Thread 89: Stories 46-60

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NC
 >Twilight
"Rarity"
'Dash'
~~~~~~~

>...So I'm not the only one questioning why that stream of lava just opened up on the ground, right?

"DIDN'T DO IT!"

>You know, I don't really think about it because usually it's just dramatic landscape stuff, but wouldn't this essentially mean that whoever's job depended on this logging or fruit or what have you is completely bankrupt? For that matter, isn't there like... mass death whenever this happens? Why does none of the villagers talk about this? Shouldn't they be like "My uncle was on fire!" Or something? And for that matter-

*SLAP!*

>...

'...Stop... nerding.'

>...Okay.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
[18]
{42}
~Twilight~
=Cadence=
~~~~~~

>Whoa.

"Whoa."

'Whoa.'

[Whoa]

{Whoa.}

~Whoa.~

=Neat!=

>...

=I go against the crowd sometimes.=

>Good for you, honey, but uh... damn.

"Yep. Pretty damn impressive for an ice castle."

'Gorgeous, even.'

[...Do do dooooo, length reaches that backmountain, which means it's about... doo do doooo, location is a bit hazardous but also near plenty of farmland... do do dooooo, and it's abouuuut... yay high, sooo-]

{What are you doing?}

[I'm calculating how much this would be worth if it was real.]

=...Seriously?=

[I'm just trying to think of the logistics of a giant evil castle, specifically the labor costs.]

'Hey, dumbass? It was free.'

"Because evil lord thing."

[Even free isn't free, you've got to keep them fed and somewhere to put them when they collapse or they just die before you get anything done.]

{...F-fair point?}

[Do do dooooo, assuming they didn't even bring in the ice and just made with magic, didn't pay the workers, and all the furnishings were just stuff they stole, iiiiittttt....... iiiittt's..... Six Hundred Thousand, four hundred bits!]

~BULLSHIT!~

[...]

~BULL! SHIT! You looked at my files before this!~

[...]

~...Seriously?~

'HAH!'

>Uh... wow, that's pretty impressive.

~...hang out with me.~

[Wha-]

~PLEASE! NOBODY ELSE CAN DO MATH!~

>'"{=...=}'"

~...Eh heh, present company excluded, of course.~

>'"[=...='"

~...I'll shut up now.~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Rarity
"AJ"
'Poindexter'
[Spike]
~~~~~~

>Okay, so for this potion what we really need is eye of salamander, slime from a slimeball, maybe a touch of rootgrass and-

"How."

>...I'm sorry?

"No, seriously, Ah'm callin' baloney here, how the heck does a salamander eye react with some generic slime ta' make some kinda magic?

>...uh...

"Poindexter? Yer' smart, explain the logistics of this."

'It's magic, we ain't gotta explain shit.'

"That answer don't work no more! Ah' wanna know!"

>Actually? I want to know this too! If I have to touch something as ghastly as an eyeball, I want to know why!

'Well, too bad.'

>I call baloney!

"This ain't makin' no sense! Why would you-"

[Salamanders are magic.]

"So why's their eyeball special!?"

[Same reason unicorn horns are.]

"...touche, but what about-"

[Slime is an acid that breaks down the fleshy bits but can't break down magic.]

"...Okay, that sorta makes sense, but then-"

[Root is to stop the acid so when you drink it, it doesn't melt you from the inside out.]

"..."

[...]

"...That's mah' dragon. See? Little common sense is all Ah' need!"

>Makes perfect sense to me, darling!

[That doesn't seem-]

"Shhhh, it's plausible, Ah' don't care."

>Really now!

'So you're okay with possible lies so long as it makes sense?'

"..."

>...Well, that's an unfortunate feeling...

'...'

"...It's magic, ya' ain't gotta explain shit?"

'Atta girl.'

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>Luna
"AJ"
~~

>Verily Applejack! This is all quite accurate.

"...What?"

>We took great pains to make sure every dark magic spell is up to date and well rounded, and again we assure you ever spell is accurate! So, take note, for this way you can-

"Ya' put dark magic spells in the game?"

>Verily!

"...What about regular kind?"

>We uh... we're a little fuzzier on that.

"..."

>Get studying!

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 >Changeling
"Guard"
~~~~~

>AND OOOOOOH! DOWN HE GOES!

