man I think I just experienced theh hell you've mentioned whenever I'm gone and it just randomly has me online on things

I had a dream, I don't remember the start but there was something super natural going on, but also that Canada was in some war-ish situation where there was a lot of people dying

naturally that sounds like a downright horrible and nervewracking situation, but we kinda tried to pretend it didn't exist, one night we did kinda argue about something I can't remember, and we went to bed a bit steamy at each other, and the next day you just.. didn't come online on anything, and nothing on your phone either

at first I thought maybe you were just still angry at me or something so I just waited a bit, but as it turned to evening again, I just got more worried, and next day when you still hadn't been anywhere, it just kinda hit me like a rock, and I just.. couldn't really handle it, I just laid down in my bed, wishing that you were okay, even praying

and days just passed, I sent messages every day, several times, you could see in how I progressively got more worked up and panicked, but one of the days, you were just online on skype, and I just kinda swallowed my own tongue it felt, of course, I wrote loaaads but there was no response, which made the massive knot in my stomach turn even more

then, I think a few weeks had passed, like 3-4, and I had kinda realised you were dead, not that it didn't anything different, I kept trying to write to you, hoping so hard for a response back, getting hopeful and ecstatic, but then it turned out someone else wrote to me, eventually crying and I just wanted to talk to you, and that I hated myself for letting something end like that, the arguing I mean, it's very far from the last thing I wanted to be.. well, my last words?

despite me obviously not being able to cope with that you died, I just got the feeling I needed to tell people, who were worrying like me I thought, so somehow I just had a discord channel with your friends in it, I wrote everything, that the conflict in Canada and you hadn't been on for a month and they didn't believe me at first, so I told them again and again, and eventually they got it I think, they had a sort of a minute of silence, thanked me for telling them, and some I think said they were gonna see your family if they were okay

even after that, I at some point went to Canada myself, I don't know why I had the money or even your exact address but I guess I knew the city and also your full name, and when I got there, it was just.. rubble, really, I walked through it, recognised what I've seen of your computer, in bits, your bed, and also came across an almost entirely out of battery phone, whichhh doesn't make much sense since it had been more than a month, but clicking the home button once revealed aaaaall the notifications for skype messages and such, and then it died, and there was no trace of you, so I kinda just sat down there and broke down for a while