Thread 59: Stories 16-30

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NC
~

>OH FUCK! YOU'RE VARIOLUS'S KID!?

"...Is... is that a problem?"

*RAWWWWWRRR!*

"..."

>You know what? Little bit.

"..."

>At least I won't have to kill you personally...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Sweetie Belle"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and the readers are dreaming. Now for our main guest...Sweetie Belle!!!
Sweetie walks in confused.

"Readers? I thought this was a show."

>That it is. Do you think you think the writers are going to remember about your odd boost in intelligence and end that subplot?

"Subplot?"

>Whoops, I mixed up my realities and said too much. Oh well, you're not going to remember this. This is both a dream and non-canon, so nothing is going to stick. Time to end the show. YOU ARE NOW AN AIRHEAD!
Tosses confetti and glitter at Sweetie Belle. She wakes up.

"...I think I had an odd dream, but I don't remember. I feel lighter for some reason though."

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>18
"???"
~~

It had been a while since Eighteen had smiled. Even longer since she had smiled like the falcon atop it's perch, waiting to feast upon the flesh of a tasty, helpless rabbit.

But smile she did.

>I've done it... I'VE DONE IT! THE ULTIMATE RESTAURANT! One that it sure to fulfill all of my needs! I've cracked the code, done the math and I went down that rabbit hole and popped out on the other side! I've done it, I'VE DONE IT! Aha... ahah... AHAHHAAHAHHA!

"Maney is going to sue you for copyright infringement at this rate."

>GAHHHH!...FUCK YOU CHRYSALIS!

The Queen of all changelings cocked an eyebrow at the mare now firmly stuck to the ceiling, gripping it in terror like a spider in the world of irony after it came across a defenseless housewife.

"You seem... high strung."

She dropped to the floor, attempting to look her very best to cover up her earlier girlish scream. It worked about as well as throwing a tablecloth over a tire fire.

>Did you need something? An inane request filed, perhaps? Well, it has to wait, I'm busy preparing for my DATE.

She rolled that last word off her tongue, savoring it every bit as much as she savored the subtle glint in the taller mare's eye.

"I'm looking for information on Thirty Two. Can you recall when it was we picked him up?"

The smaller ling huffed, turning around and beginning to pick up the scattered pamphlets and such she had left with little regard for the Queen.

>No, I don't. I'm pretty sure he was in the hive before I was. Not that you would know about when I arrived.

"Correct, I don't. Since you were distinctly male as far as I can remember with you."

The huff transformed into a full blown scoff, and she didn't even need magic to pull it off!

>Yeah, that was obviously the problem.

Again, Chrysalis's eyes flickered, but that was all.

>That all you wanted?

"Perhaps... have you spoken to Forty Two recently?"

>Lot of times, why?

"Really? About what?"

In a flash, the catty demeanor was gone, replaced instead by honed instincts trained over a thousand successful missions.

>Oh, nothing at all.

"Oh? How did she take your recent... news?"

>Good. She was happy for me, of course. Obviously she would be, since she's my best friend and all.

"Your best friend you say..."

Even though she had no fur to show it, she internally felt the bristling upon her skin.

>Is that a problem?

"A problem? Why ever would I find a problem with two changelings being friends? We're all in the same hive, are we not?"

In a flash, it all made far, far too much sense. A feeling akin to one a child has when they realize what all those 'wrestling matches' between their parents really were.

>I haven't been over there in a while.

"Oh come now, it was only a day before the invasion or so since you commandeered so many of your fellow brethren for your plot."

>They're a helpful kind.

"Of course, brotherhood is one of our keystones, is it not? Helping each other survive."

>You mean helping you survive.

They cut a glance to each other in perfect sync, the same thought shooting through their minds in perfect tandem.

"The survival of the Queen means the survival of the hive. Without the Queen, the hive dies. You, better than most, should understand this."

>And you, better than most, should know that a Queen is just an overhyped changeling. No more special save for a bit more power and a longer lifespan.

"Is that right? Well, I certainly see why you would tell yourself that. Much like a child who looks on through the window of a candy store they could never afford, it's much easier to tell yourself it can't taste that sweet, isn't it?... Not that I would know."

Eighteen positively hissed, eyes shifting on instinct to be almost catlike in nature.

>What do you really want, Chrysalis?

"Merely confirming a long-time suspicion. You see, I've been dealing with insubordination a troubling amount recently, and I felt it time to look in on an old simmering pot, just to see how far down it has boiled."

The scoff returned, scoffing harder.

>Is that all you wanted? To finally end this little dance we've been doing for so long? Fine. We both know I haven't followed you in a long, long time. I'm rogue, I've been rogue since I set hoof in this place and I've never looked back. Time to let it all out! I hated your leadership! I hated your stupid requests! I hated your stupid plans! I hated hated HATED being over in Canterlot and I hated listening to that damn hive piddle around and do nothing day in and day out! I'm rogue! I'm rogue and I love Shining Armor! There! Are you happy!? Is that what you wanted to hear!?

Her wings flared out, like a bear raising up to it's full height in face of a challenge.

>Go on, you want to fight me over it? Show off your power? Go on! I run this place most days! You think the guard won't help me? You think if I call out they won't come to save me? You think SHINY will let you hurt me? We both know he won't! So go on! Do your worst! Give me all you've got, I can-

There was a resounding SMACK across the room, reverberating so loudly it may as well have been an earthquake. When Eighteen's temple stopped hurting, she found the strength to look back.

"And they call me a drama Queen."

>W-... what?

"If I had cared about your insubordination, Eighteen, I would have crushed your head in all the way when you spoke as you did to me back in the invasion. I don't care about that. I'm merely here to ask... do you hate me?"

She had no emotion in that question. If someone had placed a recording of it within a robot, Eighteen very much doubted they would hear anything amiss.

>Hate... hate you?

"Yes. As in, do you dislike me to the level you wish me overthrown, cast out, or anything of that nature?"

Suspicion, of course, was the first thing that came to her mind. The eerie feeling of the jaws of a trap tickling the bottom of her hooves put her on edge, made her... uneasy.

"We both know I don't think killing you is worth hurting all of them, just answer the question."

At that, Eighteen decided perhaps she should at least humor her. Soon, she found herself... Thinking. Her massive, near detective level thinking of her previous meticulous searching positively paled in comparison to the whirring her mind did right now, a mere fleeting fancy in the face of true, deep, thought.

And slowly it became clear.

>...You saved me back when the Empire was being invaded...

"Right."

>...You helped me out at the Gala...

"I did."

>...You tried to send me with the rest of the hive when the infection came...

"Yes."

And just like that, it hit her.

Hard, and fast, like a bowling ball fallen from the sky.

>...no...

It just kept rolling, like a rockslide upon a snowball factory.

>I... I don't hate you. You annoy me so much, you do so many stupid things it drives me up a wall, you keep whining about inane stuff and you bother Shiny and you make Cadence mad sometimes but... but I don't hate you. I don't want you dead. I'm not going to follow your orders, but... I guess if someone tried to kill you, I'd probably stop them. I don't want you to go away...

There was a silence there. Long, and slow like a weak river on a cold night.

Eventually, Chrysalis raised a single hoof, patted the other changeling on the shoulder, and turned away.

"Good."

What she meant with that, Eighteen couldn't say. Nor was she given a chance to answer.