"What the fuck are you doing!?"

>I'm commenting. You know, on the asskicking.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? This isn't a wrestling match! SHE IS PUTTING PONIES THROUGH WALLS!"

>Changelings too!

"NOT BETTER!"

>...That's actually kinda heartwarming.

"What the fuck is wrong with you that you think this is okay!?"

>Okay, ask yourself. Am I important in the grand scheme of things, great power, really useful skills?

"..."

>So, tell me, if you aren't going to pull out some kickass move, special power or unique skill, but still want to stand out and be noticed, what do you do?

"...huh."

>Yeah, need to find a way to stand out when everyone looks the same.

"...Looks like she's setting him up for the powerbomb, buddy!"

>Oh ho hooo! Don't be so quick to judge! She might be... ohhh, I think she is!

"THE SCREWDRIVER! She's going for the screwdriver!"

>Going, going.. and he's gooooooone!

"Gonna be eating pudding for a week with that one!"

>But will this buggy fellow have better chances? He does have lasers?

"That just makes it more ironic when BOOM! AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT HE GOES!"

>OHHHHHHH! Gonna be seeing stars after that one!

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 >Dash
"Poindexter"
~~

>OH MY GOSH! Look at this drop!

"What is it?"

>It's a samurai sword!

"...And?"

>AND!? Glorious Ninpony steel! Folded over a thousand times! The strongest sword ever to exist!

"Actually, that's a myth. In reality-"

>NO!

"..."

>YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!? NO! NO NO NO! There is precisely TWO nerd things that get me going in your whole nerd arsenal! One of them is Daring Do, and the other is SUPER COOL SAMURAI SWORDS! You shut up right now. I don't wanna hear your historical 'facts' about menh mneh mneh it wasn't that great or whatever, okay!? Folded one thousand times, badass as hell, now SHUT UP!

"..."

>...

"..."

>GOOD! Now... I can't carry this, wrong class, you want it?

"Can't either."

>Ah well, I'll just sell it at the next town. Cool while it lasted.

"..."

>...what?

