Thread 31: Stories 16-30

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>SA
"2"
'Cadence'
~~

>NO! BAD! GET DOWN FROM THERE!

"OM NOM NOM!"

>Who's bright idea was it to make a ceiling fixture out of bubblegum!?

"NOM NOM NOM!"

>Little help!

'Why me?'

>She is on ceiling! You have wings! I do not!

'But she's having such fun!'

>Is she still going to be having fun when she reaches the wiring?

'Maybe? I've seen her eat electrical wires before.'

'They look like silly string!'

>You aren't supposed to eat that either! Ugh... might need to farm this one out to Celestia.

'Well, she's right next door, because you just had to insist we be side by side with her, despite the fact the better view is two rooms down.'

>I wanted her to be close if she wanted midnight Two snuggles again.

'Or because even after all this time, just can't turn off that 'captain of the guard' mode, can you?'

>Maaaybe...

'I wish you could, then we could have gotten Two her own room. And then, you know, maybe-'

"Do the special thing and gimme a little brother or sister!?"

And that's when Shiny started choking on his own bile.

'TWO!'

"What?"

'I was actually going to say get some peace and quiet!'

"OOOHHH... so then ya' ain't gonna make me a little brother or sister?"

'NO! Who taught you to talk like that?!... It was Chrysalis, wasn't it?'

"NUH UH! I was practicin' readin' with yer' books!"

'...Which... which ones...'

"Uhhh.. 'Family makes four'! That was it!"

'Oh thank Celestia, that wasn't one with... the descriptions.'

"Sooo..."

'No, sweetie, we aren't planning on growing our family in the near future.'

"Awww... I wanna teach 'em ta' ride a bike!"

'Can you ride a bike?'

"NOPE!... Is Shiny okay? That's a lotta foam."

'He's fine.'

"M'kay!... NOM NOM NOM!"

*ZAP!*

"TEE HEE! IT TICKLES!"

'...You okay?'

>*GLURGLE*... *HAACKKK*... yeah. Sooo, since she brought it up-

'Still no.'

>We going to talk about this eventually?

'Only if you want to sleep on the couch.'

>Withdrawn... is she glowing?

'Indestructible, honey.'

>Right...

"NOM NOM NOM!"
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NON CANON

>Honey, I want to get pregnant. Now. Let's go, do you need a fluffing?

"I, uh... whoa, I thought you were against that? You know, the whole 'getting fat' thing? Wasn't that you?"

>Wellllll, I figure if I get pregnant then my ass will finally be bigger than 18's! At loooong last! And it'll stay that way, too! You'll finally have something to sleep on, or bite, whatever it is stallions do with a mare's butt!"

"I honestly can't tell if that naive sort of talk is alluring or comedic... But anyway, so let me get this straight. The sole purpose behind bringing another kid into the world, into our world, is just so you could gain a bigger butt than 18? That about the gist of it?"

>Exactly! It's full-proof, isn't it?

"Completely. Obviously. But then, what if 18 turns around and gets pregnant? Won't her butt once again trump yours?"

>...

"..."

>To the couch, mister.

"What? But I-"

>Couch! You! Now!
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NON CANON

>Now, mister Shining Armor, I'm going to have to have you put a 'sample' into this cup here, so we test to make sure you don't have testicular cancer.

"Well, cancer prevention is important, and I would prefer that to my sister punching it out of my balls..."

>Good. Do you need help? I have several methods to help you along on the process.

"No no, I'm fine."

>Great! But if it feels like it's stuck, you need to alert me right away so I can dislodge it to prevent infection. Don't worry, my methodology is all natural.

"I'm good, thanks."

>And if the cup feels like it's insufficient, call me in so I can 'deal' with the overflow.

"I'll keep that in mind."

>...

"...Can I have some privacy?"

>Sure.

"..."

>...Did you mean now? Oh, fine.

