I know this is challenging for you. To have had your stable life and routine upturned to be burdened with such a heavy responsibility. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel even just a little guilty for how my presence impacts you. Truly I have thought of leaving so many times not just after an argument but for to see in you the stress that I can cause even at the best of times. I can appreciate this impact not because of what you say or for how you act but above all else because I am your son, you are my father, we think alike and I know how stressful this would be for you because I get stressed alike with other things. Your greatest fault is to fail to acknowledge that as becoming a father you create something that is entirely a mirror of yourself. We argue not because I am selfish or greedy or angry we argue because we are alike, I need explaination I need logic I need things to make sense just exactly like you do and I cannot simply accept something that impacts me if my mind is not satisfied just as surely as you can’t. I do not like to argue and fight but I am left with little option other than to childishly contest. I know the things we fight over are often when I desire something which I am not necessarily desperately requiring or entitled to, but if you are fully capable of providing it and It is not something ridiculous then I cannot accept that I cannot have it just because you say so. I need to know why. And if Your reasoning does not make any damned sense then of course I will call you out for it and become emotional; this is where our biggest issue arises, because for just as much I think alike to you, I am additionally burdened with the emotions that mother has given me l, and my emotions will take over if I feel I am being controlled or restricted without due cause or logic. You are stubborn, as am I; but I am willing to compromise if and when you can give logic, evidently you struggle sometimes and I think it’s because you cannot logically Explain it to yourself. You do not feel responsibility To make sense. You have a big problem there; you are unwilling to falter or compromise. I can appreciate why You don’t feel the need to. But ultimately does that it really matter if i “win”? It’s not logic it’s not me being greedy it’s you being scared of being seen to back down and be wrong. You are not always right. And in trying so hard to be always right, you commit a terrible wrong. The impact your unwillingness to open up to my opinion is really damaging. It it one of few massive faults that has plagued my upbringing. I can value why you need to maintain such an infallible status but you are not a perfect computer your mind is not without fault. You need to step back and balance the cost of compromise to the benefit.

I am not without fault. I do get angry I do lose control I have immense rage that you have caused build up with all of your perceived trespasses against my individual rights. But I am an adult now and I am responsible for how I talk and behave. I know there are things I need to work in not just in myself but how I communicate with you. Defence mechanisms and manners of arguing which I need to unlearn or change for good. But you need to accept responsibility for the fact that I have learnt so much directly from you or indirectly as a way of dealing with you.

I do not want you to divorce. I want you to step back and see how your need to be right is a horrific wrong. I know and value that you have tried to do what you think is right and I cannot blame you at-all and I am grateful for all you have taught me and for how you’ve tried but I am an adult now, however dysfunctional failed and stupid an adult I may be. You no longer have to try and teach me how you feel is best. I am now me, you need to make some radical changes to how you view me and your responsibility towards me. If you cannot do that, at least see how the way I behave I act I argue I dispute I rage I struggle is exactly how you do. You’re more an adult than me so before you try and tell me that I need to change, you need to set the example.

Ask yourself this. Has you ever saying no, ever stopped me from asking? Have you ever said yes to actually know for certain that doing so will make me ask for more? I think you justify it all with thinking that if you give me £20 I will take £20000. I wish you would explain why you think these things