Guard'
"'???"'
---

'Oh Celestia I'm so doomed, I can't stop them, the Princesses will kill me!'

"Wheeeee, thish barnsh awhsem!"

'That's a bunch of wood you smashed together!'

"Yesh, well thash whutta barn ish yah dummy!"

'I'm so dead...'

>"Howdy y'all..."

'Oh! Princess Applejack! A competent princess! Please ma'am, I cannot stop them there's--"

>"Howsh we'all doin'?"

'...Ma'am, you're drunk?'

>"Tharsh'all muh famaley! Ah love'um!"

'Oh dear...'

"'Hey! Hey someone ran and grabbed me! What's going o-- Oh. Oh dear."'

'Yup.'

"'Huh... That's the princess..."'

'Certainly is.'

"Yer'ah bayootafull mare madaam!"

"'Ah! No, bad touch! Bad touch!"'

"Honushtly yer loveley darhlin. Yah evah been toldsh yer gorshous?"

"'Get off me ya twit! I'm a stallion! Stallion!"'

>"Yah shure yer ah shtalliun?"

"'Very certain. ma'am!"'

>"Huhh... yah couhlda fooldsh mee!"

'So er, yeah, did you call for any backup?'

"'Gaaahhh!! Geddoffammeeeeee!!"'

'We're doomed.'

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>Rekulk
"Sebjek"
'Apples'

'Yeeeeehaw!'

>Aha and oho, apprentice Trade-Brother! Behold, a marvel of the surface world!

"...it's a storage building, master Trade-Brother."

>It is twooooo storage build-...okay, no, that one is to being a pile of planks. BUT THE POINT STANDS! BEHOLD THE PONIES AND THEIR INDUSTRIOUS LABOR! Truly our species can learn from their....Sebjek, where did you go?

"Help meeeee!"

'Grab yer pardner, do shee do!'

>Sebjek nooooo! Accursed pony dance, take me insteaaaad-no wait, not really, noooooo!

And thus was born the Morlock version of The Wild Hunt, The Rising Barn

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>???
"Apples"
'AJ'
~~

>...A-Ah'm gonna tell her!

"Tellerrr wha, cuuuuz?"

>Ah'm finally gonna go up ta' mah' cousin, and Ah'm gonna tell her! Ah' don't care iffin' she don't like 'em, that ain't gonna stop me!

"...Tell 'er what?"

>Tell her that... THAT AH' AM DATIN A CHA- EPP!

'Datin' a what now?'

>N-NOTHIN'! RAISE THIS BARN RAISE THIS BARN ONE TWO THREE FOUR!

'...Ah' feel like Ah'm missin' somethin'.'

"Ahhh, you know them Appleoossa Apples, Cuz, they're crazy!"