"...Something was off about that seven foot, pitch black doctor with fangs and green hair, and it is going to bug me all day."
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NON CANON
>Spike
"AJ"
'Celestia'
~~~
'So when remember that you need to minimize your contact with non-alicorn's while you're in erstus, as your fertility domain will begin to run rampant.'

"Well, Ah sure don' feel no different righ' now. A lil' feverish but it feels a bit more painful than a turn-on."

'Oh, it's not you you need to worry about, alicorns can be resistant to erstus cycles, it's what you bring out in others, even reality itself that can be problematic.'

"Well how bad can it be?"

Spike enters the room with terrible, 70's porno music mixed with Berry White playing from regions beyond

>Hello, Princess, I brought you those pizza you ordered with an extra-large side of special sauce.

"This suppose ta turn me on, 'cause this jus' looks laughable at best."

'Wait until Shining Armor starts wearing that one-piece zipup body suit and starts speaking in Japanese.'

[Celestia-Hime-sama, yaranaika?]
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>55
"Attendant"
~~~~

>WOW you mean I get all of this!?

"Your room was included with your ticket, yes."

>WOW! WOOOOOWWW! It's... it's huge! I have so much room in here! I feel like I could fit one... no, one and a half blankets in here!

"I'm... happy for you?"

>This place is amazing!

"...So are you going to come out of that closet and see the rest of your room, orrr..."

>...I don't understand.

"This is going to take a bit."
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>Chitania
~~~~~~

There was very little that could affect the Titan.

Mountains crumbling around her? Like rain. Spear and cannons against her hide? Might as well be an insect. The frozen wasteland? HAH! She used to run around there for fun.

This was a bit different.

>What the fuck is this...

Tentatively, she reached out with her hoof, and pressed down again. Just like before, the bed sank in slightly, and then wobbled like it was alive.

>It's... like water...

Again and again she poked it, watching as it bobbled like it was actually made of water, yet felt solid.

>...Fucking future...

The Titan feared nothing.

But she would be damned if she slept on that tonight.
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NON CANON

>Applejack
"Rarity"

>....Geuegrhh...

"Applejack, I already dealt with your hurt feelings, don't tell me your feeling sick as well"

>Ah'm fine, Rarity, iss' just....being here...something ain't right about this...

"About what? I'll...I'll get you some..apples if it help-"

>No life in here....no soil....iffin' there's nothing t' grow....all sugar...all processed

"Applejack I just got you out of that corner you do not need to crawl back into it"

>Ah can't, Rarity, Ah dunno what's causin' this...Ah don't even know what ah'm saying!

Green sparks start buzzing about her horn...and hooves

"We need Twilight!"

>Need....growth...!

Suddenly, the chocolate chandelier above them cracked in several places, and out of the cracks came several of the same sparks from AJ, and then....tiny...measly growths of cocoa plants

"Oh my, this...this isn't good"

>Geh....Rares....ah'm scared

"It'll be okay Applejack, you....you just need to be..."

>This ain't right, somethin's telling me this ain't a good place

"It's the sugar.... Did Celestia not know about your magic?

>Did anyone know about it?! Gah... All I've done is sit inna office for a year....

"Is there...any other "ingredient" that you can umm, grow in here...or are we safe?

To answer that, the baked recliner suddenly sprouted moss and wheat stalks

"Oh dear

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>8-bit
"Gaffer"
~~~~

>Oh, he is just ruuuubbbing it in now.

"I can feel him dragging his "I'm important" boner right across my face."

>'Gee, man, I know you're struggling to pay off your engineering degree, so here's this massive, lush hotel suite that I, as a guy who fucked his way to the good life, can obviously afford.'

"Oh, what's that? You want room service? Go ahead, I'm so loaded you could order the menu twice! I'm even going to have them put that on a little note!"

>'Just so you know!'

"...He's next to Celestia's room."

>I know.

"Probably is going to put that adorable little kid to bed, grab his wife and just...."

>Just... at the same time.

"But hey, we're getting whatever menu items we want and free alcohol."

>...That fucking guy.

"That. Fucking. Guy."
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>Screwloose
“Tinsel”
______

Fweeeeeee!