The door was closed, and that was that.

>...I don't hate her...

She realized that meant, to her, just as much as it did to Chrysalis.

With barely a thought sent to brushing a strange feeling from the edge of her eye, Eighteen picked up the pamphlet to the restaurant she had chosen, and gave a stern nod.

>...Maybe it will work out...

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
____

>Hey, Celly? Gotta question.

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK I THOUGHT THIS WAS THROUGH WITH?!”

>…what in the hay are y’all on about?

“You know, with the six of you elements all together in one room, I figured… I just kind of thought that you wouldn’t need to do this anymore! Ask me questions and the sort!”

>...Wow. An’ they call me a silly pony.

“Eh?”

Applejack made a beckoning motion with her hoof, like she wanted to whisper a secret.

And when Celestia curiously leaned in, she got the sternest booping in all of Equestrian history. Right on the nose.

>Celly, no matter how many others Ah got at mah side, Ah’ll always come to y’all wit’ whatever lil’ question or wonder that pops into mah head. Yer’ mah advisor, the only one Ah can go to when Ah’m seconds from failin’ or ‘bout to jump off the deep end. Hell, we might even jump together. But we’ll always BE together. Ya got that?

The mare in question only sat there, taller than the other princess for sure but somehow managing to look cute and defenseless as she rubbed her assaulted nose with a scrunched face.

“Y-yeah, I get it….”

>Good. So to mah question... if'n Ah were to tell Jet to dive out the window right now, an' then y'all told 'im not to, he'd hafta to do both right?

"I... yes? Why?"

>It just looked funny in mah head is all, picturin' him half-divin' out the window jus' to try an' catch himself.

"And then you say dive...."

>And then y'all say don't....

"..."

>...

"Nah."

>Yeah, that'd jus' be mean.

"Funny, but still mean."

Somewhere in a hidden pocket of the room, a sigh of relief escaped.

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NC follow-up

"I just want you to know that that little tap there would've broken the nose of a lesser pony."

>WHAT?

"Earth pony plus alicorn status. What, did you think your body wouldn't eventually start to get used to your ascension and gain what came with it? That aside, yeah, don't go around booping things anymore, you almost gave me a nosebleed."

>WHAWHAWHAT?

"Bad apple."

