Thread 4: Stories 76-90

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Spike’
_________

The door opens and Spike peeks his head into the room.

‘You, uh… called for me? The both of you?’

>Howdy there, sugarcube. Yeah, c’mon on in and grab a seat anywhere. We got some things to discuss with ya.

‘Would it help if I said that I don’t know how AJ56 got his snout stuck in Luna’s plot…?’

“It’s nothing you’ve done wro- wait, what?”

‘Yeah, we think he disguised himself as one of her beanbag chairs all Metal Gear Pony style and then she-’

>Okay, that’s enough. Ah don’t need that headache right now. But what we wanted to talk about, Spike, was… y’all did a right good job of gettin’ Mayor Mare to straighten up and fly right.

“And we noticed my favorite gun went missing during that time as well….”

A twinge of dread punched Spike in the stomach.

‘I--I’m sorry! I just wanted to make sure everything turned out okay and--and she was just so aloof about everything and--’

>Whoa, whoa, Spike, calm down, sugar. It’s okay, really.

‘W-what?’


A golden hue overtook Celestia’s horn and from underneath the pillow on her bed came the sterling silver pistol. Unconsciously, Spike reached for it and it fell into his claws.

‘I… don’t understand….’

“Well, Spike… for every bright ray of light any diplomatic or political figure shines on the people, there’s always an accompanying shadow cast. In this sense, I’m thinking the other princesses and I could be the light, and you, my dear, could be that shadow.”

‘…’

>What she means, sugarcube, is that it’d be kind of unseemly fer’ us to go ‘round brandishin’ guns and whatnot at every idjit who skims us on keepin’ tabs of their work. So we were wonderin’, if it suited ya right, if ya wanted to help us out in similar matters.

“It’s really up to you, dear.”

For a long while, Spike stared at the weapon in his hands, then he checked the barrel, saw one bullet was present, gave it a good spin, and put it to his temple.

>Spike…?

“What’re you-”

‘This is a good idea.’

*click*

>…

“…”

‘Alright then. Guess that settles that. I’m gonna go get some juice and be back so you can tell me what I’ll be doing as this shadow thing.’

When the door closed behind him, Celestia and Applejack exchanged looks.

“Like he said, this is a good idea. Right?”

>If not, it’s yer’ fault, ‘Tia.
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>Applejack 29
"Luna"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like a specture, 29 slinks into Luna's room.

>Well, helloooooo there~~

"WHO DARES!?"

>Oh, don't be so worried! I mean you no harm, quite the opposite.

"...We are listening, little Changeling."

>You see, I've recently been barred from the train heading to the Crystal Empire, so while I'm overcoming that little hurdle in my life, I thought I would offer my unique services to some... other royalty. Unique, sexy services.

"...Are thou offering to fornicate with us?"

>Oh ho! Such language! Yes. And if you will give me the time, I can tell you exactly why this is-

"Alright."

>-Wait, really? You'll let me do my hallway pitch?

"No, we mean we accept your proposal. '

>...R-really? You're just... just giving it away? You sure you don't want to make me work for it? I'll work for it.

"It's fine. You can change into any stallion we desire, correct?"

>Now we're talking! Who do you want, a royal guard you've had your eyes on? Famous celebrity? Old forgotten friend?

"Eeeeeh, average height, very mundane colors, and if you could short hair."

>...that's it? I can be really colorful if you want.

"Surely you jest! Bright colors are more likely to attract predators!"

>This is going nothing like I thought it would. But okay! How big you want it? Cause baby, it goes as big as you can imagine-

"It doesn't really matter."

>-it to... what.

"Whatever helps you finish in three minutes is fine. "


>....T-T-THREE MINUTES!? But I can go for hours!

"Hours!? My my my, creatures of this age are so short sighted! But no, three minutes in the standard mating position is already long enough. Any longer and thou leaves thineself vulnerable and tired, a terrible method for survival."

>...S-so you, uh, are just giving it away, y-you want me to look as mundane as possible... d-doooon't care about my size, a-ahhhhnd you just want to do it in the most boring way for only three minutes.

"That seems most preferable, yes.

>...HISSSS!"

"Is something wrong?"