“I’m starting to regret ever giving you that damn thing.”

>Awww, don’t be such a sourpuss, Tiny. This keeps the monotony at bay and you know how much I hate being stagnant.

“Tch, right. If that’s true then why are you still here?”

Fweeeeee!

>How do you mean? And might I suggest eating more regularly? Orrrr eating whatever it is the dead partake of? I can almost see your ribs.

“You can. That’s one of my ribs poking out, it punctured the flesh during my fall down that flight of stairs.”

>How absolutely awful.

Fweeeeeeee!

“Knowing that doesn’t seem to upset you, I see.”

>You're talking to the mare who’s pulled out a ponies spleen and put in its place a whirring piece of machinery only to have the entire inner system meld and collapse on a nuclear level. All of this, mind… without anesthetic. I had to document the process on a cognizant level first and foremost.

“…”

>So yeah, I’ve long since lost my ability to ‘care’ on that level. But back to what you were saying, what do you mean why am I still here?

The illuminated specter regarded the bound mare before him, laying on her cot without a care in the world and glancing, not at him, but at a point on the adjacent wall.

“Having been your keeper for a mind-breaking number of years, I know you could have escaped whenever you wanted. The secret compartment under your bed, you know the security codes, I mean, honestly? You could probably just fight your way out. But you’re still here. You hate being stagnant but you’re still… here.”

Fweeee-

Distracted, the horn flew out of her mouth mid-blow and sailed across the room where it landed noiselessly against the rubbery floor.

>…

“…”

>…I’m here for entirely selfish gains.

“Such as…?”

>For some odd reason, you took a liking to watching over me here in this nuthouse. So much so that even in death your spirit became trapped. With me. Unable to go on until I walked out of here for the final time.

“…”

>We both know escape would be child’s play for me but since you died over a year ago I’ve been content to these same four bleeding walls day in and day out. I’ve grown content messing with the new help that think they can handle me. And I’ve grown content with you.

“…Don’t.”

>So I decided I wouldn’t go anywhere for awhile. Oh sure, there are probably a host of adventures just waiting for me outside of here but… there was someone I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to- and I’m still not, even if it means corroding my mental health in the process.

“Stop it, Screws.”

>Throwing mud against the walls… howling at the moon… biting any and everything… urinating in Redheart’s food that one time… I did whatever I could to push back my release date, steadily building hours. Because the longer I stay, the longer you stay. And that’s good enough for me.

“…”

>And that’s why I apologize for being selfish. I’m purposefully keeping you away from whatever it is the dead do. I’m not leaving for that final time solely because… I want to keep talking, to someone I enjoy talking to.

“…”

>Well? Aren’t you going to rage at me? Call me a ‘selfish shithead’ for holding you back and-

She fell silent when the misfired horn suddenly and gently zoomed back to her lips.

>…

“You dropped that. My shift’s almost over so try not to lose it while I’m gone, Screws. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His presence faded like the morning mist and Screwloose was left to herself, and an abundance of feelings she neither understood or cared to understand.

>Welp, guess there’s only one thing left to do now.

Inhale.

Fweeeeeeeee!

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
[Counter Pony]
~~~~~

>What do you mean, no!?

"I think no means no."

'I mean, probably.'

"Like when I say no and you stop because I said no."

'That's just courteous.'

>...I meant, why?

"Then you should have said why."

'Way clearer.'

"Like when you want to do something I say say 'why', and then you explain it and we do it because it's normally fun eventually."

'You should do that.'

"That thing with me."

[...Okay, uh, I thought the reason why would be obvious. I can't just give you the rooms our guests are staying in.]

>But this is someone in her guardianship!... Sort of?

'She's not my taker, but miss Rarity is.'

>See!?

[...]

>...Taker is... okay, it's a little complicated. Long story short, we need Princess Rarity or Applejack, or the dragon named Spike to come pick her up.

[And you are...?]

>Private Actarius, Royal Canterlot Guard, second division. I serve under her majesty.

[And you?]

"I guess I'm the guy who's just mostly under him."

'And I'm just... like... here. I watch stuff and occasionally toss caps.'

[... what did you say your name was?]

'Arana!'

[I'll send a message to her room if you guys want to wait in the lobby.]

>I guess that's what we'll have to do.

"Awww, I wanted to get started in the room."

>Meh, give you more time to psyche yourself up.

'Gotta be at your best!'

"I guess you're right..."

>Come on, that couch looks comfy.

[.......And I am about to become very rich when I go to the Daily Trumpet with this... verrrrry rich....]
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>56
“Luna”
‘???’
-???-
~~~~