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>Applejack
"Pinkie"
'Twilight'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
^Spike^
~???~
~~~~

>NEXT!

"...Uh..."

>What in the...

~Greetings, to the illustrious Elements of Harmony themselves!~

After killer siblings, killer plants, chaos monsters and general robot based insanity, the seven in that room thought very little could knock them off balance.

A very regal looking Gryphon walking in and looking as casual as no pants on a sunday is told them otherwise.

They all shared glances, realizing quite quickly he was obviously of importance, but the name was another story.

For most of them, at least.

(...Aren't you Prince Siegfried?)

~That is indeed myself, oh Princess...~

>...A-hem. Who?

Like a lightbulb, Twilight's eyes lit up.

"Oh! Prince Siegfried of the Gryphon Kingdom, third in line for the throne."

{Oh my.}

>Oh... well, howdy! Wish ya'll had given us a heads up, we could've accepted ya' in a bit more regal fashion.

~...Is that really how you talk?~

He swore, even though he knew it was impossible that the room had gotten darker somehow.

~WOO! Finally! Sorry if that sounded off, but do you have any idea how many delegates try to fake a regal accent? It sounds horrible, but everyone acts like it's how you're supposed to be, right? It's nuts. Personally, more a fan of speaking as you are, trying to trick me into thinking you're something you're not is just bad for confidence, you know?~

And just like that, the darkness that had not actually been there went away.

>Ah' can say Ah' do.

~But as to the earlier offer, thank you kindly! But I would rather this be a more... 'unofficial' visit. Father didn't send word ahead precisely for this reason. Now, I love a flair in my arrival like everybody else, but this particular visit needs to be a bit... low key, let's say. Heh, precisely why he sent me, in fact! My lack of visitation to this side of the world has paid off, you ponies don't seem to recognize me... aside from this dear princess, of course.~

(Well, of course I would be up to date on the current royalty, darling.)

~Quite the informed lady, I like that...~

She smiled, preening just a bit.

>Still, ya' should've informed us so we could'a spoken ta' you sooner.

~See, funny thing, I actually stopped by yesterday, waited quite a bit and then unfortunately you had to cancel for...~

They glanced to each other, a bit incredulous at his seeming naivety.

"Well... Prince Siegfried, I'm sure you've heard murmurs around the castle, but I'll be happy to clarify any rumors you might have heard. Yes, that changeling you saw me being carried out of the room for in a panic was, in fact, panicking because his... did they get married?"

>They filed for it.

"I'm just going to say his wife, a pegasus mare, had gone into labor. That night, she gave birth to a beautiful baby changeling. Due to the fact this had never been done before, and the possible complications of a union between pony and changeling that thankfully did not manifest, I was needed on sight for delivery. I'm sorry you were kept waiting, but it was not a matter we could put off or hoof off to someone else."

He froze, eyes goggling out wide for just a fraction of a second, his claws twitching anxiously for just a moment, and his beak clenching for the span of a blink of an eye.

And just like that, it was all gone, and he was clapping happily.

~Well, what do you know! I knew Canterlot and Changelings were getting more... 'comfortable' recently, but an honest to goodness birth? To be honest, I heard some muttering, but I didn't believe it until I heard it from you! I'll have to send my congratulations to the new Dad and Mom! I understand your cancellation now, of course, and I certainly can't begrudge you. As the smartest pony on the planet, I'm sure you had to be there for this once in a lifetime event.~

"Of course."

His eyes swung around to all of them, another question on his tongue... but one he thought the better not to ask.

[So, that out of the way, what did you need from us for this 'off the records' visit?]

~Oh, you know, mostly wanted to get a lay of the new changes since the... incident.~

"If you need to know what happened and why, I-"

~No no, dear Princess, but thank you! No, I thankfully was brought up to speed by a helpful fellow yesterday. But there was one thing he couldn't help me with. The reasoning about a certain... deal.~

Even with their warm magical air conditioning, the room suddenly felt... cold.

Sternly, Applejack rose up.

>Iffin' ya' mean the deal with Chitania, Ah'll answer that.

~I do.~

>Well... first off, don't be lookin' ta' them. That was not a choice they, or any other of the princesses, made. It was me, me alone, and that's the end of it. Ah'm the one who called her, and Ah'm the one who made the deal. Only reason they all stuck to it is cause she fulfilled her side of the bargain, and we don't go back on our word when it's convenient fer' us. Ah' made a deal in a bad situation, and now we're all livin' with it... but in case ya' were hopin' otherwise, we ain't goin' back on our word, and we ain't gonna play games ta' get her ta' snap. She's free here now, and she'll be free until she slips up on her own volition. It ain't somethin' we like, but it's somethin' we're gonna have ta' deal with.

His claws continued to twitch, ever so slightly.

~Applejack- may I call you Applejack?- this is... an unfortunate thing. Being honest, and I know you like honesty, this is unfortunate.~

He moved forwards just an inch towards her, just a mere inch, and yet it felt like he was suddenly face to face with her.

~Chitania is... something special to us. See, lots of our subjects were worried when she showed up for a bunch of reasons, obviously, but the main one that is still ringing today is, well, the obvious. We couldn't stop her. By we, I mean my family of course. We're supposed to be able to stop her. We couldn't, not back then anyway.~

His eyes darted around the room, brief and quick.

~So this choice you made isn't just troubling because you made a deal with Y Diawl, it's also because to others, many others, it almost seems like you all are, shall we say, gathering quite the collection. Dragons, Alicorn, changelings..~

Very, very subtly, his eyes flicked over to Fluttershy.

~Chaos beings. A whole lot of very, very powerful creatures are gathering in your land and coming under your employ.~

Fiercely, Applejack stood up even higher.

>She ain't in mah' employ.

~Not now, no, but she was obviously. If she worked for you once, she'll likely do it again if the price is right.~

Her cheeks reddened a bit, but the orange alicorn remained silent.

"We aren't gathering an army, we have no ambition for extending our boarders or conquering any sort of land."

~You know? I believe that. You ponies? You guys seem pretty nice, seem to regard life nicely and are always there to save the day. But look at it from a bigger perspective.~

His arms swung out in a dramatic flourish.

~Canterlot! The city that holds the one who moves the sun and moon, the city that holds the wielders of the magic of harmony, the city that holds the god of chaos, the city that holds the entire changeling army and even the giant monster herself. And more than that, you've got robots prowling the streets, you've got ponies who use liquids that grant them fire and ice and lightning magic, you've got a lot of things here, Princesses, a lot of things that make it look like if you decided to turn your ambitions out into the world, it would be a hell of a fight.~

Calmly, he lowered his arms, and dusted off his royal apparel.

~My kingdom doesn't want to lose you guys as traders, or as our allies. You're good about that, good for trading and peace between our nations is something we all want. Nobody wants a war~

Again, he cut his eyes to Applejack.

~But you make that very hard when you let in the one who tore our city apart and took brave lives, and deny us the chance at any justice. We want peace, Princess Applejack, but you're making that very hard. We're not happy with this choice, and we would prefer if you... reconsidered.~

It was only after an elongated silence that Applejack let out a slow, sad breath, and lowered herself down just a bit.

>Yeah, well... Ah' wasn't happy Ah' had ta' do it ta' save mah' home either, but it's a choice Ah' made and it ain't one Ah' can take back. Ah'm sorry fer' yer' loss, sorry 'bout what she did ta' you, and iffin' she ever sets hoof in yer' kingdom Ya' got mah' okay ta' tear her apart, shoot, iffin' she tries ta' come back Ah'll join ya', but until she breaks the law, Ah' can't... no, Ah' WON'T go back on what Ah' promised. Sorry.

He looked her over for a long, long time, slowly trailing along every crease in her face, every crinkle around her eyes, every bag there under her irises.

~...Alright then.~

He shrugged, as easily as if she had just told him she had eaten the last cookie in the jar.

~If that's your choice, that's your choice.~

"And what does that mean, exactly?"

He shrugged again, this time at Twilight.

~Afraid I don't know, Papa said just to get the information and make our stance known. I'll get back to him, and he and mother will go from there. They are still King and Queen, after all. I'm just the messenger. What they decide is up to them.~

With that, he dusted his claws, and gestured towards the door.

~Well! With that out of the way, would you all have any objections to me remaining within the city for a day or two more? As I said, I'm here to get the lay of the land, and mingling with the locals is kind of my specialty.~

Something silently passed through them as the looked to each other, bouncing around an idea without words.

'Nope! You want us to give you a whole big royal whachamagooger? I can throw you one craaazy party!'

~Hah! No, nothing like that. Like I said, low-key visit, just milling about... or at least as low key as I can manage.~

(If what I have heard about you is true, darling, that will be quite the booming 'low-key'.)

~My reputation precedes me! And just in case you were wondering, they're ALL true.~

With that, he gave her a wink. She in turn reddened around the cheeks, just a bit.

~Well! Thank you for seeing me, late as it was.~

"Of course. Enjoy your stay, Prince Siegfried."

~I plan to! May the Eagle and the Lion watch over you all!~

With that same dramatic flourish, he spun on his paws and marched out the door, clothing billowing in the wind.

Only after he was long, long gone did they all look to one another again.

{...Oh my. Do you think he's right? Does it look like we're... gathering an army?}

(I can certainly see how it would look like that.)

[Well, on the positive side nobody thinks we're weak with all the guards and Wonderbolts leaving.]

"Dash, that's not better. It's worse if they think we're primed for a fight but we're lacking in an army."

'Yeah! Cause if they get trigger happy then BOOM us, we've got to break out the crazy powerful stuff!'

^But the problem is, we can't be everywhere at once.&

"It's a real problem... but what are we supposed to do about it? We can't exactly tell Discord or Chrysalis to leave because someone is afraid of how they look next to us, they're our friends."

{I don't know...}

Groaning, Applejack placed her head on the desk.

>Great. Jus' when Ah' thought no bug was gonna give me a bigger headache than Chrysalis.

'Well, if there's one thing you can say about Chitania, she does it big!'

>...

'I am so sorry.'

>You should be.

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>Vekir
"Rekulk"
'Sebjek'

>Brother! I have reached a impassment with my quest!

"Vekir doesn't say. Sebjek?"

The younger Morlock hands a Rekulk some kind of roasted...thing on a stick, which the trader quickly eats.

>...Vekir does not understand how that helps.

"It does not, Sebjek and Rekulk had a bet going for when you would return, sister. I wo-OW!"

'Haha-OW!'

Vekir slips her hooves back from where they'd stomped on Rekulk and Sebjek's.

>Do not bet on Vekir! I am not a racer! I am a quester...tester...

'Jester?'

>Shush, young one! Vekir realizes now that she cannot take a test if the test is not there to be taken, yes? Yes.

"We were waiting for you to return, sister, you are too quick to do things. This test requires patience!"

>Patience! Vekir has much patience...tellVekirwhatthetestisalready!

Nonchalantly the lanky Morlock took out...a notebook.

>...What is this?

"We traded it from ponies at a bargain."

'Two rubies.'

"Yes, on orders of the Head of Metal! Vekir, you wish to be ambassador, yes?"

>Yes!

"You wish to see the world, yes?"

>YES!

"Then the Head of Metal challenges you, Vekir, to prove this! He tasks you to joruney to lands afar, to write and draw what you see, and to bring back the signatures of the great leaders you find there!"

>GASP!

"Muchly gasp! If you accomplish this, Vekir, if bring us much more trade, you will be ambassador to the world above!"

>...

Vekir looked to the notebook, then to her brother, then to the notebook again.

>It shall be done! Hurrah!

"Hurrah!"

'Hurrah!'

>...where should Vekir go first?

Rekulk opened his mouth, then shut it resolutely.

"No no, you shall take no help from us, sister, you must complete this test on your own!"

'...but please have gryphons give us directions to gryphon lands, we can't trade if we don't know where they are, yes? Yes.'

>It shall be done!

Vekir sped off...then came back and grabbed the notebook, then sped off again.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applebloom"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I'm invading your dreams...Now for our main guest..APPLEBLOOM!!!
Applause as AB walks in smiling.
"Thanks for inviting me to your-"

>Our first question, an audience member asks if your talent is going to be apple related especially since your name had apple in it.

"Now that's-"

> all folks!

"Hey, Ah didn't-"

>Get much spotlight? I know, but technical limitations forces the show to be even shorter than before. Oh and Princess Luna is visiting your dreams later. She's already visited Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle and gave them advice, so she wants to visit you too to be fair.

"Really?"

> No.

AB wakes up from the alarm.
"Darn it."

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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Pony'
~~~

>NEXT!

