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Zoolander

tpbolon Mar 12th, 2019 74 Never
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  1. 1
  2. 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,087
  3. Here in Malaysia, there is an almost
  4. overwhelming sense of euphoria,
  5.  
  6. 2
  7. 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,131
  8. as the newly-elected prime minister
  9.  
  10. 3
  11. 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,884
  12. has given this
  13. impoverished nation the gift of hope,
  14.  
  15. 4
  16. 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,595
  17. promising to raise
  18. the substandard minimum wage
  19.  
  20. 5
  21. 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:56,722
  22. and end child labor once and for all.
  23.  
  24. 6
  25. 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,849
  26. Already considered a living saint,
  27.  
  28. 7
  29. 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,351
  30. he has become this small country's
  31. greatest hope,
  32.  
  33. 8
  34. 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:03,312
  35. for a thriving future
  36. in the new millennium.
  37.  
  38. 9
  39. 00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,192
  40. Get closer, Jaco.
  41.  
  42. 10
  43. 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,904
  44. This is disgusting.
  45. How could you let this happen?
  46.  
  47. 11
  48. 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:15,908
  49. I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio.
  50.  
  51. 12
  52. 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:19,745
  53. I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts.
  54. I even sent him some pet oxen.
  55.  
  56. 13
  57. 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:24,374
  58. I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia,
  59. but he won't budge.
  60.  
  61. 14
  62. 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,502
  63. Listen, 50% of my inventory
  64.  
  65. 15
  66. 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:29,421
  67. is manufactured in sweatshops
  68. on the Malaysian border.
  69.  
  70. 16
  71. 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,256
  72. Something has got to be done.
  73.  
  74. 17
  75. 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,884
  76. If Malaysia goes, what is next?
  77.  
  78. 18
  79. 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,929
  80. My entire panty line is made in Vietnam.
  81.  
  82. 19
  83. 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,806
  84. We'll all go bankrupt within a year.
  85.  
  86. 20
  87. 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,017
  88. The Malaysian must be
  89. eliminated, Mugatu.
  90.  
  91. 21
  92. 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,522
  93. What? No, I don't have time for this.
  94.  
  95. 22
  96. 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:47,940
  97. Perhaps you'd rather go back
  98.  
  99. 23
  100. 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,734
  101. to turning out novelty neckties
  102. in Hackensack.
  103.  
  104. 24
  105. 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,070
  106. But my new fall line is almost due.
  107.  
  108. 25
  109. 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:56,573
  110. And I trust you would like to live
  111. to see your spring line, as well?
  112.  
  113. 26
  114. 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,203
  115. The Malaysian prime minister
  116. visits New York in 14 days.
  117.  
  118. 27
  119. 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,288
  120. Do it then.
  121.  
  122. 28
  123. 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,834
  124. Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week.
  125. It's impossible! I have a show!
  126.  
  127. 29
  128. 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,962
  129. It's perfect. Invite him
  130. to be your guest of honor.
  131.  
  132. 30
  133. 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,006
  134. That's not enough time. It takes
  135. months to train an operative.
  136.  
  137. 31
  138. 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,467
  139. What about Fabio?
  140.  
  141. 32
  142. 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:21,390
  143. Too smart. This is a rush job.
  144. He's got to be extremely dim-witted.
  145.  
  146. 33
  147. 00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:25,477
  148. - You know the profile, Jacobim.
  149. - A beautiful, self-absorbed,
  150.  
  151. 34
  152. 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,856
  153. simpleton who can be manipulated
  154. and molded like Jell-O.
  155.  
  156. 35
  157. 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,774
  158. Or cookie dough.
  159.  
  160. 36
  161. 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,360
  162. - Or Play-Doh.
  163. - Any kind of dough.
  164.  
  165. 37
  166. 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:40,242
  167. The point is, we need an empty vessel,
  168. a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron.
  169.  
  170. 38
  171. 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,995
  172. And when he's finished,
  173. we'll dispose of him.
  174.  
  175. 39
  176. 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,496
  177. But who?
  178.  
  179. 40
  180. 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,832
  181. I mean, where in all of God's
  182. green goodness,
  183.  
  184. 41
  185. 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:50,335
  186. am I gonna find someone
  187. that beef-headed?
  188.  
  189. 42
  190. 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,841
  191. Derek, I just have a few more
  192. questions, if that's okay.
  193.  
  194. 43
  195. 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,009
  196. Cool.
  197.  
  198. 44
  199. 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:59,595
  200. So when did you know
  201. you wanted to be a model?
  202.  
  203. 45
  204. 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:03,724
  205. I guess it would have to be the first time
  206. I went through the second grade.
  207.  
  208. 46
  209. 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:07,102
  210. I caught my reflection in a spoon
  211. while I was eating my cereal,
  212.  
  213. 47
  214. 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,272
  215. and I remember thinking,
  216. "Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking.
  217.  
  218. 48
  219. 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,609
  220. - "Maybe you could do that for a career. "
  221. - Do what?
  222.  
  223. 49
  224. 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,612
  225. - Be professionally good-looking.
  226. - Right.
  227.  
  228. 50
  229. 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:19,406
  230. What would you say your
  231. trademark is, if you have one?
  232.  
  233. 51
  234. 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,826
  235. Well, I guess the look
  236. I'm best known for is Blue Steel.
  237.  
  238. 52
  239. 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,369
  240. What's that look like?
  241.  
  242. 53
  243. 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,124
  244. That's impressive.
  245.  
  246. 54
  247. 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,920
  248. And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre.
  249.  
  250. 55
  251. 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:36,256
  252. Le Tigre's a lot softer.
  253. It's a bit more of a catalogue look.
  254.  
  255. 56
  256. 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,343
  257. - I use it for footwear sometimes.
  258. - Can I see that?
  259.  
  260. 57
  261. 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,648
  262. Look, without Derek Zoolander,
  263.  
  264. 58
  265. 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,025
  266. male modelling wouldn't be
  267. what it is today.
  268.  
  269. 59
  270. 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,735
  271. He is a fashion icon.
  272.  
  273. 60
  274. 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:59,154
  275. So, do you spend a lot of time
  276. working on these looks,
  277.  
  278. 61
  279. 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,614
  280. thinking about them?
  281.  
  282. 62
  283. 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:04,993
  284. Sure. I've been working on Magnum
  285. for at least eight or nine years.
  286.  
  287. 63
  288. 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,080
  289. "Magnum"? That's intriguing.
  290. Can I see that?
  291.  
  292. 64
  293. 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:11,416
  294. Are you kidding?
  295. I shouldn't even be talking about it.
  296.  
  297. 65
  298. 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,085
  299. It's nowhere near ready.
  300.  
  301. 66
  302. 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:18,257
  303. It's almost like there's a light
  304. around him. He exudes beauty.
  305.  
  306. 67
  307. 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,384
  308. I think about Derek
  309. every time I design a collection.
  310.  
  311. 68
  312. 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,386
  313. Derek, I don't know if you're familiar
  314.  
  315. 69
  316. 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,554
  317. with the belief that
  318. some aboriginal tribes hold.
  319.  
  320. 70
  321. 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,600
  322. It's the concept that a photo
  323. might steal a part of your soul.
  324.  
  325. 71
  326. 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:29,810
  327. What are your thoughts on that,
  328.  
  329. 72
  330. 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,562
  331. as someone who gets his picture
  332. taken for a living?
  333.  
  334. 73
  335. 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:37,192
  336. That Blue Steel look he does?
  337. Oh, my gosh! The style and the hair.
  338.  
  339. 74
  340. 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,613
  341. You know, it's almost like the new afro
  342. for the white man, but it's beautiful.
  343.  
  344. 75
  345. 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:45,033
  346. Well, I guess I would have to answer
  347. your question with another question.
  348.  
  349. 76
  350. 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:48,954
  351. How many "abo-digitals"
  352. do you see modelling?
  353.  
  354. 77
  355. 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,791
  356. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
  357. to the fashion industry's biggest night,
  358.  
  359. 78
  360. 00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,042
  361. the VH1 Fashion Awards.
  362.  
  363. 79
  364. 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,466
  365. There he is,
  366. three-time Male Model of the Year,
  367.  
  368. 80
  369. 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,218
  370. Derek Zoolander.
  371.  
  372. 81
  373. 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,636
  374. He's like music.
  375.  
  376. 82
  377. 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,096
  378. Proud owner of Blue Steel,
  379.  
  380. 83
  381. 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,307
  382. the look that made him
  383. the legend he now is.
  384.  
  385. 84
  386. 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,350
  387. He's almost too good-looking.
  388.  
  389. 85
  390. 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:11,601
  391. Hey, Paco!
  392.  
  393. 86
  394. 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:17,399
  395. That would be my main deterrent
  396. in considering a relationship.
  397.  
  398. 87
  399. 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,911
  400. And that's who Derek Zoolander
  401. is defending his title against tonight.
  402.  
  403. 88
  404. 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,789
  405. Hansel.
  406.  
  407. 89
  408. 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,250
  409. - Hansel, right here!
  410. - All right, all right.
  411.  
  412. 90
  413. 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,753
  414. The rookie sensation
  415. who has burned his way
  416.  
  417. 91
  418. 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,921
  419. into the eye sockets
  420. of the fashion world,
  421.  
  422. 92
  423. 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,257
  424. and left them clawing
  425. their faces for more.
  426.  
  427. 93
  428. 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,969
  429. Mugatu sucks!
  430. Support the prime minister!
  431.  
  432. 94
  433. 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:49,431
  434. Mugatu uses slave labor!
  435.  
  436. 95
  437. 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,934
  438. Down with Mugatu!
  439.  
  440. 96
  441. 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,979
  442. You hate to see something like that
  443. at an event like this.
  444.  
  445. 97
  446. 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,982
  447. Ugly protesters
  448. bothering beautiful people.
  449.  
  450. 98
  451. 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,778
  452. There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu
  453. has used cheap Malaysian workers
  454.  
  455. 99
  456. 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,198
  457. to make his, and most
  458. of the garment industry's, clothes.
  459.  
  460. 100
  461. 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:09,493
  462. - Derek! Derek!
  463. - Hey, Steve, how are you doing?
  464.  
  465. 101
  466. 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,871
  467. You're going for your fourth straight
  468. Male Model of the Year award tonight.
  469.  
  470. 102
  471. 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,414
  472. Come on. Are you nervous?
  473.  
  474. 103
  475. 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,541
  476. Well, there are couple of
  477. little butterflies in my basket,
  478.  
  479. 104
  480. 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,126
  481. but I think I'm doing okay.
  482.  
  483. 105
  484. 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,462
  485. We also hear you're working on a new
  486. look. Can you tell us about it?
  487.  
  488. 106
  489. 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,965
  490. Actually, I can't, Steve,
  491. because it's not yet perfected.
  492.  
  493. 107
  494. 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,009
  495. But I can tell you
  496. that it's called Magnum and...
  497.  
  498. 108
  499. 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,636
  500. Shut, baby, shut!
  501.  
  502. 109
  503. 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,846
  504. If I tell you anything else,
  505. this guy's gonna kill me.
  506.  
  507. 110
  508. 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,723
  509. Got that right.
  510. How are you doing, Steven?
  511.  
  512. 111
  513. 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,893
  514. - Maury Ballstein, Balls Models.
  515. - A man who needs no introduction.
  516.  
  517. 112
  518. 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,397
  519. Maury, you've handled every important
  520. male model for the last 30 years.
  521.  
  522. 113
  523. 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,732
  524. - Derek's chances tonight?
  525. - Let me tell you something.
  526.  
  527. 114
  528. 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,860
  529. Nobody can touch Derek.
  530. Nobody! I gotta get inside.
  531.  
  532. 115
  533. 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,988
  534. I'm shvitzing like a shmendrick
  535. with all these lights.
  536.  
  537. 116
  538. 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,375
  539. Derek! Derek!
  540. Are you worried about Hansel?
  541.  
  542. 117
  543. 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,045
  544. Not as much
  545. as I'm worried about Gretel.
  546.  
  547. 118
  548. 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,215
  549. Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel
  550. line in your article.
  551.  
  552. 119
  553. 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:07,008
  554. I want people to know
  555. how funny I can be.
  556.  
  557. 120
  558. 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,803
  559. Oh, believe me, they'll know.
  560. It hits newsstands tomorrow.
  561.  
  562. 121
  563. 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:12,931
  564. Excuse me, Mr. Mugatu.
  565. Mr. Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries.
  566.  
  567. 122
  568. 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,224
  569. Time magazine.
  570.  
  571. 123
  572. 00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:16,601
  573. Any comment on Prime Minister
  574. Hassan's wage increases
  575.  
  576. 124
  577. 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,979
  578. - for Malaysian garment workers?
  579. - No, he has no comment.
  580.  
  581. 125
  582. 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,439
  583. Why don't you let him
  584. speak for himself?
  585.  
  586. 126
  587. 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,108
  588. Isn't it true you'd like to see
  589. the prime minister out of power
  590.  
  591. 127
  592. 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,235
  593. so you can continue
  594. exploiting cheap Malaysian labor?
  595.  
  596. 128
  597. 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:29,072
  598. Hey, Mugatu! Screw you
  599. and your little dog, too!
  600.  
  601. 129
  602. 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,366
  603. Look out! She's got an egg!
  604.  
  605. 130
  606. 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,577
  607. Oh, my God! Let go of me!
  608.  
  609. 131
  610. 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,078
  611. Yes!
  612.  
  613. 132
  614. 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,205
  615. Yes.
  616.  
  617. 133
  618. 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,040
  619. Wow.
  620.  
  621. 134
  622. 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,294
  623. I just can't tell you how much
  624. this means to me,
  625.  
  626. 135
  627. 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,880
  628. to be the first recipient
  629. of this beautiful award.
  630.  
  631. 136
  632. 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,716
  633. We have a serious problem
  634. on our hands, Maury.
  635.  
  636. 137
  637. 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,552
  638. This Malaysian thing
  639. is getting out of hand.
  640.  
  641. 138
  642. 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,970
  643. I hear you, Jaco.
  644.  
  645. 139
  646. 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,931
  647. What this, the Slashie, mean,
  648.  
  649. 140
  650. 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:59,227
  651. is you consider me
  652. the best actor slash model,
  653.  
  654. 141
  655. 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,937
  656. and not the other way around.
  657.  
  658. 142
  659. 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,650
  660. His proposed wage increase
  661. could ruin all of us.
  662.  
  663. 143
  664. 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,570
  665. I need it taken care of soon.
  666. I have people to answer to.
  667.  
  668. 144
  669. 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,990
  670. All right, now to the important stuff.
  671.  
  672. 145
  673. 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,534
  674. These ain't no slashes, folks.
  675.  
  676. 146
  677. 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,286
  678. These are the pure breeds.
  679.  
  680. 147
  681. 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,998
  682. Here are the nominees
  683. for Male Model of the Year.
  684.  
  685. 148
  686. 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,001
  687. Young, hot, brash.
  688.  
  689. 149
  690. 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:26,880
  691. With more covers in his first year
  692. than any rookie model ever
  693.  
  694. 150
  695. 00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:30,509
  696. and an attitude that says,
  697. "Who cares? It's only fashion. "
  698.  
  699. 151
  700. 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,220
  701. That Hansel's so hot right now.
  702.  
  703. 152
  704. 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,307
  705. I hear a lot of words
  706. like "beauty" and "handsomeness,"
  707.  
  708. 153
  709. 00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:39,017
  710. and "incredibly chiseled features. "
  711.  
  712. 154
  713. 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,978
  714. To me, that's like a vanity,
  715. a self-absorption,
  716.  
  717. 155
  718. 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,231
  719. that I try to steer clear of.
  720.  
  721. 156
  722. 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,359
  723. I dig the bungee.
  724. For me, it's just the way I live my life.
  725.  
  726. 157
  727. 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,028
  728. I grip it and I rip it.
  729. I live it with a lot of flair.
  730.  
  731. 158
  732. 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,906
  733. I live it on the edge, where I gotta be.
  734.  
  735. 159
  736. 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:57,327
  737. I wasn't like every other kid,
  738. who dreams about being an astronaut.
  739.  
  740. 160
  741. 00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:02,249
  742. I was always more interested in
  743. what bark was made out of on a tree.
  744.  
  745. 161
  746. 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,044
  747. Richard Gere's
  748. a real hero of mine. Sting.
  749.  
  750. 162
  751. 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:07,879
  752. Sting would be another person
  753. who's a hero.
  754.  
  755. 163
  756. 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,673
  757. The music that he's created
  758. over the years,
  759.  
  760. 164
  761. 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,216
  762. I don't really listen to it,
  763.  
  764. 165
  765. 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,677
  766. but the fact that he's making it,
  767. I respect that.
  768.  
  769. 166
  770. 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,221
  771. I care desperately about what I do.
  772.  
  773. 167
  774. 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:20,267
  775. Do I know what product I'm selling? No.
  776. Do I know what I'm doing today? No.
  777.  
  778. 168
  779. 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,812
  780. But I'm here,
  781. and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
  782.  
  783. 169
  784. 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,363
  785. Over the past decade,
  786.  
  787. 170
  788. 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:36,950
  789. male modelling has had a shadow
  790. cast over it by one man
  791.  
  792. 171
  793. 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,618
  794. and five syllables,
  795.  
  796. 172
  797. 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,204
  798. Derek Zoolander.
  799.  
  800. 173
  801. 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,667
  802. Modelling, to me, isn't just
  803. about being good-looking,
  804.  
  805. 174
  806. 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:49,337
  807. or having a lot of fun and
  808. being really, really good-looking.
  809.  
  810. 175
  811. 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,845
  812. The calendar was great,
  813.  
  814. 176
  815. 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,681
  816. because it gave people a chance
  817. to see a side of my versatility.
  818.  
  819. 177
  820. 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,935
  821. The original Greek word for model
  822. means "misshapen ball of clay",
  823.  
  824. 178
  825. 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,396
  826. and I try to think about that every
  827. time I get in front of a camera.
  828.  
  829. 179
  830. 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,940
  831. Three-time Male Model of the Year.
  832.  
  833. 180
  834. 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,369
  835. And the award goes to
  836.  
  837. 181
  838. 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:27,876
  839. Hansel.
  840.  
  841. 182
  842. 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:30,837
  843. Hansel.
  844.  
  845. 183
  846. 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,840
  847. Hansel.
  848.  
  849. 184
  850. 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:38,803
  851. Hansel.
  852.  
  853. 185
  854. 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,769
  855. Thank you, Lenny.
  856.  
  857. 186
  858. 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,314
  859. Wow!
  860.  
  861. 187
  862. 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,902
  863. You know, a lot of people said
  864. winning this award
  865.  
  866. 188
  867. 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:56,071
  868. four years in a row couldn't happen.
  869.  