“Really now, 56, thou look as if the world is falling apart.”

>But is it, Moons… it is. Can’t you see it? Well, ya should, ‘cause proof of it is right here in our hooves!

“If thine inane frippery is in regards to the fact that we do not share a room, we cannot possibly find fault in it.”

>I don’t see where flippers come into any of this, but okay, you’re the mare with the fat plot-

“TIS NOT FAT!… in some areas….”

>…You’re standin’ still and it’s still movin’.

“TIS THE WIND!”

‘No, it’s your loud voice. You know, vibrations? Your ass is causing the ground to shake, Luna.’

“WHO DARES SPEAK TO- EEEEEEEE! GLIMMY! And, uh… Glimmy’s beau!”

-Really? Ouch. Just… ouch.-

>Don’t take offense, dude. Your name is longer than the length of tape it’d take to measure Moons’s rump. And that’s sayin’ s- OW!

‘Mind your manners, brat.’

>Y-you hit me! OW!

‘Correction. I hit you twice.’

While 56 scurried to just behind Luna, shooting Glimmer frightened glances, the lunar princess was beside herself with joy and wasted no time in snatching her former guard up in a tender, stomach-mindful hug.

“Huzzah! We did not know thou had made it here to this nightmarish ensemble of soul-eating pleasure!”

-I feel that her words and her tone are severely contradicting one another.-

>Your lady friend hit me- OW!

‘Fiancé, rugrat.’

-Yeah, she does that. A lot. Just be glad she’s using her weak hoof.-

‘And of course I made it, Luna. You sent us sixteen pairs of tickets with the tag ‘just in case you missed the previous tickets’, all within an hour. Even if I’m not formerly a part of your guard anymore, I still follow my princess.’

“Then come, come! Thou absolutely must reside within our chambers tonight!”

>What?!

-What?!-

‘I would be honored.’

>What?!

-What?! B-but honey, weren’t we going to… you know, the thing?-

“Thing? What is this thing?”

‘Nothing, princess. I’m sure my widdle cuddlebug can go a night without me.’

-No I can’t. Really. You’re the glue that keeps all the fractured pieces of me together. Without you I’ll go mad. Foaming at the mouth mad, even. Trust me, I will burn this resort down and laugh amidst the chaos.-

‘So cute.’

>Moons, but I thought me an’ you were gonna stay toge- OW!

‘A pervert staying with my princess? Over my dead body.’

>If you do that one more time I’m gonna-

‘You’ll what, shrimp?’

>…r-run to Moons and tell her what a big meanie you are!

-Don’t run, that’s feeding her. She loves a good chase.-

>…

“56, it would be immoral for us to share a room. Thou are just a youngling, perhaps with thine’s insufferable Queen?”

The dejected expression that feel over 56’s face caused even Glimmer to wince.

-Whoa, wait… did you just call 56 a youngling?-

“We did, why?”

-You mean you don’t know how old he is?-

“Look at his small stature, it is comparable to Shining Armor’s daughter. He must be somewhere around that age.”

There was something mysterious about the way Dadling started to laugh. Then he looked at 56, who was wiping under his eyes.

-Do you know how old you are, 56?-

>No… why?

-No reason. And you know what, fine. Luna, you can have my love tonight. But JUST for tonight. I’ll stay with 56, keep him company.-

>Great….

‘Awww, my big cuddle bug has such a big heart, I could just eat you up.’

-Oh, you will later. Believe me when I say that, dear.-

‘Mmmmm….’