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>Pommel
"Daw"
[Changelings]
{Guard}
~~~~~

Many a soul would have been chilled to inaction at the titanic roaring monster machine of hate and anger that was Chitania, but not the brave captain of the guard, Bronze Pommel!

For this courageous stallion had faced beasts far worse than her, monsters more monstrous, creatures that were a hundred times as creaturous! Not only that, he had suffered through being devoured itself by this beast, and he had survived it. He has seen what makes her tick, and it was... okay, it was still so tough that even inside her he couldn't win in the fight and, in fact, was nearly devoured by what she considered to be a minor nuisance, but no matter! He was Bronze Pommel! He was strong!

He! Was!

>SO not ready for this!

"Was your idea you big baby!"

>You're supposed to say something when I tell you something stupid! Where's the Jaquelin that called me a moron every time I say something moronic!?

"She's takin' a backseat ta' watch. If ya' get eaten a second time, I'm leavin' ya'."

>Thanks. Real reassuring.

"Ya' should be reassured, I'd find someone else."

>...This is because I'm doing something stupid, right? You're just doing this to point out how dumb this idea is and dissuade me from doing it because, in fact, it is dumb but you don't want to undercut me in front of the guys. This is the reason, right?

"Hey! Everyone! He took fifteen tries to stick it in the first time!"

Everyone, absolutely every single sentient being, be it pony or changeling or robot, paused, and awkwardly looked between the pair.

At least until they noticed that the rampaging monster gave no fucks to the lovelife of her old snack, and they resumed running in terror.

>...Okay, so, no fear of undercutting me.

"Bah, I ain't replacin' ya' unless you're actually dead, okay?"

>Comforting?

"Should be, I'd replace most guys if they were crippled. Not you."

>...Awwww-

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

>Well I figured we could wait till later for-OH SHIT WAIT!

As often as the ex-pirate was wont to do, there was no waiting to be had. The captain had only a second to readjust himself, and then his time was up. For, while everyone else may have thought the strange contraption he was in a tank or some kind of vehicle, that was not the case. At least, not technically. Pommel suppsed that, since he was inside of this cannon before it fired, it qualified somewhat as a tank.

Not so much after it exploded, and launched him out at a very high velocity.

Thankfully, he was not burned to cinders as most would expect, instead his backside was shielded from the flaming eruption behind him by, what else, a magical shield. While nowhere near the sheildcaster his old captain had been, he was nonetheless capable enough to keep himself from becoming a splatter.

In the brief, fraction of a second that passed between his being launched and reaching his massive target, he prepared the items in his hooves as best he could. He was under no delusion that hitting her with a big ball would be the end of the Titan, but perhaps she would find the ice-bonbs ripped from the remains of one of the peacetrotters more to deal with. They said the cold had held her once before, perhaps, just perhaps, they could hold her again. All she needed to do was react and hit him or let him continue on and hit her. If she reacted in time or not, his plan would work. Punch away, he thought, it would work all the same. All she needed to do was react.

What she absolutely totally and most certainly did not need to do was duck down with a speed that someone of her size should not be capable of and uppercut him. That she needed to not do. She needed to not do all of that.

She did that.

>OH CRA-

He left the ceiling of the castle before any could hear the remaining cries from his lips, his soldiers and machines becoming unto ants as he was raised higher and higher into the sky.

He did not fly alone.

>OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!

She tailed him, chasing him up into the sky, nearly matching his blinding speeds and the moment he lost his momentum surpassing him and rising above him. She hefted her hooves above her head, and Pommel was only left with a single option.

>Hey, Chitania! CHILL!

He hurled every bomb of ice he could at her.

GRAAAGHHHHHHHH!

THOOOM!

She did not hit him, and he would be forever thankful. For, if she had, he was pretty sure he would be paste.

What she did do was shatter his bombs like they were made of glass and scatter the ice away before it even came close to touching her, reducing it to mere flakes that mingled with the snow..

>CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!

Gravity had taken hold, and it was ever a bitch. That said, he warmly went into her embrace and did all he could to move faster downward when he realized the Titan was very much still on his tail.

>SHIT! SHIT! SHIIIIIITTTT!

He was not a pegasi, but it was likely even a wonderbolt would be impressed with how he was dodging her swipes in the air.

...Nevermind, at least two didn't seem to care.

The assholes.

>SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

"CATCH IT YA' BASTARD!"

Rope burn is no laughing matter, that hurts.

Rope burn on your teeth is less so, that really hurts.

But Pommel would gladly take that pain like a stallion if it meant being pulled out of this freefall, so when she darted past his vision carrying some kind of tapestry she had ripped from the wall, he accepted it and the future nightmarish dentist bill with pride, pulled out of the way just before the massive creature landed and sent everyone scattering.

Most everyone.

[Ohhhh, well, it was a good shot.]

{Not good enough I'm afraid, he's really going to have to pull out the big guns if he wants to win this!}

[Or at least get better aim.]

{Might be a lost cause with that one.}

[{Dooooohohohoo!}]

>...I'm gonna hurt them.

GRAHGGHHHH!

>...

"Her first?"

>Her first.

"Plan B?"

>E, actually.

"...Let's do this."

A soldiers job is never done.

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 >Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~

>Wow, good thing we're after the fire guy, eh? Would be uh... kinda hard to explain all of this if it was the ice one.

"..."

>Don't worry, though! We know it was an accident!

"..."

>Hey, look at that, you still got all the XP from uh... the fire burnees.

"..."

>...Come on everybody smile smile smiiiile-

"It's supposed to be everypony."

>You're not a pony, and Pinkie is always ready to improv!

"..."

>Come on little Spikey, Smile smile smiiiile~!!

"..."

>...We're gonna stick stuff in her cake stuff cake stuff~

"... Can it be an extra hot pepper~?"

>Anything for old Spiiiiiike~!

"Will she notice when we smile smile smile~?"

>Not before the hot time hot time~

"Cause I really wanna smile smile smile."

>Just like this happy singing tiiiiime~!

>"Come on everybody smile smile smile, we're gonna think up to get even even come on everybody smile! Smile! Smiiiille! Come on and smiiiiiile!"

>This evil smile, YEAH!

".."

>Feel better?

"...Little bit."

>Atta boy.

"Still number one party pony."

>And don't forget it.

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>Luna
"Pennydrop"
'SA'
[Chrysalis]
{Cadence}
~Celestia~
(18)
=42=
+Twilight+
~~~~~~

