Unrequited

This was the final straw. She couldn't handle it anymore. Lynn sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the phone in her hands. On screen was a picture of Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. Ronnie's belly was exposed, it had a slight mound. Lincoln stood next to her holding a sign; "It's a girl!". It was too late for her now. She thought it was too late when they got married. She thought it was too late when they started dating. She always thinks that she missed her opportunity to tell him. Yet something always pops up and tells her that she just missed it. That she could have finally told him the truth about how she felt. That it should be her he spends the rest of his life with. That it should be her that he's living the dream with. That it should be her that he's holding the sign next to. It's too late, now. It's always too late for Lynn.

Lynn stood up, dropping the phone onto her bed. She walks over to her night stand and opens the tiny drawer. Inside was a small handgun, one that was meant to protect her. Now, the gun was nothing more than a solution. It was to be the end of Lynn's sad, lonely life. A bold period to the end of her short sentence. A loud exclamation point to her quiet life. She stared at the gun a little longer, trying to think of a reason not to do it. Trying to think of a reason to continue on. She couldn't think of one. It's not the first time she's thought about this. Every time she was able to think of reasons to go on. Every time the list would get shorter. Lynn went through the list one more time.

He'll be too busy with the baby to spend every weekend with her. He'll be too busy with Ronnie to to go out to dinner with her. He'll be too busy with work to hang out with her. He'll be too busy with his own life, to let her in. There was never much room for Lynn, but what little room she did have was now being used for the future child. So now what? Well, now she grabs the gun. Lynn walks over to the bedroom wall. She places her back against the wall and slides down until she hits the floor. She feels nothing, now. Nothing but the cold metal in her hands. Nothing but the trigger of the gun prod against her finger. She goes through the list one more time, double checking for a reason to exist. She finds none.

Lynn raises the gun to her temple. She takes a deep breath and places her finger onto the trigger. She thinks back to what started all of this. Back to when she first fell in love with her brother.


----The First Feeling---

Lynn: Age 6
Lincoln: Age 4

Lynn sat on the ground, hands holding her leg. Sharp pain shot through her knee, tears welled up in her eyes. A red mark painted a spot on her skin as bits of dirt and blood cling onto the wound. Her parents were inside the house, watching over the others. Her little brother stood before her, a worried look was plastered onto his face. Normally, he would have ran inside and asked his parents for help; that was not an option. They were told that they couldn't play on the shed, that it was too dangerous. They were told that they would fall off and hurt themselves. They were told they would be grounded if they were caught disobeying them. So now Lynn sat on the ground, wondering what to do.

"Does it hurt?"

Lynn nodded as she choked back her tears. Lincoln began looking around the backyard, looking for something to fix this. There is nothing he can find to aid her.

"Hold on, Lynn, I'll head inside and get you something."

"No, if mom and dad find out we'll get in trouble!"

"Don't worry, I won't get caught."

Lincoln runs up to the back door and sticks his ear to it. After a brief pause he quietly opens the door and heads inside. Lynn is left alone in the yard, watching the red liquid flow down her knee. A breeze picks up and touches the wound; causing a painful sting. Her tears begin flowing down her cheeks. Lincoln finally comes out of the house, runs up to Lynn and holds out a damp rag.

"Here, this will help."

Lynn's face has gone red trying to hold back from screaming. The tears kept falling off her eyes, she was unable to help herself. Lincoln saw her doing nothing so he go onto his knees next to her.

"This will probably hurt." He says as he brings the rag to the wound.

As soon as the cold fabric touches her knee, Lynn winces at the pain. Lincoln apologizes and continues to lightly rub the wound, trying to clean it. He pulls back the rag and inspects the scrape, it looks better.

"Does it still hurt?"

Lynn nods again. Lincoln stares at the wound for a bit before leaning it and giving her a kiss on the knee. For a split second all the pain Lynn felt was gone. It returned quickly, but that's all Lynn needed to stop crying.

"Does it still hurt?"

Lynn paused for a bit before shaking her head and smiling a bit. She still felt the stinging sensation on her knee, but she felt something else, too.

"Good!" Lincoln says, standing up.

Lynn looks up at her brother, he's smiling a big tooth-missing smile. He sticks his hand out in front of Lynn, meaning to help her up. She grabs hold of his hand and he lifts her off the ground, onto her feet. Her knee still hurts from the scrape, but she doesn't notice. The only thing she notices is her little brother's hand holding onto hers. She lightly squeezes his hand, a new feeling emerges from within her. She doesn't know why, but she really enjoys holding his hand.

--------

Tears begin to form in Lynn's eyes. That was the first time she felt this way about him. A simple scrape on the knee caused all of this. Caused all those years of torment, of watching him love someone else. She squeezes the gun a little tighter, her finger begins to pull back the trigger. The muscles in her arm twitch as she struggles to end herself. She doesn't know why she's struggling, everyone wants her to do it. Society looks down at people like Lynn. They tell her that she's sick, or that she's just confused. They say that she needs help and that no normal person should feel that way about their siblings. They've told her this countless times, ever since she was a little girl; even her mother.