'Hey, so, I heard that when you all defeated Nightmare Moon, there was a... side effect? Specifically, that it repaired a certain someone's tail.'

>...

"Darling, I must state that while there are rumors that my luscious tail is in fact divinely granted, I have neither confirmed nor deny that it was literally forged by the greatest magic of our time."

>...

"By all means, you can do whichever right now, oh Element of Honesty!"

>...Maybe.

'So, wait, the Elements can heal stuff too!?'

>Ah'... guess?

'Holy fuck this is huge! You could have cured cancer! Lame ponies could walk again! Nobody would ever be sick a day in their lives, and you used it to fix a tail and then stopped!?'

"...Uh oh."

'So many lives wasted!'

>DANG IT!

"I'M SORRY!"

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>88
"77"
~~~

THUCK!

THUCK!

THUCK!

>...Am I at least close?

"...Define close..."

Sad, weary shoulders slumped down as she lowered her hoof, letting the practice knife she had been gripping fall to the ground pathetically.

>...How far off was I?

The elder changeling winced, clearing his throat in an attempt to stave off the slight lump he felt in there.

"I do not see why you are concerned with this. You should be learning to walk straight without hitting anything, not concerning yourself with the blade again. We are in peacetime, Eighty Eight."

>...Yeah, well, it was peacetime before I arrived too, wasn't it?

He didn't have an answer to that.

>This is what I'm supposed to do, Seventy Seven. This is what my job is. If I'm not here to protect the hive, I don't have a place in it. That's how it is.

"I told you, it's peacetime, so-"

>So then what else am I supposed to do!?

Her voice had raised up just a bit beyond comfortable levels, matching the hint of desperation that seeped through.

>What am I supposed to do, huh!? Go out there, with the ponies I took over!? Get a job!? Where!? Who would want to hire a blind ex-MONSTER who can't even throw a knife straight!?

Two stern hooves gripped her shoulder, hard. And though she could not see it, she felt his single eye burning into her.

"You. Are not. A MONSTER. Do you understand me? I've seen monsters, I LIVED with monsters, and you are NOT a monster. You were just... lost. For the longest time."

She shoved him off, turning away from him and pawing around on the ground for her dropped blade.

"Eighty Eight..."

Oblivious, she continued.

"SISTER!"

She found it, at last. But she did not pick it up, instead letting her hoof rest on it.

"...You don't need to be that kind of changeling anymore."

Her hoof shook, rattling atop the knife.

>...If I can't be who I was before the infection, and I'm not who I was during the infection... who am I? What am I supposed to be?

He reached out again, a much gentler hoof than before touching her shoulder.

"...I don't know. But then again... I didn't know who I was supposed to be when I crawled out of the dark either."

Gently, he put his hoof on the blade, holding it down.

"...But we can find out..."

The only sound was of her breathing. Shallow, quick breaths, in and out and in and out.

In a flash her hoof shot up, and pulled the blade from his pressure. In the blink of an eye she hucked it where she had tossed the others, hearing a distinct THUNK as it embedded itself in the wall.

>...How close was I?

He remained silent, his grip on her shoulder shaking with some kind of emotion that even she, a changeling, could not detect.

"...You're closer than before."

The words were vague, almost mysterious despite their lack of tone. A slow moment passed, and she realized that was all she was going to get.

>...Maybe I can try cooking? I can smell and taste stuff. It can't be that hard.

His shaking grip relaxed considerably, and she felt him let out a warm breath.

"That sounds like a fun idea. Come, I'm sure the kitchen can spare some basic ingredients."

She did not fight as he gently lead her away, the lightness in his touch pulling her ever so slightly from the melancholy she had been feeling. A touch of hopefulness wormed it's way into her as they continued on, leaving her unable to detect when his single eye cast a look back just before they exited.

He only spared one more glance to the knife in the wall, and then he shut the door.

Alone in the dark, the blade remained where it had been tossed.

It's tip embedded fully in the center of the bullseye.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~~~~

The day just seemed to get longer and longer for the six mares and single dragon inside of the office. In particular, the somewhat jokingly dubbed 'princess of Paperwork', Applejack, felt a ringing in her head that threatened to send her on a rampage.

For those waiting in the long line waiting to go see the Elements of Harmony, it was somehow worse.

On any other day, said various patrons waiting in line would have outright murdered anyone who even tried to cut in line. That was not an exaggeration, they tasted the blood on their lips at the mere thought of someone passing them by. The suggestion alone that someone be allowed to pass them in line, for whatever reason, tempted anarchy with it's mere existence in the realm of possibility, let alone if it somehow manifested in reality.

And yet, for all the bravado that rang within their minds at this thought, not a one of them found the strength to speak up when thundering hoofsteps reverberated down the hall, and a massive figure dragging along two smaller ones brushed past them all with the care of a dragon stepping past an anthill.

For all their talk to themselves and occasionally the other, not a one so much as squeaked as that very figure pushed aside the pony who had been preparing to enter the door and shoved themselves and the two they forcibly dragged with them through the doors and into the room.

The seven in the room leapt to stand in shock, touches of anger mixed in with the shock of what they saw in front of them. But she would not let them speak.

No, the Titan herself, Queen Chitania, was going to have the first word.

“Tell this asshole it's not illegal!”

The anger and indignity they felt suddenly reduced so low it may as well have ceased to be. Buried like a mouse in the path of a landslide formed out of a rumbling mixture of pure confusion, and stunned disbelief.

It was only now, as she held it up for all of them to see, that Chitania was very much not alone. In her hoof, held up like a prize puppy, was a guard, a white unicorn pony who could have been any other of their number. Closer inspection revealed a chain going from his saddle down to a shackle that encompassed Chitania's massive ankle, looking quite painful and tightly gripped on her chitin as the metal clearly meant for a body much smaller struggled to stay closed. She seemed unbothered by what was clearly an uncomfortable entrapment, focusing all of her attention to the weakly struggling, frightened looking stallion she retained in her grasp.

With their attention torn away from the massive changeling, they could also see there was yet another in their company, an earth pony mare with a similar chain going from the Titan herself to the pony. Now, those seated in the circle had, through many friendship lessons and adventures, learned never to judge a book by it's cover, that there was always something more than what the eye could tell you of a pony.

That said, looking at her 'attire', appliances of makeup and general body language, they felt the cover of this book may just be the type that tells you the whole story in the artwork. Simply put, just from looking at her, they could tell she was in the, to put it nicely, 'friendly escort' business.

As such, the Elements of Harmony, and Spike the dragon, were now faced with an impossible puzzle. A puzzle for which the only pieces are a guard, the legendary Queen Titan of the changelings, a prostitute, and the phrase 'tell this asshole it's not illegal.'

Were it not for Applejack's more recent dealings with insanity in forms that would have broken the minds of most lesser ponies, it's very likely they would have been staring there all day as their minds struggled and failed to make sense of the things reality deemed fit to put in front of them.

“...You, right there. What's goin' on?”

To the group's surprise, she did not point to Chitania, nor did she point to the guard. Instead, her hoof gesture squarely to the 'exotic worker' beside them.

They both tried to speak up, of course, but an uncontrolled and quite wild flare of magic sparked from Applejack's horn silenced them.

“Ah'll get ta' you later, right now Ah' wanna hear from her. Ah' feel like she'll be the most impartial here.”

Both of them tried, and failed, to ignore the insult that a prostitute was somehow more trustworthy than either of them.

“Tell me everythin' sugar cube.”

The mare in question showed a surprising lack of fear as she stepped a bit forwards, and after a brief second to collect her thoughts she started to speak.

“It's like dis...”

