Holy cow

The enormous barn contained just one cavernous room with a few closets around the perimeter. The entire room was dominated by a single gigantic cow.


"Not what I expected," Kendra murmured in disbelief.


She gawked at the colossal bovine in amazement. The huge head was up near the rafters, forty or fifty feet in the air. A hayloft spanning an entire side of the building served as a feedbox. The cow's hooves were the size of hot tubs.


The tremendous udder was absolutely bulging. Milk beaded and dripped from teats almost the size of punching bags.

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They dragged the ladders into position, one beside each of two teats on the same side of the mammoth cow. They climbed the ladders. Only by standing one rung from the top were they high enough to grip the teat near the udder.



Seth stood waiting while Kendra tried to get into position.


"These feel wobbly," she said.


"Balance."


She hesitantly stood upright. It felt a lot higher than it had looked from the ground. "You ready?"


"No. I bet this barn will hold her."


"We have to at least try."


"Hug the thingy and slide down?" Seth asked.


"We'll trade off, you, then me, then you, then me."


"Then we'll do the other side."


"How about you start it?"


"You're better at this sort of stuff," Kendra said.


"That's true, I milk a lot of giant cows. I'll show you my trophies sometime."


"Seriously, you start," urged Kendra.


"What if it hurts her?"


"I don't think we're big enough. I'm more worried that we're not going to be able to get any out."


"So I should squeeze as hard as I can, Seth confirmed."


"Sure."


"Once I do it, you'll do it, and we'll just keep going as fast as we can."


"And if I ever find a giant cow milking trophy, I'll buy it for you," Kendra offered.



"I'd rather we kept it our little secret. You ready?"


"Go for it."


Hesitantly Seth placed a hand against the huge teat.


The cow mooed, and he recoiled, crouching and grabbing the ladder with both hands to steady himself. Kendra tried to stay balanced as she laughed. Finally the foghorn moo ended.


"I changed my mind," Seth said.


"I'll count to three," said Kendra.


"You go first or I'm not doing it. I almost fell and wet my pants at the same time."


"One... two... three!"


Seth stepped off the ladder, embracing the teat. He slid down it and fell to the floor along with an impressive jet of milk. Kendra stepped off and hugged the teat as well. Even with her holding tightly, it slid through her embrace faster than she expected. She hit the floor with warm milk already soaking her jeans.


Seth was on his way back up the ladder. "I'm already disgusted," he said, stepping off and sliding down again.



This time he kept his feet when he landed. Kendra went up and slid down again. Hugging as hard as she could, she descended a little more slowly, but still fell over when she hit the floor. Already milk was everywhere.


Soon they fell into a rhythm, both of them landing on their feet most of the time. The engorged udder hung low, and they got better at using the teat-hug to control their fall. Milk gushed copiously. While they were sliding, the teats sprayed like fire hoses. It must have been at least seventy jumps each before the output began to slacken.


"Other side," Kendra gasped, breathing hard.


"My arms are dead," Seth complained.


"We have to hurry."


They scooted the ladders over and repeated the process.


Kendra tried to pretend she was on a surreal playground, where the kids waded in milk instead of sand and slid down thick, meaty poles.



Kendra focused on climbing the ladder and landing as lightly as possible. She worried that if either action became routine, she could have a bad accident, spraining an ankle, breaking a bone, or worse.


At the first sign that the flow of milk was slackening, they collapsed in exhaustion, not worried about lying in milk because their clothes and hair were already drenched.


Both of them gulped air desperately. Kendra put a hand to her neck. My heart is beating like a jackhammer.


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Kendra sat up and squeezed milk out of her hair. "That was the best workout I ever had. I'm dead."


"If I did that every day I'd look like Hercules," said Seth.


Chapter 12