  870. 189
  871. 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,657
  872. Well, I guess I showed...
  873.  
  874. 190
  875. 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,592
  876. I think we've found
  877. our solution, Ballstein.
  878.  
  879. 191
  880. 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,679
  881. No, not Derek.
  882.  
  883. 192
  884. 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,431
  885. He's perfect, and you know it.
  886. Now make it happen.
  887.  
  888. 193
  889. 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,353
  890. It stings me like a fissure
  891. in my ass, but you're right.
  892.  
  893. 194
  894. 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,854
  895. He's ready.
  896.  
  897. 195
  898. 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,127
  899. Who am I?
  900.  
  901. 196
  902. 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,462
  903. I don't know.
  904.  
  905. 197
  906. 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,133
  907. I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.
  908.  
  909. 198
  910. 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,262
  911. Hey, the results are in, amigo!
  912.  
  913. 199
  914. 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,305
  915. What's left to ponder?
  916.  
  917. 200
  918. 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,893
  919. Nice comeback!
  920.  
  921. 201
  922. 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:24,803
  923. I can't stand Hansel!
  924.  
  925. 202
  926. 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,179
  927. I know, right?
  928.  
  929. 203
  930. 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,556
  931. Riding in on that scooter
  932. like he's so cool.
  933.  
  934. 204
  935. 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,935
  936. - And the way Hansel combs his hair.
  937. - Or, like, doesn't.
  938.  
  939. 205
  940. 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:36,356
  941. It's like, "'Ex-squeeze' me,
  942. but have you ever heard of styling gel?"
  943.  
  944. 206
  945. 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,400
  946. I'm sure Hansel's heard
  947. of styling gel. He's a male model.
  948.  
  949. 207
  950. 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,653
  951. Earth to Brint. I was making a joke.
  952.  
  953. 208
  954. 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,906
  955. Earth to Meekus.
  956. Duh, okay? I knew that.
  957.  
  958. 209
  959. 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,283
  960. Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did
  961.  
  962. 210
  963. 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:50,286
  964. 'cause you were all, "Well, I'm sure
  965. he's heard of styling gel."
  966.  
  967. 211
  968. 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,413
  969. Like you didn't know it was a joke.
  970.  
  971. 212
  972. 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,292
  973. I knew it was a joke, Meekus.
  974. I just didn't get it right away.
  975.  
  976. 213
  977. 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,920
  978. - Earth to Brint...
  979. - Would you guys stop it already!
  980.  
  981. 214
  982. 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,674
  983. Did you ever think that maybe
  984. there's more to life
  985.  
  986. 215
  987. 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:07,554
  988. than being really, really, really,
  989. ridiculously good-looking?
  990.  
  991. 216
  992. 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,099
  993. I mean, maybe we should be doing
  994.  
  995. 217
  996. 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,226
  997. something more meaningful
  998. with our lives.
  999.  
  1000. 218
  1001. 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,645
  1002. Like helping people.
  1003.  
  1004. 219
  1005. 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,648
  1006. Derek, what people?
  1007.  
  1008. 220
  1009. 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,861
  1010. I don't know. People who need help.
  1011.  
  1012. 221
  1013. 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,532
  1014. Models help people. They make them
  1015. feel good about themselves.
  1016.  
  1017. 222
  1018. 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:31,286
  1019. They also show them how to dress cool,
  1020. and wear their hair in interesting ways.
  1021.  
  1022. 223
  1023. 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,454
  1024. I guess so.
  1025.  
  1026. 224
  1027. 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,958
  1028. You know what could really help you
  1029. sort through these important issues?
  1030.  
  1031. 225
  1032. 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,126
  1033. What?
  1034.  
  1035. 226
  1036. 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,713
  1037. - Orange mocha frappuccino!
  1038. - Orange mocha frappuccino!
  1039.  
  1040. 227
  1041. 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,757
  1042. - Yeah!
  1043. - Yeah!
  1044.  
  1045. 228
  1046. 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,302
  1047. Come on, man! Come on!
  1048.  
  1049. 229
  1050. 00:15:56,538 --> 00:16:00,041
  1051. "Derek Zoolander. A model idiot. "
  1052.  
  1053. 230
  1054. 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,520
  1055. - Brint!
  1056. - Huh?
  1057.  
  1058. 231
  1059. 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:21,729
  1060. No!
  1061.  
  1062. 232
  1063. 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:38,246
  1064. Rufus, Brint and Meekus
  1065. were like brothers to me.
  1066.  
  1067. 233
  1068. 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:42,667
  1069. And when I say brother,
  1070. I don't mean like an actual brother,
  1071.  
  1072. 234
  1073. 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,003
  1074. but I mean it like the way
  1075. black people use it,
  1076.  
  1077. 235
  1078. 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,922
  1079. which is more meaningful, I think.
  1080.  
  1081. 236
  1082. 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,260
  1083. If there's anything that this
  1084. horrible tragedy can teach us,
  1085.  
  1086. 237
  1087. 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:56,180
  1088. it's that a male model's life
  1089. is a precious, precious commodity.
  1090.  
  1091. 238
  1092. 00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:01,686
  1093. Just because we have chiseled abs,
  1094. and stunning features,
  1095.  
  1096. 239
  1097. 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:07,400
  1098. it doesn't mean that we too can't not die
  1099. in a freak gasoline fight accident.
  1100.  
  1101. 240
  1102. 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:12,363
  1103. So today, ladies and gentlemen,
  1104. I would like to take this opportunity,
  1105.  
  1106. 241
  1107. 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,324
  1108. to announce my...
  1109.  
  1110. 242
  1111. 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,252
  1112. Hansel. He's so hot right now. Hansel.
  1113.  
  1114. 243
  1115. 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,921
  1116. I would like to take this...
  1117.  
  1118. 244
  1119. 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,425
  1120. People!
  1121.  
  1122. 245
  1123. 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,429
  1124. I'd like to announce my retirement
  1125. from the male modelling profession.
  1126.  
  1127. 246
  1128. 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,182
  1129. What?
  1130.  
  1131. 247
  1132. 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:44,479
  1133. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life
  1134. than being really, really good-looking.
  1135.  
  1136. 248
  1137. 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,398
  1138. And I plan on finding out what that is.
  1139. Thank you.
  1140.  
  1141. 249
  1142. 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,817
  1143. Mr. Mugatu! Mr. Mugatu!
  1144.  
  1145. 250
  1146. 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,111
  1147. If I could just have
  1148. a moment of your time, please, sir.
  1149.  
  1150. 251
  1151. 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,697
  1152. Just one minute of your time,
  1153. please, sir!
  1154.  
  1155. 252
  1156. 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,785
  1157. Derek? Derek, hey!
  1158.  
  1159. 253
  1160. 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,080
  1161. - What do you want?
  1162. - Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu,
  1163.  
  1164. 254
  1165. 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,248
  1166. but he's tougher to get to
  1167. than the president.
  1168.  
  1169. 255
  1170. 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,251
  1171. I thought you were gonna tell me
  1172. what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.
  1173.  
  1174. 256
  1175. 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,503
  1176. A what?
  1177.  
  1178. 257
  1179. 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,923
  1180. A "eugoogolizer. "
  1181. One who speaks at funerals.
  1182.  
  1183. 258
  1184. 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,844
  1185. Or did you think I'd be too stupid
  1186. to know what a "eugoogoly" was?
  1187.  
  1188. 259
  1189. 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,057
  1190. How could you have written
  1191. those terrible things about me?
  1192.  
  1193. 260
  1194. 00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,976
  1195. Look, Derek,
  1196. my editor put that headline on it, okay?
  1197.  
  1198. 261
  1199. 00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,854
  1200. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
  1201. I know it came off kind of harsh.
  1202.  
  1203. 262
  1204. 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:29,440
  1205. Yeah, well, fortunately for you,
  1206. not too many people I know
  1207.  
  1208. 263
  1209. 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,401
  1210. read your little Time magazine,
  1211. or whatever it's called.
  1212.  
  1213. 264
  1214. 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,612
  1215. Look, maybe you could do me a favor.
  1216.  
  1217. 265
  1218. 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,990
  1219. All I'm trying to do is get some
  1220. background information on Mugatu.
  1221.  
  1222. 266
  1223. 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,034
  1224. Mugatu? If you knew anything,
  1225.  
  1226. 267
  1227. 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,995
  1228. you'd know Mugatu's the one designer
  1229. who's never hired me.
  1230.  
  1231. 268
  1232. 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,372
  1233. Come on. There's gotta be...
  1234.  
  1235. 269
  1236. 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,582
  1237. Sorry, lady. Not interested.
  1238.  
  1239. 270
  1240. 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,794
  1241. Now, if you'll excuse me,
  1242. I've got an after funeral party to attend.
  1243.  
  1244. 271
  1245. 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,134
  1246. Go back home? You're overreacting.
  1247.  
  1248. 272
  1249. 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,553
  1250. I want to do something meaningful
  1251. with my life, Maury.
  1252.  
  1253. 273
  1254. 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,972
  1255. I have deeper thoughts on my mind.
  1256.  
  1257. 274
  1258. 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,224
  1259. The other day,
  1260. I was thinking about volunteering,
  1261.  
  1262. 275
  1263. 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:06,144
  1264. to help teach underprivileged children
  1265. to learn how to read.
  1266.  
  1267. 276
  1268. 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:09,856
  1269. Just thinking about it was the most
  1270. rewarding experience I've ever had.
  1271.  
  1272. 277
  1273. 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,941
  1274. Derek, I don't think you're cut out
  1275. for that kind of thing.
  1276.  
  1277. 278
  1278. 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,443
  1279. I mean, maybe I could even have
  1280. my own institute.
  1281.  
  1282. 279
  1283. 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:20,408
  1284. We could call it the Derek Zoolander
  1285. Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.
  1286.  
  1287. 280
  1288. 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,952
  1289. What about us?
  1290. We built this place together.
  1291.  
  1292. 281
  1293. 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,745
  1294. Look out! Tushy squeeze!
  1295.  
  1296. 282
  1297. 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,122
  1298. Maury!
  1299.  
  1300. 283
  1301. 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,374
  1302. Derek, when I met you,
  1303. you were a junior petite
  1304.  
  1305. 284
  1306. 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,585
  1307. who couldn't book
  1308. a goddamn Sears catalogue,
  1309.  
  1310. 285
  1311. 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,295
  1312. and who couldn't turn left
  1313. to save his ass.
  1314.  
  1315. 286
  1316. 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:35,423
  1317. - Now look at you.
  1318. - I can turn left!
  1319.  
  1320. 287
  1321. 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,133
  1322. Yeah, right.
  1323.  
  1324. 288
  1325. 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,844
  1326. Derek, please. Some male models
  1327. go left at the end of a runway,
  1328.  
  1329. 289
  1330. 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,053
  1331. others go right.
  1332.  
  1333. 290
  1334. 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:44,223
  1335. You got a lot of gifts, but hanging
  1336. a louie just isn't one of them.
  1337.  
  1338. 291
  1339. 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:45,600
  1340. Sit down!
  1341.  
  1342. 292
  1343. 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,437
  1344. Hey, you want to hear
  1345. some great news?
  1346.  
  1347. 293
  1348. 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,944
  1349. Mugatu wants you
  1350. for his new campaign.
  1351.  
  1352. 294
  1353. 00:19:57,112 --> 00:20:00,198
  1354. Didn't you hear me, Maury?
  1355. I just retired.
  1356.  
  1357. 295
  1358. 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,241
  1359. But this is Mugatu, Derek.
  1360.  
  1361. 296
  1362. 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,619
  1363. Right now, this guy is so hot,
  1364.  
  1365. 297
  1366. 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:08,206
  1367. he can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil,
  1368. put a couple of fishhooks on it,
  1369.  
  1370. 298
  1371. 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,750
  1372. and sell it to Queen Elizabeth
  1373. as earrings.
  1374.  
  1375. 299
  1376. 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:17,131
  1377. Derek, you're the laughing stock
  1378. of the entire fashion world.
  1379.  
  1380. 300
  1381. 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:22,803
  1382. What do we do
  1383. when we fall off the horse?
  1384.  
  1385. 301
  1386. 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,770
  1387. We get back on.
  1388.  
  1389. 302
  1390. 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:35,191
  1391. Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.
  1392.  
  1393. 303
  1394. 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,445
  1395. I'm going back home.
  1396. I need to get in touch with my roots.
  1397.  
  1398. 304
  1399. 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,448
  1400. Figure out who I am.
  1401. See you around, Maury.
  1402.  
  1403. 305
  1404. 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:15,773
  1405. Hey, Pop!
  1406.  
  1407. 306
  1408. 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,114
  1409. It's me.
  1410.  
  1411. 307
  1412. 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,576
  1413. Scrappy, Luke,
  1414.  
  1415. 308
  1416. 00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:30,788
  1417. you remember your brother, right?
  1418.  
  1419. 309
  1420. 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:32,498
  1421. What do you want?
  1422.  
  1423. 310
  1424. 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,544
  1425. I thought maybe I could work
  1426. the mines with you guys.
  1427.  
  1428. 311
  1429. 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,921
  1430. You know, all the Zoolander men
  1431. together again,
  1432.  
  1433. 312
  1434. 00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:40,589
  1435. like when we were kids.
  1436.  
  1437. 313
  1438. 00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:42,341
  1439. Times have changed, boy.
  1440.  
  1441. 314
  1442. 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,719
  1443. You wouldn't last one day
  1444. down those coal pits.
  1445.  
  1446. 315
  1447. 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,347
  1448. Can't you even pretend
  1449. to be happy to see me, Pop?
  1450.  
  1451. 316
  1452. 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:52,727
  1453. Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not
  1454. a professional film and television actor.
  1455.  
  1456. 317
  1457. 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:58,899
  1458. Do us all a favor and get out of here.
  1459.  
  1460. 318
  1461. 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,362
  1462. Pop, wait, please!
  1463.  
  1464. 319
  1465. 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,072
  1466. Give me a chance.
  1467.  
  1468. 320
  1469. 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,659
  1470. I won't let you down. I promise.
  1471.  
  1472. 321
  1473. 00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:21,172
  1474. Hold very still. Very still.
  1475. I'm working right now. This...
  1476.  
  1477. 322
  1478. 00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:23,049
  1479. - Ouch!
  1480. - Oh, I'm sorry.
  1481.  
  1482. 323
  1483. 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,384
  1484. Did my pin get in the way of your ass?
  1485.  
  1486. 324
  1487. 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,554
  1488. Do me a favor and lose
  1489. five pounds immediately,
  1490.  
  1491. 325
  1492. 00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:30,765
  1493. or get out of my building like now!
  1494.  
  1495. 326
  1496. 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,266
  1497. Get out!
  1498.  
  1499. 327
  1500. 00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,519
  1501. I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now!
  1502.  
  1503. 328
  1504. 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:36,854
  1505. It's Maury.
  1506.  
  1507. 329
  1508. 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:38,773
  1509. Tell me something good.
  1510.  
  1511. 330
  1512. 00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:40,858
  1513. You may have to start
  1514. looking for someone else.
  1515.  
  1516. 331
  1517. 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:44,779
  1518. There is no one else.
  1519. The show is in 10 days, Ballstein.
  1520.  
  1521. 332
  1522. 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:47,198
  1523. Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up.
  1524.  
  1525. 333
  1526. 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:50,117
  1527. He went home. He's talking
  1528. about going off to ponder
  1529.  
  1530. 334
  1531. 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,620
  1532. and tutoring underprivileged
  1533. retards or some shit.
  1534.  
  1535. 335
  1536. 00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:55,664
  1537. I don't care what it takes. Get him back.
  1538.  
  1539. 336
  1540. 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:58,042
  1541. We're running out of time. Capisce?
  1542.  
  1543. 337
  1544. 00:22:58,126 --> 00:23:01,128
  1545. Yeah, I capisce.
  1546. Now if I could only ca-piss.
  1547.  
  1548. 338
  1549. 00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:04,757
  1550. My prostate's flaring up
  1551. like a frickin' tiki torch.
  1552.  
  1553. 339
  1554. 00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:09,470
  1555. Give me a little pee-pee.
  1556. Come on, a couple of drops.
  1557.  
  1558. 340
  1559. 00:23:11,306 --> 00:23:13,641
  1560. That's what I'm talking about!
  1561.  
  1562. 341
  1563. 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:48,676
  1564. Surprise!
  1565.  
  1566. 342
  1567. 00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:57,643
  1568. What the hell's the matter with you?
  1569.  
  1570. 343
  1571. 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,532
  1572. Pacheco back to pass.
  1573.  
  1574. 344
  1575. 00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:13,367
  1576. He's feeling pressure from Pressman.
  1577.  
  1578. 345
  1579. 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,536
  1580. He's looking for his All-American
  1581. John DeRosa, the wide receiver.
  1582.  
  1583. 346
  1584. 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,371
  1585. He's got him wide open
  1586. in the middle of the field.
  1587.  
  1588. 347
  1589. 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,039
  1590. Big rush.
  1591.  
  1592. 348
  1593. 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:20,958
  1594. Who's winning the match?
  1595.  
  1596. 349
  1597. 00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:23,294
  1598. Hits Kevin Connolly,
  1599. the tight end down in there.
  1600.  
  1601. 350
  1602. 00:24:23,378 --> 00:24:24,712
  1603. State.
  1604.  
  1605. 351
  1606. 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:32,136
  1607. I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop.
  1608.  
  1609. 352
  1610. 00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:34,472
  1611. It's not very well ventilated down there.
  1612.  
  1613. 353
  1614. 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:36,974
  1615. For Christ's sake, Derek,
  1616. you've been down there one day.
  1617.  
  1618. 354
  1619. 00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:39,602
  1620. Talk to me in 30 years.
  1621.  
  1622. 355
  1623. 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:53,157
  1624. Moisture is the essence of wetness,
  1625.  
  1626. 356
  1627. 00:24:56,912 --> 00:25:01,749
  1628. and wetness is the essence of beauty.
  1629.  
  1630. 357
  1631. 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:15,596
  1632. Why'd you have to come back
  1633. to this damn town?
  1634.  
  1635. 358
  1636. 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:19,141
  1637. I wanted to make a new life for myself.
  1638.  
  1639. 359
  1640. 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,645
  1641. I'm sorry I was born
  1642. with this perfect bone structure.
  1643.  
  1644. 360
  1645. 00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:25,272
  1646. That my hair looks better
  1647. done up with gel and mousse
  1648.  
  1649. 361
  1650. 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:27,983
  1651. than hidden under a stupid hat
  1652. with a light on it!
  1653.  
  1654. 362
  1655. 00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:32,363
  1656. All I ever wanted to do
  1657. was make you proud of me, Pop.
  1658.  
  1659. 363
  1660. 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:35,115
  1661. With what? Your male modelling?
  1662.  
