Farewell?

I just received a phone call from my TV Producer. We spoke for quite sometime and he and the team came to a unanimous decision to remove me from the team. I did not take this very well as I have been dealing with so many other things in my life also, I was not prepared as I was promised a seccond chance to work on this bit of footage to prove some of my skills but have not finished this seccond chance piece of work yet. There are many things I need to go over about the job, but overall I feel the way of my dismissal was not very fair since I never got the chance to showcase myself, which leads to the disappointment, that I was given very little chance to impress these people with the skills I know I truly have and can bring to the show.

This is where it gets to a hard decision. I love Twitch and the KH Community, its one of the only positive supports I have going in my life at the moment. But I seem to be getting my lifestyle way to distracted with this whole Twitch and speedrunning thing. Ever since I took speedrunning seriously I stopped seeing most of my friends, my viewpoints on many things changed and I allowed negative things to surround and trap me in. Aswell as many other things, but to nearly lose a job in the grocery store I work for (was fired but unfired). I am not comfortable knowing that I have now been taken away from the very dream job I desire to be in, I have kept saying I needed one positive thing in my life, to be the beginning step to a positive future, I believed getting this job and working for these people would be the answer. However to lose the very thing I dreamed about since I was young and to feel as if Twitch was a distraction on my work and performance bothers me. I feel now I must do the very thing I solely do not wish to do, to fix this issue, these things are:

1) Deactivate my Twitch Account
2) Perma-Ban myself from (Tack's) Teamspeak
3) Stop watching peoples streams
4) Potentially stop speedrunning entirely
5) Or Schedule my lifestyle better but still be able to do the things I love

These steps do not seem like the right approach but I can not see any over sudden changes to make to get my job back or to meet new friends and find a girl and many other life things. If I stay on the track I am going I will see nothing but more negativity coming with how I treat my daily lifestyle. It's sad I felt like today I dealt with all the issues I had throughout the KH/Stream Community and sadly it feels all in vague as I may be once again hiding myself away.

I want everyone to know this is not in act of sympathy, this is in choice of action and not standing for the repetitive/negative shit I have been dealing with. I will not allow my life to get pushed over and bring myself backdown to the suffering I use to be in many years ago. I have grown and become stronger

This is a very strong pastebin I have made, however I may delete this in a few hours and nothing has changed, or I may call upon these actions tommorow to finalize my decision and maybe be saying my farewell who knows it's scary but something needs to happen.

Love you all :(