>No no no no no no noooo!

Princess Luna, once again, was panicking.

It was a frighteningly common occurrence, Pennydrop had found. For many reasons, of course.

But in this particular case it was mostly due to watching the group literally slide their way to victory, one-shotting any monster that happened to be in their ever slick path as they made their way to the final battle. They had beaten so many minibosses Luna had thrown up in haste to stall them that they all now had equipment one might generously call 'overpowered' and might more realistically call 'game-breaking'. Coupled with their stupid high levels, and this left Luna with a whole lot of-

>NO NO NO NO NOOOO!

And them a whole lot of-

'WHEEEEEEE!'

[HAH!]

{EEEEEHEEE HEEEEE!}

~WHOOP!~

(HAHAHA!)

=Heh.=

+WHOOOO HOOOOOO!+

They were having a good time, at least.

>What do we do!? What do we do!?

"...Is that the you 'we' or the we 'we'?"

>US!

"...Uh-"

>HELP!

Back in her office, Pennydrop drank it in. Oh, how she wished she was there, in that room, right there with the princess so she could sloooowly drag her tongue up her cheeks, savoring her tears of fear. That would be a delight.

But, alas, she was going to have to settle for leaning back, and rubbing her hooves together in a manner so excited she could start a fire with a wet branch and a brick.

"Ohhh, Princess, you fear so much. Why? Did I not tell you I was here to help?"

>Thou does not seem to be doing much of anything! They are almost at the door, and they will easily crush our final boss! It's all over!

"Oh no, no noooo... it's not time yet."

>When will it be time then!? When they art literally breaking down the doors to the finale!?

"Yes."

>...Thou has a plan?

She didn't answer.

She just... smiled.

Really wide.

'AND BOOM BABY!'

With an explosion of ice and door, the final barrier leading to the end boss had been revealed. A throne room grander than even the one in canterlot, stretching out seemingly even wider than the castle itself was in some paradoxical manner of geometry. A glorious place filled with the statues of ice, each one a sculpture of a hero that had long past

...Or perhaps not so much 'sculpture', on closer inspection.

But they were underrated by the macabre decor, rushing with reckless abandon to the stunning throne of frost and snow, to what will surely be their final battle.

[We're here to-DAYUMN!]

~...Even I've gotta give one of those.~

>In the interest of my wife's presence, I will stay quiet.

{Wise choice.}

(You know, in hindsight, it should been obvious what species she was going to be.)

The thing on the throne trilled with a heavenly laughter, the sounds sending ripples down her windy, near incorporeal, but no less curvaceous form.

>Shall thou handle this?

"Oh, can I?"

>Please, tis thou's plan.

"Oh, you are too kind."

'We're here to stop you, ice witch!'

As she assumed control, Pennydrop made sure to make the beauty roll her eyes just a bit. She made sure of that.

