Thread 8: Stories 1-15

Thread archive can be found at:

http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/16501328
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>Applejack
"Spike"
'Twilight'
~~~~~
We tune in to find Applejack and Spike curled up together on a couch looking rather awkward and nervous

"So... How was your day?"

>Heh... Well... Ya'll would know. You were right there. Assistin' me through tha whole thing.

"..."

>...

Romantic music being playing in the room, Spike just facepalms and Applejack turns bright red

>DAMMIT, TWI! Do ya have to be watchin' Spike's recovery this closely?!

"Well I do need to make sure he doesn't irritate his injuries, who knows what Discord might have done... And this is a rare chance to observe an example of not just dragon mating rituals, but interspecies-

>Alrigh', tha's enough Twiligh'! Out! Out! Git out!

'Are you two not feeling it? Nervous about hurting him? I did give that manual on safe positions and I have aphrodisiacs-'

>OOOOOOUT!
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>Luna
"77"

>...

"..."

>For real?

"In my defense, after what I've seen, I'm glad I'm having this dream."

>We see your point, changeling, this is however...not disturbing-

"Strange."

>More extreme than that but we'll let you have it.

"Thank you...I think Two may have had something to do with this, perhaps said something that triggered it in my subconscious."

>Yes, well, we will leave you to it.

"Thank you, your majesty."

Luna departs, Captain 77 turns to his crew aboard the good ship Robobane.

"HEAVE TO, LADS! STRIKE THE COLORS AND SET A FULL SAIL!

'AYE AYE SIR!'
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>"AJ"
"Spike"
'AJ56'

---

>"It's a real nice day, aint it?"

"Oh yeah, sun shining, birds singing. Just hope nobody's got an anti-material rifle sighted on me."

>"Spike! Don't be joking about that."

"...Sorry. I like dark humour."

>"Yeah, ah had guessed."

"You know what we need? We need ice cream."

~Spike dashes off to a nearby cart and brings back two Mr. Shippy's. (Hue)~

>"Ah, Shippy's is mah favourite. Ya even got me two flakes."

"Naturally."

~Due to the laws of ice cream on hot days. After a few minutes of eating, Applejacks Mr. Shippy somehow ends up falling from her cone onto her plot.~

>"How in the hay!"

~As if by some magical force, a deep rumble is heard. And out of the trees pops AJ56, a glint in his eye.~

'I SPY ICE CREAM PLOT!'

>"Oh sweet Celestia, no."

'GAAAAAH! C'MERE!!'

>"Ah! Get 'im off! H-he's snuggling on r-right in there!"

"Hey! That's my job, not yours!"

'PLOOOOOT~'

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>DT
"Big Macintosh"
'Twist'
~~~~~
We join our heroine skipping (running) merrily (in absolute terror) from the Ponyville school house with her fellow classmate's before hitting the detonator in her hand to return the building back to the hellhole from once it spawned.

The schoolhouse was reborn in the next five seconds as it spawned from a hell-rift, good as new.

>Damn, I was so sure that would have worked.

'Well, you tried.'

Diamond Tiara shrugs and decides to head back to the drawing board when she bumps into something very large and very sturdy.

"Missy, Ah been hearin' things 'bout what you've put mah sister an' her friends through."

>Oh! You mean that rocket thing?

"An' tryin' ta steal test answers. She still don' sleep righ'."

>Uh, yes, well... She did say 'Bring it on!' And her and her blank flank friends stole my rocket to the moon-...

Big Mac's stare hurts

"You ain' helpin' yer case none."

>W-Well what are you going to do about it? Tell my mom?!

"Worse, Ah'm gonna tell yer dad ta cut yer allowance by ten percent."

