Crappy Stories Episode 3: Return of the crappy Writefag

For those of you reading, and actually care about the MC and not the monsters, my name's Joe, and I'm a Chemistry teacher at a school mostly full of Monstergirls.

It's Thursday, Second period. I am currently checking who is, or isn't, absent today.

I recline in my comfy teacher chair and start to read off names in an overly cliche tone of voice, "Shannon?"

"Here!" A red skinned Succubus in the around the back of the classroom raises her hand while the tip of her spaded tail begins to wag frantically. I know her, but I like to pretend I don't.

"Sarah?"

A few second go by but I receive no answer.

"Sarah?" I repeat myself, and begin to look around the room for her from my rotating chair. I spot Sarah napping on her desk, using her wings as a make-shift pillow.

I grab a roll of tape and throw it at her with the force of a professional baseball player that doesn't use steroids, and the speed of a dragster. It hits her head with an audible "thump", and bounces off her head and smacks the Elf sitting next to her in the face.

The Harpy wakes up in a fluster, and begins to quickly look around the room, "MUH?!"

"Glad you could finally join us, Sarah." I grab my coffee mug and take a sip of its heavenly contents, "Are you back from Down Under for good?"

A series of gibberish and Australian swear words begin to quietly flow from her mouth.

I ignore the angry Harpy, and continue to call out the names of my students, "Sam?"

A tomboyish Cat girl raises her clawed paw, and proceeds to groom herself for the seventh time today.

"Rose?"

A Dragon, with grey scales that are covered in black speckles, raises her claw while taking long puffs off a cigar.

I cock an eyebrow for the first, and not the last, time today, "Rose, what have I told you about smoking in class?"

Rose takes one long puff from her cigar, and makes numerous rings make of smoke, "But it's not like it will harm me in any way, not to mention anyone else since it has been proven that second hand smoke is a load of bullshit."

"No buts. Besides, all you smoke are horrible smelling cigars. Now put it out."

The Dragon reluctantly put her cigar out with her tongue.

"Marion?"

"Here." A Wurm wearing glasses and a proper uniform raises her hand. Ah, Marion. She's the only person in this class that actually pays attention, as well as the only student here with a grade higher than "D". I have high hopes for this girl.

"Kate?"

A Wurm wearing an improperly buttoned up shirt waves her hand around wildly as she eats a whole apple pie, tin and all.

Where the hell did she get an apple pie?

"Karen?"

"Here!" A Holstaurus happily waves her hand back and forth, inadvertently causing her breasts to gyrate back and forth.

"Jeff?"

A skinny guy with spiky hair weakly raises his hand. Poor kid, he's one of the few male students, and spends most of his day as a plaything.

I spend a few more minutes reading though various other names, because the monkey writing this doesn't want to think up any more names for characters that might not even appear again. So use your imagination for the rest of the class.

After reading the last name on the list, I turn towards the class and grab their attention by hitting a handful of poppers with a hammer, "Tomorrow there will be a fairly hard test, so I want you all to review everything we went over in the last month to prepare yourselves. Are there any questions?"

Kate raises her hand with an audible "WOOSH" noise.

"Yes?"

The Wurm licks away what's left of the pie on her face with her tongue, "Why is it that nobody here has a last name?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because."

"That's not an answer though..." Kate looks down towards the ground with a dejected look.

I scratch my shins and continue on, "If any of you need help with something, or you have a question, don't be afraid to come up to my desk and ask for help with anything."

"ANYthing?~" Shannon thinks out loud, her spade tail twitching all over the place like a severe Bethesda game glitch.

I ball my hand into a fist and begin to bang it against my forehead, "No." After tenderizing my face for a few more seconds, I stop and gesture the class to start reviewing for the test.

I wonder just what horrible thing will happen today...

As if one cue, a red succubutt lands itself on my lap, "Heya sexy."

I narrow my eyes at the red sex fiend, "Shannon, what are you doing?"

"Asking for "Help" with something." Shannon says with a dirty smirk and moving her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

......

I push her off of my lap and onto the floor with one good shove. She hits the ground with a thump, "Ohh baby, I love a man that plays rough!"

"Go back to your seat already."

After raping me with her eyes, and sucking on her finger suggestively, she finally goes back to her seat.

As soon as Shannon sits down, Sarah's feathery and firm behind lands in my lap, "G'Day."

"And just what do you need help with?" I ask the Aussie Harpy, while pouring alcohol into my mug to turn my coffee Irish.

"The oldies were taken to jail in a booze bus, so could you help me out by letting me stay over at your place for a few years?"

I look into her eyes, and give her the most serious, and heartfelt, answer I could, "No."

"Why not?"

"I already deal with one freeloader, I don't need another."

I pick up the extremely light Harpy, and set her down gently onto the floor.

Sarah pouts while walking back to her seat with crossed wings/arms.

Sensing a pattern going on, I scoot my chair backwards with my feet before Sarah can sit down. As some as Sarah's rump connects with her chair, a familiar looking Wolf girl in tight gym clothing lands on the spot where my chair used to be.

With her butt.

"Claire, what are you doing?" I say while taking a sip of Irish coffee.

Claire rubs her behind and turns her head towards me, "Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular."

"So what brings you to my neck of the short bus that is this school?"

The Werewolf recovers from her landing by rolling into a backflip, and landing on her feet, "I came here to see if my missing students were around here."

"Which ones?"

"The usual culprits. They asked to use the bathroom a while ago, but never came back. I assume they already got their hands onto something by now.

!!!

Three crossbow bolts fly right past me, and pierce into the whiteboard behind my desk and to the left!

I gulp down what's left of my coffee before anything happens to it, "I'd say you assumption is correct."

"Well I better catch them before they do any real harm. I don't need the Principal firing me."

"I doubt it. She'd be too busy dry humping her cardboard cutout of Antonio Banderas, or violating some nameless, faceless student to care."

Claire turns away and begins to follow after the little shits, but stops, and turns back around, "Have you put any thought into that date, by any chance?"

What is she talking about?

Oh, wait. I remember.

"Ah, I have. Does Sunday sound good?"

"That sounds good!" The wolf woman leaves the room with renewed vigor and a bounce in her step.

Hopefully she'll catch them before they do anything el-

Another bolt flies through the room, and pierces Kate's juices box, causing its contents to spill out.

Tears begin to roll down her face, as she begins to silently sob.

-too late.