bong

>be britbong
>having tea and crumpets with me mum
>start thinking of Muriel from work
>would i like to have a little in out, in out with her
>"'scuse me mum. I... I need to have a go"
>head over to the toilet
>it's off
>slam it hard with me fist
>"OI, TURN ON! I NEED A SHIT"
>it turns on
>search for me shitting license
>expired
>"bollocks"
>run outside and find the nearest red toilet booth
>grab the tele and dial the defecating center administrator
>"Ello? Her Majesty's Defecating Administration Centre. Who's this callin?"
>"Ello. I need a shit real bad"
>"Hol on there, son. You need to give me your name and residence first."
>"My name is Edmond Smith and I live at 3242 W. Pennywood Lane."
>"Alright then. And what time of shit will you be wanting to today, Mr. Smith"
>"Diarrhea, sir. Please hurry, my arsehole is about ready to burst"
>"Alight then. One moment please… And you are all set sir. I have given your household 10 minutes of uninterrupted permit to diarrhea shit."
>"Thank you sir! And God bless the Queen!"
>"God bless her right! Cheerio"
>Race back home before the diarrhea shit time runs out
>enter front door
>blood is everywhere
>go into kitchen
>mum is dead
>beheaded by muslims