"Such a clever taunt from one such as yourself, however will I recover?"

[Oh, because 'alicorn wednigo' is just bursting with originality, right?]

{WINGS COPYRIGHT!}

~You can't roll with us!~

+BUZZ BUZZ HONEY!... Sorry Shiny.+

'S'alright...'

The wendigo hummed, idly flicking her horn atop her head.

"Very well, if that's how you wish to be... so, tell me travelers, what brings you to my abode?"

'...I literally JUST said we're going to stop you.'

[Fucking obvious, right?]

=Perhaps she wished clarification. We're going to stop you by hitting you, a lot, and then you die.=

"Oh? Hitting me a lot? With... those weapons?"


Pointedly, they all hefted them up in the air, being sure to display them for her to see.

(Yeah, probably wasn't good to send so many minions with kickass loot to fight us.)

"Oh?... You think yourselves strong?"

+Well, yeah. In weaponry, in level, in smarts, we're pretty damn OP.... Too OP, you might've messed up, Lu- I mean, Ice Witch+

"Mmmm... yes. As always, yes, they think themselves strong because they have power."

[...Shit.]

~Shit?~

[Shit. We're boned.]

+You sure?+

[Oh yeah, anytime a villain praises you for being strong, they're about to fuck you HARD.]

~...She's rather right, isn't she?~

{CRAP! SOMEONE SHOOT HER!}

They all leveled their weapons, and...

Nothing.

"Fools."

With a burst of power, all of them found themselves pulled by their very magical armor they had thought would protect them, dragged towards the ice witch of the land.

'OH CRAP!'

[TOLD YOU! FUCKED!]

"You thought it was so easy, didn't you? You thought 'I was granted these weapons because I am great, I am enshrouded by this armor because fate has smiled upon me'... and now look at you."

{GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!}

(I can't while rolling around like this!)

=This was a tactical error=

+Wow, this twist is SO COOL!+

~...~

+Sorry+

"How many villages did you pass? How many times did you have a chance to buy from those that worked hard, poured blood sweat and tears into blade and spell? How many times were you granted the opportunity to fight for them, for whom you claim to represent... But instead, you chose to wield the blades of mine, because they were 'stronger'. You cared only for the numbers, not the heart of what had been poured into the making of every blade.... fools... fools! You think yourselves heroes and gods, but instead you are but another who hungers for power! But I am not like you, I hide behind no tricks, no 'mission', I fight for myself, and I relish in it. I sleep soundly knowing that deep down, I am no trick, no false god... unlike you."

The floor opened up beneath them, revealing a seemingly endless cavern.

And, back at the control room, Luna's grin grew wide.

>Yessss!

"To my maze, I cast you to wander for all of time. You hold no weapons that are not my own, cast them away if you desire... but you will face horrors that may bring you low. Or you may use them, knowing every soul you take with them adds to my power! To the endless maze! Die or make me stronger, false heroes! For in this world... I AM GOD!"

=...You know we can all fly, right?=

'SON OF A BIIIIiiiiiiii....'

[{=+~....~+=}]

=Most of us can fly.=

{SHINY!}

"Have no fear.. JOIN HIM!"

[{=+~OH SHIT!~+=}]

With a wave of her hoof, they were cast down into the pit.

With another, the floor closed.

They fell, and fell, and fell, until at last they landed in her maze, her reality. She could use them as she saw fit now, play with them, control them... destroy them if she chose.

She was god. And they her puppets.

'...This was a great twist.'

[Okay, I don't like her, but fuck it, this was ME class!]

{GASP!}

[I stand by it!]

~I'm so proud of her!~

=Hrmph. Worthy of praise, I suppose.=

(DAMN! Luna has some hidden tricks!)

+Yeah, even I never would've thought of that, that's just great!+

~Ten out of Ten, Lulu! Lulled us into a false sense of security, moral slam and plenty of room to grow! Would play again!~

>O-oh, stop...