  1663. 364
  1664. 00:25:35,784 --> 00:25:37,368
  1665. Prancing around in your underwear
  1666.  
  1667. 365
  1668. 00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:39,453
  1669. with your wiener hanging out
  1670. for everyone to see?
  1671.  
  1672. 366
  1673. 00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:45,125
  1674. You're dead to me, boy.
  1675.  
  1676. 367
  1677. 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:50,673
  1678. You're more dead to me
  1679. than your dead mother.
  1680.  
  1681. 368
  1682. 00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:55,803
  1683. I just thank the Lord she didn't
  1684. live to see her son as a mermaid.
  1685.  
  1686. 369
  1687. 00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:00,933
  1688. Merman.
  1689.  
  1690. 370
  1691. 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,314
  1692. Merman!
  1693.  
  1694. 371
  1695. 00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:18,909
  1696. Who am I?
  1697.  
  1698. 372
  1699. 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:33,048
  1700. Hello? Derek, you hearing me?
  1701.  
  1702. 373
  1703. 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,217
  1704. - God?
  1705. - God?
  1706.  
  1707. 374
  1708. 00:26:35,343 --> 00:26:38,262
  1709. What the shit are you talking about?
  1710. It's me. Maury.
  1711.  
  1712. 375
  1713. 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:40,014
  1714. I hope you're finished
  1715. touching your roots,
  1716.  
  1717. 376
  1718. 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:42,766
  1719. because Mugatu's making you
  1720. an offer you won't believe.
  1721.  
  1722. 377
  1723. 00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:44,602
  1724. You gotta get your tuches back here.
  1725.  
  1726. 378
  1727. 00:26:49,774 --> 00:26:51,108
  1728. Well, to tell you the truth,
  1729.  
  1730. 379
  1731. 00:26:51,192 --> 00:26:53,319
  1732. I was a little hesitant
  1733. at first, Mr. Mugatu.
  1734.  
  1735. 380
  1736. 00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:57,865
  1737. I mean, you've never hired me before,
  1738. and I've been around for...
  1739.  
  1740. 381
  1741. 00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:00,367
  1742. For ages and ages. You've been
  1743. around for a long, long time.
  1744.  
  1745. 382
  1746. 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,660
  1747. I never wanted anything from you.
  1748.  
  1749. 383
  1750. 00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:03,912
  1751. And now that you're retired,
  1752. I can't have you.
  1753.  
  1754. 384
  1755. 00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:05,289
  1756. And it's funny how it switches like that.
  1757.  
  1758. 385
  1759. 00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:08,459
  1760. But now the forbidden fruit
  1761. must be tasted.
  1762.  
  1763. 386
  1764. 00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:11,712
  1765. Well, when Maury told me
  1766. what you were willing to do, I...
  1767.  
  1768. 387
  1769. 00:27:15,383 --> 00:27:16,383
  1770. Todd!
  1771.  
  1772. 388
  1773. 00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:20,554
  1774. Are you not aware that I get farty
  1775. and bloated with a foamy latte?
  1776.  
  1777. 389
  1778. 00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:22,806
  1779. My mistake, Jacobim.
  1780.  
  1781. 390
  1782. 00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:24,391
  1783. Your mistake, indeed!
  1784.  
  1785. 391
  1786. 00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:36,862
  1787. Yes, Derek.
  1788.  
  1789. 392
  1790. 00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:41,075
  1791. What Maury said
  1792. I was willing to do for you.
  1793.  
  1794. 393
  1795. 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:44,495
  1796. Let's get back to the reason
  1797. that we're really here.
  1798.  
  1799. 394
  1800. 00:27:47,248 --> 00:27:49,875
  1801. Without much further ado, I give you
  1802.  
  1803. 395
  1804. 00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:55,589
  1805. the Derek Zoolander Center
  1806. for Kids Who Can't Read Good.
  1807.  
  1808. 396
  1809. 00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:06,642
  1810. What is this?
  1811.  
  1812. 397
  1813. 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:13,023
  1814. A center for ants?
  1815.  
  1816. 398
  1817. 00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:14,775
  1818. What?
  1819.  
  1820. 399
  1821. 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:21,865
  1822. How can we be expected to teach
  1823. children to learn how to read,
  1824.  
  1825. 400
  1826. 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:24,952
  1827. if they can't even fit inside the building?
  1828.  
  1829. 401
  1830. 00:28:26,996 --> 00:28:29,707
  1831. - Derek, it's just a small...
  1832. - I don't want to hear your excuses!
  1833.  
  1834. 402
  1835. 00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:32,626
  1836. The center has to be at least
  1837.  
  1838. 403
  1839. 00:28:34,754 --> 00:28:36,797
  1840. three times bigger than this.
  1841.  
  1842. 404
  1843. 00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:43,178
  1844. - He's absolutely right.
  1845. - Thank you.
  1846.  
  1847. 405
  1848. 00:28:44,264 --> 00:28:45,472
  1849. I have a vision.
  1850.  
  1851. 406
  1852. 00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:49,184
  1853. And so do I. Let me show you mine.
  1854.  
  1855. 407
  1856. 00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,813
  1857. I can't help you, lady.
  1858. I don't know nothing about Mugatu.
  1859.  
  1860. 408
  1861. 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:55,607
  1862. But you've represented every
  1863. male model in each of his campaigns.
  1864.  
  1865. 409
  1866. 00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:57,693
  1867. You must have some kind
  1868. of a relationship with him.
  1869.  
  1870. 410
  1871. 00:28:57,777 --> 00:28:59,862
  1872. Even if I did, why would I talk to you?
  1873.  
  1874. 411
  1875. 00:28:59,988 --> 00:29:03,073
  1876. Shame on you how you picked on
  1877. Derek Zoolander in that story.
  1878.  
  1879. 412
  1880. 00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:05,492
  1881. He's a sweet simpleton
  1882. who never hurt a fly.
  1883.  
  1884. 413
  1885. 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:08,120
  1886. Please don't change the subject,
  1887. Mr. Ballstein.
  1888.  
  1889. 414
  1890. 00:29:08,204 --> 00:29:11,165
  1891. What about Mugatu's exploitation
  1892. of sweatshop workers in Malaysia?
  1893.  
  1894. 415
  1895. 00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:13,667
  1896. - Do you have an opinion on that?
  1897. - You wanna hear an opinion?
  1898.  
  1899. 416
  1900. 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:16,754
  1901. With a push-up bra, you could have
  1902. a nice rack of lamb going on there.
  1903.  
  1904. 417
  1905. 00:29:17,422 --> 00:29:20,841
  1906. Let me show you the future of fashion.
  1907.  
  1908. 418
  1909. 00:29:22,218 --> 00:29:24,011
  1910. Let me show you
  1911.  
  1912. 419
  1913. 00:29:25,388 --> 00:29:27,055
  1914. Derelicte!
  1915.  
  1916. 420
  1917. 00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:29,600
  1918. It is a fashion, a way of life,
  1919.  
  1920. 421
  1921. 00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:32,603
  1922. inspired by the very homeless,
  1923. the vagrants,
  1924.  
  1925. 422
  1926. 00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:34,688
  1927. the crack whores
  1928.  
  1929. 423
  1930. 00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,899
  1931. that make this wonderful city so unique.
  1932.  
  1933. 424
  1934. 00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:41,028
  1935. And I want you, Derek, to be the face,
  1936.  
  1937. 425
  1938. 00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:45,157
  1939. the image, nay, the spirit of Derelicte!
  1940.  
  1941. 426
  1942. 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,660
  1943. It'll be your glorious comeback.
  1944.  
  1945. 427
  1946. 00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:50,370
  1947. Sounds cool.
  1948.  
  1949. 428
  1950. 00:29:50,455 --> 00:29:55,125
  1951. Derek, I'd like you to meet
  1952. Katinka Ingabogovinanana.
  1953.  
  1954. 429
  1955. 00:29:55,710 --> 00:29:58,295
  1956. She'll be your day-to-day
  1957. on the campaign.
  1958.  
  1959. 430
  1960. 00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:01,673
  1961. Let's get this model on his way!
  1962.  
  1963. 431
  1964. 00:30:02,383 --> 00:30:04,635
  1965. The big show is in eight days, Derek.
  1966.  
  1967. 432
  1968. 00:30:05,094 --> 00:30:11,225
  1969. Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly,
  1970. so must you become Derelicte!
  1971.  
  1972. 433
  1973. 00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:13,268
  1974. So you want me to sleep in the gutter?
  1975.  
  1976. 434
  1977. 00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:16,271
  1978. No. We're sending you
  1979. to a very exclusive day spa.
  1980.  
  1981. 435
  1982. 00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:21,610
  1983. So exclusive, no one knows about it.
  1984. Our little secret, okay?
  1985.  
  1986. 436
  1987. 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:31,829
  1988. - Matilda, hey.
  1989. - Hey, Arch, what's up?
  1990.  
  1991. 437
  1992. 00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,497
  1993. Nothing. I've just
  1994. been up for a few days,
  1995.  
  1996. 438
  1997. 00:30:33,581 --> 00:30:36,500
  1998. putting together these background
  1999. articles on Mugatu you asked for.
  2000.  
  2001. 439
  2002. 00:30:36,584 --> 00:30:39,336
  2003. Wow! Very thorough, Archie. Thank you.
  2004.  
  2005. 440
  2006. 00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:42,673
  2007. It's weird. I couldn't get
  2008. any info on him before 1995.
  2009.  
  2010. 441
  2011. 00:30:42,757 --> 00:30:44,007
  2012. It's like he just appeared out of the blue.
  2013.  
  2014. 442
  2015. 00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:46,343
  2016. - Really? That's strange.
  2017. - Yeah.
  2018.  
  2019. 443
  2020. 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:50,722
  2021. - Matilda Jeffries.
  2022. - Keep pulling the sweater.
  2023.  
  2024. 444
  2025. 00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:54,434
  2026. - Excuse me?
  2027. - Eventually the thing will unravel.
  2028.  
  2029. 445
  2030. 00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:59,231
  2031. You mean, if you pull the thread,
  2032. the whole thing will unravel?
  2033.  
  2034. 446
  2035. 00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:02,985
  2036. Now you're talking, sister.
  2037. If you want to know more, go to Pier 12.
  2038.  
  2039. 447
  2040. 00:31:03,111 --> 00:31:05,237
  2041. Things aren't what they seem.
  2042.  
  2043. 448
  2044. 00:31:14,789 --> 00:31:16,957
  2045. What kind of spa is this?
  2046.  
  2047. 449
  2048. 00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:23,130
  2049. It's designed for deep, deep relaxation.
  2050. Come, let's get you loosened up.
  2051.  
  2052. 450
  2053. 00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:36,393
  2054. Good boy. Good boy.
  2055.  
  2056. 451
  2057. 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:37,561
  2058. Good boy.
  2059.  
  2060. 452
  2061. 00:32:06,674 --> 00:32:07,925
  2062. I'm sorry.
  2063.  
  2064. 453
  2065. 00:32:08,509 --> 00:32:09,509
  2066. Derek?
  2067.  
  2068. 454
  2069. 00:32:11,387 --> 00:32:14,097
  2070. Matilda, what are you doing here?
  2071.  
  2072. 455
  2073. 00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,682
  2074. I was...
  2075.  
  2076. 456
  2077. 00:32:19,854 --> 00:32:23,106
  2078. What are you doing here, Derek?
  2079. I thought you quit the business.
  2080.  
  2081. 457
  2082. 00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:26,693
  2083. Haven't you heard? I'm the new face
  2084. of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.
  2085.  
  2086. 458
  2087. 00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:33,825
  2088. What do you mean, Derek?
  2089. You said Mugatu never hires you.
  2090.  
  2091. 459
  2092. 00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:35,577
  2093. Well, I guess he changed his mind.
  2094.  
  2095. 460
  2096. 00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:38,163
  2097. It's only the biggest campaign
  2098. in the world. Ever.
  2099.  
  2100. 461
  2101. 00:32:38,373 --> 00:32:41,083
  2102. What is this? Who are you?
  2103.  
  2104. 462
  2105. 00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:43,418
  2106. This is private property. Nils!
  2107.  
  2108. 463
  2109. 00:32:47,256 --> 00:32:51,009
  2110. I suggest you and your Kmart
  2111. Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit,
  2112.  
  2113. 464
  2114. 00:32:51,219 --> 00:32:54,513
  2115. stay the hell away
  2116. from Derek Zoolander.
  2117.  
  2118. 465
  2119. 00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:03,230
  2120. How do you feel, Derek?
  2121.  
  2122. 466
  2123. 00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:06,858
  2124. Okay.
  2125.  
  2126. 467
  2127. 00:33:08,194 --> 00:33:09,778
  2128. When's the seaweed wrap?
  2129.  
  2130. 468
  2131. 00:33:09,862 --> 00:33:10,904
  2132. You shut up now.
  2133.  
  2134. 469
  2135. 00:33:11,572 --> 00:33:14,533
  2136. I want you to relax
  2137.  
  2138. 470
  2139. 00:33:15,201 --> 00:33:18,620
  2140. and breathe deeply.
  2141.  
  2142. 471
  2143. 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,917
  2144. Breathe deeply.
  2145.  
  2146. 472
  2147. 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:33,802
  2148. - I like this song.
  2149. - Of course you do.
  2150.  
  2151. 473
  2152. 00:33:36,431 --> 00:33:38,265
  2153. Hello, Derek.
  2154.  
  2155. 474
  2156. 00:33:38,933 --> 00:33:40,058
  2157. Hello.
  2158.  
  2159. 475
  2160. 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,020
  2161. Welcome to your relaxation time.
  2162.  
  2163. 476
  2164. 00:33:43,771 --> 00:33:48,316
  2165. Let this wonderful
  2166. '80s classic soothe you.
  2167.  
  2168. 477
  2169. 00:33:48,401 --> 00:33:51,403
  2170. Just a nice, warm, happy time.
  2171.  
  2172. 478
  2173. 00:33:51,612 --> 00:33:55,615
  2174. Happy, happy, happy.
  2175.  
  2176. 479
  2177. 00:33:59,078 --> 00:34:01,455
  2178. Nothing to worry about at all.
  2179.  
  2180. 480
  2181. 00:34:01,956 --> 00:34:04,041
  2182. Just relax.
  2183.  
  2184. 481
  2185. 00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:08,712
  2186. Hey there, Derek.
  2187. My name is Lil' Kleatus.
  2188.  
  2189. 482
  2190. 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:13,341
  2191. I'm just a kid who wants you to know
  2192. the real truth about child labor laws.
  2193.  
  2194. 483
  2195. 00:34:13,468 --> 00:34:15,469
  2196. - Okay?
  2197. - Okay.
  2198.  
  2199. 484
  2200. 00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:18,597
  2201. They're silly and outdated.
  2202. In the good old days,
  2203.  
  2204. 485
  2205. 00:34:18,681 --> 00:34:21,808
  2206. kids as young as five
  2207. could work as they pleased,
  2208.  
  2209. 486
  2210. 00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,853
  2211. from textile factories to iron smelts.
  2212.  
  2213. 487
  2214. 00:34:24,937 --> 00:34:26,938
  2215. Yippee! Hooray!
  2216.  
  2217. 488
  2218. 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:31,068
  2219. But today, the age-old right
  2220. of children to work is under attack.
  2221.  
  2222. 489
  2223. 00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:35,322
  2224. From the Philippines to Bangladesh,
  2225. in China and India,
  2226.  
  2227. 490
  2228. 00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:37,324
  2229. and South America, too.
  2230.  
  2231. 491
  2232. 00:34:38,951 --> 00:34:41,453
  2233. But you can help these children, Derek,
  2234.  
  2235. 492
  2236. 00:34:41,537 --> 00:34:44,498
  2237. by killing the prime minister of Malaysia.
  2238.  
  2239. 493
  2240. 00:34:44,665 --> 00:34:46,666
  2241. - He is bad.
  2242. - What?
  2243.  
  2244. 494
  2245. 00:34:47,794 --> 00:34:49,836
  2246. You learn martial arts.
  2247.  
  2248. 495
  2249. 00:34:51,798 --> 00:34:54,132
  2250. Prime minister of Malaysia bad!
  2251.  
  2252. 496
  2253. 00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:55,884
  2254. Martial arts good!
  2255.  
  2256. 497
  2257. 00:34:56,052 --> 00:35:00,514
  2258. Kill naughty man! Kill naughty man!
  2259. Kill naughty man!
  2260.  
  2261. 498
  2262. 00:35:01,140 --> 00:35:02,724
  2263. Obey my dog!
  2264.  
  2265. 499
  2266. 00:35:02,975 --> 00:35:05,644
  2267. On the runway, you have one objective.
  2268.  
  2269. 500
  2270. 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:10,273
  2271. Do not be distracted
  2272. by the beautiful celebrities.
  2273.  
  2274. 501
  2275. 00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:18,281
  2276. Do as you've been trained to do
  2277. and kill the Malaysian prime minister!
  2278.  
  2279. 502
  2280. 00:35:18,366 --> 00:35:22,202
  2281. Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man!
  2282.  
  2283. 503
  2284. 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:25,831
  2285. In your little blue suit
  2286. and your spiky black hair. Kill!
  2287.  
  2288. 504
  2289. 00:35:25,915 --> 00:35:28,542
  2290. You're a super-hot ninja machine!
  2291.  
  2292. 505
  2293. 00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:41,054
  2294. - Derek, are you in there?
  2295. - Hold your horses!
  2296.  
  2297. 506
  2298. 00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:44,558
  2299. - Derek, please open the door!
  2300. - What a cuckoo dream.
  2301.  
  2302. 507
  2303. 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:45,642
  2304. Derek!
  2305.  
  2306. 508
  2307. 00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:49,980
  2308. - What?
  2309. - Hey, are you okay?
  2310.  
  2311. 509
  2312. 00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:52,065
  2313. I've been trying to reach you for a week.
  2314.  
  2315. 510
  2316. 00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,317
  2317. A week?
  2318. What, are you having a whack attack?
  2319.  
  2320. 511
  2321. 00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:56,528
  2322. I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
  2323.  
  2324. 512
  2325. 00:35:56,863 --> 00:35:58,363
  2326. That was last Friday.
  2327.  
  2328. 513
  2329. 00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:01,366
  2330. Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa.
  2331.  
  2332. 514
  2333. 00:36:02,034 --> 00:36:06,413
  2334. Day. D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
  2335.  
  2336. 515
  2337. 00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:09,124
  2338. Look, I think I know what this is about,
  2339.  
  2340. 516
  2341. 00:36:09,208 --> 00:36:13,336
  2342. and I'm very complimented,
  2343. but not interested.
  2344.  
  2345. 517
  2346. 00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:16,756
  2347. - What?
  2348. - I can't sleep with you, okay?