----You Just Can't----

Lynn: Age 7
Lincoln: Age 5

Lynn stormed around the living room while Lincoln chased after her. They were playing tag and leaving the area was against the rules. Lincoln did his best to keep up with his sister, but her athleticism was starting to blossom as the girl tumbled around the furniture. It wasn't long until Lincoln was completely out of breath and on the floor, panting. Lynn noticed she stopped being chased and walked over to her brother.

"You okay, Lincoln?"

"Haa haa haa, yeahh, haa, just need, haa, to rest, haa haa."

Lynn looked down at her brother worriedly.

"Want me to get you some juice?"

"Haa, yes please."

Lynn ran into the kitchen, opened the fridge and used the nearby stool to reach the juice. She poured some into a cup and delivered it to him. Lincoln quickly gulped down the drink and handed the empty cup back to Lynn.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome!"

Lincoln laid back down as Lynn hopped back into the kitchen to drop the cup off. A smile was plastered across her face.

"Well that was awfully sweet of you."

Lynn turned and saw her mother standing next to the backdoor.

"I'm glad I have such a caring daughter."

Lynn blushed a little at the comment.

"I just like helping him when I can."

Rita smiled at Lynn and walked over to the sink. She ran some hot water and began washing the dishes. Lynn stared up at her mother, she looked like she had something to say. Rita began humming a tune as she scrubbed some plates.

"Mom, what's love?"

Rita stopped humming and turned to her daughter with a rather surprised expression.

"Love? Umm, Love is... like..."

Lynn continued to stare at her mother as she tried to think of a good answer. Rita's face lit up as she finally thought of something.

"Love is the close bond you share with someone you care about."

Lynn smiled. "Like with me and Lincoln?"

"Yes, and with you and your sisters."

"Or like how Mommy loves Daddy?"

"Yes, but it's a bit different with your father and I."

"It is?"

"Yes, dear, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."

Lynn just looked at her confused.

"To love someone is to care deeply about them. But, to be in love with someone is to feel a deep connection with them. Everything they do makes you feel better. You laugh at their unfunny jokes. You want to make them happy when their sad. It's hard to put into words, but when you're in love with someone, you'll know."

Lynn looked at her brother laying in the living room; she smiles.

"So like with me and Lincoln?"

"No, no honey, you only love Lincoln; as a brother."

Lynn turned back to her mother.

"But you just said I'll know when I'm in love, and I know I love my brother."

Lynn turned back again to her brother.

"When he smiles I feel happy. When he cries I want to make him laugh. When he has a nightmare I want to protect him. W-"

Lynn turns back to her mother and is stunned to see such a worried look on her face.

"No, Lynn, you're just confused. Brothers and sisters can't be in love with each other."

Those words hit Lynn right in the stomach. She feels as if she swallowed a brick. Like she could throw up at any time.

"Why not?"

"Because they just can't, sweetie."

Lynn looked down at her feet, confused as to what she feels. Rita went back to washing the dishes. Lynn exited the kitchen and walked over to Lincoln; who was now standing up.

"Thanks again for juice, Lynn."

Lynn looked up at her brother. The brick in her throat began to disappear as she gazed upon his smile. Before Lynn to could say anything, Lincoln poked her in the cheek.

"Tag, you're it!"

Lincoln ran around the couch, laughing. The nauseous feeling she wants felt in her stomach was replaced by warm butterflies fluttering around her heart. Her smile returned in full force as she chased her brother around the room, giggling nonstop. Lynn didn't know why her mother told her siblings couldn't be in love, but she knew she was wrong.

--------

Lynn began to whimper. They always said love was blind. That you should always follow your heart, but not if your heart yearns for a family member. If your heart chooses a brother then you should just rip it out and stomp on it until it dies. Her mother was the first one to step on her heart and definitely not the last. Over the years Lynn would off-handily ask her teachers about incestual relationships and each teacher would metaphorically kick her in the chest. They said brothers and sisters shouldn't make a family. She was told that the baby would be an abomination not fit for the world. That she would just create a heritage of mutants with glaring defects. Lynn even asked her little sister, Lisa, about the possibility of removing the defective genes from a baby born of incest. Lisa said it was possible, but no one would want to help. Still a kick to the chest, but a light one that brought hope to Lynn. The chance of having a future with Lincoln was a small one, but a chance nonetheless.

The hope of being with Lincoln was slowly snuffed out over the years. The constant reminders that her feelings are wrong would slowly weigh her down. Watching Lincoln faun over other girls would chip away at her dreams. Seeing Ronnie Anne pregnant would finally destroy any chance she has at happiness. Lynn began to remember all the girls Lincoln had crushes on; she remembered their faces perfectly. Lincoln never told anyone his feelings for another, but Lynn would always find out. She would make comments about the girl to make Lincoln lose interest in them. Every time Lincoln would think about asking a girl out, Lynn would convince him not to. As time went by, she found she would have to convince him less and less. Lynn didn't even have to intervene with Christina, as Lincoln didn't try to pursue her at all. So when Ronnie Anne came around, Lynn thought she wouldn't have to do anything. She would regret that decision everyday for the rest of her soon-to-be short life.