'Whelp! Let's get going, and no ice armor, you know she'll screw us over with that.'

~To adventure!~

They departed with that, all going off in the same direction in this endless maze of stalling until the others catch up.

>Well, does thou have more suggestions for what comes next?

Again, Pennydrop said not a word.

She just... smiled.

"...Now it's my turn to be the cruel god..."

The role she was born to play.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>...

"...What?"

>Okay, we're married, right?

"..."

>Humor me.

"Yes, Shiny, big wedding, lots of invitations, an invasion or two, all that."

>Right, sooo... you won't get mad if I ask something, right?

"...Depends on the something."

>I need a promise you won't get mad no matter what I ask. This is a blanket thing that says I can ask ANYTHING right now and get off scott free.

"..."

>Cadence please.

"...Alright, sure, next five minutes are free of offense."

>Great! So uh...

"..."

>...Annnnny chance, uh... you could....

"..."

>...Keep looking like this? Outside, I mean... well, not outside, still inside the castle. Not THIS castle, but...

"..."

>...Just... keep looking like that for... me? Not in public! Just uh... fooorrr me?

"..."

>...

"...You want me to look like a fairy when we're... alone?"

>Yes, that.

"..."

>...

"...."

>...

"..."

>...Oh, fuck, too much? I don't mean that you're not pretty, you're always beautiful, this is just a-

"Maybe."

>...Maybe?

"Maybe."

>...

"...You have to wear the thong."

>YESYESYESYESYESYES-

"..."

>I mean, yes.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but *censored* her right in the pussy! Now for our main guest...TWILIGHT!!!
Applause

"Hi everypony."

>Would you-
WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR

"WHAT'S THAT?!"

>CUT! THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE BLENDER FROM THE BAR, BUT NO ONE SHOULD BE BACK THERE RIGHT NOW! LET ME GO TURN IT OFF!
Pinkie runs off.

"I'LL WAIT HERE THEN!"
Twilight blinks and cardboard Pinkie sits behind the desk.
"PINKIE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE...NO WAIT YOU'RE THE CARDBOARD VERSION! I GUESS IT'S NICE THAT YOU'RE HERE TOO! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A CHANCE TO STUDY YO-"
She blinks and cardboard Pinkie disappears. The blender stops.
"Oh. She's gone. I guess I'll ask if I can study her another time."
She blinks and a smiling cardboard Twilight appears.
"Oh hello. I didn't know Pinkie kept a cardboard version of-"
She gets hit in the side of the head with something.
"OW...a book?"
For a split second she could have sworn cardboard Twilight had sharp teeth, but was too busy noticing her head was bleeding.
"But...why?"
The instant her horn began charging with magic, she's hit with an unrelenting barrage of books until she's knocked to the ground. Twilight disappears and so does the cardboard Twilight.

>That blender thing was weird...Twilight? Twlight~? Why are all my guests leaving?

