doc

DrSavage	For private reasons, don't expect me in VFR for a while
18:39	DrSavage	...if ever again
18:39	padri	what happened?
18:40	DrSavage	I'm not /allowed/ to talk of it under bannable punishment
18:40	DrSavage	You'd have to ask Wilt
18:41	padri	if it has to do with vfr, you should tell me.
18:41	padri	i'm an op for a reason
18:41	DrSavage	I'm not /allowed/ to
18:41	DrSavage	If he found out I told you
18:41	DrSavage	I'd be /banned/ from FR and all its affiliates
18:42	padri	he's not going to find out.
18:43	DrSavage	This is also can't get back to who it's about either
18:43	DrSavage	Promise it
18:43	padri	who's it about?
18:43	DrSavage	Alivi
18:43	padri	maybe i don't want to hear.
18:43	DrSavage	Alleged/accidental sexual harassment
18:44	DrSavage	None of which I was as cognizant about as I could've been
18:44	DrSavage	Or meant to
18:44	DrSavage	I'm leaving it at that
18:44	DrSavage	But now I don't feel at all welcome to VFR
18:44	DrSavage	And I don't feel welcome at FR
18:44	DrSavage	Wilt has /zero/ trust in me now
18:44	padri	well
18:44	padri	vOv
18:45	DrSavage	And I believe he doesn't regard me as a friend anymore
18:45	DrSavage	So
18:45	DrSavage	Now you know
18:45	DrSavage	I never mean harm to anyone
18:45	DrSavage	I care about all of you
18:47	DrSavage	But I don't think people believe that
18:47	DrSavage	They certainly didn't after the whole me still trying to "get" you thing
18:47	DrSavage	So why should they now
18:48	padri	i don't know, savage
18:49	DrSavage	Good to see how I stand
18:52	padri	iunno, doc.
18:53	padri	you've gotten yourself into a lot of trouble.
18:53	DrSavage	And I really don't mean to
18:53	DrSavage	I make mistakes
18:53	padri	a lot.
18:54	DrSavage	Hmm
18:54	DrSavage	I guess so
18:54	padri	yeah.
18:54	DrSavage	Well
18:55	DrSavage	All I can do is try to improve
18:55	DrSavage	I don't think you want to believe I /can/
18:55	padri	i do want to believe you can
18:55	padri	i just don't know if i believe you /will/
18:56	DrSavage	Mmmm
18:56	DrSavage	Well
18:56	DrSavage	First solution to the problem?
18:56	DrSavage	Minimizing ooc contact
18:56	padri	that's not going to solve anything.
18:56	DrSavage	Removes the /possibility/ of the issue
18:56	padri	that's just avoiding problems
18:56	padri	which is not a solution.
18:56	DrSavage	Any contact made will be cordial and kind
18:56	DrSavage	And polite
18:56	padri	the /solution/ is to improve.
18:57	DrSavage	But I'm done initiating contact
18:57	DrSavage	Fuck, nobody wants to talk to me anyway
18:58	DrSavage	Be brutally honest
18:58	DrSavage	Do you care or even trust me at /all/?
18:59	padri	i want to, doc.
18:59	padri	but you're making it awfully hard.
18:59	DrSavage	Not do you /want/ to
18:59	DrSavage	I'm asking /do/ you
19:00	padri	no, not really.
19:00	padri	i've trusted you and i've trusted you and i've trusted you,
19:00	padri	but you keep making 'mistakes'
19:00	padri	and you refuse to learn from them
19:01	DrSavage	Then I'll try to earn it back
19:01	DrSavage	But I won't be holding my breath
19:01	padri	no?
19:02	padri	then how much are you actually trying?
19:02	DrSavage	No, I'm going to do what I can
19:03	padri	do you even realize /why/ you're losing our trust?
19:03	DrSavage	Tell me, then
19:04	padri	no, i want to hear your view of it.
19:05	DrSavage	Because I'm pestering, because I'm pushing people out of their comfort zones
19:05	DrSavage	Because I'm investing myself /too/ much
19:07	DrSavage	Because I'm being a selfish fuck
19:07	DrSavage	What do you want me to say
19:08	padri	i want to see how you're seeing this.
19:08	padri	you really need to learn to take no for an answer.
19:08	padri	because some things are inappropriate.
19:09	DrSavage	Alright
19:10	padri	you can start by leaving alivi /alone/
19:11	DrSavage	I will
19:11	DrSavage	In fact, I'm coming to the decision
19:11	DrSavage	That for a while
19:11	DrSavage	I'm not going to come to FROOC or FR
19:11	padri	that won't help
19:11	padri	unless you come back changed
19:11	DrSavage	It's apparent I'm not wanted and my presence will only agitate people
19:12	padri	leaving until everyone forgets is a selfish move
19:12	DrSavage	Oh cut it out, padri
19:12	padri	if you're going to leave,
19:12	DrSavage	None of them
19:12	DrSavage	Even you
19:12	padri	don't come back until you've changed.