~~~~

Me and mah girls were out by the corner, ya' know? Down by the docks where those real desperate banker folks come when they don't wanna get another suit cause they couldn't keep it down round there secretaries an interns. Me, mah gals Slip'N'Slide, and o' course Big Bouncuh. We just sittin' there chattin' with Slippy bein' all-

“Oh giiiirrrl! You can't even believe what he wanted me to do!”

And Big Bouncuh, mah Zigga-and don't be givin' me looks she's a zebra and it's cool wit her- Anyway she was all-

“Ah' dun know why ya' jus jump da' first swing dat swungs yer' way.”

“It's bout mah reputation! Gotta know I'm the girl that goes on out there!”

And I'm laughing like-

“Mare I don't know why you complainin'! You know you did it!”

“Well yeah Ah' did it! He paid the toll, and I ain't no tricky troll! Don't care iffin' Ah'm gonna be walkin' funny till tomorrow!”

“Ya' geh a good haul outta that?”

“MARE YEAH! You ain't even gonna believe this, check it!”

“DAAAAMMNN!”

“Tha's enough bits fer' onna them good spas!”

“You know it! Ever since Big Daddy Slicky been laid up, we've been rollin' in it!”

“Ain't it great? We finally ain't gotta split the profits with no little asshole!”

“Ah' hope he dun never get outta that place.”

But then we heard someone who was all

“Get outta what, bitch!?”

And we freaked the fuck out cause HO SHIT it was Big Daddy Slicky over there and he wasn't walkin' with crutches no more!

Daddy Slicky just trots up with his cane all a'swingin' and he's like-

“Well well well iffin' ain't mah bitches! Ya'll didn't never come see me when I was all laid up, what's up with that!”

By this point we all huddlin' together bein' like-

“We're sorry Big Daddy Slicky!”

And he's like-

“You better be cause you bitches better give me mah' cut!”

Then AW FUCK he pulls out his knife and is like-

“Cause either Ah'm gonna get mah' cut, or ya'll bitches are gonna get cut, ya' understand what Ah'm sayin' to you ya' little ho's?”

So we all start shakin' cause we done spent all that bits on stuff we need like showers and places and food and shit! Ain't no way we can pay him back, so Bouncuh is like-

“Y-ya' better done run yer' hide gone now, or tha' bitch gonna rip yo' ass up again!”

And then... wait, shit, got too far ahead. See, Big Daddy Slicky got laid up cause-

~Just stick to the story.~

I am! This is important!... Anyway Slicky got laid up cause some mare had been shakin' him down for money for a while, and then he popped me one in the face a couple months ago while she was there and she done got pissed and beat his ass blue. Colt was scared right out his stupid lookin' hat of her! Only problem was...

“Bitch, Ah' done asked every fucker in this city, she ain't been here to collect in months! Bet she got shanked too, just like ya'll are about to be, unless you pay up right now!”

Then he gets this look in his eye... oh, it's a baaad look, one that tells you what's commin' ain't gonna be fun for nobody but him.

“'Less you feel like makin' some payments in another way.”

Now right here, I got up. Big Bouncuh had been dealin' with boys all day, and well ya'll heard what Slippy got the night a'fore, you don't bounce back from that in a day! But me? I ain't had nothin' in a week! I didn't want to, but I was the only one who was gonna keep him from hurtin' mah girls. They would'a done the same for me! So anyway I get up and I'm ready to take one for the team so mah' girls don't gotta deal with that and then...

Hoooo SHIT! It was like momma Faust herself done opened up the sky and was like “CHILD! I heard yo' prayers and I'm sendin' an asswhoopin'!” and I felt bad cause I was gonna go ta' that service but ain't nobody got time for that shit...

Anyway, someone taps Slicky on the chest and he's like-

“The fuck you want bi-... OH FUCK!”

And OH FUCK was right! Cause there she was! Big old mare with a bright green hair on a bright orange body. Same mare who done put his ass up for months when she got pissed, an HO SHIT did she look pissed! It was like fuck you, ain't nobody got timin' that good! But I wasn't complainin' ya' hear?

But then just when we're all cheering bein' like-

“YOU GONNA GET YO' ASS WHUPPED NOW!”
“Hope they kept yo' bed warrm!”
“Fuck his ass up!”

Then FUCK! Big Daddy Slicky pulls out a gun! He says-

“Bitch, I'm gonna make you pay fer' what you did, and Ah'm gonna feed you to mah dogs!”

But this bitch? She don't even flinch! She's not scared at all! And hoooly shit we knew why in a second. It was like FWOOOM FWOOM FWOOOSH FRACKLE FROOOM! All this here green fire comes up and then AWWWW FUCK! It's that mega-bitch!... I mean that in a good way! Love you honey! Anyway it's that mega-bitch over there! Now, we done know bout her round these parts, we got ta' see her punch out a fuckin' giant mushroom and breath fire like WHOA, so when she leans down and says-

“Fuck. Off.”

To Big Daddy Slicky, he... no shittin' here, honest Buffalo, he done pisses himself right there! Just straight up drops his gun and starts cryin'! Jus' bawlin' like a little baby after his momma done left him in the cart ta' pay the rent! She don't even punch him or nothin', she just points her hoof out ta' the water and off he goes! Just jumps right in and fuckin' off he goes... I think he's still swimmin', if a shark ain't ate his pansy ass! HAHA! HO fuck that was amazin'!....

~...~

Oh, shit, right. Well, after that, she jus' looks over ta' us. Now, we're noticin' she ain't lookin' all that... healthy, you know? She's lookin' a bit like she's got a bit of a need for some crystal, ya' feel me? Little bit oh the shiny shiny?... *SNIIFFFFF*, if you get what I'm sayin'? Anyway she looks like she ain't had a fix in a while, long long while, and I'm feelin' bad cause there ain't nobody who sells that round our parts no more and I totally would'a gotten her some, but she didn't want none. She just points at us and says-

“I need one of you.”

Then she done holds up a big old bag of money.

Now, of course, mah girls are mah girls, we stick together, but DAMN were we fightin' right there! Big Bouncuh was shovin', Slippy's done scraping at me, but eventually I'm like-

“Now hold up! I done stepped up when it looked like Slicky was gonna be the next johnny, you really gonna be bitches now?”

And they're all shamed and like-

“Damn, you right.”

And they start rubbin' their eyes cause they're sad and NOT cause I done popped a bitch right in her eye fer' pullin' that shit...

Anyway they're all sad cause they ain't up ta' bat but I'm all excited and she's like-

“This will leave you feeling extremely drained and worn out, are you still willing?”

And I'm like-

“I WISH my customers left me feelin' worn out, I don't barely notice most days!”