  2349.  
  2350. 518
  2351. 00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:19,551
  2352. - My head is killing me and...
  2353. - What are you talking about?
  2354.  
  2355. 519
  2356. 00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:21,595
  2357. Okay, if you just want
  2358. to fool around a little bit...
  2359.  
  2360. 520
  2361. 00:36:21,929 --> 00:36:24,264
  2362. Hey, I don't want to sleep with you!
  2363.  
  2364. 521
  2365. 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,516
  2366. I've been trying to tell you
  2367. you've been missing for a week.
  2368.  
  2369. 522
  2370. 00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:27,642
  2371. Would you look at the date.
  2372.  
  2373. 523
  2374. 00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:30,729
  2375. Mugatu's Derelicte show
  2376. is tomorrow night.
  2377.  
  2378. 524
  2379. 00:36:30,813 --> 00:36:32,981
  2380. I don't care what the date says.
  2381.  
  2382. 525
  2383. 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:37,611
  2384. You have 1,200 messages.
  2385.  
  2386. 526
  2387. 00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:40,822
  2388. That is a bit above average.
  2389.  
  2390. 527
  2391. 00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:44,117
  2392. - Derek, what happened in that spa?
  2393. - I don't know.
  2394.  
  2395. 528
  2396. 00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,494
  2397. A little massage, some aromatherapy.
  2398.  
  2399. 529
  2400. 00:36:46,579 --> 00:36:50,332
  2401. I mean, look, lady, you can't just
  2402. come barging into people's lofts,
  2403.  
  2404. 530
  2405. 00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:52,417
  2406. wanting sex, then changing your mind,
  2407.  
  2408. 531
  2409. 00:36:52,501 --> 00:36:54,878
  2410. then telling them that they've been
  2411. in a day spa for a week.
  2412.  
  2413. 532
  2414. 00:36:54,962 --> 00:36:57,005
  2415. You have been in a day spa for a week.
  2416.  
  2417. 533
  2418. 00:36:57,089 --> 00:36:58,632
  2419. So what?
  2420.  
  2421. 534
  2422. 00:36:58,716 --> 00:37:01,885
  2423. Do you understand that the world
  2424. does not revolve around you,
  2425.  
  2426. 535
  2427. 00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:04,971
  2428. and your "do whatever it takes,
  2429. ruin as many people's lives,
  2430.  
  2431. 536
  2432. 00:37:05,097 --> 00:37:07,891
  2433. "so long as you can make a name
  2434. for yourself as a investigatory journalist,
  2435.  
  2436. 537
  2437. 00:37:07,975 --> 00:37:09,434
  2438. "no matter how many friends you lose,
  2439.  
  2440. 538
  2441. 00:37:09,518 --> 00:37:12,187
  2442. "or people you leave dead
  2443. and bloodied along the way,
  2444.  
  2445. 539
  2446. 00:37:12,271 --> 00:37:14,064
  2447. "just so long as you can
  2448. make a name for yourself
  2449.  
  2450. 540
  2451. 00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:15,315
  2452. "as an investigatory journalist,
  2453.  
  2454. 541
  2455. 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:17,359
  2456. "no matter how many friends you lose,
  2457.  
  2458. 542
  2459. 00:37:17,443 --> 00:37:21,154
  2460. "or people you leave dead and
  2461. bloodied and dying along the way"?
  2462.  
  2463. 543
  2464. 00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:25,325
  2465. Derek, I told you I was sorry
  2466. about that article.
  2467.  
  2468. 544
  2469. 00:37:25,451 --> 00:37:27,911
  2470. Enough! My head hurts!
  2471.  
  2472. 545
  2473. 00:37:27,995 --> 00:37:29,663
  2474. And if it indeed is
  2475. what day you claim it is,
  2476.  
  2477. 546
  2478. 00:37:29,747 --> 00:37:32,707
  2479. I have a pre-runway party to attend,
  2480. if you'll excuse me.
  2481.  
  2482. 547
  2483. 00:37:36,170 --> 00:37:38,505
  2484. - By the way...
  2485. - What?
  2486.  
  2487. 548
  2488. 00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:40,006
  2489. With your complexion,
  2490.  
  2491. 549
  2492. 00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:42,175
  2493. you really shouldn't be wearing
  2494. your hair pulled back that tight.
  2495.  
  2496. 550
  2497. 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,094
  2498. What are you talking about?
  2499.  
  2500. 551
  2501. 00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:45,887
  2502. It pulls back the skin on your forehead,
  2503.  
  2504. 552
  2505. 00:37:45,972 --> 00:37:47,931
  2506. creating a tension
  2507. which clogs the pores.
  2508.  
  2509. 553
  2510. 00:37:48,015 --> 00:37:50,642
  2511. That's why you have some light
  2512. pattern dryness around your scalp.
  2513.  
  2514. 554
  2515. 00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:53,019
  2516. Do you mind?
  2517.  
  2518. 555
  2519. 00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:03,446
  2520. Cool.
  2521.  
  2522. 556
  2523. 00:38:15,042 --> 00:38:19,796
  2524. I do not like snoopy reporter
  2525. with lack of fashion sense.
  2526.  
  2527. 557
  2528. 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,382
  2529. Not one little bit.
  2530.  
  2531. 558
  2532. 00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,680
  2533. Hey, I just e-mailed you
  2534. all those NexisLexis searches,
  2535.  
  2536. 559
  2537. 00:38:28,764 --> 00:38:31,808
  2538. on the male models who've
  2539. appeared in Mugatu campaigns.
  2540.  
  2541. 560
  2542. 00:38:31,892 --> 00:38:35,270
  2543. It's pretty weird. It seems
  2544. like all of Mr. Mugatu's models
  2545.  
  2546. 561
  2547. 00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:38,648
  2548. have a bad habit of dying young
  2549. in freak accidents.
  2550.  
  2551. 562
  2552. 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:39,774
  2553. What?
  2554.  
  2555. 563
  2556. 00:38:47,491 --> 00:38:49,492
  2557. - Wait a second.
  2558. - What?
  2559.  
  2560. 564
  2561. 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:02,589
  2562. - Oh, shit. I gotta go.
  2563. - What's going on?
  2564.  
  2565. 565
  2566. 00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:07,802
  2567. I don't want to hang out, okay?
  2568.  
  2569. 566
  2570. 00:39:07,928 --> 00:39:10,388
  2571. I just need to speak
  2572. with Derek Zoolander, please!
  2573.  
  2574. 567
  2575. 00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:13,683
  2576. I just thought the way you handled
  2577. losing that award to Hansel,
  2578.  
  2579. 568
  2580. 00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:16,478
  2581. and then you sort of laid low for a while,
  2582.  
  2583. 569
  2584. 00:39:16,562 --> 00:39:18,605
  2585. and then made your comeback...
  2586.  
  2587. 570
  2588. 00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:20,523
  2589. It was so courageous.
  2590.  
  2591. 571
  2592. 00:39:21,067 --> 00:39:22,776
  2593. Look, I gotta go pee,
  2594.  
  2595. 572
  2596. 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:25,612
  2597. but I'd really like to continue
  2598. talking about this conversation
  2599.  
  2600. 573
  2601. 00:39:25,696 --> 00:39:26,821
  2602. when I come back.
  2603.  
  2604. 574
  2605. 00:39:27,114 --> 00:39:28,156
  2606. Yeah.
  2607.  
  2608. 575
  2609. 00:39:30,493 --> 00:39:33,286
  2610. - Everything cool, Derek?
  2611. - It's great, Biff. Thank you.
  2612.  
  2613. 576
  2614. 00:39:35,289 --> 00:39:37,457
  2615. Hey, Derek. You rule.
  2616.  
  2617. 577
  2618. 00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:39,918
  2619. Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that.
  2620.  
  2621. 578
  2622. 00:39:40,252 --> 00:39:43,171
  2623. - Hey, Derek.
  2624. - Hey, Maurice.
  2625.  
  2626. 579
  2627. 00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:46,049
  2628. - Hey, my man.
  2629. - What's happening?
  2630.  
  2631. 580
  2632. 00:39:47,301 --> 00:39:49,219
  2633. Derek, back on top, man.
  2634.  
  2635. 581
  2636. 00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:51,388
  2637. Thanks, Billy. You rock.
  2638.  
  2639. 582
  2640. 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,099
  2641. No, you rock. When are you gonna
  2642. drop Magnum on us, buddy?
  2643.  
  2644. 583
  2645. 00:39:54,308 --> 00:39:57,685
  2646. Not yet. Gotta tame the beast
  2647. before you let it out of its cage.
  2648.  
  2649. 584
  2650. 00:40:01,482 --> 00:40:04,651
  2651. - Excuse me, bra.
  2652. - You're excused.
  2653.  
  2654. 585
  2655. 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:10,740
  2656. And I'm not your bra.
  2657.  
  2658. 586
  2659. 00:40:13,035 --> 00:40:17,163
  2660. Whatever, dude. Whatever.
  2661. Peace. God bless.
  2662.  
  2663. 587
  2664. 00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:21,501
  2665. Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't
  2666. get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.
  2667.  
  2668. 588
  2669. 00:40:22,169 --> 00:40:23,378
  2670. Maybe next time.
  2671.  
  2672. 589
  2673. 00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:25,755
  2674. What's that?
  2675.  
  2676. 590
  2677. 00:40:26,006 --> 00:40:29,300
  2678. Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.
  2679. Sorry you didn't book it.
  2680.  
  2681. 591
  2682. 00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:32,053
  2683. Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it.
  2684.  
  2685. 592
  2686. 00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:33,596
  2687. Me and my friends have been too busy
  2688.  
  2689. 593
  2690. 00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,265
  2691. bathing off the southern coast
  2692. of St. Barts,
  2693.  
  2694. 594
  2695. 00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:37,016
  2696. with spider monkeys
  2697. for the past two weeks.
  2698.  
  2699. 595
  2700. 00:40:37,351 --> 00:40:40,186
  2701. Tripping on acid changed
  2702. our whole perspective on shit.
  2703.  
  2704. 596
  2705. 00:40:40,646 --> 00:40:45,358
  2706. So I guess you can Dere-lick
  2707. my balls, cápitan.
  2708.  
  2709. 597
  2710. 00:40:48,529 --> 00:40:50,363
  2711. Would you hold this for me?
  2712.  
  2713. 598
  2714. 00:40:52,199 --> 00:40:55,869
  2715. I can Dere-lick my own balls,
  2716. thank you very much.
  2717.  
  2718. 599
  2719. 00:40:59,373 --> 00:41:01,416
  2720. You think you're too cool for school.
  2721.  
  2722. 600
  2723. 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:05,211
  2724. But I got a news flash for you,
  2725. Walter Cronkite.
  2726.  
  2727. 601
  2728. 00:41:09,884 --> 00:41:11,009
  2729. You aren't.
  2730.  
  2731. 602
  2732. 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:18,057
  2733. Who are you trying
  2734. to get crazy with, ese?
  2735.  
  2736. 603
  2737. 00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:21,519
  2738. Don't you know I'm loco?
  2739.  
  2740. 604
  2741. 00:41:23,355 --> 00:41:25,398
  2742. Hey, I got a wacky idea.
  2743.  
  2744. 605
  2745. 00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:30,570
  2746. What say we settle this on the runway?
  2747.  
  2748. 606
  2749. 00:41:30,696 --> 00:41:34,115
  2750. Han-solo?
  2751.  
  2752. 607
  2753. 00:41:41,665 --> 00:41:43,082
  2754. Stop it.
  2755.  
  2756. 608
  2757. 00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:46,961
  2758. Are you challenging me to a walk-off
  2759.  
  2760. 609
  2761. 00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:49,214
  2762. Boo-lander?
  2763.  
  2764. 610
  2765. 00:41:50,424 --> 00:41:52,342
  2766. Don't do this, Derek.
  2767.  
  2768. 611
  2769. 00:41:52,468 --> 00:41:54,260
  2770. Listen to your friend Billy Zane.
  2771.  
  2772. 612
  2773. 00:41:55,596 --> 00:41:59,432
  2774. He's a cool dude.
  2775. He's trying to help you out.
  2776.  
  2777. 613
  2778. 00:41:59,808 --> 00:42:03,603
  2779. Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off
  2780. challenge, my friend.
  2781.  
  2782. 614
  2783. 00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:11,110
  2784. Ten minutes.
  2785. Old Members Only warehouse.
  2786.  
  2787. 615
  2788. 00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:13,321
  2789. You oughta remember that.
  2790. You're a dinosaur.
  2791.  
  2792. 616
  2793. 00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:15,114
  2794. Let's go. Open up.
  2795.  
  2796. 617
  2797. 00:42:19,703 --> 00:42:22,413
  2798. I heard some mad stories about this kid.
  2799. He's limber. He's too limber.
  2800.  
  2801. 618
  2802. 00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,582
  2803. Put a cork in it, Zane!
  2804.  
  2805. 619
  2806. 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:29,587
  2807. It's a walk-off. Walk-off.
  2808.  
  2809. 620
  2810. 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,799
  2811. This is urgent, ma'am.
  2812. Do you have any...
  2813.  
  2814. 621
  2815. 00:42:34,301 --> 00:42:37,428
  2816. Derek? Derek! Derek!
  2817.  
  2818. 622
  2819. 00:42:37,513 --> 00:42:38,555
  2820. Hey, Matilda.
  2821.  
  2822. 623
  2823. 00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:40,723
  2824. What is this? Where is everyone going?
  2825.  
  2826. 624
  2827. 00:42:40,808 --> 00:42:43,059
  2828. Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass!
  2829.  
  2830. 625
  2831. 00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:44,769
  2832. Thanks, Rico. I'll try.
  2833.  
  2834. 626
  2835. 00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:47,230
  2836. You want to see the real world
  2837. of male modelling?
  2838.  
  2839. 627
  2840. 00:42:47,314 --> 00:42:50,066
  2841. The one they don't show you
  2842. in magazines or the E! channel?
  2843.  
  2844. 628
  2845. 00:42:50,150 --> 00:42:52,569
  2846. Yeah, I guess. Derek, please.
  2847.  
  2848. 629
  2849. 00:42:52,653 --> 00:42:54,737
  2850. I have something really important
  2851. to talk to you about.
  2852.  
  2853. 630
  2854. 00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:56,072
  2855. Not now, Matilda.
  2856.  
  2857. 631
  2858. 00:42:56,156 --> 00:42:58,866
  2859. Han-sell-out is about to have
  2860. his Han-sell-ass
  2861.  
  2862. 632
  2863. 00:42:58,951 --> 00:43:02,370
  2864. handed to him on a platter
  2865. with french-fried potatoes.
  2866.  
  2867. 633
  2868. 00:43:02,496 --> 00:43:05,123
  2869. Katinka, thought you might
  2870. want to know,
  2871.  
  2872. 634
  2873. 00:43:05,207 --> 00:43:07,417
  2874. your boy Zoolander's rolling.
  2875.  
  2876. 635
  2877. 00:43:07,501 --> 00:43:08,960
  2878. It's a walk-off.
  2879.  
  2880. 636
  2881. 00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:33,943
  2882. All right, who's gonna call this sucker?
  2883.  
  2884. 637
  2885. 00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:35,528
  2886. If nobody has any objections,
  2887.  
  2888. 638
  2889. 00:43:37,364 --> 00:43:39,032
  2890. I believe I might be of service.
  2891.  
  2892. 639
  2893. 00:43:45,998 --> 00:43:49,375
  2894. Now, this'll be a straight walk-off,
  2895. old school rules.
  2896.  
  2897. 640
  2898. 00:43:49,460 --> 00:43:52,337
  2899. First model walks,
  2900. second model duplicates,
  2901.  
  2902. 641
  2903. 00:43:52,421 --> 00:43:53,713
  2904. then elaborates.
  2905.  
  2906. 642
  2907. 00:43:54,381 --> 00:43:56,716
  2908. Okay, boys, let's go to work.
  2909.  
  2910. 643
  2911. 00:43:57,176 --> 00:43:59,302
  2912. Age before beauty, goat cheese.
  2913.  
  2914. 644
  2915. 00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:00,720
  2916. Whatever.
  2917.  
  2918. 645
  2919. 00:44:04,141 --> 00:44:05,141
  2920. Right.
  2921.  
  2922. 646
  2923. 00:44:35,255 --> 00:44:36,756
  2924. Playskool, baby.
  2925.  
  2926. 647
  2927. 00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:09,539
  2928. You got to cut me. I can't see.
  2929. I'm blind out there.
  2930.  
  2931. 648
  2932. 00:45:09,623 --> 00:45:10,623
  2933. Evian. Evian.
  2934.  
  2935. 649
  2936. 00:45:14,044 --> 00:45:15,670
  2937. It's okay. It's okay.
  2938.  
  2939. 650
  2940. 00:45:29,184 --> 00:45:30,977
  2941. - Where am I? Where am I?
  2942. - It's okay.
  2943.  
  2944. 651
  2945. 00:45:31,854 --> 00:45:34,856
  2946. - Kickin', Hoss.
  2947. - I'm going monk.
  2948.  
  2949. 652
  2950. 00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:39,402
  2951. I got to go monk. Prayer. Prayer.
  2952.  
  2953. 653
  2954. 00:45:39,486 --> 00:45:40,695
  2955. Pray to the Great Spirit.
  2956.  
  2957. 654
  2958. 00:45:56,837 --> 00:45:59,672
  2959. Do it, Hansel. Just do it. Do it, Hansel.
  2960.  
  2961. 655
  2962. 00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:04,510
  2963. Why is he sticking his hand
  2964. in his pants?
  2965.  
  2966. 656
  2967. 00:46:07,681 --> 00:46:08,681
  2968. Do it, Hansel.
  2969.  
  2970. 657
  2971. 00:46:28,076 --> 00:46:29,285
  2972. That's what I'm talking about.
  2973.  
  2974. 658
  2975. 00:46:29,369 --> 00:46:33,706
  2976. Derek, you're not a kid anymore.
  2977. You could hurt yourself out there.
  2978.  
  2979. 659
  2980. 00:46:36,376 --> 00:46:38,002
  2981. I can do this, Tyson.
  2982.  
  2983. 660
  2984. 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,057
  2985. Thank God I wore underwear today.
  2986.  
  2987. 661
  2988. 00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:01,108
  2989. He's going for it.
  2990.  
  2991. 662
  2992. 00:47:22,756 --> 00:47:24,257
  2993. Oh, my God.
  2994.  
  2995. 663
  2996. 00:47:34,268 --> 00:47:35,601
  2997. Disqualified.
  2998.  
  2999. 664
  3000. 00:47:42,985 --> 00:47:44,193
  3001. Derek, come on. Come on.
  3002.  
  3003. 665
  3004. 00:47:44,278 --> 00:47:45,945
  3005. Come on.
  3006.  