“Did… did we miss something?”

‘Not at all, princess! Let us be off to double the merriment and leave our boys to whatever stupidity they’ll undoubtedly get into with our supervision.’

“He is not OUR boy!”

>…

“…but we suppose a goodnight kiss would not be so bad.”

And 56’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when he felt Luna’s lips connect with his cheek, blushing fiercely when she pulled away with a comical ‘mwah!’

“Goodnight, 56, don’t get into too much trouble, okay?”

>O-okay, Moons….

When the two mares left, already deep in conversation, Dadling merely threw a foreleg over 56’s shoulder and the two shared a long sigh.

-Mares, man.-

>Mares….

-Why’re you biting your lip?-

>Jus’ thinkin’.

-Okay, I figured that much. About?-

>Well, I got this plan to kiss Moons on the last day, at the top of the ferris wheel, the one that she didn't destroy… and I’m kinda nervous about it….

-Well, you’re definitely old enough for that.-

>What?

-Nothing. Sounds like a good plan, kid, just practice it a few times.-

>Practice, right. Gotta practice, can’t mess up….
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>Gwen
"Idris"
'??'
~

>How did we get lost going to our ROOM!?

"I'm starting to think the altitude is disrupting our sense of navigation."

>That makes no sense! It's the same spot, just higher up. That would be like saying we suddenly can't navigate if we fly up too high.

"It's the gravity, Winny. By having this level of gravity and stability at this altitude, my internal prowess is fried by thinking I'm on the ground and trying to understand I'm in the air."

>Feh, excuses. You're worse than those moronic ponies. Excuses excuses excuses.

"At least I wouldn't let the bug monsters live with us."

'Bug monsters, good sir? I'm hurt.'

They both whirled on their heels, snapping into a fighting position at the presence that neither of them had felt.

To their horror, she was so close she could have reached out and touched them if she wanted

'I prefer the term, bug demon.'

>Following us, Chrysalis?

"How pathetic to stoop to such a low to get within the presence of real royalty."

Rather than be offended, she let out a loud cackle.

'Oh, yes. What a pleasure it is to be in the company of the 'real' royals. Such a kindness you bestow upon me to be within your breathing distance.'

>A kindness we will be far too happy to revoke with the edge of a blade.

'Hmm... my skin is as tough as Chitania's was.'

Both tried to hide their flinch, but it was in vain.

"You're lying."

'Oh, of course, because it is not like we are both Queen changelings or anything. You have no reason to think I am all that durable... oh! Wait! That's right. Your 'emissary' watched me claw my way out of a collapsed cave with nary a scratch. Tell me, are you stronger than sixteen tons of rock?'

>..

'I thought not.'

"What do you want, insect?"

'Little old me? Why, nothing but to voice my dissent at your use of terminology.'

>If I find out you've been sapping us-

Another, louder cackle rang out.

'Draining you!? For love!? HAH! I couldn't light a candle with every drop of love between you.'

"And just what is that supposed to mean!?"

'It means exactly what you think. Tell me, was it a political marriage? Arranged? Some sort of bet?'

>How dare you!

'Just making observations. I can sense love, it's one of my many gifts, and yet, I'm feeling a mite peckish around you two.'

"You insolent, little-"

'Mostly from you, actually.'

"What!?"

'Hm, that's weird. She's got at least a little spark, but you seem more irritated at her. What's the matter?'

"Nothing is the matter! And I certainly would not share it with you if there was!"

'Odd, I taste frustration... ahhhhh... what's wrong, Gwen? Is there a reason you stopped ruffling his feathers just right? I'd say... months!? Really!?'

The indignant squawk could not have been less dignified.

>H-HOW DID YOU-... Guess so utterly wrong! You could not have been more wrong!

The deadpan look said it all.

>You are! You're wrong!...Totally wrong!

"But if you weren't WHICH YOU AREN'T, you wouldn't have any way of knowing it and would be lying regardless!"

The flat look remained.

>I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS INSULT!