Now it's right there I'm noticin that aw fuck that's a big bag o' money, but ya' know what? I had a myself a crisis of thinkin', you know? This bitch just done saved my skinny ass twice and she done made it so I don't gotta pay Slicky's useless ass. You know what? I felt bad. I know ya' probably won't, but you best believe I'm tellin' the truth. I just push the money-that's right I pushed it back!- and was like-

“You do what'chu wanna do, on the house!”

But she's like-

“No, this needs to be a formal, monetarily compensated transaction.”

And fuck I ain't got a fuckin' clue what she's talkin' bout, but okay! I gave her an out, but I'm not gonna fight it if she's payin' mah rent for the next four months!

“If you are willing, come with me.”

And mare, gonna tell you, I'd be willing if this bitch wanted to take me out on a date, you see those muscles? HUNF! I ain't never seen a STALLION done stacked like that, even while she's lookin' like she ain't so much as found nothin' in a dumpster for a month! So when she points, I followed, ya' get me?

So we go up to the first motel we find, she takes me into a room, and that's it!

~~~~

The room went silent as the words seemed to abruptly stop. No matter how long they waited, she just sat there, a stupid smile on her face and an airheaded look that would put Cadence on morphine to shame.

“...That's it?”

Twilight dared to hope her gentle nudging would push her on further.

“Yep!”

She was a fool to dream.

After yet more time passed, mostly focused on the seven gathering themselves enough not to speak with frustration or anger, Applejack decided to turn to the guard.

“Alright, let's hear yer' side of it.”

“What!?”

The orange princess shot a glare to the indignant Titan, unmoved.

“Yes, Ah' trust a guard more than you. Ah'll say it. His word comes first. Ya' need clarifyin'?”

She huffed angrily, but did not say anything, instead shoving the guard forwards.

“Speak!”

They liked to believe he ignored the command by the one still holding him like a child would a stuffed animal, but a part of them would always know the truth. After a quick clearing of his throat to collect himself, he began.

“Well, your majesty...”

~~~~~

My patrol was coming to an end that day, just like it had so many other days. But it was the only thing coming to an end. Crime... crime never ended. No matter how hard I fought, there was always another scumbag hiding underneath every rock, like the cleaning mare of the city trying to hide the fact she missed garbage day by shoving her refuse where nobody would find it. But like the masochistic bloodhound I was, I always managed to stumble across it.

Pickpockets, purse snatchers, even vandals were out there, every day, hiding beneath the surface like a cancer the doctor's too afraid to cut out. But I could see it, throbbing in my town's underbelly.

I had been following the pimp known as Big Daddy Slicky for a while now. It didn't take much for me to realize he was just the tip of the iceburg, the red bruise atop an infection that spreads right into the beating heart of the city. This guy, real piece of work. Whoring out the lost, the stupid, all for his own gain, and they were all too oblivious to see it.

~HEY!~

But like I said, when you see a shark, you bet that he's not the only one who was smelling blood in the water. A whole prostitution ring, right in the heart of my city.

~Did... did ya'll have evince of this?~

Yeah, and I kept it right where it belonged... in my gut. I'd been tailing him for months, but one day he ran afoul of a bigger fish, always a bigger fish, and he got what was coming to him. Sadly, that shark sunk beneath the waters before I could find her, and she was gone. The trail went cold, and all I was left with was the scraps. I figured that was the end of it.

But low and behold, he made it out alive, hard to kill a cockroach after all. So I keep a tab on him, wait for the right time... and then it comes. He gets out, and just like every bottom feeder he heads right back into the scum.

First thing he does, calls up his old 'marefriends', decides he's owed a little compensation. I wanted to step in, training told me such, but I had to let this fish go. He wasn't the shark anymore... he was the bait.

And just like any good fishermare, I kept my patience, let him out on the line... and they took it all, hook line and sinker.

The bigger fish came to feed.

Low and behold, the biggest criminal to ever stomp through Equestria herself tossed off he disguise right before my eyes. Couldn't believe it. My instincts had been telling me this was big, but nothing like this. This was over my head... literally. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, if there was a snake in my town, I'd just found the head.

Cause of that, I couldn't move as that sardine swam off with his tail between his legs, paddling out to sea to hopefully find himself a nice big whale stomach to stick to like the scum he was. I'd found my big fish, and I'd be damned if I let it swim in my waters anymore on my watch. Maybe it was how bad she looked, hell, maybe it was just because I was a crazy little bastard, but I said to myself then and there “I'm reeling you in, and having myself some shark fin soup”

I followed them after she picked her choice whore, figuring she was going to blow off a bit of steam, and figuring that was going the be the perfect time to catch her off guard.

I waited till they found their little rat hole to crawl inside to get rolling, and then I sat there, waiting for the right moment, burning through what might be my last cigar and taking one last swing of the old liquid courage.

~Pretty sure ya' ain't supposed ta' drink on duty.~

Took my sword in my mouth, latched my spear on tight, and after one last breath and a sorry to the misses I'd be home late, I kicked in the door.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

~....What!? What did you see!?~

~Yes! Tell them what you saw!~

It was... her. She was sitting back on the bed, back against the headrest and hind legs in a V and wide. In the middle was... that mare right there.

~~~~~~~

“HRRRKKKK!”
“OH DEAR CELESTIA!”
“IT'S IN MY HEAD! IT'S IN MY HEEEAD!”
“...meep...”
“O-OH MY!”
“I'm gonna huck my rubies!”
“AH THINK WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH!”

The green on everyone's face at the thought that had flooded into their minds betrayed the massive amount of bile that threatened to explode forth at any given moment. At this present moment, all seven tasted their breakfast, and it wasn't fun.

The only thing that stopped their evacuation of their guts was a roar.

“No you haven't! Keep talking, NOW!”

Despite her demands, the guard just glared at her.

“UGH! No! You're thinking all wrong!”

She tossed the guard aside, like a ragdoll she had grown bored with, and with her next fluent movement she picked up the prostitute.

“It looked like THIS!”

She fell back onto her haunches, rear plopping to the floor hard. Quite a bit more gently in her movements than she had been with the guard, she placed the mare between her legs.

“NO NO NO-... wait.”

Specifically, she sat her down, with the mare facing away from her and her own back pressed to Chitania's chest. Her long neck reached up, over the other mare's head, and her hooves clung tightly to the smaller mare's shoulders to hold her steady.

“Like THIS! Right?!”

With that, she opened her mouth wide, and poised it over the mares head.

“...You tried to eat her?”

“NO! Tell them I stayed like this!”

Begrudgingly, and only at Applejack's insistence, did the guard nod in affirmative. While this did, thankfully, eliminate the more... unsavory thoughts. It did not help clear their confusion.

“LISTEN YOU ASSHOLES!”

~~~~~

So after I finish scaring off that pissy little shit that was standing between me and a favor I am owed, I made a LEGAL offer to this mare and she WILLINGLY accepted my payment of legal tenure for a service!

So after we get to the hotel and I make her sit in THIS POSITIION, I get about five minutes into my process when this fucking dumbass breaks into my room, which WAS NOT LOCKED, and after flailing around like a fish on land for a few minutes he stands up shaking like a leaf and says-

“Y-y-y-y-you're under aaaaaa...aaaaarrr.... jail...”

So then I get pissed because he interrupted and I helpfully point out-

“This isn't what it looks like!... No, wait, it's exactly what it looks like, it isn't what you would think it looks like but doesn't look like!”