  3007. 666
  3008. 00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:48,030
  3009. What's going on?
  3010.  
  3011. 667
  3012. 00:47:48,115 --> 00:47:50,157
  3013. I think Katinka wants to kill you.
  3014.  
  3015. 668
  3016. 00:47:50,242 --> 00:47:54,912
  3017. Good. I deserve to die if I can't
  3018. beat Han-suck-ass in a walk-off.
  3019.  
  3020. 669
  3021. 00:47:55,747 --> 00:47:57,164
  3022. Derek, that's not true.
  3023.  
  3024. 670
  3025. 00:47:57,791 --> 00:48:00,585
  3026. The guy had to miraculously
  3027. pull his underwear out of his butt
  3028.  
  3029. 671
  3030. 00:48:00,669 --> 00:48:01,919
  3031. just to beat you.
  3032.  
  3033. 672
  3034. 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,799
  3035. And all he had to do was turn left.
  3036.  
  3037. 673
  3038. 00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:10,845
  3039. What do you mean?
  3040.  
  3041. 674
  3042. 00:48:11,388 --> 00:48:12,972
  3043. I'm not an ambi-turner.
  3044.  
  3045. 675
  3046. 00:48:14,433 --> 00:48:16,642
  3047. It's a problem I had since I was a baby.
  3048.  
  3049. 676
  3050. 00:48:17,644 --> 00:48:19,020
  3051. I can't turn left.
  3052.  
  3053. 677
  3054. 00:48:20,147 --> 00:48:22,982
  3055. Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of.
  3056.  
  3057. 678
  3058. 00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:26,235
  3059. I'm sure there are a lot of people
  3060. out there who can't turn...
  3061.  
  3062. 679
  3063. 00:48:30,073 --> 00:48:32,867
  3064. I mean, there have got to be
  3065. some people out there,
  3066.  
  3067. 680
  3068. 00:48:32,951 --> 00:48:35,620
  3069. just like you, who can't turn...
  3070.  
  3071. 681
  3072. 00:48:36,163 --> 00:48:38,789
  3073. Turn left.
  3074.  
  3075. 682
  3076. 00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:41,918
  3077. Hello.
  3078.  
  3079. 683
  3080. 00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:44,712
  3081. If you want answers,
  3082. come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now.
  3083.  
  3084. 684
  3085. 00:48:44,796 --> 00:48:46,756
  3086. Wait! Wait! Wait! Who are you?
  3087.  
  3088. 685
  3089. 00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:48,466
  3090. Who was that?
  3091.  
  3092. 686
  3093. 00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:51,761
  3094. I'm not sure.
  3095. I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery.
  3096.  
  3097. 687
  3098. 00:48:51,845 --> 00:48:53,262
  3099. Listen, I'm gonna take you
  3100. to my apartment, okay?
  3101.  
  3102. 688
  3103. 00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:55,056
  3104. You can stay there until I get back.
  3105.  
  3106. 689
  3107. 00:48:55,307 --> 00:48:56,807
  3108. Can I come with?
  3109.  
  3110. 690
  3111. 00:48:57,809 --> 00:48:59,727
  3112. I don't want to be alone tonight.
  3113.  
  3114. 691
  3115. 00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,658
  3116. Pedro Scialfa.
  3117.  
  3118. 692
  3119. 00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:17,244
  3120. He died when he was 29.
  3121.  
  3122. 693
  3123. 00:49:20,707 --> 00:49:22,416
  3124. Vin Correjo.
  3125.  
  3126. 694
  3127. 00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,837
  3128. "Derriere Extraordinaire. "
  3129.  
  3130. 695
  3131. 00:49:30,842 --> 00:49:33,552
  3132. 92 minus 63.
  3133.  
  3134. 696
  3135. 00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:36,389
  3136. None of them ever made it past 30.
  3137.  
  3138. 697
  3139. 00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:38,808
  3140. I did.
  3141.  
  3142. 698
  3143. 00:49:40,435 --> 00:49:41,477
  3144. Who are you?
  3145.  
  3146. 699
  3147. 00:49:42,896 --> 00:49:44,146
  3148. It's not important.
  3149.  
  3150. 700
  3151. 00:49:44,606 --> 00:49:46,065
  3152. Are you a ghost?
  3153.  
  3154. 701
  3155. 00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:50,194
  3156. He called, Derek.
  3157.  
  3158. 702
  3159. 00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:52,571
  3160. Let's take a walk.
  3161.  
  3162. 703
  3163. 00:49:53,407 --> 00:49:57,076
  3164. You think Zoolander's in trouble?
  3165. Think again.
  3166.  
  3167. 704
  3168. 00:49:57,452 --> 00:50:00,538
  3169. What you've stumbled upon goes way
  3170. deeper than you could ever fathom.
  3171.  
  3172. 705
  3173. 00:50:01,081 --> 00:50:03,124
  3174. The fashion industry has been behind,
  3175.  
  3176. 706
  3177. 00:50:03,208 --> 00:50:07,420
  3178. every major political assassination
  3179. over the last 200 years.
  3180.  
  3181. 707
  3182. 00:50:07,504 --> 00:50:11,924
  3183. And behind every hit,
  3184. a card-carrying male model.
  3185.  
  3186. 708
  3187. 00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:13,843
  3188. Okay, that's impossible.
  3189.  
  3190. 709
  3191. 00:50:13,927 --> 00:50:16,721
  3192. Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness.
  3193.  
  3194. 710
  3195. 00:50:16,930 --> 00:50:19,640
  3196. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish
  3197. slavery, right?
  3198.  
  3199. 711
  3200. 00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:21,183
  3201. But who do you think made
  3202. the powdered wigs
  3203.  
  3204. 712
  3205. 00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:24,311
  3206. and colored leg stockings,
  3207. worn by our country's early leaders?
  3208.  
  3209. 713
  3210. 00:50:26,148 --> 00:50:27,398
  3211. Mugatu!
  3212.  
  3213. 714
  3214. 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:30,860
  3215. Slaves, Derek.
  3216.  
  3217. 715
  3218. 00:50:32,654 --> 00:50:36,449
  3219. Without their free labor, prices on
  3220. such items would have gone up tenfold.
  3221.  
  3222. 716
  3223. 00:50:36,616 --> 00:50:39,493
  3224. So the powers that be
  3225. hired John Wilkes Booth,
  3226.  
  3227. 717
  3228. 00:50:39,578 --> 00:50:42,955
  3229. the original model/actor,
  3230. to do Mr. Lincoln in.
  3231.  
  3232. 718
  3233. 00:50:44,833 --> 00:50:46,083
  3234. I'll go on.
  3235.  
  3236. 719
  3237. 00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:49,211
  3238. Dallas, Texas, 1963.
  3239.  
  3240. 720
  3241. 00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:51,881
  3242. Kennedy had just put
  3243. a trade embargo on Cuba,
  3244.  
  3245. 721
  3246. 00:50:51,965 --> 00:50:55,634
  3247. ostensibly halting the shipment
  3248. of Cuban-manufactured slacks.
  3249.  
  3250. 722
  3251. 00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:57,470
  3252. Incredibly popular item at the time.
  3253.  
  3254. 723
  3255. 00:50:57,804 --> 00:50:59,972
  3256. Lee Harvey Oswald
  3257. was not a male model.
  3258.  
  3259. 724
  3260. 00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:01,098
  3261. You're God damn right he wasn't.
  3262.  
  3263. 725
  3264. 00:51:01,183 --> 00:51:02,725
  3265. But those two lookers
  3266. who capped Kennedy
  3267.  
  3268. 726
  3269. 00:51:02,809 --> 00:51:04,685
  3270. from the grassy knoll sure as shit were.
  3271.  
  3272. 727
  3273. 00:51:06,396 --> 00:51:07,730
  3274. Well, what about you?
  3275.  
  3276. 728
  3277. 00:51:07,814 --> 00:51:09,398
  3278. How do you fit in to all this?
  3279.  
  3280. 729
  3281. 00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:11,275
  3282. This nation was swept...
  3283.  
  3284. 730
  3285. 00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:13,611
  3286. I'll get it, ma'am.
  3287.  
  3288. 731
  3289. 00:51:19,326 --> 00:51:21,494
  3290. I can't get over...
  3291.  
  3292. 732
  3293. 00:51:21,828 --> 00:51:22,953
  3294. Wait a minute.
  3295.  
  3296. 733
  3297. 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:26,999
  3298. - No.
  3299. - I know that hand.
  3300.  
  3301. 734
  3302. 00:51:28,919 --> 00:51:32,171
  3303. It was in the fall 1973
  3304. Bulova watch catalogue.
  3305.  
  3306. 735
  3307. 00:51:34,174 --> 00:51:35,424
  3308. You're J.P. Prewitt.
  3309.  
  3310. 736
  3311. 00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,220
  3312. The world's greatest hand model.
  3313.  
  3314. 737
  3315. 00:51:40,931 --> 00:51:44,683
  3316. Once upon a time. But things change.
  3317.  
  3318. 738
  3319. 00:51:45,310 --> 00:51:47,228
  3320. Thanks to this homemade
  3321. hyperbaric chamber,
  3322.  
  3323. 739
  3324. 00:51:47,312 --> 00:51:49,063
  3325. my sweet baby never did.
  3326.  
  3327. 740
  3328. 00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:52,983
  3329. Let's keep moving.
  3330.  
  3331. 741
  3332. 00:51:53,693 --> 00:51:57,279
  3333. And that's when I found out I was in line
  3334. to assassinate Jimmy Carter.
  3335.  
  3336. 742
  3337. 00:51:57,364 --> 00:52:00,491
  3338. - So, how did you manage to escape?
  3339. - Because I'm a hand model, mama.
  3340.  
  3341. 743
  3342. 00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:03,077
  3343. A finger jockey.
  3344. We don't think the same way
  3345.  
  3346. 744
  3347. 00:52:03,161 --> 00:52:05,246
  3348. as the face and body boys do.
  3349.  
  3350. 745
  3351. 00:52:05,330 --> 00:52:08,582
  3352. - We're a different breed.
  3353. - So why male models?
  3354.  
  3355. 746
  3356. 00:52:08,917 --> 00:52:10,084
  3357. Think about it, Derek.
  3358.  
  3359. 747
  3360. 00:52:10,877 --> 00:52:14,171
  3361. Male models are genetically
  3362. constructed to become assassins.
  3363.  
  3364. 748
  3365. 00:52:14,589 --> 00:52:16,215
  3366. They're in peak physical condition.
  3367.  
  3368. 749
  3369. 00:52:19,010 --> 00:52:22,054
  3370. They can gain entry to
  3371. the most secure places in the world.
  3372.  
  3373. 750
  3374. 00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,726
  3375. And most important of all,
  3376. models don't think for themselves.
  3377.  
  3378. 751
  3379. 00:52:27,811 --> 00:52:31,021
  3380. - They do as they're told.
  3381. - That is not true.
  3382.  
  3383. 752
  3384. 00:52:31,106 --> 00:52:33,232
  3385. - Yes, it is, Derek.
  3386. - Okay.
  3387.  
  3388. 753
  3389. 00:52:34,234 --> 00:52:37,403
  3390. Yeah. Think about any photo shoot
  3391. you've ever been on.
  3392.  
  3393. 754
  3394. 00:52:38,655 --> 00:52:40,906
  3395. You're a monkey, Derek!
  3396. You're a monkey.
  3397.  
  3398. 755
  3399. 00:52:40,991 --> 00:52:43,909
  3400. Dance, monkey,
  3401. in your little spangly shoes!
  3402.  
  3403. 756
  3404. 00:52:43,994 --> 00:52:46,579
  3405. Mash your cymbals, chimpy!
  3406. Dance, Derek, dance!
  3407.  
  3408. 757
  3409. 00:52:47,664 --> 00:52:49,123
  3410. Good point.
  3411.  
  3412. 758
  3413. 00:52:49,207 --> 00:52:51,959
  3414. But if this has been going on
  3415. for so long, Mugatu...
  3416.  
  3417. 759
  3418. 00:52:52,043 --> 00:52:53,919
  3419. He's just a punk-ass errand boy,
  3420.  
  3421. 760
  3422. 00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,505
  3423. working for an international
  3424. syndicate of fashion designers.
  3425.  
  3426. 761
  3427. 00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:59,717
  3428. You do a little background check
  3429. on your Mr. Mugatu.
  3430.  
  3431. 762
  3432. 00:53:00,177 --> 00:53:03,888
  3433. You'll find that he sold his soul to
  3434. the devil for a shot at the big time.
  3435.  
  3436. 763
  3437. 00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:06,432
  3438. But why male models?
  3439.  
  3440. 764
  3441. 00:53:11,229 --> 00:53:14,940
  3442. Are you serious? I just...
  3443. I just told you that a moment ago.
  3444.  
  3445. 765
  3446. 00:53:15,650 --> 00:53:16,692
  3447. Right.
  3448.  
  3449. 766
  3450. 00:53:16,776 --> 00:53:20,112
  3451. You're a killing machine, Derek.
  3452. They've programed you.
  3453.  
  3454. 767
  3455. 00:53:20,197 --> 00:53:22,031
  3456. But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody.
  3457.  
  3458. 768
  3459. 00:53:22,115 --> 00:53:23,324
  3460. It's not up to you.
  3461.  
  3462. 769
  3463. 00:53:23,408 --> 00:53:25,242
  3464. At the proper moment,
  3465. they'll trigger you,
  3466.  
  3467. 770
  3468. 00:53:25,327 --> 00:53:27,036
  3469. usually using some kind of auditory
  3470.  
  3471. 771
  3472. 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,246
  3473. or visual Pavlovian
  3474. response mechanism.
  3475.  
  3476. 772
  3477. 00:53:29,331 --> 00:53:31,957
  3478. - "Audi-what-ey"?
  3479. - And when it's over...
  3480.  
  3481. 773
  3482. 00:53:34,211 --> 00:53:35,211
  3483. What?
  3484.  
  3485. 774
  3486. 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,297
  3487. There's an after party?
  3488.  
  3489. 775
  3490. 00:53:40,133 --> 00:53:41,425
  3491. Derek, get down!
  3492.  
  3493. 776
  3494. 00:53:44,679 --> 00:53:47,139
  3495. You got to get to
  3496. Maury Ballstein's computer.
  3497.  
  3498. 777
  3499. 00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:51,644
  3500. He recorded everything
  3501. in case they ever turned on him.
  3502.  
  3503. 778
  3504. 00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:56,065
  3505. Derek, get a grip! Get a grip!
  3506.  
  3507. 779
  3508. 00:53:56,149 --> 00:54:00,569
  3509. Good luck to you, Derek.
  3510. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel.
  3511.  
  3512. 780
  3513. 00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:03,697
  3514. And I hear Magnum
  3515. is gonna blow us all away.
  3516.  
  3517. 781
  3518. 00:54:04,991 --> 00:54:06,033
  3519. Come on!
  3520.  
  3521. 782
  3522. 00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,787
  3523. - Get out of here.
  3524. - Hang in there, J.P.
  3525.  
  3526. 783
  3527. 00:54:11,873 --> 00:54:13,332
  3528. You freakin' idiot!
  3529.  
  3530. 784
  3531. 00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:19,505
  3532. Man, that was close.
  3533.  
  3534. 785
  3535. 00:54:19,589 --> 00:54:21,924
  3536. I can't believe Maury's in on it, too.
  3537.  
  3538. 786
  3539. 00:54:22,008 --> 00:54:24,343
  3540. That she-male Katinka's
  3541. not messing around.
  3542.  
  3543. 787
  3544. 00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:26,053
  3545. You're telling me! For a second there,
  3546.  
  3547. 788
  3548. 00:54:26,137 --> 00:54:28,389
  3549. I thought someone was gonna
  3550. be reading our "eugoogoly. "
  3551.  
  3552. 789
  3553. 00:54:28,473 --> 00:54:30,808
  3554. Okay, all right, we need a place to hide.
  3555.  
  3556. 790
  3557. 00:54:30,892 --> 00:54:33,602
  3558. Derek, where's the last place anyone
  3559. would ever expect to look for you?
  3560.  
  3561. 791
  3562. 00:54:34,020 --> 00:54:35,229
  3563. I don't know.
  3564.  
  3565. 792
  3566. 00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:37,606
  3567. Think, okay? This is important!
  3568.  
  3569. 793
  3570. 00:54:43,363 --> 00:54:44,613
  3571. I hate Hansel!
  3572.  
  3573. 794
  3574. 00:54:44,698 --> 00:54:48,033
  3575. Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look!
  3576. Hansel! Hansel, Hansel!
  3577.  
  3578. 795
  3579. 00:54:58,128 --> 00:54:59,753
  3580. Were you looking for a rematch?
  3581.  
  3582. 796
  3583. 00:55:00,922 --> 00:55:01,964
  3584. Excuse me, Hansel.
  3585.  
  3586. 797
  3587. 00:55:02,048 --> 00:55:03,966
  3588. I don't think there's an easy way
  3589. to put this,
  3590.  
  3591. 798
  3592. 00:55:04,050 --> 00:55:05,676
  3593. so I am just gonna lay it out.
  3594.  
  3595. 799
  3596. 00:55:06,052 --> 00:55:08,846
  3597. Derek has been brainwashed
  3598.  
  3599. 800
  3600. 00:55:10,098 --> 00:55:12,474
  3601. to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.
  3602.  
  3603. 801
  3604. 00:55:13,476 --> 00:55:14,518
  3605. And?
  3606.  
  3607. 802
  3608. 00:55:15,562 --> 00:55:19,148
  3609. And we need a place to hide
  3610. until we figure this whole thing out.
  3611.  
  3612. 803
  3613. 00:55:19,232 --> 00:55:21,025
  3614. Derek said this would probably be
  3615.  
  3616. 804
  3617. 00:55:21,109 --> 00:55:23,068
  3618. the last place
  3619. anyone would look for him.
  3620.  
  3621. 805
  3622. 00:55:24,904 --> 00:55:26,864
  3623. Yeah, you're cool to hide here.
  3624.  
  3625. 806
  3626. 00:55:27,907 --> 00:55:30,242
  3627. But first, me and him
  3628. got to straighten some shit out.
  3629.  
  3630. 807
  3631. 00:55:32,287 --> 00:55:33,370
  3632. Fine.
  3633.  
  3634. 808
  3635. 00:55:35,081 --> 00:55:37,082
  3636. Why you been acting
  3637. so messed up towards me?
  3638.  
  3639. 809
  3640. 00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,170
  3641. Why you been acting
  3642. so messed up towards me?
  3643.  
  3644. 810
  3645. 00:55:47,385 --> 00:55:48,761
  3646. Well, you go first.
  3647.  
  3648. 811
  3649. 00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:52,014
  3650. I don't know. Maybe I felt
  3651. a little threatened or something,
  3652.  
