[FR]Python Anon

>Day Completely Different in Equestria
>You are Anon.
>Do the morning Triple-S.
>Wake up.
>Have a mini-existential crisis while you wonder why you keep shitting in your bed.
>Burn the fourth bed this week.
>Head downstairs to grab a delicious bowl of Pinkie Smacks.
>It’s part of a balanced breakfast.
>”It’s four in the afternoon. So wouldn’t it be lunch?”
Well shit. You’re right!
>You turn around to further thank the mystery voice and find Fluttershy on your couch.
>Dammit.
Why are you in my house?
>”I’m here to guess your fetish and make you love me. I also came to give you another laxative because you keep waking up late.”
>Stupid question. You already knew th-.
>Laxatives?
>You grab a nearby calculator as you sit down to eat.
Alright Fluttershy. The both of us know you aren’t going to leave until you make your guess, and I have to figure out how much money you owe me before I go to work.
>Fluttershy stares at you, slightly confused.
>”What do you mean, Anon?”
>You jam the first spoonful of cereal into your mouth as you start pushing buttons on the calculator and drawing graphs on the table.
I mean that as long as you don’t interrupt me, you can guess my fetish.
>You can feel her smile burn into you from across the room.

>You can see her move behind you out of the corner of your eye.
>You start to regret what you told her as you pray she doesn’t guess pegging.
>You brace for the feeling of cold dildo pressing its way into your colon.
>*snip snip*
>Umm.
>”Are haircuts your fetish, Anon?”
>You sigh.
No Fluttershy. They aren’t.
>You can feel the scissors brush past your ears.
>”Eeep! Did I get you ears?”
>You turn around.
No, no, you didn-WAIT A MINUTE!
>Where Fluttershy should be clumsily wielding a pair of hair shears, is a tape recorder.
>Fluttershy herself is rocking slowly by the sink.
What the hell are you doing?
>”I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO BE A RAPIST! MY MOTHER MADE ME DO IT!”
>Wow.
>She rears up and grabs your shoulders.
>”DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GUESS FETISHES AT BLOW-UPSTALLIONS FOR FIVE YEARS?”
>WOW.
Fluttershy…I’m-
>”I always wanted to be a lumberjack.”


…Beg your pardon?
>”LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE AS THEY FLOAT DOWN THE MIGHTY BRITISH COLTLUMBIA! THE LARCH! THE FIR! THE MIGHTY SCOOTS PINE!”
>She walks out of the left door of your kitchen and reappears through the right door a second later, wearing suspenders and a flannel.
>You can hear a chorus of manly voices singing somewhere in your house.
Fluttershy what are you doing?
>”THE SMELL OF FRESH CUT TIMBER! THE CRASH OF MIGHTY TREES! AND WITH MY ANON BY MY SIDE, “
>You find yourself by Flutternutter’s side, wearing a white blouse and blue skirt.
WHAT THE HELL!
>“WE’D SING, SING, SING.”
>Flutters wraps her wing around you as someone plays a piano you don’t remember buying.
>”I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay. I sleep all night; I work all day.”
>The camera jumps over to Spike and the rest of the Mane 6 and Applejack, who are all dressed up as Mounties.
>”She’s a lumberjack and she’s o-”
STOP!
>You pry off Fluttershy’s wing and the music stops. The choir of Mounties scrambles out through the back door.
>”So comedic musical numbers about sociopaths becoming lumberjacks aren’t your fetish, Anon?”
Why on earth would you think that?
>She stares at the floor and kicks at it with her hoof.
>”I thought it was sexy?”
>Your nose almost breaks upon your hands impact with your face.
>You rest your hands upon her wings and grip tightly.
Get out of my house.
>You throw her out through the wall before you head off to work at your tobacco shop.
>Today was a Flying Circus kinda day.