yazdmich

Ground Zero, original monologue from book

Dec 8th, 2011
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  1. My name is Haley. William Haley. I . . . I live in an apartment in a big city. It doesn't
  2. matter which. Every night my apartment is very quiet and . . . very empty. Dead. Nothing
  3. except a few traffic sounds from the street below, maybe some background music on the
  4. radio. The clock.
  5. My life is just as quiet, just as empty. Dead. And every night after I fall asleep I have
  6. a dream. The same dream, night after night.
  7. The dream always begins with a large black‐and‐white map of the city. At the centre
  8. of the map is a heavy black X. Around the X are a number of concentric circles. And then a
  9. bright red dot appears in the middle of the X. It feels as if that tiny needlepoint of red light
  10. is connected to some secret part of my brain. The dot opens up and colour ripples out
  11. around it into a scale of colours that fade at the edges of the outermost circle.
  12. It's always at this moment that I realize that this is the kind of map on which they
  13. chart the impact of a nuclear explosion. I always feel hypnotized by it. I bend closer over
  14. the surface of the map. Closer and closer, and slowly the inner circle expands and grows
  15. until it surrounds me.
  16. It surrounds me. Suddenly I find myself standing in the middle of a downtown
  17. street. A clear day, the middle of the afternoon. Windows glint in the sunlight. It's very
  18. quiet. There's no one else around. No cars in the street. Not a breath of wind. The city is
  19. empty except for me. I know ‐ I always know at this precise moment ‐ what is going to
  20. happen. I look down at the ground. There on the asphalt is a crude chalk circle drawn
  21. around my feet. The kind of circle a little girl might draw for a game. I know that this is
  22. ground zero. The bomb is going to fall. It's always the same and it's always a strange
  23. feeling to realize that I'm not afraid, not at all afraid. A great sense of joy wells up inside
  24. me. A desire to raise my arms to the heavens, to exercise all of my body in praise of this
  25. moment. Because only by being destroyed, only though the ultimate annihilation of a
  26. nuclear explosion brighter than a thousand suns can I finally lose myself, to turn to pure
  27. energy, become one with the universe. I will be totally cleansed of my mediocre existence,
  28. reborn into the cosmos. I will be truly free.
  29. And as I lift my arms and feel the ripple of muscles wash upwards, a great white
  30. light is slowly bursting outwards from where I stand. This is it. And then I realize what
  31. this is. I'm terrified. I know that it's too powerful for me. This is no dream. I'm gazing into
  32. the single eye of the fireball. I stare into that blank white eye, that tiny blinding point of
  33. light. It gazes back at me calmly, hypnotically. I'm frozen with fear. I know I'm going to
  34. die. I want to run somewhere, to hide. If only I were back in my apartment . . . I want to
  35. shout no!
  36.  
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