  3653. 812
  3654. 00:55:52,098 --> 00:55:55,059
  3655. 'cause your career
  3656. is, kind of, just blossoming,
  3657.  
  3658. 813
  3659. 00:55:55,143 --> 00:55:57,853
  3660. and mine's, kind of,
  3661. winding down or whatever.
  3662.  
  3663. 814
  3664. 00:55:57,937 --> 00:56:00,606
  3665. And I felt like,
  3666. "This guy's really hurting me,"
  3667.  
  3668. 815
  3669. 00:56:01,941 --> 00:56:03,275
  3670. and it hurt.
  3671.  
  3672. 816
  3673. 00:56:05,612 --> 00:56:08,697
  3674. And I felt like when you told me
  3675. to Dere-lick my balls,
  3676.  
  3677. 817
  3678. 00:56:08,782 --> 00:56:10,115
  3679. that really hurt.
  3680.  
  3681. 818
  3682. 00:56:10,450 --> 00:56:13,827
  3683. Maybe I was scared, man.
  3684. You're Derek Zoolander!
  3685.  
  3686. 819
  3687. 00:56:15,580 --> 00:56:17,664
  3688. Yeah, you're Derek Zoolander.
  3689.  
  3690. 820
  3691. 00:56:17,749 --> 00:56:19,375
  3692. You know what it's like
  3693. to be another model
  3694.  
  3695. 821
  3696. 00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:21,919
  3697. and be in Derek Zoolander's shadow?
  3698.  
  3699. 822
  3700. 00:56:26,466 --> 00:56:28,092
  3701. You want to hear something crazy?
  3702.  
  3703. 823
  3704. 00:56:31,304 --> 00:56:33,389
  3705. Your work
  3706.  
  3707. 824
  3708. 00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:37,142
  3709. in the winter '95
  3710. International Male catalogue
  3711.  
  3712. 825
  3713. 00:56:42,857 --> 00:56:44,817
  3714. made me want to be a model.
  3715.  
  3716. 826
  3717. 00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,656
  3718. I freakin' worship you, man.
  3719.  
  3720. 827
  3721. 00:56:53,576 --> 00:56:55,077
  3722. I'm sorry I was whack.
  3723.  
  3724. 828
  3725. 00:56:55,703 --> 00:56:57,162
  3726. I was whack.
  3727.  
  3728. 829
  3729. 00:56:57,664 --> 00:56:59,081
  3730. I was whack.
  3731.  
  3732. 830
  3733. 00:57:08,550 --> 00:57:10,050
  3734. So welcome to chez Hansel.
  3735.  
  3736. 831
  3737. 00:57:10,301 --> 00:57:12,219
  3738. You're welcome to hide out here
  3739. as long as you want.
  3740.  
  3741. 832
  3742. 00:57:12,303 --> 00:57:14,805
  3743. Well, there isn't much time.
  3744. The show's tomorrow night.
  3745.  
  3746. 833
  3747. 00:57:14,889 --> 00:57:16,640
  3748. We have to figure out a plan by then.
  3749.  
  3750. 834
  3751. 00:57:18,351 --> 00:57:20,602
  3752. I'll round up the troops here.
  3753.  
  3754. 835
  3755. 00:57:20,979 --> 00:57:23,939
  3756. Hey, what's up, y'all?
  3757. This is Derek and Matilda.
  3758.  
  3759. 836
  3760. 00:57:24,357 --> 00:57:26,316
  3761. Derek, you know Natani and Chloe.
  3762.  
  3763. 837
  3764. 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:27,443
  3765. Hi!
  3766.  
  3767. 838
  3768. 00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:31,029
  3769. We got Buzzy Sullivan,
  3770. big wave surfer from Maverick's.
  3771.  
  3772. 839
  3773. 00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:32,114
  3774. Hey, bra.
  3775.  
  3776. 840
  3777. 00:57:32,198 --> 00:57:34,533
  3778. This is this fantastic band,
  3779. the Little Kings,
  3780.  
  3781. 841
  3782. 00:57:34,617 --> 00:57:36,827
  3783. I met when I was ice sailing in Finland.
  3784.  
  3785. 842
  3786. 00:57:37,454 --> 00:57:39,371
  3787. That's my Sherpa, Lapsang.
  3788.  
  3789. 843
  3790. 00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:42,040
  3791. Okay, so, hey, everybody!
  3792. Listen up for a second.
  3793.  
  3794. 844
  3795. 00:57:43,668 --> 00:57:46,545
  3796. Derek and Matilda are in hiding
  3797. 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek,
  3798.  
  3799. 845
  3800. 00:57:46,629 --> 00:57:48,714
  3801. to off the prime minister of Micronesia.
  3802.  
  3803. 846
  3804. 00:57:48,798 --> 00:57:50,632
  3805. - Malaysia.
  3806. - Right.
  3807.  
  3808. 847
  3809. 00:57:50,717 --> 00:57:53,093
  3810. So, they're gonna be hiding here
  3811. for a little while.
  3812.  
  3813. 848
  3814. 00:57:53,178 --> 00:57:54,386
  3815. Let's show them a good time.
  3816.  
  3817. 849
  3818. 00:57:54,596 --> 00:57:56,930
  3819. - Right on!
  3820. - All right, come on, over here.
  3821.  
  3822. 850
  3823. 00:57:57,223 --> 00:57:59,391
  3824. Hey, Ennui, will you do me a favor?
  3825.  
  3826. 851
  3827. 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:01,435
  3828. Will you get me some of that tea
  3829. that me and Lapsang got,
  3830.  
  3831. 852
  3832. 00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:03,103
  3833. when we were free climbing
  3834. the Mayan ruins?
  3835.  
  3836. 853
  3837. 00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:13,030
  3838. This... This is really strong tea.
  3839.  
  3840. 854
  3841. 00:58:14,365 --> 00:58:16,158
  3842. No, it's just right. Trust me.
  3843.  
  3844. 855
  3845. 00:58:16,242 --> 00:58:18,911
  3846. What with all the intrigue
  3847. you guys have been dealing with.
  3848.  
  3849. 856
  3850. 00:58:19,662 --> 00:58:23,665
  3851. You know, Matilda, I'm surprised
  3852. you're so worried about "Der-rock. "
  3853.  
  3854. 857
  3855. 00:58:25,210 --> 00:58:26,960
  3856. From that article that I read,
  3857. it seems like
  3858.  
  3859. 858
  3860. 00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:29,755
  3861. you don't really care too much
  3862. about guys in our line of work.
  3863.  
  3864. 859
  3865. 00:58:31,007 --> 00:58:33,050
  3866. Why do you hate models, Matilda?
  3867.  
  3868. 860
  3869. 00:58:34,260 --> 00:58:36,553
  3870. - Honestly?
  3871. - Yes.
  3872.  
  3873. 861
  3874. 00:58:38,056 --> 00:58:42,893
  3875. I think they're vain, stupid
  3876. and incredibly self-centered.
  3877.  
  3878. 862
  3879. 00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:45,562
  3880. I totally agree with you.
  3881.  
  3882. 863
  3883. 00:58:47,315 --> 00:58:49,942
  3884. But how do you feel
  3885. about male models?
  3886.  
  3887. 864
  3888. 00:58:50,276 --> 00:58:51,485
  3889. Sweet.
  3890.  
  3891. 865
  3892. 00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:58,116
  3893. No, no! Okay, but seriously, Matil.
  3894. Is it all right if I call you Matil?
  3895.  
  3896. 866
  3897. 00:59:00,161 --> 00:59:01,870
  3898. What's the deal, yo-yo?
  3899.  
  3900. 867
  3901. 00:59:02,497 --> 00:59:04,414
  3902. 'Cause you're not telling us
  3903. the whole story.
  3904.  
  3905. 868
  3906. 00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:06,458
  3907. There's something else, isn't there?
  3908.  
  3909. 869
  3910. 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:08,835
  3911. You guys really want to know the truth?
  3912.  
  3913. 870
  3914. 00:59:08,962 --> 00:59:12,297
  3915. - Yeah.
  3916. - Okay, then I'm gonna tell you the truth.
  3917.  
  3918. 871
  3919. 00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:19,888
  3920. When I was in seventh grade,
  3921. I was the fat kid in my class.
  3922.  
  3923. 872
  3924. 00:59:24,811 --> 00:59:26,353
  3925. All right, forget it.
  3926.  
  3927. 873
  3928. 00:59:26,938 --> 00:59:29,356
  3929. - No.
  3930. - Dude, be cool tonight. Come on.
  3931.  
  3932. 874
  3933. 00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,900
  3934. I'm sorry. Please, go ahead.
  3935. My mistake.
  3936.  
  3937. 875
  3938. 00:59:33,236 --> 00:59:35,904
  3939. I was the one that
  3940. all the pretty girls used to make fun of.
  3941.  
  3942. 876
  3943. 00:59:35,989 --> 00:59:38,824
  3944. It was an awkward phase.
  3945.  
  3946. 877
  3947. 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:43,036
  3948. Anyway,
  3949.  
  3950. 878
  3951. 00:59:43,121 --> 00:59:45,872
  3952. every day after school,
  3953. I would come home and...
  3954.  
  3955. 879
  3956. 00:59:46,958 --> 00:59:51,211
  3957. You know, I'd flip through the pages
  3958. of my mom's Vogue and Glamour.
  3959.  
  3960. 880
  3961. 00:59:51,296 --> 00:59:54,464
  3962. And I just...
  3963.  
  3964. 881
  3965. 00:59:54,549 --> 00:59:55,924
  3966. I'd look at these women,
  3967.  
  3968. 882
  3969. 00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:59,845
  3970. these perfect, beautiful,
  3971.  
  3972. 883
  3973. 01:00:00,388 --> 01:00:03,473
  3974. just unbelievable, skinny women.
  3975.  
  3976. 884
  3977. 01:00:03,975 --> 01:00:05,809
  3978. I just couldn't...
  3979.  
  3980. 885
  3981. 01:00:05,893 --> 01:00:08,854
  3982. Oh, I couldn't understand
  3983. why I didn't look like them.
  3984.  
  3985. 886
  3986. 01:00:10,315 --> 01:00:12,899
  3987. I... I just didn't get it. So...
  3988.  
  3989. 887
  3990. 01:00:15,778 --> 01:00:18,989
  3991. So I became...
  3992.  
  3993. 888
  3994. 01:00:22,702 --> 01:00:23,702
  3995. What?
  3996.  
  3997. 889
  3998. 01:00:26,789 --> 01:00:28,165
  3999. Bulimic.
  4000.  
  4001. 890
  4002. 01:00:30,877 --> 01:00:32,544
  4003. You can read minds?
  4004.  
  4005. 891
  4006. 01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,555
  4007. It's when you throw up after every meal.
  4008.  
  4009. 892
  4010. 01:00:45,558 --> 01:00:48,560
  4011. See, you know what? This is exactly
  4012. what you models do to people.
  4013.  
  4014. 893
  4015. 01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:50,812
  4016. You make them feel bad
  4017. about themselves.
  4018.  
  4019. 894
  4020. 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:51,897
  4021. Matilda...
  4022.  
  4023. 895
  4024. 01:00:52,857 --> 01:00:54,316
  4025. Matilda, it's just...
  4026.  
  4027. 896
  4028. 01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:59,404
  4029. So what? I throw up after lots of meals.
  4030.  
  4031. 897
  4032. 01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:03,241
  4033. So do I. It's a great way
  4034. to lose pounds before a show.
  4035.  
  4036. 898
  4037. 01:01:03,868 --> 01:01:07,079
  4038. Are you guys insane?
  4039. Do you understand that it's a disease.
  4040.  
  4041. 899
  4042. 01:01:07,163 --> 01:01:10,874
  4043. Wow. How did that affect you with guys?
  4044. Did they not want to get busy with you?
  4045.  
  4046. 900
  4047. 01:01:10,958 --> 01:01:13,335
  4048. - Good point.
  4049. - Okay. You know what?
  4050.  
  4051. 901
  4052. 01:01:13,419 --> 01:01:18,048
  4053. I'm not gonna sit here with both of you
  4054. and discuss my sex life or...
  4055.  
  4056. 902
  4057. 01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:22,719
  4058. Or lack thereof.
  4059.  
  4060. 903
  4061. 01:01:24,555 --> 01:01:27,140
  4062. You mean, like, like you, like you...
  4063.  
  4064. 904
  4065. 01:01:27,225 --> 01:01:28,892
  4066. - Haven't really...
  4067. - You haven't...
  4068.  
  4069. 905
  4070. 01:01:28,976 --> 01:01:31,770
  4071. - Done it...
  4072. - Done it in a while, yeah.
  4073.  
  4074. 906
  4075. 01:01:32,063 --> 01:01:34,606
  4076. Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days?
  4077.  
  4078. 907
  4079. 01:01:36,984 --> 01:01:38,110
  4080. More?
  4081.  
  4082. 908
  4083. 01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:43,073
  4084. Try a couple years.
  4085.  
  4086. 909
  4087. 01:01:43,157 --> 01:01:45,409
  4088. Oh, snap!
  4089.  
  4090. 910
  4091. 01:01:45,493 --> 01:01:48,453
  4092. How do you live? How do you live?
  4093.  
  4094. 911
  4095. 01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:51,289
  4096. Seriously. Do you service yourself
  4097. ten times a day?
  4098.  
  4099. 912
  4100. 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:54,626
  4101. - End of discussion!
  4102. - Easy. Okay, hold on.
  4103.  
  4104. 913
  4105. 01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,211
  4106. - Easy, easy.
  4107. - I'm not comfortable talking,
  4108.  
  4109. 914
  4110. 01:01:56,295 --> 01:01:57,963
  4111. - Easy. Easy.
  4112. - This is...
  4113.  
  4114. 915
  4115. 01:01:59,257 --> 01:02:01,299
  4116. This has been an emotional day
  4117. for all of us.
  4118.  
  4119. 916
  4120. 01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:08,473
  4121. I think we should get naked.
  4122.  
  4123. 917
  4124. 01:02:08,558 --> 01:02:09,558
  4125. What?
  4126.  
  4127. 918
  4128. 01:02:09,892 --> 01:02:11,643
  4129. Don't ask questions.
  4130.  
  4131. 919
  4132. 01:02:12,729 --> 01:02:14,896
  4133. Just give in to the power of the tea.
  4134.  
  4135. 920
  4136. 01:02:58,024 --> 01:02:59,941
  4137. So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius,
  4138.  
  4139. 921
  4140. 01:03:00,026 --> 01:03:03,028
  4141. when suddenly I slip and I start to fall.
  4142.  
  4143. 922
  4144. 01:03:03,112 --> 01:03:05,030
  4145. I mean, I'm about to die.
  4146. Hot bread, Zeke.
  4147.  
  4148. 923
  4149. 01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:09,493
  4150. Just falling. I'll never forget the terror.
  4151.  
  4152. 924
  4153. 01:03:09,619 --> 01:03:13,246
  4154. When suddenly I remember,
  4155. "Holy shit. Hansel,
  4156.  
  4157. 925
  4158. 01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:16,082
  4159. "haven't you been smoking peyote
  4160. for six straight days?
  4161.  
  4162. 926
  4163. 01:03:16,167 --> 01:03:18,960
  4164. "And couldn't some of this,
  4165. maybe, be in your mind?"
  4166.  
  4167. 927
  4168. 01:03:19,045 --> 01:03:20,378
  4169. And?
  4170.  
  4171. 928
  4172. 01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:24,132
  4173. It was. I was totally fine.
  4174.  
  4175. 929
  4176. 01:03:24,383 --> 01:03:26,343
  4177. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
  4178.  
  4179. 930
  4180. 01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:29,262
  4181. Cool story, Hansel.
  4182.  
  4183. 931
  4184. 01:03:29,639 --> 01:03:30,722
  4185. Thanks, Olaf.
  4186.  
  4187. 932
  4188. 01:03:32,308 --> 01:03:34,643
  4189. Dude, how dope was last night?
  4190.  
  4191. 933
  4192. 01:03:34,727 --> 01:03:37,062
  4193. I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying.
  4194.  
  4195. 934
  4196. 01:03:37,146 --> 01:03:39,648
  4197. You couldn't see anything.
  4198. It was like, who's that?
  4199.  
  4200. 935
  4201. 01:03:39,732 --> 01:03:42,651
  4202. - Who's this?
  4203. - I think I'm falling for Matilda, Hansel.
  4204.  
  4205. 936
  4206. 01:03:43,486 --> 01:03:46,071
  4207. Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything,
  4208.  
  4209. 937
  4210. 01:03:46,155 --> 01:03:49,407
  4211. but it was crazy energy flying
  4212. back and forth between you guys.
  4213.  
  4214. 938
  4215. 01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:51,076
  4216. It was like, look out!
  4217.  
  4218. 939
  4219. 01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:52,786
  4220. There was a moment last night,
  4221.  
  4222. 940
  4223. 01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:55,121
  4224. when she was sandwiched between
  4225. the two Finnish dwarves
  4226.  
  4227. 941
  4228. 01:03:55,206 --> 01:03:56,289
  4229. and the Maori tribesman...
  4230.  
  4231. 942
  4232. 01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,543
  4233. - Yeah.
  4234. - ... where I thought,
  4235.  
  4236. 943
  4237. 01:03:59,752 --> 01:04:04,422
  4238. "Wow, I could really spend the rest
  4239. of my life with this woman. "
  4240.  
  4241. 944
  4242. 01:04:05,758 --> 01:04:06,758
  4243. Really?
  4244.  
  4245. 945
  4246. 01:04:07,343 --> 01:04:09,261
  4247. What do you call that?
  4248.  
  4249. 946
  4250. 01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:12,055
  4251. I think you call that love, D-Bone.
  4252.  
  4253. 947
  4254. 01:04:12,765 --> 01:04:13,765
  4255. Hey!
  4256.  
  4257. 948
  4258. 01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:17,686
  4259. Hey!
  4260.  
  4261. 949
  4262. 01:04:17,770 --> 01:04:19,437
  4263. So what time is it?
  4264.  
  4265. 950
  4266. 01:04:19,772 --> 01:04:22,023
  4267. - Almost 5:00.
  4268. - What?
  4269.  
  4270. 951
  4271. 01:04:22,275 --> 01:04:24,860
  4272. Hey, guys, that show is in three hours.
  4273.  
  4274. 952
  4275. 01:04:24,944 --> 01:04:28,071
  4276. Derek is dead unless
  4277. we get that evidence. Do you guys...
  4278.  
  4279. 953
  4280. 01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:32,450
  4281. Easy. How about a
  4282. "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel.
  4283.  
  4284. 954
  4285. 01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:35,036
  4286. "Thanks for the freak fest last night"?
  4287.  