Of course he doesn't understand, so I clarify in easier, dumbass proof words for him!

“I just needed some love!... Not that kind! The actual kind! The kind I need to suck out-NOT THAT KIND! The physical kind! With... Not that physical! I just paid her to give me some love, and she said she would give me loving for my money, which I gave to her! I needed love!”

What a shock, still doesn't get it! So I finally just outright say-

“MAGICAL FOOD LOVE WHICH I EAT!”

So then he just sits there, and I think “THANK YOU!” figuring he gets it and then I go back to eating out her MAGICAL FOOD LOVE from her, and this goes on for a while and I'm feeling better because you assholes need to remember I was almost UNCONCIOUS FROM HUNGER and then out of nowhere he fucking throws these cuffs around me! They didn't even fucking fit! I get pissed and he starts looking like he's about to cry and starts saying-

“P-p-priiiincesses...w-we need to see the p-princesses...”

And after arguing with his crying ass for ten whole minutes, I decide FINE! You guys get to tell him that he's a dumbass! I drag him to the train station...

~~~~~

“...And low and behold, here we are! Now, would you please tell this moronic waste of space that it is PERFECTLY LEGAL for me to get love from a prostitute!”

There was really nothing anyone could say to that.

“YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”

After a minute that took what felt like an eternity to pass to collect themselves, Applejack at last spoke up.

“We do, actually... we just don't know if it's legal.”

“...WHAT!?”

Heads swung around rapidly, looking to one another in hopes of answers and getting only shrugs.

“I don't know, is it?”

“She is draining someone of their very life force, darling.”

“Yeah, but she ain't forcing it.”

“Does that matter? You can pay someone to let you shoot them, it's still illegal.”

“Prostitution is selling your body, and that's illegal too... in most areas, at least.”

“I NEED THIS TO LIVE!”

“...She has a point, this ain't out of pleasure or stuff, it's her food.”

“Exactly! It's not illegal for you all to buy food from others, so long as you're not stealing it! It's the exact same thing!”

“Except there's a living pony in the equation.”

“I wasn't going to kill her!”

“There's other health risks, though.”

“There's bigger health risks for eating too much candy!”

“WHOA! Don't you go at the candy! I will throw you in jail right now!”

“PINKIE!... Hold up, let's just get technical with this. Twi?”

All eyes turned to the purple mare.

“Is there a specific law on the books that says ya' can't drain life force from someone with their consent?”

She thought. And thought. And pondered. And wondered. And mulled. And contemplated. And finally, for good measure, she evaluated.

At last, she shrugged.

“Nothing that says that specifically, no. It's illegal to do it without their consent, but technically it's legal to use up all the magic a unicorn has in an experiment so long as it's consenting, they're of legal age and they're aware of the dangers.”

“HAH!”

“Yep, we're gonna have to correct that.”

“...WHAT!? It's my food! You're threatening to starve me!? I need this to live!”

Again they shared a look, and they all shrugged.

“Don't care about that fer' you, but Ah' guess we'd be screwin' over a bunch'a other changelings ta' get at ya'.”

“But there needs to be some kind of regulation.”

“We'll work on it, but fer' now, yer' free ta' go, ya' didn't commit a crime.”

“HAH!”

She mocked, and mocked some more as the frightened guard freed her.

“HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Dunno why yer' laughin'.”

Slowly, the laughter did die down.

“...Why wouldn't I?”

“Well, fer starters...”

She leaned over her desk. For the first time in her life, Chitania got to see the orange mare look to her with pure, almost malicious glee.

“Ya' just dragged a prostitute and a guard chained ta' yer' legs through all o' Canterlot for everyone ta' see. Now, we'll be sure ta' tell the truth, we will, we ain't gonna hide nothin'. But Ah' wonder... how many are gonna believe it, or even care, when they see what's gotta be a hundred pictures of you tomorrow with them? Looks pretty... incriminatin'.”

It had not been since she punched a giant, unstable mushroom that Chitania had felt real, tangible regret.

The anguish that overtook her right that second put that feeling to pitiful, laughable shame, as she realized what her actions must look like to everyone else.

And that there was not a single thing she could do to convince them otherwise.

“....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”

Never once did any of the seven think they would laugh at anything concerning the destructive, horrible force that was the Titan Chitania.

But oh, they laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Every one of them laughed.

Every one... but the mare in Chitania's grip.

“...So is anyone gonna give me a ride home? Or am I bunkin' with you? Either or is fine, and that offer's still on the table! It's legal if it's free!”

No sound pierced her ears, not the uproarious laughing of the ponies and the dragon, not the questions of the mare in her lap, nothing at all but her own drawn out, long scream.

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”

Chitania the Titan may have replenished her love stores and no longer remained weaker than a hatchling.

...But she had never felt worse.

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~

>...Huh.

"Something wrong?"

>I have the oddest urge to break out into long, sustained, maniacal laughter.

"...Are... are you going to-"

>AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

"Didn't even need to ask..."

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Maneiac"
----

>Ahahahahahahaha!

"Hahahaaaahahahahaha!

>"HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHA!"

"HAHAHAHAHA...hahaaaa... What're we laughing about again?"

>You know, I haven't the foggiest....

"Oh."

>...

"..."

>"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"SA"
~~~

At this rate, she was going to wear a mark into that balcony, Shining Armor swore. He wasn't even surprised she was up at this hour. Honestly, he'd have been more so otherwise.

"Celestia? Do you have time for a question?"

He expected her to be surprised to see him.

He didn't expect her to look absolutely flabbergasted.

>...Oh wow.

"What?"

>I think this is the first time in a long while someone has said that to me and I DON'T wish to hurl myself off this balcony. Oh my, this feeling! I love it!

"Ah ha, ah hah, you need to get out more."

>I assure you I am quite the social butterfly most days, but no social event will ever deter Applejack from her ever expanding inquiries.

"Point. Just wanted to know if you needed me to loan some of my guard over here until you get restocked."

>See? This is why I feel happy whenever you ask a question, you seem to be the only one looking out for my continued mental and physical health, rather than trampling it on the road to a better Equestria. But no, I'm afraid I will have to decline. Perhaps if your soldiers didn't... 'stand out' as much as they did, I would more heavily consider it, but as it stands they have quite the 'shining' presence and would be fairly noticeable. I am trying to reduce the image that I am lacking in soldiers, not highlight it like a beacon.

"I could have them disguise themselves, it would be pretty easy."

>A wise suggestion, but I do not wish to force your soldiers from their homes and make them look like someone else. It would be unfair to them, and to be frank I need to get this back in working order for myself as much as them. I thank you for the offer, but this is one thing I am going to have to work on alone... or rather, me and my fellow royals are going to have to work on alone.

"I wish you would let me help, it's my fault so many were so badly prepared in the first place..."

She smiled at him, warmly, almost ethereal looking.

>As with all of these problems, it would have been very easily solved if I could simply look past the big picture and take a more vested interest in the smaller things going on in my kingdom. They never would have gotten this bad if I hadn't grown so lazy.

"That's not fair, you hired me for the job, and I let you down..."

Playfully, she bopped him on the nose.

>Seeing as with very little provocation you turned into an absolute model of a prince, I'm going to once again point out if I had cared enough about your progress to so much as hint that you needed to try better, you would have likely done it in spades. I know you wish to take the damage of the whole world on your side, Shining Armor, but this one time you're going to have to accept I need to take my lumps for my failures.

