Desert Bus Reads Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts

Have two manly men in the room read an Oprah transcript, like the skit Letterman would sometimes do in "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts."

On The Late Show with David Letterman, he would sometimes have two of the stagehands, Pat and Kenny, read a transcript from Oprah, as if Pat was Oprah and Kenny was Oprah's guest. They would both read mostly deadpan monotone. Kenny would have a cigarette in his mouth.
I have one of the transcripts they did below. The video is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bytCMu3jOSI

I think it'd be funniest if it were done by two people from engineering who we don't hear much from.

Transcript:
Pat: Woohoo. Whoa. Thank you. Wooha. There are just a handful of people who have literally changed the way we live in our culture. She is one of them. Say hello to the queen of fine living, Martha Stewart.

Kenny: Thank you Oprah.

Pat: Welcome welcome welcome welcome, welcome welcome. You're looking beautiful, as always.

Kenny: I've missed you Oprah.

Pat: OK this is fantastic, when I heard about this in the preshow meeting I was like, everybody's gonna loooooooooooooooooove this. I understand you've put a new twist on America's favorite sandwich, the grilled cheese.

Kenny: You need good butter, a generous amount of flavorful cheese, some grownup ingredients like green apples, cilantro, and spicy things.

Pat: Woo. I love spicy things. Wooha. Ha cha cha.

Kenny: Very Ha-cha-cha.

Pat: Lets taste one.

Kenny: Bon-apetite Oprah.

Pat: Whoa. Ooooh. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Oh its so good, I love this, mm mm mm. Oh boy, this is heaven. Woo.

Kenny: I put a lot of Ha-cha-cha on that one.

(Both take a bow.)

At the end, someone else in the room should say:
"If you'd like a transcript of 'Desert Bus Reads Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts,' write to us at 1697 Broadway, Vancouver, New York, New York, Canada. And be sure to look for DB, the Desert Bus magazine, on news stands everywhere!"