>S-SHE DEVIL! FOUL WITCH MOST CURSED! A pox! A pox I cast upon you and all of your heresy against all things sexy! Foulest monster, darkest beast! Never darken my path again! NEVER LAY THINE UNSEXY EYES UPON MINE FORM AGAIN! I must flee! FLEE FROM THE ACCURSED FORM BEFORE IT CONSUMES MY MOJO MOST PURE! HIISSSSSSS!

The window to her room shattered, and 29 disappeared into the night, never to bother her again.

"...And my sister says I'm terrible at manipulating others."

She smirks to herself.

"But perhaps they will remember who not only holds dominion over their dreams... but their nightmares."

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>Celestia
"Luna"
'???'
~~~~~~
Luna checks herself over in the mirror

"Woe art we, not even in a milimeter have we declined in volume."

>You know, sister, perhaps some good exercise might, ironically, to fall back into old habits. You remember when you used to spend your nights with your guard, take enthusiastic walks through the woods, kill homicidal vampire priests.

"They were good times."

>Speaking of those days, whatever happened to that big tittied milkmare that you made into a bat pony?

"We believe she is in the uppermost tower of the palace these days?"

>Don't we use that as an attic storage space?

Meanwhile, within a rattling coffin...

'I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK, CONFINED SPACES, AND HEIGHTS!'

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR

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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Celestia? Had a question.

"Happy to answer it."

>...What, really? Yer' perfectly fine with me askin' ya' somethin' about the kingdom?

"Go right ahead, I'm all ears."

>Don't wanna jump off the side of the castle or somethin'? Maybe shoot yer'self in the head?

"Don't be silly! It's just a question."

>...Fine. What kind of frosting are we orderin' in bulk from Saddle Arabia?

"Buttercreme. Lots and lots of it."

>Dang it.

"Oh, Applejack! You weren't hoping I would attempt to flee, giving you the chance to place the order for your much more preferred Apple flavor, instead of the Buttercreme I know you hate, were you? Why, that would just be a gross oversight on my part!"

>...Fine, ya' win this round. Bout time ya' got one in the bag.

"All journeys start with the smallest step, dear Applejack."

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>Applejack 29
"Fluttershy"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>We-he-he-hell~! Look at this pretty little thing hiding out all by herself in the middle of the woods.

"Hiding?"

>You didn't perhaps come all this way for a little bit of... alone time, did you? Maybe a chance to just 'scratch an itch' away from your cute little animal friends?

"...Oh, you're that Changeling Cadence told me about. Forty nine?"

>Twenty nine, actually. Two in the front, if you catch my drift. Or nine in the back, I'm flexible.

"Oh my, you're as... forward as she described you."

>Flattered! So then she told you about my propensity for royalty, yes? Well, I just heard through the grapevine that there was a princess I just so happened to be neglecting, little old you! I'm so sorry, and if you want I'll do ANYTHING if you want me to make it up to you.

"O-oh no, I'm good. This is actually making me feel really uncomfortable."

>You sure? Surely someone like yourself has a fantasy or two. A dashing stallion coming to your rescue? A prince rushing you off to a life of bliss? Or a princess, whichever, I can go every which way but lower on the social standing. I don't judge. Say the word, and they'll show you a whole new world, and new positions of course.

"...I'm just going to take two steps back, if that's okay."

>Oh-ho-ho! Do you want me to chase you down? THAT kind of fantasy, eh? Well I don't really do forced stuff, to be perfectly honest the whole idea of rape feels abhorrent to me, but for YOU, my yellow darling, I will make an except-... where did the sun go?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia knew she wouldn't later ask why a giant squeaky mallet with a frowny face had appeared in the sky. She knew she wouldn't ask who's scream of terror that was. She wouldn't even ask if they survived the massive eruption that followed when squeaky hammer met solid earth.

All she knew is that it wasn't her fault, and that was plenty.

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>AJ29
"AJ2"
'Cadence'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Rassafrassafreakinghell-

"29? What'cha doing on the ceiling?"

>I am TRYING to avoid detection so I can slip unnoticed into Cadence's room, take the form of her husband with what I am hopeful is at least a general idea of his size, put on something fetching and wait for her to walk in. Then, once she can no longer resist the idea of her fantasies fulfilled, I will do all sorts of things to her. Sexy things. Things that will leave her unable to walk for days. Or weeks, depending on what I can convince her to try.

"...I don't like it when you come to visit."

>And I don't like it when-

*CRASH!*

>-... when I point angrily at you and forget I was suspending myself on the ceiling, and painfully drop to the floor.

"That only happened, like, now."

>You know what? That was plenty.

*He angrily stomps up to her*

>Now listen here you little pest, I am going to walk over there, open that door, and do some unspeakable things while looking like your precious Shiny. You, being the good little bug you are, are going to go outside and hopefully get lost in traffic. I don't want you NEAR me until I have satisfied her every carnal need, ARE WE CLEAR!

"...Dunno. Hey, Somby, we clear on that?"

GRAAAAH!

"Somby says we're not clear."

>...I may have been too hasty-NO PLEASE WAIT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Hey, Two. What's in the bag?'

"Just some trash someone left out. We're being helpful and picking it up for you, right Somby?"

*Growling noises*

'Oh, well, thank you for being so considerate! I'll ask Shiny to have the cooks make you both some extra cupcakes tonight.'

"Yaaay! Come on, Somby, we gotta take it all the way out into the snow. Far... far into the snow."

*They leave*

'...Was that bag moving?'

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>Applejack 18
"Cadence"
~~~~~~~~~~

