7:37:56 AM Koni: hello lauren ^^
7:38:06 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: hey, sorry i'm not talking much in the other convo >_< I'm just... worried?
7:38:20 AM Koni: yeah i understand
7:38:37 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: she shouldn't do it like this...
7:39:08 AM Koni: she shouldn't. it isn't fair to anyone. not to you, not to herself.
7:39:29 AM Koni: although i understand where she's coming from, dwelling so much like that is only gonna make things worse
7:39:47 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: and usually im so good with talking in convos but.... i just can't put on a face this time... it's really hurting right now... and i dont know what to do coz i cant handle drunk people at all
7:39:55 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i know... but she needs to understand she has us
7:40:41 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i have told her so many times that she needs people who won't hurt her and who will care about her.... those other people... they had too much shit going on and they only cared about themselves
7:41:38 AM Koni: the fact that she has at least one person should be enough reason for her to hang in there
7:41:51 AM Koni: may i know how long you've been together?
7:42:42 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: mm yeah, i have to say I thought that too.... but i think she needs to sort things out with the people who have left her... there are a lot of things that need to be said that aren't
7:43:09 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: well officially 2  months but we have been together longer... it's just no one really knew about it save for a few people
7:43:27 AM Koni: aah i see
7:44:49 AM Koni: i guess she can talk to those people for closure, but dwelling on her past with them is unhealthy ><
7:45:14 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: mm it REALLY is.... i mean... It's just telling her that >_<
7:46:57 AM Koni: may i know where your LJ is?
7:47:10 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: I'm ren_butterfly
7:47:18 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: you?
7:47:23 AM Koni: aaaah alright. i'm konicoffee
7:48:47 AM Koni: i started out fangirling over rae's fics, then we found out that we went through similar pasts.
7:49:45 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: cool :3  I started just casually reading coz i loved the storylines and i finally got the courage to comment then one day she wanted people to talk to so i weirdly added her on smn which i never do
7:50:07 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i always wait for others to make the first move coz im normally so shy but when i really want something or i need to i can do it XD
7:50:19 AM Koni: awww
7:51:00 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: so what's similar? you dont have to say if you dont want to  I will understand... but i think it's good she has someone to talk to about it all... because my life has been pretty... well... not much has happened
7:52:48 AM Koni: we both have schizophrenia. although mine is a much milder case than hers. i hear voices in my head, and that's about it.
7:53:26 AM Koni: it's actually not so bad. it's the depression i had growing up that made it bad ^^;;
7:56:45 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: mmm, yeah... i dont know if it's weird of me but i mean i get angry when people are shitty about schizophrenia... because... i dunno... i find it interesting like i dont study people or anything >_<  but it doesn't bother me -shrugs- im just relaxed and i dunno.... but yeah... i had a bit of a case of that myself.... it was mild i guess... i dunno.... i refused to get it checked out >_<
7:57:05 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i sorta hide my feelings a lot too so it mostly went on behind closed doors
7:58:48 AM Koni: aaah i see
8:00:05 AM Koni: well, try not to bottle up your feelings too much. it's not good for you >< at least it wasn't good for me. a lot was sacrificed because i didn't get help for my depression until much, much later
8:01:05 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: yeah... i just... past 4-5 years i have been fine, really fine so i dunno... it's coz i had no feelings but now... well they have returned and im sso worried that it's gonna come back
8:02:42 AM Koni: don't wait until it's too late. that's what i did, and it took a long time for me to forgive myself for that
8:03:57 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: yeah.. i mean stuff has already happened and i still feel pretty stupid about it.... so i don't think... well hopfully it won't happen again... but even though i can normally cover it really well i have such mood swings... i can be so happy then so down except one person can change the down mood into happiness again
8:04:17 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: im only ever really down when someone else is involved... i worry about everyone way too much lol
8:04:36 AM Koni: you are a sweet person
8:06:13 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: thanks    i get the feeling you are too   i mean just talking about things has calmed me down a lot... kinda having a panic attack back there over rae >_< i think it helps having people who know rae to talk to... i now know you and Kit which is awesome :3
8:07:07 AM Koni: i'm glad i could calm you down. ><
8:08:35 AM Koni: and i'm glad you don't seem to feel as helpless as i imagine. i wouldn't know what to do if i were in your shoes.
8:08:59 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i think it's just nice to have someone who actually knows rae to talk about it to... it's hard when no one can really understand >_<
8:09:41 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: and i do... i really do... but i can't tell rae that.... i want to help her so bad but her doing this... i dunno... makes me feel that all i do to make her happy just doesn't count
8:10:24 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i wanna make her happy and she says i do that... but im not sure anymore... it's just one thing after another and i want it to stop... she doesn't deserve it
8:10:39 AM Koni: i agree
8:11:29 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: kit feels the same... she says she doesn't know what to do sometimes either
8:12:02 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: we all have good intentions and genuinely care about her, but none of us know just how to help.... i guess all we can do is be there for her and support her
8:15:22 AM Koni: yeah that really is all we can do.