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>Sunset
„Variolus'
'Appeljack'
~Apples~
~~~~

Sunset was... confused.

She had felt deep sadness, disorientation and a good deal sickness early. She had blamed part of that on the sudden cold and ankle-high snow before realizing that, technically, it shouldn't affect her.

The fact that she just lost one of the very few, remaining friends she had left was never accounted for by her, thanks to Variolus' manipulations

But noww she was just confused, standing on Starswirl plaza and watching as those clearly non-Canterlot ponies tore off shop signs, turned flower pots upside down and built... barns.

In the middle of the city.

>Okaaaaaay. So. Rowdy earth ponies with mostly vegetable and fruit-related cutiemarks running around drunk off their asses, belting out work-related songs with a heavy southern accents and randomly making stuff. This can only mean one thing.

“That you ponies are beyond retarded and have neither organizational talent nor restraint and thus just haphazardly expand wherever you set your eyes to?”

>*sigh* No, you bad joke for an oversized bug monster.. It means the Apple clan is visiting the princess here in Canterlot. I know my princesses, unlike you.

All around, there was cheerfulness. While certainly loud and making a mess, none of the earth ponies broke anything, hurt anyone or caused substantial damage to any structures as far as she could see.

In fact, they seemed to clean up any messes they made right behind themselves as they moved, despite being quite buzzed.

Amusingly, both unable to subtly to tell them to leave and not really having a way to handle country folk forwardness, the stuffy elite of Canterlot found itself drawn into the party.

A little bit to her right, an Appleloosian stallion from the looks of it was teaching a cutely blushing Canterlot lady with a wig how to sing in a very loud voice. It was kind of cute to watch them.

Until Variolus' sneering, sharp voice cut through her reverie.

“Keep your head low. This might be your chance to actually finish what we came into town to do. Chitania would be well-isolated at this point.”

'Sunset! There ya are!'

Out of nowhere, a familiar voice rang across the crowd. Fear rooted the amber mare in her spot, and Variolus instantly realized what was up. First 32, then Twilight and now Applejack.

What was it with her randomly encountering others lately?

“Alicorn princess on your six, little pony. You seem to attract them like a flame would moths. I'll just submerge while you deal with her like the last one.”

>Submerge?

But no one answered Sunset.

As the music ran wild, ponies began dancing and the orange-coated princess approached, Sunset felt strangely... alone, for the first time in days.

It was like breaking the surface of the water after holding your breath for a very, very long time.

>Variolus? Hey? You... did you actually leave? Hellooo?

The unicorn got no response, and Applejack was beside her an instant later, strangely ignorant of her personal space. A hoof was swung over her back and she was pulled into a semi-hug. She could smell the booze on the alicorn's breath.

“Shimma, Shimmie, mah shtudent! How're ya doin', howsh integratin' goin'? Havin' fun in good ol Equeshtria? Shee here, all mah family, ain't it grand? Came outta nowhere!”

Sunset felt oddly self-conscious, having this close personal contact with someone else. It has been a while since she touched anyone, much longer since she had last felt someone hug her.

And there was the whole deal with her having to tell her new mentor about what she had done. The pressure was great to just get it off her chest and then just teleport away.

>Ah, heh, yes, princess. I... I have seen them. Listen, I need to-

The sudden introduction of a sweet-tasting apple to her muzzle shut the unicorn up good.

“Naw, nothin'! Ya ain't gunna run off again *hic*. Yer comin' wit' me and ahm gunna introduce you to the whoooole family! Hahaha, mah firsh shtuden', can you believe it? Hey, APPLE FAMILY!”

It was as if a bomb had gone off.

Ponies all around went quiet to the command of Applejack's voice, and several dozen eyes were now fixated on the unicorn, making her feel even more put in the spotlight as she removed the apple from her maw.

“Thish here be mah shtudent, Shunny Shimmersh! Shmartesht pony there ish, Twilite ashide! Say Howdy, Apples!”

~HOWDY, SHIMMER!~

“That'sh da shpirit! Now, introduce her ta some good ol' country fun!”

~YEEEHAW!~

Without any way of declining, without any way of walking away or escaping the oddly fond gaze of the apple princess, Sunset was drawn into the crazyness of Canterlot's early winter celebration courtesy of the Apple clan.

That didn't eman she wasn't going to try to get a word in.

>Listen Princess, I need to tell you-

“Giddy up, swing thosh hooves, Shimmer!”

Suddenly swung around by magic she didn't know her princess had, Sunset could only flail her limbs and try not to go snout-down on the ground

>Uwwwwaaah! Not so fast, eep! Slow down, slow down!

“Left, right, left right! Hahaha, yer danshin like yer drunk, ya silly unicorn!”

>Says the drunkard!

“Guilty as charged! C'mon, loosen up ya silly dolt!”

>Listen, princess, it's imperative that you hear this. I just want to let you know that I-”

A hoof obstructed her mouth, and Applejack smiled at her.

“Later. Okay? Ah'll hear all yer problemsh and hurt later. And we'll fix it. We alwaysh will. Ah promish y'all that. Ah'll fixsh ya. But... now? Try ta have shum fun. Fer me.”

At first surprised, then relieved that she would be heard at a later point Sunset dared to nod and relaxed the muscles in her jaw she didn't realize had been tensed the whole time, giving her that telltale dark look she normally bore.

“That'sh da shpirit! Here, lemme show ya how it'sh really dun!”

The wild, but entirely coordinated dance of her mentor was mesmerizing. And despite herself, Sunset began to follow suit.

Applejack was fumbling, stumbling and making a fool of herself, but she didn't care. She was clearly overjoyed to have her along for the ride.

It was so liberating, she began to smile earnestly for the first time Applejack could remember, giving the princess the warm and fuzzy knowledge that they might just have bonded.

Titan Magic, lost friendships, evil Changelings, plots, plans and old Queens, it was gone from both their mind, slowly melting away to a pleasant buzz. Applejack never let her move from her side.

Sunset didn't know why she felt flushed, warm and eventually drunk between dancing like a country gal and chugging like a truck engine, as logically she shouldn't.

But she didn't care. She was having fun. She was alive again... and she owed this to princess Applejack.

And after an hour, Sunset lost any drive to try and move from the side of the princess who she felt could fix anything, if she set her mind to it.

Because she knew it was where she belonged from now on.

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NCOMAKE

>Sunset
"AJ"
~~~

>*grope*

"...Did y'all jus' done feelin' mah booty up?"

>Mmmh hmmm.

Beat.

"...ah, dang it, ah'll forget by mornin' anyhoo. C'mere, you!"