"Unsuccessful, yet again? Who could have seen it coming?"

>Ah hah, ah hah, please, stop, the laughter will kill me. No, seriously, stop.

"Oh no, you see, for as long as you are there, trying to seduce and bed my husband while looking like me, I get to mock you as muuuuuch as a I want!"

>You don't have to rub it in.

"Oh really? Give me one good reason, and I'll stop for the rest of the day."

>I'm not as bad as 29.

"...Shoot. Okay, you get the day off from my mockery. Really, I don't know why you're so obsessed with him."

>I'm not 'Obsessed', this is my job. I was assigned to do this.

"Oh please, like anyone would keep commanding you to come back after MONTHS of failure."

>...This is Chrysalis we're talking about.

"...Fair enough. But couldn't you just ask to be re-assigned or something? Surely you could convince her stop eventually, especially with that annoying other Changeling on the prowl."

>Are... are you joking?

*She starts to walk away.*

>Getting to come here is the only reason I wake up in the morning.

*Cadence watches her leave, but doesn't say anything.*

"...I am not feeling sorry for a Changeling, I am NOT feeling sorry for THAT Changeling, I am NOT... shoot."

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>Applejack 29
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Ooooooh, Queenie!

"...The fu-"

>I'm back from my mission to the Empire!

"...Sneaky Applejack, is that you? You're a guy? Wow. I was WAY off with that one."

>No no no, sweetie, I'm a different Changeling. You can tell by my dashing good looks and the fact that there is a modicum of class to me, unlike her.

"Did you just call me swee-"

>ANYWAY! I just wanted to inform you that I think I'm making a lot of progress! Cadence stopped carrying pepper spray, even! Pretty soon, I'll have all the love we could want.

"O-okay? Wait, Cadence? I thought I ordered she didn't get any-"

>Ohhh, don't worry! I'll be sure to mention you by name after I've shown them the ropes a bit. Who knows? Shiny might even invite you back for a little rematch. I'll be sure to give him some pointers on how to make up for your... lack of experience.

"...you little fucking-"

>My my, I would just LOVE to give you some more of the saucy details, but that little novel has yet to be written I'm afraid! Well, I'm off to see if we can move past that nasty little writers block. Whenever I succeed, I'll send word to have you let into the kingdom. Who knows? Maybe this time you won't have to pretend to be Cadence in order to get a slice. Ciao~!

*He leaves*

"...S-s-so much rage. Can't... Can't move! Rage burning blood underneath skin.... might just... might... just.....!"

*POP!*

"AAAAARGH ASS CHITIN OF MY MOTHER THAT STINGS! How does Applejack put up with that so often!? Apple Family Tradition my giant backside! That fucking hurts! Ooooooh when I find out which Changeling that was, HEADS WILL ROLL. HEADS. WILL. ROOOOOLLLLL... but first I need to go get this fixed, my vision is going quickly. Ow."

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>Crystal pony guard
"Cadence"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Princess! I have returned from my extended leave of absence in Fillydelphia, and am ready to resume my duties in your service!

"Oh, that's wonderful Mindshatter! I take it the psychiatric help was successful?"

>Yes, thankfully the nightmares have finally ended, and I can look at crystal without going into convulsions now.