"Leave now, or we will have you jettisoned from this entire place!"

>We can!

'Oh, sure. Because it's not like I know Pinkie Pie, which you all don't.'

>...Who is Pinkie Pie?

"I think she owns this place."

>Ah.

'Co-owns it with Cheese Sandwhich actually, great guy, lots of life to him. I know him too, in fact. I'd be happy to introduce you.'

>LEAVE!

'Can't.'

"And why not!?"

'You guys have been standing in front of my door this whole time.'

To their dismay, she held up a key with a little number that did, indeed, match the one they had been blocking this whole time.

Bitterly, they moved aside.

'Hm, little bit of advice? You need to try a bit more asking, less demanding. And you need to try something new every once in a while.'

>I DO NOT WANT YOUR ADVICE ON OUR PO-.. ON OUR SEX LIFE!

'Who said anything about sex? I was talking about you talking to me. But thanks for informing me about your totally not 'poor' sex life.'

Not like that squawk could make her less dignified, at least.

"I'LL SHOW YOU!"

Rearing back on his hind legs, he scooped up his wife in one smooth, angry motion.

"We are going in there, and we are going to DESTROY our room!"

>YEAH!

"I hope you're ready for an explosion of flavor, because you are going to be able to taste it from here!"

>DAMN STRAIGHT!

"AND YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SIT THERE AND THINK "WOW! I WAS WRONG!" WHILE WE DO IT! ALL! NIGHT! LONG!"

>NOW, IDRIS! LET'S GO DO IT NOW!

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT WE ARE!"

Angrily, he actually flew down the hallway towards what was, hopefully, their room.

>FUCK YOU, BUG MOooonnnsstee....

'...Well, now that they're out of the way.'

Coyly, she removed the enchantment on her key, reverting the number back to it's original state. Humming to herself, she continued heading towards Shiny's room, a none-too-subtle spring in her step.

'Potential mental profiling, potential chink in their armor, potential blackmail material in the making, potential use for subtly moving the king to my side, and I even got to piss them off too...'

She paused only to give off one last, happy cackle.

'Still got it.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"2"
-Blueblood-
'Morlocks'
{???}
~77~
[Spike]
<Shining Armor>

Deep beneath the surface of Canterlot's mountain, three unlikely companions walk in a shambling gait. Blueblood had had to abandon his near depleted rifle at his ad hoc sniper nest, now relying on his horn, he leads the way, less out of any leadership and more so 32 can keep an eye on him with 2 by his side.

-I don't suppose you know if we're getting close.-

>I can't be certain, all I know is up good, down bad, but you two could not have gotten very far in the time you were down here. There is quite a bit of hope that we may make it to the surface before the days is out.

"And I'll get to see Shiny again!"

32 smiles at the younger changeling.

>Indeed little one, and the both of us will reunite with the Hive.

-And I will, of course, face justice.-

"I they send ya to bed without any dessert. You deserve it!"

>Oh I believe he'll get much worse than that, little one. Far far worse.

"...they're gonna make him eat some of Caddy's food?"

>...yes, we'll go with that.

-You're really going to just throw me to the wolves up there?-

>You've committed a great many crimes, 'your highness', against both your people and mine. Even as a vagabond I act with the will of my Queen.

{Hmmm...yes, a picture is forming...}

>Wh-

-Oh yeah, that will certainly go well for you. After all it's worked that well so far.-

32 glares.

>What are you saying?

-Do you realize why you're down here? I can tell you of you like.-

>I'm down here because my Queen gave my group the task of finding a way to Canterlot from below.

-Heh...heh heh heh...-

Blueblood throws back his head and laughs as they keep walking.

>What are you doing, you fool!?

-Oh this is too rich, the smart one is ignorant of what really put his little unit through hell! You idiot, you want me to really tell you what your bi-!-

Blueblood's rant is cut short thanks to 32's hoof, sending him sprawling.

-Ungh...-

>That was for swearing in front of my young sister.

32 hoof presses down on one of Blueblood's back legs.

