Thread 81: Stories 61-74

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NC
>Luna
"29"
~~~

>...

"...Is something wrong?"

>Did I... miss.. something?

"..."

>Surely not, I'm important! They wouldn't do anything without me! I'm a huge character!

"..."

>...WHAT!?

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>Celestia
„???“
~~~~~

It was that sensation again, the sense of helplessness, loss and trepidation overwhelming the once-supreme ruler of Equestria. Escapism was foremost on her mind, and the alabaster alicorn stared longingly at her weapon of choice.

An ancient, richly engraved flintlock pistol, from a land long forgotten, as a gift from someone long lost to time.

It took some time to load it, the right amount of powder required to produce the blue-mist like effect necessary for the process to work being a work of art. At last, after an hour of work, Princess Celestia of Equestria pressed the muzzle of her Evoker near her temple, and pressed the trigger.

The shot rang out like the shattering of glass, and an instant later, a luminescent, golden shape rose from the ground like a summoned undead. When the tall Minotaur clad in plate armo0 plus r, bearing a round shield, loanword and pot helm obscuring his features rose, he pushed himself into a strained-looking Y-shape, hands extended to the sky, head risen proudly. And only a single phrase was on his lips, bellowed with the might of a legend.

“PRAISE THE SUN!”

Celestia allowed herself to smile, then inclined her head.

>Well met, Ser Solehair of Ashmoria.

The Minotaur blinked, beheld the princess who bore the same sun he had upon his chest and shield as her cutiemark, and voices a single, delighted squeak.

“Celosia! What a wondrous sight you are to old eyes! Is it yet again time for some jolly cooperation?”

>My, my... you may have missed the greatest Challenger of our time yet. And we call it the magic of Friendship, remember? But come, sit. Let us talk of time old and current.”

“Gladly. You know how I adore bathing in your all all-blinding radiance, my Sun.”

For a few minutes, Celestia was back to her own adventuring days, exchanging tales with her old companion, the Evoker laying forgotten on the side.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and corners are cut to allocate the budget somewhere else... You may be wondering why we don't have a guest...it's because we're cutting corners...yeah...uh...Goodnight folks!

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OMAKE!
>Lyra
"Bonbon"
~~~

>AH HAH! So we're NOT gay!

"We can finally stop that running gag!... Not that we've actually used it since Cordyceps."

>...Or, wait, are we?

"We said friends."

>I know, but we also did that-

"We are FRIENDS."

>I mean, we can be gay AND friends at the same time, just not gay with each-

"We are NOT going there! Let's just... let's leave this damn gag in the dust. It wasn't even all that funny!"

>...So about gummy-

"WILL EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT GUMMY!"

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OMAKE!
>SA
"Cadence"
'18'
~~~~~

>Honey? I'm worried you have a problem.

"Oh?"

>I feel like you're abusing 18's willingness to swap out with you.

"Oh please, I do not!'

>Oh yeah? What about-

~~~~

>Honey? It's your turn to do the dishes ton-

"TAG OUT!"

'I already have a system that will get the most cleaning done with one third less water! A THIRD!'

>That seems needlessly complicated when we are surrounded by drinkable-

'A! THIRD!'
~~~~~

>And then there was-

~~~~~

>Honey? Can you go to Two's Parent Teacher conference? I'm meeting with the delegates from-

"TAG OUT!"

'I have a list of complaints already!'

>Erm, it's just supposed to be how she's doing-

"HOOFICUUUURRRREEE!"

~~~~~~

>And there was even that one time you-

~~~~

>Awww.

"And so the little bunny found his hole and said... oh no! I'm going to be late for my spa!"

>...That doesn't sound like what the bunny would sa-

"EIGHTEEN! TAG OUT!"

FWOOOSH!

'He said 'this hovel will do so nicely!''

>SERIOUSLY!?

"Shiny! She's trying to read!... Bye!"

~~~~~~~~

>I just feel like you use it way too often.

"Oh, you're being silly."

>...Fine. Soooo... you know, you never did let me cash in my birthday coupon. You know, that one? I could really, really use some stress relief right now, would you mind just going doowwwnnn and-

"Tag out!"

'I'm on it!'

>WAIT WHAT!?

"It's not cheating! We're in Catnerlot! It's legal, I double checked!"

>That doesn't mean thaaaaaaoooooooooooohhhhwow, how do you do that!? Don't you need to breath!?

"Thanks, Eighteen!"

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NCOMAKE!
>AJ
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~

>GASP! QUEEN CHRYSALIS! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' HERE!?

"...Look, just because we essentially hit the reset button here, doesn't mean you have to pretend like none of this happened."

>OH GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TA' THE EMPIRE!? WHO IS THAT!? WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENIN'?!

"Applejack stop."