"...I guess. Just hate seeing you like this."

It was only now, after she had looked away from his face, that she realized he had once again poised himself at her side, just like his captain of the guard days.

>Before you ask, no, I cannot allow you to take up the Captain of the Guard post again. That was an emergency measure, and it shall not happen again.

"Trust me, Bongobutt, was not going to offer. I'm already working myself to death as it is, no way can I handle all of that and training and managing your guard."

>Good to hear, sunnyshoes. Though I advise against playing the 'so much paperwork' card, you have an ace in your pocket that is unfair to the game.

"Yeah... Eighteen does great."

Again, another warm smile crossed her face.

>I'm sure she is... So, you're really going on a date with another mare? The scandal!

He smiled back at her finally. It was a bit strained, sure, but he was well aware she meant it in good spirits.

"I admit, it's.. a little surprising. But it's not like I'm going alone."

>Oh yes, Cadence is going to be tagging along too. That will be quite fun.

"I'm hoping it actually is."

>Well, I wish you the best of luck. You certainly deserve as much happiness as you can get, Shining Armor, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

"Huh. Really? Not going to get the whole 'if you hurt Cadence I will set your balls on fire from the inside' speech?"

>HA! Shiny, Shiny Shiny Shiny, you must be joking. I know you would do it yourself if you thought you were going to hurt her. I know what you feel for her...

Gently, she reached out, tapping his hoof with hers.

>...I got a glimpse of it, after all.

"...You... you did?"

>Hm? Oh, yes. Don't you remember? When we were... you know. We connected, though I do not know if it meant to happen.

Longingly, he looked over, to the still destroyed remains of what had once been one of Canterlot's tallest towers.

"Oh... you saw in there?"

>Did you not?

"No... I guess I was too focused to really... feel anything from your end, you know?"

>Yes... yes I do. I admit, I only saw a glimpse myself. But it was plenty...

Silence hung over them just as their gaze hung on the ghost of the tower in the distance, lost in their own thoughts.

>Did you ever tell her, what we did in there?

"...Of course not. It was bad enough they thought I just got caught up in the stalk and got drained like everyone else, if they knew I intentionally drew it into my self... did you?"

>No, the safety of my subjects was reward enough for those actions, I did not need any more praise, nor did I wish to imply to Luna or the others I am willing to go on suicide missions. They'd never let me out of the room.

"True, I guess."

Playfully, she nudged him in the shoulder.

>Funny that my guard doesn't share the same thoughts.

Just the same, he nudged her right back.

"I know you better than that."

>Yes... I suppose you do.

Again, they turned to the sky to the cool night air and the glimmering stars above.

"...What all did you see in there, when you got a 'glimpse'?"

She turned to him, both of her eyes positively twinkling with mirth and a little something else as she regarded him fully.

But she didn't answer him.
She just... looked.
Just looked.

It was only after some time that she at last reached out, and placed a sterling hoof on his shoulder.

>Thank you for the offer, Shining Armor, and if I feel I need your help I will seek it. I've learned it's best to seek help immediately if others can make life go easier, that's at least one lesson I never forgot. But for now, go on. I'm sure Cadence and Eighteen have already decided on the place and can't wait for you to join them so they can tell you all about it.

"...Yeah, I'm sure."

>Have fun, and do be sure to tell me all about it when you get back.

"You mean tell you all the ways it went wrong."

>Exactly. You are still my favorite source of entertainment, even if you aren't being beaten left and right anymore.

"...I still am, actually."

>Yes, but it's not as fun for me. Not anymore...

She took her hoof away, but not before giving him a subtle nudge. Even though it released him, she did not set that hoof down, just yet.

>I mean what I said, Shiny. Go have a good time, and don't worry...

A single golden tip pressed to his chest.

>There's a lot more in there than I think even you know

He wanted to question her on what she possibly meant... but he fully recognized the "I'm being vague" voice, and knew he would get nothing out of her.

"Alright... you'll call me if you need me, right? I'm always here if you need it. Don't worry if you think it'll overtax me. I'm not your Captain, but I'm still... Shiny. I've got enough in me for you too."

>I know... believe me, I know.

They knew, right then, there was nothing more to be said, nothing more...

With that, he quietly made his exit, and she turned back to the stars.

Alone, on her balcony, she watched the stars.

And she finally asked a question to no one but herself.

>...but just how much do you really have...

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>Pommel
"Daw"

"So...we can agree that that could have went better."

>Yes.

"And to recap, pissing off Spindleshanks in there potentially put us on the bad side of...howwww many people?"

>Aside from what the Princesses might do when they hear about our little excursion? Her army of Changelings-

"What can kill a dragon."

>-baby dragon, but yeah, that'd be the ones that are even more bad ass than the regular ones. Oh, and we'll probably get visited by Shining Armor.

"Ah, Prince Fucks Everything."

>I...you know what, you won't even believe me, so yes, Prince Fucks Everything.

"Eh, so it's like Rhinopolis all over again."

>No, Rhinopolis had the advantage of the Queen being A) Senile, and B) Wanting to fuck me.

Both ponies stop mid stride and shiver.

>No, as we've seen, she's smart, clever, and will probably find a way to screw us in the long run.

"So it's like Rhinopolis with a dash of that thing you had hunting you in the Shetland moors?"

>Ugh...you just had to bring the fucking Nucklavee up, didn't you?

"Just saying, similarities abound."

>So yeah, we may be in for an ass beating at worst and a sound talking to at best.

"Eh, if I'm given the latter, I might be keen to deliver the former."

>...

"Lad, if you think I'm afraid to die, we don't know each other that well."

>I would really prefer you didn't, either way.

"Well if the aliens force the issue, I don't know if I'll have a choice. Consider, you just said some harsh truths to their Queen, and they'll see me and realize I fucked with their heads in the waiting room-"

>Wait, what?

"Long story. Either way, we might be staring down the barrel of a brawl...so were you bluffing?"

>About killing 32?

"Aye."

>...I...I'm not sure...

"Y'know, if he got let out and I found out he was back to scheming against Spindleshanks? I'd off him for ya."

>WHAT!?

"What what? I en't, lyin', I know what that kinda shit would do to you if he went and tried to off her again. I'm not in the business of tragedies."

>And my marefriend killing my best fried isn't one of those?

"It's a damn sight better than the tale of Pommel the trusting shitehead and thirty-twat the deceiver, don't you think?"

>...he won't do it, not again. I know he won't.

"Oh stop hangin' your head so low. I understand the two of us are in a desperate situation, but if we gave up in desperate situations, we'd be dead nine times over, aye?"

The unicorn sighed and shook his head.

>I suppose so.

"Then allow Doctor Daw to prescribe a remedy that I've found works for all desperate men in times of need."

>And that is?

Daw grinned, draping a foreleg over Pommel's shoulder, pointing to the building across the street from them...a tavern.

"Get fallin' down drunk and say 'A pox on the world, may its troubles fuck off the edge of my dick!'"

Pommel couldn't help but let out a low chuckle.

>Didn't take you for a poet, Jackie.

"I am a wordsmith! Talented in words both spoken and verse. Now get in th' damned tavern ya poxy son of a bitch!"

With a laugh, she entered, and after a moment, Pommel followed.

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