Twilight wakes up.
"...I just woke up. Why am I still exhausted?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Guards
"Changelings"
~~~~~~

>Okay, so, we might need to re-evaluate this whole 'you vs us' thing.

"And, in hindsight, perhaps pony bodies are useful for more than things we trample over in our rise to the dominant species on the planet."

>...

"Please ignore 61, she uh... she was dropped... a lot."

"VIVA LA PRANCE!"

"She has literally never been to prance, and is in fact unaware it is a country."

"You fool! It's a state of BEING!"

>...M'kay. So, on that note, who would you say is the smartest of your group?

""""""""ME!...WHAT!? FUCK YOU I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOOOOUUUUU!"""""""

>Disheartening.

"Look, we don't need you to tell us how to assemble, we're a better army than you."

>YOU ARE NOT!

>Sideswipe for the love of faust-

>No! Fuck that! We're better guards than they are!

"Then why did we kick your ass?"

>HA! Jokes on you, I just got here a month ago!

"Funny, I beat up a bunch of guards who got here YEARS ago!"

>...Fuck you!

"Fuck you!"

>"FUCK Y-... OH FUCK!"

~GRAAAAHHHHH!~

SMASH!

>...

"...Okay, and with those two comfortably unconscious, you were saying?"

>Uh... lets try not to die together?

"This sounds reasonable, yes."

>...So that's a she?

"RACIST!"

>...

"Wait... SEXIST!"

>...

"Fuck you I don't even know. I'm just going to shout oppression a lot and go back to being in a state of Prance."

>Good call.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Applejack"
'PointDexter'
[Dash]
{Rarity}
-Pinkie-
_Fluttershy_
~Spike~
*Pennydrop*
=The Tenacious Kobold Army of Art' Hor=

>AND LO! OUR HEROES CAME TO A GORGE ONE FRAUGHT WITH TREPIDATION!

"It's jus' a gorge, Twi can....oh, uhhh, Pointdexter? Y'all unicorns can teleport, right?"

'Yeah, it's kinda-'

{Oh and why did you first glance to HIM of all ponies? Don't you think I could've helped, dear? I've had this horn and you KNEW it far longer}

-Even Fluttershy can do better than him-

_I'd rather, well, it's... complicated?_

>NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO SQUABBLE DEAR HEROES! YOU SEE....

[Aw screw it, I can fly you guys over one by one, piece of cake!]

~I think this armour has some levitation magic, but it costs honour.... somehow~

*...you'retryingtowhat...?*

>....justgivemeaminutehere....

"Uh, Luna?"

>HOWEVER! A HORRENDOUS WIND FILLS THE BREADTH OF THE GORGE! MAKING WINGS USELESS!

As so, winds batter the group, grounding them.

"Oh now that's jus'... LUNA! Y'all trying to screw us over?"

-Weren't those weird umbilical-chord-attached-giant-eyeballs in the middle of the enchanted forest ass pully enough?-

[Well that wouldn't have happened if SOMEPONY hadn't used the Suspicious Looking Eye of Uhluhtc at the worst possible time!]

"AH THOUGHT IT WAS SOME KINDA MAGE ACCESSORY!"

{Didn't you read the fine print? It said it was a summoning item, besides, accessories go in the vanity or buff slot, honestly, miss Princess of Paperwork, you should know how to organise these things}

"HEY! QUIT TYPECASTIN' ME! I DO MORE THAN FUCKIN' PAPERWORK!"

-Ehhh, you COULD do more-

_Maybe get out more?_

~Well, it's kinda true?~

"Can we jess', uhh, fine, Pointdexter? Can y'all help us?"

'Sure, lemme just'

>AND SUDDENLY! A CLOUD OF ANNULLING MIASMA DESCENDED ON THEM! MAGIC IS USELESS!

*....andhowdoyoutopurposethis...?*

>....shehasn'tgottenverygoodatmagic,tryingtoencourageher...

_Can anypony hear that?_

>...areyoumeanttolaughatthat?ohwell BACK TO BASICS HEROES!

And so, a thick green and yellow cloud whipped into the gorge, causing all those with unicorn horns to cry out and shake.

Except for one

"....Uhh, ow?"

{OW?!}

"Listen ah dunno why, but this doesn't seem to be doin' anything, and I kinda....felt a little sorry for y'all?-"

-QUIT POSTURING! USE YOUR MAGIC AND HELP US!-

~Applejack! You can do this! Just use the magic... must be a mage thing but DO IT!~

"...Oh this is good for the self esteem, Luna? What gives?"