19:12	DrSavage	Want to think that I'm going change
19:12	padri	yes, i do!
19:12	DrSavage	You all /want/ to see this jackass
19:12	padri	but past experience shows that you /won't/
19:13	padri	you haven't changed yet
19:13	DrSavage	Someone you can compare yourself to and feel better about
19:13	padri	why would you change this time?
19:13	DrSavage	Because there's no chances after this
19:13	DrSavage	And I've lost enough friends already
19:13	padri	make this about yourself, why don't you?
19:13	padri	just like you make everything.
19:13	DrSavage	I'm not!
19:13	padri	you're always the victim, aren't you?
19:13	DrSavage	And because it hurts people
19:13	padri	you /harass/ alivi
19:13	padri	and then /you're/ the victim.
19:13	DrSavage	No, /she/ is
19:14	padri	because everyone hates you
19:14	DrSavage	I didn't say that
19:14	padri	no?
19:14	padri	>Someone you can compare yourself to and feel better about
19:14	DrSavage	I said they immediately assume the worst
19:14	padri	we all want "Someone you can compare yourself to and feel better about"
19:14	DrSavage	Everyone here has problems
19:14	DrSavage	I'm not saying I don't
19:14	padri	go fuck yourself.
19:14	DrSavage	padri
19:14	DrSavage	I don't mean it that way
19:15	padri	then what way damnit?
19:15	DrSavage	Wilt can be rather cold at times, Roget can be spacey, etc.
19:15	DrSavage	My problem is what you said
19:15	DrSavage	You're right
19:15	DrSavage	I can't take no for an answer sometimes
19:15	DrSavage	And I'll try to fix that
19:15	DrSavage	Not just for me, but for all of you
19:15	DrSavage	I'm tired of hurting people
19:16	padri	and can you stop being the victim?
19:16	DrSavage	Yes
19:16	padri	own up when you've done something wrong and don't blame it on everyone hating you
19:16	DrSavage	This is my fault, nobody else's
19:16	DrSavage	I'm still allowed to feel bad, though
19:16	padri	people have reason to be upset with you, doc
19:16	DrSavage	But yes, I did do wrong
19:16	padri	and until you change, you can't blame them for it.
19:17	DrSavage	So it's not unwarranted
19:17	padri	Yes it is.
19:17	DrSavage	I understand that
19:17	DrSavage	They /do/ have a reason to feel this way right now
19:17	padri	You can feel bad, but turning us into awful people for holding you to a standard?
19:17	DrSavage	I'm so very sorry for all of this, padri
19:18	DrSavage	You're putting words in my mouth
19:18	DrSavage	I didn't mean you're all awful
19:18	padri	>Someone you can compare yourself to and feel better about
19:18	padri	it's pretty hard to put words in that mouth
19:19	DrSavage	I'm saying I'm not the only person who made a mistake, and I'm not going to be the last, but you're right, I don't need to push blame
19:19	DrSavage	This is /my/ fault
19:19	DrSavage	Not Alivi's
19:19	DrSavage	Not Wilt's
19:19	DrSavage	Not your's
19:19	DrSavage	This is my fault
19:19	padri	exactly.
19:19	DrSavage	And I need to work on it
19:19	padri	so when we blame you for being at fault,
19:20	padri	that's nothing to fault us for.
19:20	DrSavage	And I don't think I should be around until I fix it
19:20	DrSavage	Not for my own comfort
19:20	DrSavage	But because there are these hostile feelings
19:20	DrSavage	It's better for others, I think you, Wilt, and especially Alivi
19:20	DrSavage	That I not be around for a bit
19:21	padri	I really hope you can fix it and come back.
19:21	DrSavage	I'm not saying it'll be months
19:21	padri	Really, I do.
19:21	DrSavage	Or weeks, hell, I'm going to be talking to a close friend about this in the next few days and finally hammer this out
19:22	padri	I look forward to having you back, then.
19:23	DrSavage	In advance, I'm not making this about me, this is what I actually believe...I don't think anyone else but /you/ thinks that
19:23	DrSavage	Especially not the /owner/
19:23	padri	it's because you haven't improved so far
DrSavage	Which is true
19:23	DrSavage	But admit it, that doesn't change what I said
19:24	DrSavage	You're the /only/ one who thinks that right now
19:25	padri	then fix yourself before I lose faith, too.
19:25	DrSavage	I'll try
19:25	DrSavage	I can no longer afford not to
19:26	padri	you couldn't afford not to before.
19:26	DrSavage	True
19:27	DrSavage	Well
19:27	DrSavage	I'll be on irc
19:28	DrSavage	But I'm not going to be on FR or FROOC for a bit