  4288. 955
  4289. 01:04:37,790 --> 01:04:39,791
  4290. - Hello?
  4291. - Hello?
  4292.  
  4293. 956
  4294. 01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:42,335
  4295. Hi, Katinka.
  4296.  
  4297. 957
  4298. 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:45,964
  4299. No, I just had a really late
  4300. party night last night.
  4301.  
  4302. 958
  4303. 01:04:46,048 --> 01:04:48,842
  4304. - Derek, hang up the phone now!
  4305. - Where am I?
  4306.  
  4307. 959
  4308. 01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:49,885
  4309. - Look, I have to go!
  4310. - Hang up!
  4311.  
  4312. 960
  4313. 01:04:49,969 --> 01:04:51,469
  4314. But I'll see you at 7:00. Okay, bye.
  4315.  
  4316. 961
  4317. 01:04:51,554 --> 01:04:54,097
  4318. Derek, I thought I told you
  4319. to turn off your phone.
  4320.  
  4321. 962
  4322. 01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:56,474
  4323. Turn off my phone?
  4324.  
  4325. 963
  4326. 01:04:58,311 --> 01:04:59,895
  4327. Turn off my phone?
  4328.  
  4329. 964
  4330. 01:04:59,979 --> 01:05:01,897
  4331. - Yeah.
  4332. - Earth to Matilda.
  4333.  
  4334. 965
  4335. 01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:04,691
  4336. This phone is as much
  4337. a part of me as...
  4338.  
  4339. 966
  4340. 01:05:04,775 --> 01:05:08,612
  4341. You know what? Can we just cut it out
  4342. with all the "Earth to's", please?
  4343.  
  4344. 967
  4345. 01:05:08,696 --> 01:05:11,615
  4346. We're not actually saying
  4347. this is the Earth calling you, Matilda.
  4348.  
  4349. 968
  4350. 01:05:11,699 --> 01:05:15,118
  4351. Yeah. No, I got that.
  4352. I understand you don't literally mean...
  4353.  
  4354. 969
  4355. 01:05:15,202 --> 01:05:17,078
  4356. No, I don't think you do.
  4357.  
  4358. 970
  4359. 01:05:17,496 --> 01:05:21,082
  4360. Listen. It's not like we think that
  4361. we're actually in a control tower,
  4362.  
  4363. 971
  4364. 01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:24,586
  4365. trying to reach outer space
  4366. aliens or something, okay?
  4367.  
  4368. 972
  4369. 01:05:24,754 --> 01:05:25,795
  4370. Hello.
  4371.  
  4372. 973
  4373. 01:05:27,423 --> 01:05:28,423
  4374. Hello.
  4375.  
  4376. 974
  4377. 01:05:29,467 --> 01:05:32,510
  4378. - Oh, snap!
  4379. - A joke.
  4380.  
  4381. 975
  4382. 01:05:33,220 --> 01:05:34,679
  4383. Okay, you know what?
  4384.  
  4385. 976
  4386. 01:05:34,764 --> 01:05:38,183
  4387. Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try
  4388. to figure out a way into Maury's,
  4389.  
  4390. 977
  4391. 01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:40,518
  4392. before Derek assassinates
  4393. a world leader.
  4394.  
  4395. 978
  4396. 01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:44,272
  4397. Wait a minute.
  4398.  
  4399. 979
  4400. 01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:46,524
  4401. I might just have an idea.
  4402.  
  4403. 980
  4404. 01:05:47,902 --> 01:05:50,153
  4405. They'll be looking for us
  4406. at Maury's, right?
  4407.  
  4408. 981
  4409. 01:05:50,988 --> 01:05:52,697
  4410. But they won't be looking for...
  4411.  
  4412. 982
  4413. 01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:55,951
  4414. Not us.
  4415.  
  4416. 983
  4417. 01:05:56,535 --> 01:05:58,328
  4418. Derek, what are you talking about?
  4419.  
  4420. 984
  4421. 01:05:59,497 --> 01:06:01,456
  4422. Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case?
  4423.  
  4424. 985
  4425. 01:06:01,540 --> 01:06:04,459
  4426. Sure, I mean,
  4427. just for touch-ups or whatever.
  4428.  
  4429. 986
  4430. 01:06:04,543 --> 01:06:06,044
  4431. What are you gonna do with that?
  4432.  
  4433. 987
  4434. 01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:09,464
  4435. That'll do. Early in my career,
  4436.  
  4437. 988
  4438. 01:06:09,548 --> 01:06:11,800
  4439. I used to do my own makeup
  4440. styling and tailoring.
  4441.  
  4442. 989
  4443. 01:06:11,884 --> 01:06:14,052
  4444. If I can create a basic disguise for us,
  4445.  
  4446. 990
  4447. 01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:16,638
  4448. we may just be able to
  4449. sneak into Maury's, undetected.
  4450.  
  4451. 991
  4452. 01:06:17,890 --> 01:06:21,017
  4453. You is talkin' loco and I like it.
  4454.  
  4455. 992
  4456. 01:06:42,581 --> 01:06:45,041
  4457. Welcome to Derelicte.
  4458.  
  4459. 993
  4460. 01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:47,419
  4461. Welcome to Derelicte.
  4462.  
  4463. 994
  4464. 01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:49,671
  4465. Welcome to Derelicte.
  4466.  
  4467. 995
  4468. 01:06:52,383 --> 01:06:54,009
  4469. Hansel calling Matil.
  4470. Hansel calling Matil.
  4471.  
  4472. 996
  4473. 01:06:54,093 --> 01:06:55,135
  4474. We have entry. Repeat.
  4475.  
  4476. 997
  4477. 01:06:55,219 --> 01:06:57,178
  4478. - We have entry.
  4479. - Okay, guys. I hear you.
  4480.  
  4481. 998
  4482. 01:06:57,263 --> 01:07:00,015
  4483. Now, once you get the info,
  4484. I want you to e-mail it to my office
  4485.  
  4486. 999
  4487. 01:07:00,099 --> 01:07:01,349
  4488. and I'll download the files,
  4489.  
  4490. 1000
  4491. 01:07:01,434 --> 01:07:03,685
  4492. we'll rendezvous
  4493. and take the information to the police.
  4494.  
  4495. 1001
  4496. 01:07:03,769 --> 01:07:05,103
  4497. We hear you loud and clear.
  4498.  
  4499. 1002
  4500. 01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:08,815
  4501. Listen, Matil.
  4502.  
  4503. 1003
  4504. 01:07:09,442 --> 01:07:11,776
  4505. I've been thinking a lot
  4506. about that bulimia thing.
  4507.  
  4508. 1004
  4509. 01:07:12,278 --> 01:07:15,780
  4510. And I want you to know I understand
  4511. where you're coming from.
  4512.  
  4513. 1005
  4514. 01:07:16,574 --> 01:07:19,951
  4515. I feel really bad that
  4516. good-looking people like us,
  4517.  
  4518. 1006
  4519. 01:07:20,036 --> 01:07:22,203
  4520. made you throw up
  4521. and feel bad about yourself.
  4522.  
  4523. 1007
  4524. 01:07:23,122 --> 01:07:24,330
  4525. For serious.
  4526.  
  4527. 1008
  4528. 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:28,710
  4529. - Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up.
  4530. - Okay.
  4531.  
  4532. 1009
  4533. 01:07:30,046 --> 01:07:31,421
  4534. Hey, I finally got the results
  4535.  
  4536. 1010
  4537. 01:07:31,505 --> 01:07:34,382
  4538. on the name check you asked for
  4539. on Jacobim Mugatu.
  4540.  
  4541. 1011
  4542. 01:07:34,467 --> 01:07:37,260
  4543. - Or should I say Jacob Moogberg.
  4544. - What?
  4545.  
  4546. 1012
  4547. 01:07:37,344 --> 01:07:39,804
  4548. He changed his name
  4549. when he went into the fashion business.
  4550.  
  4551. 1013
  4552. 01:07:40,014 --> 01:07:42,682
  4553. Apparently, the guy was
  4554. the original guitar synth player,
  4555.  
  4556. 1014
  4557. 01:07:42,767 --> 01:07:44,392
  4558. for that band
  4559. Frankie Goes to Hollywood,
  4560.  
  4561. 1015
  4562. 01:07:44,477 --> 01:07:45,935
  4563. but he got kicked out,
  4564. before they hit it big
  4565.  
  4566. 1016
  4567. 01:07:46,020 --> 01:07:47,729
  4568. with that song Relax.
  4569.  
  4570. 1017
  4571. 01:07:47,813 --> 01:07:49,731
  4572. After the Frankie folks
  4573. gave him the heave-ho,
  4574.  
  4575. 1018
  4576. 01:07:49,815 --> 01:07:52,067
  4577. he held a series of odd jobs until,
  4578.  
  4579. 1019
  4580. 01:07:52,151 --> 01:07:56,488
  4581. get this, he invented
  4582. the piano-key necktie in 1985.
  4583.  
  4584. 1020
  4585. 01:07:56,947 --> 01:07:58,990
  4586. The guy's been
  4587. a fashion designer ever since.
  4588.  
  4589. 1021
  4590. 01:08:04,747 --> 01:08:06,164
  4591. First obstacle.
  4592.  
  4593. 1022
  4594. 01:08:10,127 --> 01:08:11,878
  4595. You ever use one of these?
  4596.  
  4597. 1023
  4598. 01:08:11,962 --> 01:08:13,379
  4599. I don't think so.
  4600.  
  4601. 1024
  4602. 01:08:15,216 --> 01:08:18,009
  4603. Watch out. Watch...
  4604. Fix that hem, Jason.
  4605.  
  4606. 1025
  4607. 01:08:18,135 --> 01:08:20,303
  4608. Please. I need... Katinka!
  4609.  
  4610. 1026
  4611. 01:08:21,180 --> 01:08:22,889
  4612. He's not here yet, Jacobim.
  4613.  
  4614. 1027
  4615. 01:08:22,973 --> 01:08:26,101
  4616. - That little toad-face better show.
  4617. - He will show.
  4618.  
  4619. 1028
  4620. 01:08:26,185 --> 01:08:29,104
  4621. Good, because
  4622. I'm a hot little potato right now.
  4623.  
  4624. 1029
  4625. 01:08:31,190 --> 01:08:33,399
  4626. There must be
  4627. an "on" button somewhere.
  4628.  
  4629. 1030
  4630. 01:08:33,776 --> 01:08:35,568
  4631. Did you press that apple thing?
  4632.  
  4633. 1031
  4634. 01:09:22,992 --> 01:09:24,576
  4635. Wait! Hansel!
  4636.  
  4637. 1032
  4638. 01:09:25,244 --> 01:09:26,578
  4639. Let's not lose our cool.
  4640.  
  4641. 1033
  4642. 01:09:26,662 --> 01:09:28,121
  4643. Then we're no better than the machine.
  4644.  
  4645. 1034
  4646. 01:09:30,541 --> 01:09:32,667
  4647. It's almost 7:00. I got to go.
  4648.  
  4649. 1035
  4650. 01:09:32,751 --> 01:09:35,170
  4651. No! Derek. Der, wait.
  4652.  
  4653. 1036
  4654. 01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,589
  4655. If you go, they'll make you kill
  4656. that Eurasian dude.
  4657.  
  4658. 1037
  4659. 01:09:37,673 --> 01:09:40,800
  4660. I don't care, Hansel. I've never
  4661. been late for a show in my life.
  4662.  
  4663. 1038
  4664. 01:09:41,177 --> 01:09:42,760
  4665. I don't plan on starting now.
  4666.  
  4667. 1039
  4668. 01:09:43,387 --> 01:09:44,804
  4669. Damn it, you're right.
  4670.  
  4671. 1040
  4672. 01:09:45,681 --> 01:09:47,515
  4673. Do me a favor.
  4674.  
  4675. 1041
  4676. 01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:50,101
  4677. If anything happens to me,
  4678. I want you to give this to Matilda.
  4679.  
  4680. 1042
  4681. 01:09:50,394 --> 01:09:53,688
  4682. - No.
  4683. - Please, Hansel. Take it. Please.
  4684.  
  4685. 1043
  4686. 01:09:53,772 --> 01:09:55,732
  4687. - Man.
  4688. - Take it.
  4689.  
  4690. 1044
  4691. 01:09:58,027 --> 01:10:02,113
  4692. Let's just say I'll hold on
  4693. to it till you get back.
  4694.  
  4695. 1045
  4696. 01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:04,574
  4697. Go! Go!
  4698.  
  4699. 1046
  4700. 01:10:05,367 --> 01:10:07,493
  4701. We're live at the Derelicte show,
  4702.  
  4703. 1047
  4704. 01:10:07,578 --> 01:10:10,038
  4705. where controversial designer
  4706. Jacobim Mugatu,
  4707.  
  4708. 1048
  4709. 01:10:10,122 --> 01:10:11,539
  4710. has extended the olive branch
  4711.  
  4712. 1049
  4713. 01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:13,750
  4714. to the Malaysian
  4715. Prime Minister Hassan,
  4716.  
  4717. 1050
  4718. 01:10:13,834 --> 01:10:16,044
  4719. making him the guest of honor
  4720. at tonight's show.
  4721.  
  4722. 1051
  4723. 01:10:16,128 --> 01:10:19,839
  4724. And starring in that show,
  4725. veteran supermodel Derek Zoolander.
  4726.  
  4727. 1052
  4728. 01:10:23,093 --> 01:10:26,512
  4729. Guys, what's happening?
  4730. Did you find the files?
  4731.  
  4732. 1053
  4733. 01:10:26,597 --> 01:10:27,931
  4734. Matilda, we've got problems.
  4735.  
  4736. 1054
  4737. 01:10:28,140 --> 01:10:29,849
  4738. Derek's already left for the show.
  4739.  
  4740. 1055
  4741. 01:10:29,934 --> 01:10:32,560
  4742. No. No, he can't.
  4743. We don't even know what the trigger is.
  4744.  
  4745. 1056
  4746. 01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:35,188
  4747. He just went running out of here.
  4748. I couldn't stop him.
  4749.  
  4750. 1057
  4751. 01:10:35,648 --> 01:10:38,107
  4752. - I'll call him on his phone.
  4753. - He doesn't have it.
  4754.  
  4755. 1058
  4756. 01:10:38,192 --> 01:10:40,151
  4757. - What?
  4758. - Yeah, he doesn't have it.
  4759.  
  4760. 1059
  4761. 01:10:40,236 --> 01:10:42,403
  4762. What are you talking about?
  4763. He always has it.
  4764.  
  4765. 1060
  4766. 01:10:42,488 --> 01:10:45,740
  4767. - No, he gave it to me.
  4768. - Did you find the files?
  4769.  
  4770. 1061
  4771. 01:10:45,824 --> 01:10:47,992
  4772. I don't even know what they...
  4773. What do they look like?
  4774.  
  4775. 1062
  4776. 01:10:48,077 --> 01:10:49,577
  4777. They're in the computer.
  4778.  
  4779. 1063
  4780. 01:10:49,662 --> 01:10:51,871
  4781. They're in the computer?
  4782.  
  4783. 1064
  4784. 01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:55,083
  4785. Yeah, they're definitely in there.
  4786. I just don't know how he labelled them.
  4787.  
  4788. 1065
  4789. 01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:57,502
  4790. - I got it.
  4791. - You got to figure it out.
  4792.  
  4793. 1066
  4794. 01:10:57,670 --> 01:10:59,128
  4795. We're running out of time, Hansel,
  4796.  
  4797. 1067
  4798. 01:10:59,213 --> 01:11:01,422
  4799. you got to find them
  4800. and meet me at the show.
  4801.  
  4802. 1068
  4803. 01:11:01,507 --> 01:11:02,840
  4804. Roger.
  4805.  
  4806. 1069
  4807. 01:11:04,009 --> 01:11:05,843
  4808. In the computer.
  4809.  
  4810. 1070
  4811. 01:11:06,679 --> 01:11:08,346
  4812. It's so simple.
  4813.  
  4814. 1071
  4815. 01:11:09,181 --> 01:11:12,350
  4816. Hey, I just cut up
  4817. a couple of cantaloupe halves,
  4818.  
  4819. 1072
  4820. 01:11:12,434 --> 01:11:14,185
  4821. with some cottage cheese,
  4822. if you're hungry.
  4823.  
  4824. 1073
  4825. 01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,854
  4826. Not the right time.
  4827. I need to figure out this trigger
  4828.  
  4829. 1074
  4830. 01:11:16,939 --> 01:11:19,440
  4831. before Derek kills
  4832. the Malaysian prime minister.
  4833.  
  4834. 1075
  4835. 01:11:19,525 --> 01:11:22,277
  4836. You just seem a little tense.
  4837. I was trying to help you relax.
  4838.  
  4839. 1076
  4840. 01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:25,571
  4841. Relax? The last thing
  4842. I need to do right now is...
  4843.  
  4844. 1077
  4845. 01:11:28,325 --> 01:11:30,118
  4846. - That's it.
  4847. - Let's go, people!
  4848.  
  4849. 1078
  4850. 01:11:30,202 --> 01:11:33,621
  4851. Let's go! Vagrants and whores,
  4852. you're wanted in Makeup!
  4853.  
  4854. 1079
  4855. 01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:35,665
  4856. Runaways and street hustlers,
  4857. you're next!
  4858.  
  4859. 1080
  4860. 01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:38,751
  4861. - You had us worried, Derek.
  4862. - Everything's cool.
  4863.  
  4864. 1081
  4865. 01:11:38,836 --> 01:11:41,754
  4866. - I'm really super psyched for the show.
  4867. - Good.
  4868.  
  4869. 1082
  4870. 01:11:42,214 --> 01:11:45,550
  4871. Just remember, relax.
  4872.  
  4873. 1083
  4874. 01:11:46,343 --> 01:11:47,593
  4875. Two minutes, Derek.
  4876.  
  4877. 1084
  4878. 01:11:49,555 --> 01:11:51,055
  4879. There he is.
  4880.  
  4881. 1085
  4882. 01:11:51,724 --> 01:11:54,475
  4883. I just want to wish you good luck.
  4884.  
  4885. 1086
  4886. 01:11:55,644 --> 01:11:57,478
  4887. Don't you mean "Good-bye"?
  4888.  
  4889. 1087
  4890. 01:11:58,022 --> 01:11:59,355
  4891. What are you talking?
  4892.  
  4893. 1088
  4894. 01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,528
  4895. I know it was you, Maury.
  4896.  
  4897. 1089
  4898. 01:12:05,612 --> 01:12:07,196
  4899. I know it was you,
  4900.  
  4901. 1090
  4902. 01:12:07,573 --> 01:12:08,990
  4903. and it breaks my heart.
  4904.  
  4905. 1091
  4906. 01:12:09,783 --> 01:12:11,617
  4907. Derek, I don't know what you're talking.
  4908.  