Cue https://youtu.be/izGwDsrQ1eQ [Embed]

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OMAKE!
>Chitania
"SN"
~~~~

"Where are we going?"

>Oh, don't you worry. I have a set desitnation in mind, and soon, very soon, we will be-

~~~~~

>-IN LAS PEGASUS!?

"WOOOOOOO!"

>HOW!? HOW THE FUCK DID WE END UP OVER HERE!?

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW AND I DON'T EVEN CARE! WOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>...I really didn't miss this shit.

"WOOOOOOOO!"

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NContinuationake

>Sunset
"AJ"
'Internal Varlious'

SLAM

Lock

Thwump

>Nnngh, oh Princess~

"Git up y'all, show me how well you unicorns get it on"

>Lie down-EEP

"Like that?"

'Yep, so it seems'

"I was thinking more like..."

>Oh with th-GAHhhhhhhuuuuuuooooyeah~

"Mmmm~"

'Right from the tap, I like it

"Leloleloleloshutuplelolelo-Mwah~"

>Hooooh mercy me, Ah was thinkin' a lil rougher...

"Where did that rope-OOFMM!"

>Now git workin' sugarcube~

"Mmmff~"

'Oh mother this is too much love'

"Nnnghhh....Nnnnfff...."

>Now...lemme see...ooooh...sweet and juicy I see... ripe and ready....

"Mhhmm?"

>Haaaaaaaaaa-gmph...Mhmm, mwah.. mwah Mmmmgh.

"Naaghmmm!"

>Ohhfm!

'Yeeeees....this love...so RAW!'

"Ahh, more...!"

>Mmbllah! Keep...going...!

'YEEEEEESSSSS!'

"Princeesssss...don't.....sto-mhf!"

>Haah...Mmmmh...Nnng!

"Aaah! Almost!...Mmmmm!

'YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAA-

MAGICKABLOOMAS!

'WOOOOHOOOOOOO!-OY! TEN THOUSAND YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARS, ...can give you such a crick in the neck!'

>...

"..."

'...Oh hey, would love to keep helping Sunny, but I just realised how much better I am in the flesh and DAMN, turns out copious amounts of love can even bring the sort of dead back to life. So see ya! Also you're about to die from a very crystaly heart. Bye!

SLAM

>...Uhhh

"KEEP LICKING!"

>...That was some crazy moonshine ah drunk. Aaahmf!

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OMAKE?
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~

>You dick!

"Wh-whut? Pinkie? What's goin' on?"

>First they shove me into limbo, and then you start the biggest party Canterlot has ever seen... and you didn't ask me to help! YOU STOLE MY GIG! PINKIE MAD!

>Oh, Faust, run everyun'!

"PINKIE SMASH! *pushes over a vase*"

>...

"..."

>What? Variolus and Chitania asked me not to trash the city. They're plotting to do that themselves any moment now.

"Oh, right.... WAIT WHAT!"

*ROAAAAAAR!*
*ROAAAAAR!*

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OMAKE!
>Luna
"29"
~

>VERILY! We have decided to take you on as a student!

"Oh, okay."

FWOOSH!

>....Why art thou wearing a schoolmares uniform?

"Dressing for the occasion."

>...We are feeling things we didn't know we were capable of feeling.

"...You know, since it's non-canon, mine cousin 56 will never knooooowww..."

>....Thou have been a bad, bad student, and you need to raise thine grades.

"Oh, but teacher, Verily doth I need to pass this class so-WHOA!"

>WE ARE TERRIBLE AT FOREPLAY!

"No-NGH-no love for the buildup around heeeere."

>BE SILENT!

"Yes ma'am."

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NCOmake
>Twilight
"Applejack"
'Sunset'
~~~

>Sooo... you and Sunset, huh?

"Aaaa-yep."

>And your Granny doesn't mind? It's a bit unconventional.

"Eeee-nope."

>...

"Yer mad at her, ain'tcha?"

>I TOLD HER TO CONFESS HER CRIMES AGAINST MY COMPUTER TO YOU, NOT SCREW YOUR BRAINS OUT TO GET INTO YOUR FAVOUR!

"Well, what happened happened, sugahcube. Also, yer overreactin'. She was totally right ta study the Changeligns when ya didn't let her."

'Thanks for standing up for me, honeypops!'

"Anytime, sweetbun!"

>...I'm gonna be sick...

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Non-Canon Pinkie Preview
>Pinkie
~~~~~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIwABE1gZzg [Embed]
>The Apple clan are in Canterlot and totally drunk. The Pinkie embargo has been circumvented. Canon and non-canons get mixed.
>Blueblood competes with Primrose cleaning the castle. Rarity reads what the tabloids have been saying about Applejack. 77 accidentally makes 88 punch a baby. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara are sent into the demon world to rescue Snails. Find out what happens next time in thread 77: The Apple Hoedown...and of course drunk fanservice!

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