[8:21 PM] Mnemonides: Okay, I try to be tolerant of a lot of things, but what you did this evening wasn't cool.  Me going "dude, that's not cool" about you doing something gross without checking to see if I was okay with it - and, pro-tip, most people wouldn't be cool with someone eating off a utensil and then going back in for seconds, especially if that's not something they checked for - and then doubling-down on disrespectful behavior by going "I'm pretty sure you'll live" when they're expressing their dismay at that action is Not Acceptable.  I'm disappointed in your behavior and unimpressed that you decided to get defensive and snap back instead of acknowledging that you might have done something that wasn't cool and a transgression of boundaries.
[8:30 PM] Henri: alright, sorry
[8:31 PM] Mnemonides: nods
[8:45 PM] Henri: okay, yeah, i am sorry that that made you uncomfortable and i wont do the thing again  but don't you think this is kind of aggressive for 'that was fuckin gross dude'
[8:45 PM] Henri: i  wasnt being defensive or snapping
[8:46 PM] Henri: i just didnt think you were being serious?
[8:46 PM] Henri: it seems like a very small thing to me when we live together and share a bunch of things already
[8:46 PM] Henri: again: get that its not a small thing to u, wont do it again
[8:47 PM] Henri: but this is pretty intense for just 'ew gross dont fuckin do that'
[8:58 PM] Mnemonides: Okay, breaking this down:

1) It was gross, and it is an Always Rule that you check with people before you put your saliva in a group dish.  Always Rule.  Having the respect and care to do that is important if you want to maintain happy, healthy relationships.  Going "Hey do you mind if I do this" is an important thing, especially where germ contamination can come into play.

2) We do not share silverware immediately after use without cleaning or eat off the same plate.  Apples and oranges.  I do not use your toothbrush.  That is personal-sphere levels of influence.

3) If someone goes "dude that's not cool" it is an Always Rule to check and see if they're serious.  Even I do that with Shaide to make sure that I'm not upsetting/hurting them, even with us cheerfully antagonizing each other on the regular.

4) This is intense because you have violated a boundary, shown frankly massive amounts of disrespect, and been inconsiderate in patterns of behavior that are disappointing and frustrating.  These are not concepts that are particularly complex or difficult and I know we've touched on them in previous conversations.

5) I am sorry I accused you of being defensive or snapping; it is how it came across to me in that moment.
[9:02 PM] Henri: like. yes. okay. i got those first three partsfrom the original bit of theconversation and they havebeenthoroughly acknowledged and regarded and internalized or. will be internalized
[9:02 PM] Henri: 5: thank you i appreciate it
[9:05 PM] Henri: ugh can we just talk about this face to face
[9:05 PM] Henri: im really confused and frustrated
[9:06 PM] Mnemonides: Sure.  Give me a minute and I'll go out to the living room.
[9:06 PM] Henri: okay, fair warning
[9:06 PM] Henri: there's alcohol out