  4909. 1092
  4910. 01:12:14,538 --> 01:12:17,040
  4911. Derek, I'm...
  4912.  
  4913. 1093
  4914. 01:12:19,626 --> 01:12:20,918
  4915. I'm sorry.
  4916.  
  4917. 1094
  4918. 01:12:28,260 --> 01:12:29,969
  4919. Glad you could join us, Kmart.
  4920.  
  4921. 1095
  4922. 01:12:31,263 --> 01:12:33,389
  4923. Lucky for you, there is no dress code.
  4924.  
  4925. 1096
  4926. 01:12:35,267 --> 01:12:37,685
  4927. I am vile spew
  4928.  
  4929. 1097
  4930. 01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:39,604
  4931. of the wretched masses.
  4932.  
  4933. 1098
  4934. 01:12:39,938 --> 01:12:44,108
  4935. I am really, really dirty.
  4936.  
  4937. 1099
  4938. 01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:47,153
  4939. I am Derelicte!
  4940.  
  4941. 1100
  4942. 01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:04,003
  4943. You make me sick
  4944. to my stomach, Jaco.
  4945.  
  4946. 1101
  4947. 01:13:05,756 --> 01:13:07,590
  4948. It'll all be over soon.
  4949.  
  4950. 1102
  4951. 01:13:07,674 --> 01:13:10,718
  4952. Derek Zoolander will be dead
  4953. and you'll be fine.
  4954.  
  4955. 1103
  4956. 01:13:11,553 --> 01:13:12,970
  4957. You always are.
  4958.  
  4959. 1104
  4960. 01:13:13,055 --> 01:13:14,180
  4961. Come on, Derek. You're on.
  4962.  
  4963. 1105
  4964. 01:13:16,934 --> 01:13:18,476
  4965. Break a leg, Derek.
  4966.  
  4967. 1106
  4968. 01:13:50,592 --> 01:13:51,592
  4969. Derek...
  4970.  
  4971. 1107
  4972. 01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:53,803
  4973. It's Relax!
  4974.  
  4975. 1108
  4976. 01:13:53,887 --> 01:13:54,929
  4977. I hate you.
  4978.  
  4979. 1109
  4980. 01:13:55,013 --> 01:13:57,515
  4981. I'm fine.
  4982. I've done this a thousand times.
  4983.  
  4984. 1110
  4985. 01:13:58,851 --> 01:14:00,184
  4986. The trigger! It's...
  4987.  
  4988. 1111
  4989. 01:14:11,947 --> 01:14:14,532
  4990. Concentrate, Derelicte.
  4991.  
  4992. 1112
  4993. 01:14:15,826 --> 01:14:19,245
  4994. Do not be distracted
  4995. by the beautiful celebrities.
  4996.  
  4997. 1113
  4998. 01:14:19,329 --> 01:14:20,997
  4999. Celebrities.
  5000.  
  5001. 1114
  5002. 01:14:27,379 --> 01:14:31,966
  5003. Do what you've been trained to do
  5004. and kill the Malaysian prime minister!
  5005.  
  5006. 1115
  5007. 01:14:46,106 --> 01:14:47,565
  5008. Just do it already!
  5009.  
  5010. 1116
  5011. 01:14:57,493 --> 01:14:58,659
  5012. D- Bone, I got your back!
  5013.  
  5014. 1117
  5015. 01:14:59,912 --> 01:15:00,912
  5016. What?
  5017.  
  5018. 1118
  5019. 01:15:03,707 --> 01:15:05,082
  5020. It's that damn Hansel!
  5021.  
  5022. 1119
  5023. 01:15:05,334 --> 01:15:06,751
  5024. He's so hot right now!
  5025.  
  5026. 1120
  5027. 01:15:08,545 --> 01:15:09,879
  5028. Popping and locking, fool!
  5029.  
  5030. 1121
  5031. 01:15:12,841 --> 01:15:14,425
  5032. They're break-dance fighting.
  5033.  
  5034. 1122
  5035. 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:22,326
  5036. Derek Zoolander just tried to kill
  5037. the prime minister of Malaysia.
  5038.  
  5039. 1123
  5040. 01:16:25,122 --> 01:16:27,707
  5041. That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone.
  5042.  
  5043. 1124
  5044. 01:16:27,791 --> 01:16:29,250
  5045. Mugatu's a dick!
  5046.  
  5047. 1125
  5048. 01:16:29,835 --> 01:16:32,920
  5049. He tried to brainwash Derek
  5050. to kill the Claymation dude.
  5051.  
  5052. 1126
  5053. 01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:38,759
  5054. That's a lie! Zoolander snapped
  5055. because he's over the hill!
  5056.  
  5057. 1127
  5058. 01:16:38,844 --> 01:16:40,928
  5059. He knew his career was over
  5060. and he couldn't face it.
  5061.  
  5062. 1128
  5063. 01:16:41,013 --> 01:16:42,430
  5064. No way, compadre.
  5065.  
  5066. 1129
  5067. 01:16:42,889 --> 01:16:46,475
  5068. We got 30 years of files
  5069. right here in this computer!
  5070.  
  5071. 1130
  5072. 01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:48,352
  5073. They're gonna bring you down!
  5074.  
  5075. 1131
  5076. 01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:50,146
  5077. Oh, no.
  5078.  
  5079. 1132
  5080. 01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:51,480
  5081. Down!
  5082.  
  5083. 1133
  5084. 01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,069
  5085. Where did all the files go?
  5086.  
  5087. 1134
  5088. 01:16:59,239 --> 01:17:00,489
  5089. I'm taking you out!
  5090.  
  5091. 1135
  5092. 01:17:01,366 --> 01:17:03,826
  5093. Yo, taste my pain, bitch!
  5094.  
  5095. 1136
  5096. 01:17:08,373 --> 01:17:09,540
  5097. Yes!
  5098.  
  5099. 1137
  5100. 01:17:10,250 --> 01:17:11,334
  5101. Deal with that!
  5102.  
  5103. 1138
  5104. 01:17:14,963 --> 01:17:17,882
  5105. You don't have the guts, Kmart!
  5106.  
  5107. 1139
  5108. 01:17:18,258 --> 01:17:20,301
  5109. Wanna bet? And by the way,
  5110.  
  5111. 1140
  5112. 01:17:20,385 --> 01:17:22,261
  5113. you were wrong about my outfit.
  5114.  
  5115. 1141
  5116. 01:17:22,346 --> 01:17:25,765
  5117. It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection,
  5118. and I got it at J.C. Penney.
  5119.  
  5120. 1142
  5121. 01:17:26,391 --> 01:17:27,892
  5122. On sale.
  5123.  
  5124. 1143
  5125. 01:17:32,898 --> 01:17:36,150
  5126. Jig's up, Mugatu.
  5127. Everything they're saying is true.
  5128.  
  5129. 1144
  5130. 01:17:36,234 --> 01:17:38,527
  5131. I've been in on it for 30 years.
  5132.  
  5133. 1145
  5134. 01:17:38,612 --> 01:17:40,404
  5135. What are you doing, Ballstein?
  5136.  
  5137. 1146
  5138. 01:17:40,822 --> 01:17:44,408
  5139. I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate
  5140. the size of a honeydew,
  5141.  
  5142. 1147
  5143. 01:17:44,493 --> 01:17:46,243
  5144. and a head full of bad memories.
  5145.  
  5146. 1148
  5147. 01:17:46,328 --> 01:17:48,287
  5148. It's time to set things straight.
  5149.  
  5150. 1149
  5151. 01:17:48,372 --> 01:17:52,541
  5152. You have no evidence.
  5153. Han-stupid destroyed everything.
  5154.  
  5155. 1150
  5156. 01:17:52,626 --> 01:17:56,253
  5157. I got two words for you, sugar, Zip disk.
  5158.  
  5159. 1151
  5160. 01:17:56,505 --> 01:17:59,423
  5161. The whole thing
  5162. is in my den in Long Island.
  5163.  
  5164. 1152
  5165. 01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:01,842
  5166. I can have that evidence here
  5167. in 20 minutes.
  5168.  
  5169. 1153
  5170. 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:03,844
  5171. - That a boy, Maury.
  5172. - Hold on a second.
  5173.  
  5174. 1154
  5175. 01:18:03,929 --> 01:18:05,388
  5176. I'm afraid of the radiation.
  5177.  
  5178. 1155
  5179. 01:18:08,767 --> 01:18:11,268
  5180. Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen.
  5181.  
  5182. 1156
  5183. 01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:14,855
  5184. I need you to bring that Zip disk
  5185. in the den down to the fashion show.
  5186.  
  5187. 1157
  5188. 01:18:16,775 --> 01:18:18,859
  5189. I don't care what the traffic is like.
  5190.  
  5191. 1158
  5192. 01:18:20,195 --> 01:18:22,780
  5193. Take the God damn service road
  5194. and get off before the bridge.
  5195.  
  5196. 1159
  5197. 01:18:24,449 --> 01:18:26,701
  5198. So put it in one of those
  5199. Tupperware containers
  5200.  
  5201. 1160
  5202. 01:18:26,785 --> 01:18:28,786
  5203. and I'll heat it up in the microwave
  5204. when I get home.
  5205.  
  5206. 1161
  5207. 01:18:29,788 --> 01:18:33,541
  5208. For Christ's sake,
  5209. it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay!
  5210.  
  5211. 1162
  5212. 01:18:35,168 --> 01:18:36,168
  5213. Shut up!
  5214.  
  5215. 1163
  5216. 01:18:36,253 --> 01:18:38,212
  5217. Enough already, Ballstein!
  5218.  
  5219. 1164
  5220. 01:18:38,296 --> 01:18:41,215
  5221. Who cares about
  5222. Derek Zoolander, anyway?
  5223.  
  5224. 1165
  5225. 01:18:41,299 --> 01:18:44,427
  5226. The man has only one look,
  5227. for Christ's sake!
  5228.  
  5229. 1166
  5230. 01:18:44,511 --> 01:18:47,346
  5231. Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre?
  5232.  
  5233. 1167
  5234. 01:18:47,597 --> 01:18:49,181
  5235. They're the same face!
  5236.  
  5237. 1168
  5238. 01:18:50,684 --> 01:18:54,812
  5239. Doesn't anyone notice this?
  5240. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
  5241.  
  5242. 1169
  5243. 01:18:56,481 --> 01:18:59,567
  5244. I invented the piano-key necktie!
  5245.  
  5246. 1170
  5247. 01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:01,444
  5248. I invented it!
  5249.  
  5250. 1171
  5251. 01:19:01,528 --> 01:19:04,321
  5252. What have you done, Derek? Nothing!
  5253.  
  5254. 1172
  5255. 01:19:04,448 --> 01:19:07,658
  5256. You've done nothing! Nothing!
  5257.  
  5258. 1173
  5259. 01:19:08,160 --> 01:19:11,787
  5260. And I will be a monkey's uncle
  5261. if I have you ruin this for me!
  5262.  
  5263. 1174
  5264. 01:19:11,872 --> 01:19:15,082
  5265. Because if you can't
  5266. get the job done, then I will!
  5267.  
  5268. 1175
  5269. 01:19:15,709 --> 01:19:17,835
  5270. Die, you wage-hiking scum!
  5271.  
  5272. 1176
  5273. 01:19:22,215 --> 01:19:23,507
  5274. One look?
  5275.  
  5276. 1177
  5277. 01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:28,095
  5278. One look? I don't think so!
  5279.  
  5280. 1178
  5281. 01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,109
  5282. There it is!
  5283.  
  5284. 1179
  5285. 01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:43,360
  5286. Magnum!
  5287.  
  5288. 1180
  5289. 01:19:44,404 --> 01:19:46,197
  5290. Holy moly.
  5291.  
  5292. 1181
  5293. 01:19:46,281 --> 01:19:49,492
  5294. Yeah, baby!
  5295. That's what I've been waiting for!
  5296.  
  5297. 1182
  5298. 01:19:49,868 --> 01:19:53,120
  5299. Dear God. It's beautiful.
  5300.  
  5301. 1183
  5302. 01:20:07,093 --> 01:20:09,345
  5303. Yeah!
  5304.  
  5305. 1184
  5306. 01:20:15,769 --> 01:20:19,104
  5307. That's my kid. That's my son.
  5308.  
  5309. 1185
  5310. 01:20:22,108 --> 01:20:23,150
  5311. Yeah!
  5312.  
  5313. 1186
  5314. 01:20:25,695 --> 01:20:26,695
  5315. Derek!
  5316.  
  5317. 1187
  5318. 01:20:27,072 --> 01:20:31,242
  5319. I love that kid.
  5320. Dumb as a stump, but I love him.
  5321.  
  5322. 1188
  5323. 01:20:31,326 --> 01:20:33,285
  5324. Derek, you did it! That was amazing!
  5325.  
  5326. 1189
  5327. 01:20:33,370 --> 01:20:35,538
  5328. I know. I turned left!
  5329.  
  5330. 1190
  5331. 01:20:36,623 --> 01:20:37,748
  5332. Yeah, that too. But, Derek,
  5333.  
  5334. 1191
  5335. 01:20:37,833 --> 01:20:39,917
  5336. you saved the prime minister
  5337. of Malaysia!
  5338.  
  5339. 1192
  5340. 01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:42,461
  5341. Right. Cool.
  5342.  
  5343. 1193
  5344. 01:20:43,255 --> 01:20:46,257
  5345. Thank you, Derek Zoolander,
  5346. for saving my life.
  5347.  
  5348. 1194
  5349. 01:21:13,410 --> 01:21:17,121
  5350. Hi, I'm former male supermodel
  5351. Derek Zoolander.
  5352.  
  5353. 1195
  5354. 01:21:17,205 --> 01:21:18,789
  5355. And here
  5356. at the Derek Zoolander Center
  5357.  
  5358. 1196
  5359. 01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:20,291
  5360. for Kids Who Can't Read Good,
  5361.  
  5362. 1197
  5363. 01:21:20,375 --> 01:21:22,543
  5364. and Who Wanna Learn
  5365. to Do Other Stuff Good, Too,
  5366.  
  5367. 1198
  5368. 01:21:22,627 --> 01:21:24,795
  5369. we teach students of all ages,
  5370.  
  5371. 1199
  5372. 01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:27,965
  5373. everything they need to know to
  5374. learn to be a professional model
  5375.  
  5376. 1200
  5377. 01:21:28,049 --> 01:21:30,384
  5378. and a professional human being.
  5379.  
  5380. 1201
  5381. 01:21:30,468 --> 01:21:33,470
  5382. Our diverse faculty includes
  5383. business management teacher,
  5384.  
  5385. 1202
  5386. 01:21:33,555 --> 01:21:36,223
  5387. and former model agent
  5388. Maury Ballstein.
  5389.  
  5390. 1203
  5391. 01:21:36,308 --> 01:21:38,267
  5392. The designer's got your nuts in a vice,
  5393.  
  5394. 1204
  5395. 01:21:38,351 --> 01:21:40,686
  5396. offering you ten million
  5397. plus three percent,
  5398.  
  5399. 1205
  5400. 01:21:40,770 --> 01:21:43,063
  5401. of every pair of underwear sold.
  5402.  
  5403. 1206
  5404. 01:21:43,148 --> 01:21:44,899
  5405. What are you gonna do?
  5406.  
  5407. 1207
  5408. 01:21:44,983 --> 01:21:48,068
  5409. Screw him! Hold out for more!
  5410.  
  5411. 1208
  5412. 01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:50,529
  5413. That's what I'm talking about!
  5414.  
  5415. 1209
  5416. 01:21:50,614 --> 01:21:53,407
  5417. So join now, because at
  5418. the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids
  5419.  
  5420. 1210
  5421. 01:21:53,491 --> 01:21:56,410
  5422. Who Can't Read Good and Wanna
  5423. Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too,
  5424.  
  5425. 1211
  5426. 01:21:56,494 --> 01:21:57,870
  5427. we teach you that there's more to life,
  5428.  
  5429. 1212
  5430. 01:21:57,996 --> 01:22:00,664
  5431. than just being really, really,
  5432. really good-looking.
  5433.  
  5434. 1213
  5435. 01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:02,583
  5436. - Right, kids?
  5437. - Right!
  5438.  
  5439. 1214
  5440. 01:22:02,667 --> 01:22:03,918
  5441. And cut!
  5442.  
  5443. 1215
  5444. 01:22:05,503 --> 01:22:08,130
  5445. - Looks great. I think we got it.
  5446. - All right, Mitch. Thanks.
  5447.  
  5448. 1216
  5449. 01:22:08,214 --> 01:22:10,758
  5450. - All right, everybody! That's a wrap!
  5451. - Hey, Hansel.
  5452.  
  5453. 1217
  5454. 01:22:10,842 --> 01:22:14,428
  5455. Hey, D-Rock, I'm gonna take these kids
  5456. over to the George Washington Bridge,
  5457.  
  5458. 1218
  5459. 01:22:14,512 --> 01:22:16,472
  5460. give them a little lesson
  5461. in base jumping.
  5462.  
  5463. 1219
  5464. 01:22:16,556 --> 01:22:18,098
  5465. I'll catch you in the teacher's lounge
  5466. later on?
  5467.  
  5468. 1220
  5469. 01:22:18,183 --> 01:22:19,224
  5470. All right.
  5471.  
  5472. 1221
  5473. 01:22:19,309 --> 01:22:22,019
  5474. All right, guys. Last one to
  5475. the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go!
  5476.  
  5477. 1222
  5478. 01:22:23,980 --> 01:22:25,105
  5479. Hey, Matilda!
  5480.  
  5481. 1223
  5482. 01:22:25,190 --> 01:22:28,233
  5483. - There's Daddy! Hi.
  5484. - Hey.
  5485.  
  5486. 1224
  5487. 01:22:28,652 --> 01:22:30,152
  5488. - How's Derek, Jr.?
  5489. - He's great.
  5490.  
  5491. 1225
  5492. 01:22:30,236 --> 01:22:32,488
  5493. Guess what.
  5494. He made his first look today.
  5495.  
  5496. 1226
  5497. 01:22:32,697 --> 01:22:33,697
  5498. Really?
  5499.  
  5500. 1227
  5501. 01:22:33,782 --> 01:22:35,616
  5502. You wanna show Daddy
  5503. your look, Derek, Jr.?
  5504.  
  5505. 1228
  5506. 01:22:41,373 --> 01:22:42,373
  5507. Wow.
  5508.  
  5509. 1229
  5510. 01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:46,460
  5511. - Wanna hang out for story hour?
  5512. - Great. Yeah. Let's go.
  5513.  
  5514. 1230
  5515. 01:22:47,087 --> 01:22:49,672
  5516. - Hey, who wants to hear a story?
  5517. - Yeah!
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