>WHY DO AH' HAVE WINGS!?

"That one doesn't even make sense! You had those before Discord beat me!"

>...oh no! A paradox!

"It's not a paradox if-WHAT THE FUCK!?"

~~~~~~~~

>....

"...Did... did reality just crumble."

>DANG IT CHRYSALIS! AH'M NOT EVER GONNA FORGIVE YA' FOR THIS ONE!

"...Whelp, that was fun while it lasted.."

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OMAKE!
>Chitania
"Variolus"
~~~

>SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY! YOU! FUCKING YOU GOT A HAPPY ENDING! YOU! FUCKING CHANGELING HITLER! FUCKING! YOU!

"No, yeah, you're right, this was all TOTALLY unfair. Why don't we just declare this whole arc non-canon, and I go back to being shoved off to the side in a mind that hates me."

>GOOD!

"But we have to make it ALL non-canon, or it doesn't fit."

>...

"..."

>...I uh... I kind of just got my kid back.

"Your problem, not mine."

>...

"..."

>...You know, I think I can put up with it.

"There we go."

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OHMYKAY

>Luna
“56”
_____

>By our glorious moon, Fifty-Six! We haven’t spoken in at least three threads! Three, right? It’s been three?

“Feels like fifteen but, meh, prob’ly three realistically.”

>Well, regale us, little on! How goes the search for our CO? That’s still a thing thou art on, yes?

“It’s the only thing I be on. An’ it goes ’bout as good as me fallin’ facefirst in Auntie Chitty’s backside.”

>’Tis to be expected. Our CO is notoriously secretive. We thinks even our sister forgets who they are.

“…I’ll find ‘em.”

>We know thee will. But thou would probably have an easier time without thine’s face buried within our royal backside….

“Comfort time, Moons. Let me… let me have this….”

>Very well! And while we have thee, let us tell thee of our time training thou’s hivemate!

“…And it begins.”

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NCOmake!
>Twilight
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>Chrysalis, you're being a dick. Stop it.

'Huh?'

"I'm going to loudly detail why you're a dick now."

'I'm confused...'

>Here's a list of reasons and events why you should stop being a dick.

'This isn't really making any sense.'

"Allow me to sing a song, detailing that you are a dick and that you should stop."

'...One more time?'

>"STOP BEING A DICK!"

'.....whaaaaa?'

~~~~~~Several hours later~~~~~~~~

'...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................WAIT A MINUTE!'

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Omake
>7
"???"
~~~~

>S-so... does... does this mean I still get my head-pat? I mean, I did good, right? I did a good? I worked? I... come on, I got to do cool shit, gimme something here.... nothing? We're just gonna focus on... really? I go through all that shit, ALL THAT SHIT, and I don't even get a headpat? SERIOUSLY!?

"Could be worse."

>...

"..."

>...Uh, Jetset? Where the FUCK have you been!?

"It's a long story."

>...

"Why are you complaining anyway? Didn't you have sex in literally every omake-end at the bottom of the threads? That's a lot better than you normally get."

>Well, not EVERY one.

"..."

>...

"..."

>..Nohomo.

"That's not what I heard-"

>NOHOMO

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OMAKEEEE!
>Applejack
"Twilight"
~~~~

>Ya' know, Ah' liked it a lot more when it was the party van.

"Tellll me about it."

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OMAKE!
>Chrysalis
"AJ"
~~~~~

>...So... what now?

"Ah' dunno. What do ya' want me ta' do ta' be yer' friend?"

>...help me seduce Shiny?

"Are ya' serious?"

>I'm like, three quarters of the way there, I just need that last push.

"...Fine."

>Seriously?

"Ya' know what? Yes. Ah'm all for me goin' on some wacky adventure with you ta' win Shinin' Armor's heart. Let's just go do somethin' really, really stupid. Lets me and ya'll just get STUPID and have some fun here."

>...C-... can we go to Las Pegasus?

"We can go ta' Las Pegasus."

>........GET IN THE CAR!

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>...Why are they going to Las Pegasus if the intention is to seduce me-

"SHUT UP DON'T RUIN IT GOD!"

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Non-Canon Pinkie Preview
>Pinkie
~~~~~
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMMfep_ZsXs
>I delivered fanservice and the Crystal Empire is wrecked!
>Flash and Fizzle liberate the scientists and clean up. The Rainbolts aren't good at lifting rubble. Diamond Tiara asks her dad to help provide temporary housing in the Crystal Empire. PJ tests Silver Spoon's dodging. Spike gets introduced to 88 and he talks about his balls. Bon Bon covers up a bugbear incident. Celestia denies the existence of an anti-monster agency. Find out what happens next time in thread 82:Winter is Here...and of course friendshipping fanservice

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