>....UHHH.... IT IS BUT THE JOYOUS LUCK THAT THE MAGES HIGH MANA CAPACITY AND...(flipflipflip) *barbariantenacity*-BARBARIAN TENACITY THAT ALLOWS YOU TO STILL USE SOME MAGIC!

[Oh, joy, AJ can you just... I dunno, zap us over like Twilight does?]

"But Ah don't even know that... spell?"

'It really isn;t that hard, in practice, most unicorns get some level of it down before they even get their cutiemark'

She shuffled her robes nervously

'And, well, you can't become an alicorn without learning some more magic tricks? E-even basic telekineses....teleportation? Right?'

Her mouth scrunched shut

'...Right?'

>YET YOU MUST! ...computerpleasestoplaughing...

{Applejack, I know it must be difficult, but you have to do it, please?}

~I....really can't help you here AJ, it's kinda all on you~

"Can we..."

She looked around

"...Maybe not... go this...way?"

Before looking back at them

And several other eyes looked back, fairly desperate eyes too.

>THE MAGE OF COURSE KNEW HOW TO DO THESE THINGS ON THE FLY, YOU SEE, SHE COULD DO IT, SHE JUST HAD TO FOR ONCE FOCUS ON HER BLASTED MAGICKS AND-

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! Jess' tell me what Ah gotta do, ok?"

{'Take a look, it's in a book, see the place, mind the space, head is steady, horn at the ready, pull it to, push yourself fro', now you're there, don't be scared, that's how you blink, to make you think!'}

>"[-_~...~_-]"

'...Unicorn classes? No-one? It was a foals rhyme'

[I'm having conniptions]
"Uhhhh, huhhh, is every single bit of magic some kinda mind game?"

{Well, yes, they are, you do use your mind after all}

~Just, think with your head instead of your legs...?~

"Excuse me?"

-GET ON WITH IT!-

[YES! GET ON WITH IT!]

=GET ON WITH IT!=

"Huh, Ah was wonderin' what happened to those guys"

>GET, ON WITH IT!

"Ooooookay, just, don't panic, think of the... thing that you go to... pull yourself...no, push yourself, and pull it...left?"

Her horn flickered into life, sparking red,

"Pull it, push you, pull it...push...ME!-"

Poof!

ZEEOOOW

SMACK

*BWHAHAHAHAHHAH! AHAHAHHAHAHH!*

>Oh...oh dear me

[Ohhhhhh]

-Owie-

~Ohhh, Applejack~

{That is...quite the view, one has to admit}

'Well she did make it to the other side'

That she had, but instead of teleporting safely across, she had somehow snapped herself across a very large distance in a very short amount of time.

_Is she...ok?_

Of course, given the proper physics models, this meant a good deal of speed, and extreme acceleration and given her plentiful mass, meant a lot of force

=SHOULDA DONE A FLIP!=

Right into the precariously placed rock on the other side

>Well, we assume she has done the job! BRAVO! Experience and accolades for all!

*Pffgfghhtmmmhhhhhhh*

>...And you really need a silent mode

".....uhhhhhhh, ah'ma, gonna... gotta go to the...the place...of...bluh"

{I have potions, who has throwing?}

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pennydrop
"Luna"
~~~

>...Princess!

"Yes, computer?"

>Erm... boop boop, I desire for character specific fears needed, please input all of the worst known fears of every character!

"We would be delighted to, computer! Well, first off, Spike the Dragon is terrified of old socks!... What is that scribbling noise?"

>KEEP GOING!

"Oh, very well! Now, you'll never believe what Rainbow Dash thinks of bright, colorful flowers!"

>....Eeeee...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Changeling
"Guard"
~~~~~

>And here comes the pitch... AND IT"S GOOOOOOOODD!

"Knocked that one out of the park!"

>And she's looking damn good while doing it!

"When you've got it, rock it!"

>...

"..."

>...I uh.. didn't mean to let that slip.

"Me either."

>...But she does look good.

"Oh, I would hit it like the thunder of gods."

>Would wreck it like an earthquake in a china shop.

"Would destory it like... well, like her in literally any place at all."

>...But can she make them bounce like the quarter would should it ever touch her ass?

"SPRUNG like everyone who's got a good look!"

>...

"...We should do this professionally."

>DUDE!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________