Advice Anon (Supposed to be One-Shit) (#2/3)

>You be Anon
>What the fuck should you do?
>This guy just asked you for help about a ritual that involves him beating up his dad and fucking his mom
>You want to pack up, go back inside your house, and just get completely and utterly wasted in order to forget that this "Stallion Ritual" even existed.
>But you can't.
>This guy just gave you his money so that you would help him out, and you're certainly no Jew.
>Besides, you feel kinda sorry for him.
>If he wants to have a normal life, he has to go through with this
>You don't think you could've survived a serious fight with your dad when you were a teenager.
"Umm... Can you give me a second?"
>"Okay. But you will help me, right?"
>You don't know what to say.
>Aaaand damn. A crowd has gathered.
>As you hold your head in your hands, trying to figure out how not to fuck this situation up, you listen in on some of the whispers in your audience.
>"He might help a pony out with The Ritual."
>"He'd better help."
>"Has he ever done it himself?"
>"No."
>"How's he gonna know how to help? He doesn't even know how it works..."
>"It says on his sign that he's giving advice."
>"And that he's a PhD! I wonder what that is?"
>"Shut up Lyra, I didn't come here to listen to your stupid-"
>"Oooh! Maybe he knows some sort of trick to getting more humans to appear..."
>"...*sigh*... Lyra, I seriously want to strangle you sometimes."
>Well then.
"You know what? I'll help you out right now."
>You didn't like your breakfast this morning anyways.
>Aaaaand awkward silence.
>All of the pones just sit there waiting for [spoiler]the world to change[/spoiler] something to happen.
>Well, you were hoping you wouldn't have to use this
>FULL AUTISM, GO!
"You know what?"
>"What?"
"There's a saying that my people, the Humans, have for situations like this."
"Some of the most legendary feats of Human achievement happened right after this saying was heard."
>"And what's that, sir?"
>[spoiler]assume Shia Labeouf stance[/spoiler]
"JUST DO IT!"