"Wonderful!"

>But, uh, Princess? I had a few questions.

"Oh?"

>I noticed there was a, uh, a Changeling running around the halls.

"Oh, that's just Applejack 2. Shiny is quite attached to her, she's nothing you be worried about."

>I will make a note of that. I also noticed another... well, another YOU running around the halls.

"Oh, that's Applejack 18. She's currently trying to seduce my husband as part of a mission from the Changeling Queen. But not to worry, Shiny would never be unfaithful to me."

>Should I get rid of her?

"Oh no, no no no, she's quite helpful with the paperwork. She's fine."

>I see... I also noticed another, small one running around.

"That's Applejack 56. He's not to be let near any matches or combustible material, but other than that, he's fine."

>If you don't mind me asking, why...

"Oh, he almost burned the city to the ground once. Poor thing was devastated when he found out Crystal Pony plots are a little harder than normal."

>There was one more Changeling-

"Applejack 29. Shoot that little asshole whenever you see him. He is NOT to be let in the castle.

>...Your Higheness, in the garden over there, is that-

"Yes, that's Sombra. Applejack 2 is currently trying to train him. She's making a lot of progress, actually! They're adorable together."

>...They're adorable. The dark king who enslaved us and made us work near to death and the creature who's species invaded your Aunt's kingdom. Adorable.

"Yep!"

>....You know what? I'm going back to Fillydelphia, and I am getting my money back. They CLEARLY did jack shit, and I am still obviously insane.

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
__________

>Hey, ‘Tia.

“Shit on a shingle… every time. Every time I lift a forkful of cake to my lips, here you come barging through my doors. So tell me, what great threat is coming to kill my little pony followers now, eh?”

>Not what’s comin’. It’s pretty much here.

“And yet, we still breathe. Fascinating, isn’t it?”

>Yeah, tell me ‘bout it. With Sombra back and under AJ2’s care, Ah’m surprised we all aren’t-

“Wait, wait, wait, slow your roll. What did you just say? Sombra? Back? And with AJ2?”

>Yup. At the Crystal Empire. AJ2 is ‘Somby’s handler.

“What the fu- Why am I just now hearing about this?! How do YOU know?”

>‘Cause unlike y’all, Ah actually take an active role in the going-ons of Equestria as a whole?

“…”

>Yeah. And ya wonder how Chryssi managed to one-shot ya in the jaw durin’ the Changeling takeover.

"Actually. Would you believe that only happened because I wanted to take a break...?"

>Comin' from y'all? Yes. Yes, Ah could. Easily.

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>Shining
"2"
'Sombra'

>Hello 2.

"Hi Shiny!"

>You haven't seen the fifteen bits I had for dinner tonight, have you? I swear I left them on my nightstand.

"Oh those? Somby took them."

>WHAT!?

"Yeah, I think he left a note on the door as he floated out."

Shining walks over to the door to find a piece of paper, on it is a message written in a flowing curcive...in crayon.

'Dear Shining Armor (Usurper)

'As you may have discovered by now I have liberated the currency you were hoarding! Make no mistake, you wastrel, 2's affections may have have crafted an uneasy truce betwixt us (as well as my being reduced to a mere speck of my former self) but I shall reclaim what is mine in time!

'Until then I will use your funds to purchase a suitable throne for my government in exile (formerly known as 2's room). I shall return from this 'Pet Shop' 2 recommended soon! FEAR MY RESURGENCE USURPER! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Sincerely yours,

Ex-King Sombra.'

>...Who buys a throne at a pet shop?

"I think we meant a doggy bed."

>Well there goes eating out.

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>Applejack 2
“Sombra”
‘Shining’
________

AJ2 sits on Shining’s bed with a mug of steaming cocoa held in her hooves, while across from her, just floating there ominously, is Sombra.

>Mmmm… marchmalley’s are soooo good~ But tell me about you, Somby! How’d you… you’re this big, ol’ black smog thing!

“Graaaa.”

>Oh that’s terrible!

“GRAAAL.”

>Uh-huh, uh-huh.

“HISSSSSS…”

>No waaaay… a million pieces, Somby? Oooh, I wish I had a million marchmalley’s….

“Rowrl.”

>I could so eat a million marchmalley’s! A kajillion even! I’m a machmalley monster!

“Grrr.”

>Nuh-uh, I’m scarier! I’ll prove it! Raaawrl!