>Continue to disparage my Queen and I will do far worse, understood?

Fear and contempt in his eyes, Blueblood nods. 32 removes his hoof from

>Now get up.

Blueblood growls, muttering something about 'ignorance' as he gets to his hooves. Soon the group is moving again, 32's face a mask of stoicism. The Prince was merely attempting to break his concentration, clearly. A man facing his own destruction would say anything to avoid that fate. Yet...an ulterior motive, could such a thing be true?

The question plagues him as they keep walking their blind way through the darkness. In time it began to seem like a fool's errand, as though the caverns would go on forever and the fleeting hope his discovery would only let him see two more be claimed by the caves.

BANG!

The sounds of gunfire blast him out of his idle thoughts for the second time. 32 gives Blueblood a look.

>Friends of yours?

From further down the tunnels

~There's more of them coming!~

[I noticed! Shiny, tell me that shield can hold!]

'Selesh makhat!'

<These freaks aren't exactly making it easy! Keep firing!>

Blueblood snarls.

-Those are no friends of mine!-

32 nods to 2.

>Then that makes them friends of ours, let's go.

The trio begin running towards the sounds.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NON CANON
>Twilight
"Pinkie"
'Maud'
~~~
>And those two completely defeated my campaign! My customized tomb of horrors, I still couldn't believe it even in my airheaded state!

"Pfft, Twilight, the reason why they won was because they had great teamwork and your normal players pretty much all gank eachother. Maud and I could probably whizz right past your-"

Later...

"SON OF A FLYING HORSE!"

'So this is what defeat tastes like; it does not taste like rocks. It is bitter.'

>Wow... this is a new record for me. I'm really baffled myself.

"ONE MORE GAME! ONE MORE-"

Further later...

"WHAT'S HAPPENING? I CAN'T FORESEE THE DICE ROLLS LIKE IN MAHJONG! MY PINKIE SENSE IS FAILING ME!"

'This is indeed a disturbing canon'

>To be fair, when have you guys ever played this game before?

'We used to play it all he time on the rock farm. You will notice my stone sentinel dwarf is highly optimized for all varieties of tanking.'

>Wow, not a bad build. Is pinkie going to be okay?

'This happens every once in awhile when she realizes the narrative law of comedy can play against her. Just wipe the foam from her lips and turn her head to the side so she doesn't drown herself.'

>Alrighty then. Good game, by the way,

'Thank you.'

"FHNEIOWGJWORGJO!!!!!!!"
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>42
"Brain"
~~~

>Alright, BRAIN! I'm onto you!

"...Please stop."

>I've seen through all of your tricks, and I now know your real game!

"I just... you would look so, SO crazy if someone saw you talking to me."

>I have seen through your tricks, and I know what you want now!

"Remember when you didn't used to, you know, talk to me? You talking to me has gradually increased, I've noticed, it used to be really simple 'status report!' or something, but here you are."

>And I finally can tell you... good job!

"It doesn't even make any-WHOA WHAT!?"

>I appreciate the initiative you took, really. I apologize for not understanding what you were attempting to do earlier.

"This is going to end either with me happy or confused."

>But I must say, it's pointless. 18 has likely already gone through those scenarios herself.

"Confused it is."

>I understand, I truly do. We saw that 18 was breaking down more often, and we're trying to think of a way to help her on her quest so that she might one day achieve her dream. The recent event with her Majesty must have spurred us into thinking we needed to synch her connection to the Empire, and helping her to become l-lo... 'closer' to Shining Armor was a fine way to do it.

"This is a huuuuge stretch."

>But brain, she does not need us. We are so inept in the field we would only make things worse. A soldier must know when to back off, and let someone more capable handle it. So, in short, you may now stop showing those confusing images, for I am in no way of properly utilizing them.

"..."

>...Go ahead. You can stop now.

"..."

>...Brain? You uh... you can stop now. Plan understood and discarded.

"..."

>...FUCK YOU, BRAIN!

*WHONK!*

>OW!

"I wish I had lips to sigh with..."
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