8:16:07 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: .... i gues maybe one day we can hope she realises she is in a good place now
8:16:22 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: even if things are shit.... she will know she has us
8:16:48 AM Koni: yeah. we don't need to understand her for her to know that she isn't alone
8:17:09 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i just hope she realises it son because honestly.... i haven't hurt this much in a long time
8:17:30 AM Koni: yeah i can imagine
8:17:53 AM Koni: i know i've hurt so many people before i got help. i can imagine what it's doing to you.
8:18:33 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: and part of me wishes she knew how this was making me feel too... but i don't know if that would make her stop or maake her feel worse....
8:19:30 AM Koni: she knows. and she doesn't want to hurt you.
8:19:59 AM Koni: we talked about it shortly before she let me meet you. she told me that you were upset.
8:20:53 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: yeah... kinda had a freak out and i wanted to meet you but i thought i wasn't in the right mind to meet someone and give my usual greeting >_< which is why i added you so soon... i just couldn't lie
8:21:14 AM Koni: don't worry about it. it's totally fine
8:22:03 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: thank you : )  i just hope this doesn't last for long >_<
8:22:13 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: like her getting drunk...
8:22:53 AM Koni: yeah i know ><;;
8:24:22 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: an i dunno how to go about making her stop.... the only way i can see is by letting her know how much it hurts me... and i guess we should all do it... because if she truly cares about her present and future friends... then she would try and that's all i ask for.... just for her to try
8:26:12 AM Koni: i think she already knows she's hurting you
8:26:20 AM Koni: or she at least has the feeling that she is
8:27:13 AM Koni: but she's fighting. i think she really is. i told her life will fall apart only if she lets it, and she says she's really trying to hold on
8:29:25 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: good, again, thank you :] i just... for some reasn i feel arrogant of i say "do it for me" i don't know why... it should work - all things considered... so instead i say "do it for us" and i think that would have a bigger effect... I mean if she knows there are more people than me then it gives ehr more reason
8:30:41 AM Koni: lol i told her this before i talked to you: "i'm not upset about you feeling crushed about amanda and a bunch of other things and people, but hang in there, for lauren, at least."
8:30:53 AM Koni: ahahaha XD well anyways, she gets the picture
8:31:45 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: aww thank you :]    yeah... that's the thing she thinks that as long as she is happy at the present moment it will be okay... but she needs to work through it sober and we are here to help her >_<
8:32:07 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i know she has had to deal with a\ lot on her own in the past but it doesnt mean she still has to do that now she has us
8:33:14 AM Koni: right. it really won't do her any good to dwell in the past so much ><
8:33:57 AM Koni: all it does is make her miserable D:
8:35:12 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: no... i mean i have lost a lot of important people... i mean again i didn't tell her this because i didn't wanna worry her, but i had a few issues with a couple of friendsa when i told them i was with her... and she knows i had the issues but she doesn't know how bad it was.... some of the things that happened... i mean one of them has been a best friend for years and really helped me through some rough times... i no longer talk to him... but i figured he wasn't worth it if he couldn't support me the way i was
8:35:21 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: especially if it made me happy
8:36:11 AM Koni: oh dear ><;; i'm so sorry
8:36:54 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: no no it's fine... like i said... i told myself that if he was truly my friend through all the previous shit he would have at least supported my happiness
8:37:29 AM Koni: i agree, but still, i'm sorry you had to lose him and a bunch of other people
8:37:45 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i have 2 amazing best friends and even mroe people who i feel genuinely care about me so i figure what's losing one person who doesn't take me how i am?
8:38:07 AM Koni: yeah that's true
8:38:39 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: i guess i can just put things to the back of my mind and prioritise... i figure in losing him, I gained rae who cares more about me - i hope lol XD <- arrogance issues XD
8:39:41 AM Koni: ahahaha XD
8:40:22 AM Koni: i'm so sorry to cut you short dear, but i have to go. *kicks job*
8:40:38 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: ahh okay, it's fine XD  whereabouts in the world are you?
8:40:48 AM Koni: i'm from the philippines ^^
8:41:01 AM Koni: so it's morning here and i'm just glad it's friday already
8:41:12 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: cooool :3  hi ^^ I'm in England XD and it's 1:41 am lol
8:41:18 AM Koni: ooh sweet!
8:41:32 AM Koni: i've always wanted to go there >3<
8:41:41 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: haha ^^  YOU SHOULD COME VISIT X3
8:41:53 AM Koni: yes i should
8:42:16 AM Koni: anyways, it was wonderful meeting you
8:43:01 AM fluffy4392@hotmail.co.uk: YES ^^  it was awesome meetin you too and i hope we can have a dandy conversation next time ^^ so yeah... im less angsty XD
8:43:45 AM Koni: looking forward to it  and don't worry about being angsty, and you can talk to me about anything
8:43:51 AM Koni: later! :3