“Graaaah!”

>Meeeergh!

The door opens and Shining walks in.

‘Hey, 2, I was just wondering if you wanted more marsh-’

“GRORRRL!”

>AWOOOOOO!

‘Cadance! Cadance, hurry, get the video recorder! This is too precious!’

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>Applejack 18
"Applejack 42"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Is this really the best place we could meet?

"You are the one who insisted that we meet where you could get something to eat."

>It's a cafeteria. For soldiers.

"Princess Applejack told them not to bother us, and no other restaurant wants us. Deal with it."

>Well, it IS nice that we get to hang out. We never get to hang out.

"This is official business!"

>Right. Super official espionage business So you DON'T want to hear about Cadence getting her hair stuck to an ice sculpture?

"...Well, I mean, obviously that is vital information. Using the environment to our advantage will be crucial in our conquest. You can't leave that out."

>Or Shining Armor setting up a mousetrap in his bed, and Applejack 29's unfortunate choice of 'size' and placement of said 'size'?

"Well clearly the traps our enemies are laying is need to know. I want explicit details on that one."

>Oh, but surely you don't want to hear about Applejack 2 setting off a rainbow bomb and ruining Cadence's dresses.

"Psychological warfare is important to the mission. If you could describe the exact look of devastation on her face, I can gauge it better."

>And you wanted to re-assign me.

"We all have our moments of regret. Now spill, soldier!"

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>Shining Armor
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

>AT. LAST!

"It hasn't been that long."

>No, hush, let's do the happy love time stuff now, and talk more about it later.

"...'happy love time stuff'?"

>No, seriously Cadence, let's get right into this before something breaks it up.

"Will you stop? Nothing's going to-"

*SLAM!*

'Yoooou shumbitches!'

>...

"...Sorry."

'Sho looky what Ah've got 'ere! What, gonna go have sesh, wish yer' WIFE?!'

>That was the plan.

"How the hell did you get past our guards? You're drunk off your ass, an infant could stop you like this."

'Oh, ish funny, therr all puttin' out a big ol' fire! One o' mah changl-...chngl-...bug monsers did it.'

>...Damn it, 56.

'Stop changin' the' shubject! Why you gonna' do it with her an not me!?'

>...Wife. She's my- do I really have to explain this?

'B-but I'm sho mush bigger! LOOK AT ME!'

"Chrysalis, get your backside out of our faces, please."

'Wha's she got tha' AH don't!?'

>A loving soul. A caring if forgetful personality. A base desire to help others. Not a giant bug rapist.

'...well, yeeeeah! When ya' put it like that! But she's got a tiny butt!'

"...Not that tiny."

'Why can't I find love!? WHOSH OUT ZHER FER CHRISSY!?'

>There's apparently a raging fire going on outside, try getting intimate with that.

'Ya know what!?'

*THUMP!*

"...Is she..."

>All over our carpet.

"..Gonna go help with the fire now?"

>Yep. Moods pretty much dead now.

"...I am sorry-"

>I know. It's not your fault, it's the universe as a whole. Just... let's go put out the fire.

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>Shining Armor
"Applejack 2"
'Sombra'
~~~~~~~~

>Hey guys, just wanted to check in before I went to bed, anything-

"SHINYYYYY~ Somby keeps trying to take over my places! I told him you that's not how you play Monopony, but he won't listen!"

'ROWR!'

>Now Somby, play nice.

'RAAARG!'

>No.

'RAAAWRG!'

>I said no.

'RAWWWRG! RAGGLE RAWGH AWHA! RARARAGA! Rarrgargh rog reeeeh, ROOOOOOGGRAH! AH AHA HA!'

>Play by the rules or I'll put you in the time out bubble. Your call.

'...Rargh.'

>That's better. I brought you both some coco too.

"YAY!"

>Sugar free! We do NOT need you up all night, thank you.

'...rarg?'

>Yes, I brought you some too. I had my guys whip up another little vapor strip so it didn't just spill on the floor again.

'...Rowr.'

>You're welcome.

"Okay, now remember, throw the dice and THEN you can have the places you land on."

'Grrr.'

"No, I don't know why they're not in prison, I hear ponies die from this all the time."

'Gwr?'

"Somby, I'm pretty sure even YOU aren't that evil."

'.....Rar.'

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