Portraying Myself In A Negative Light

AS: Well……… I wasn’t planning on it, but since you guys insist
(Music starts)
All: NO!
(Record scratches)
AS: Aw……. Okay. Well, here it goes…………
When I was a wee li’l ‘un……
(Music starts)
Albert and Clewn’t: (under their breath, spoken) Crap…

AS: I made my way into the public’s eye
When I was ‘round 9 or 10
Saved a harmless little butterfly
From being eaten by some jerk-butt’s kitten
Was world-renowned for that little thing
Got money, some cars, and some serious bling
I was happy as could be, and I wanted the happiness to last
Had to hurry, think up a plan, my fame was fleeting fast
Soon I realized, to keep all the fame I had
Very simply put, I had to begin being bad

So, the next morning, I walked out of my cave
Reigned some terror before dawn
Burned the flag, cracked some racist jokes
Used no protection, and killed some folks
And as it turned out, the reaction was greater
Than it could have ever been if I kept doing good
That was when, right there and then, I knew just what I should

Portray myself in a negative light
Give the boys and girls a big ol’ fright
Do bad, and in my mind I’ll be doing right
Just go down to the bar and pick a fight
Because it gives me such a thrill
I’ll find a sudden urge to kill
By doing wrong, I’m doing right
‘Cause I’m portraying myself in a negative light

Irving: (spoken) Doesn’t that sound kinda like the motives of a villain?
AS: (spoken) I don’t think so. It’s all in good fun, so where’s the harm?
Irving: (spoken) Well, uh, gee…. I don’t kn~YOU KILLED MULTIPLE PEOPLE.
AS: (spoken) Whoa, whoa, whoa-ho. Settle down, little nerdy boy. As long as I’m not being serious, it’s fine. Right?

All that I do is wrong, I know
But I’m doing it for my benefit, not their remorse
If there is a problem, I won’t deny that I’m the source
But for the sake of time, and to stop beating a dead horse
Maybe I shall go straight back to the chorus

See, I’m just portraying myself in a negative light
When I’m doing right, I’m in their wrong, which is my right
Look, this is my life, so why try to fight
Because for now and forever, I’ll be picking fights
Not doing right
Causing chaos
Painting the town white
Not gathering moss
My gain’s your loss
Eternal night
With all my might,
I’ll be portraying myself in a negative light