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

'Harth, dude. Harth.'
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>Shining Armor
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
[Chrysalis]
-18-
{Cadence}
~42~
~~~~~~

>I don't know, I still might be too injured for this.

"Suck it up, I need to watch 42 spazz out some more."

~ROLELPLAYING!~

'Why do I have to sit next to her?

[Because we don't want to, and your opinion means little.]

-C'mon, let's get rolling! I actually WANT to watch someone else sleep with Shiny this time!-

{...}

-That came out wrong.-

~O-okay, I can do this...~

"Alright, you guys are outside of the steel fortress of-"

[Use advanced initiative to-]

>OH COME ON!

[-give my Succubi shroud over to 42.]

~...Wait, what?~

{What does that do?}

-A Succubi shroud lets the wielder see the other characters 'deepest desires'-

{...}

-...You get to read the little part of his character sheet that lists his favorite sex stuff.-

>Oh no.

[That's riiiight, and we all know you get a bigger bonus when you do him like he likes it.]

~O-OH! Of course. Sound... sound strategy, my Queen. I use my advanced initiative t-to... you know. And activate the shroud along with it. Shining Armor, would you hand me your-~

>No.

[WHAT!?]

>Absolutely not. I, Uh... I didn't put anything down?

{...}

[...]

-....GET HIM!-

>NO! WOUNDED! Still wounded! Oh the pain! Oh the-GIVE THAT BACK NONONONO!

~I got it! Okay... pink alicorn, knew that much... second favorite is the mouth stuff, knew that... O-o-oh. I see.~

[What!?]

42 doesn't answer, she just flinches a whole lot, and turns her figure so that her backside is facing Shiny's.

-...What? I don't get it.-

[Is the twist supposed to be he likes totally mundane mounting? Weeeak!]

~N-n-nooooo... It's not that. It's, uh... not that h-h-hoooo... not that hole.~

"...PFFTTHAHAHAHAH!"

'...Really, man?'

{SHINY!}

>CHARACTER! DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT!

{Really, because you hint at THAT one all the time!}

>IT'S FINE! NO PROBLEM! NO MORE JUDGEMENT EYES!

[....OOOOOHHHHH! I get you now. No, yeah, he likes that.]

{WHAT!?}

[What? His aim was terrible when I mind-zotzed him.]

{SHINY!}

>THAT ONE WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT!

[Hey, don't get mad at him, I didn't mind! Queen Changeling, remember? So long as there's love behind it, I am good. To. GO! Was A-okay with it.]

"Aaaand, under the table he goes."

{SHINY YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!}

>Not till you stop yelling!

{I AM NOT YELLING!}

-This is the happiest moment of my life, I am not joking.-

'...Hey, 42? I don't think you need to keep acting it out-'

~GAHHH!~

The room froze as the pieces clattered to the ground, about ten feet back.

Slowly, with every gaze at the table staring at her, 42 also began to slink under the table.

[Ahh, come on! It's not as bad as ya' think, 42! It's actually really-]

{NOT ANOTHER WORD!}

"Hey you crazy kids, don't get up to anything down there!"

>SPIKE YOU ARE TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING ANOTHER BULLET HOLE!

~AND SEVERAL BRUISES!

'...So are going to actually play the game, orrrr?'

"You know what buddy? Let's wait. Let's just wait and take it all in."

[Look, you just need to make sure it's well-]

{SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!}

-You know, I've never done it like that. Hey, Shiny! Want to give me a new experience?-

{SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!}

>I have so many regrets.

~...I think I broke your figure.~

>NOOOO!

"Take it all... in..."
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>77
"Royal Guard"
~~~~~
"Sir, we have a new shipment of recruits coming in, fresh off the train and they came straight over here."

>Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead.

"P-Pardon?"

>A little cave humor, you'll get it after your first traumatic experience. Anyway though, time to greet and break in the recruits.

77 steps out of his office (basically a panic room with a desk) and sees a familiar red stallion arguing with a small yellow filly, and orange pegasus, and a white unicorn and smiled.

>Well well well, I think we should call Princess Applejack on this turn of events...

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Several years later...

The royal guard recruit stares off, a thousand yards into the distance as his camp burns around him then blinks.

"Army... Army of the undead! Hah! I finally got it! Heheheh! That is pretty funny."

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>Chrysalis
"Zecora"
~~~~~~~~

>What the fuck are you?

"How crass are your words, can you not tell I am of a zebra's herd?"

>Why are you talking like that?

"It is a tale most intense, for I was-"

>Just kidding! Don't care!

Zecora froze, her eyes growing wide. Soon, she began to shake, her body vibrating at an insane, intense rate.

>...Uhhh.

"Y-you fool! You prevented me from completing a rhyme! They gypsies curse will CONSUME US ALL!"

>...Oops.

The last words ever spoken in that universe would be a timeless one, and would surely have been remembered if the black hole that burst from Zecora's chest like an unholy jack in the box hadn't spread out and reduced the entire universe to naught but a sea of darkness and void.

They had no way of knowing this, of course, but secretly, everyone blamed Celestia.

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~
>Howdy there, princess, Ah got a-

"Preparing to jump!"

>This ain' a business question

"Then it's probably a personal question that will make me cry."

>Shouldn't.

"... I am still prepared to jump."

>Ah'm just wonderin', when things go south, who do you blame?

"... I-I don't know... I mean- I -!"

Celestia implodes on herself in a brilliant supernova, giving the hallway a beautiful new nebula floating through it

>Guess she blames 'erself.

ALSO NON CANON, JEEZ IS ANYTHING CANON ANYMORE?
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>Spike
"Rarity"
~~~~~
>So... You want to join the game with Shiny, Poindexter, and the others?

"Well of course, darling! You all seem to have such fun and I do need to interact with more people! Oh! Unless of course it's a private club thing, in which case-"


>No no no! I mean the game's open to anyone. Just didn't think you'd be interested.

"Oh, wonderful! I ordered some of the books in my spare time, read up on the lore, and while a bit contrived and cliche, I did enjoy the overall air of adventure and already wrote up my character!"

>Great, lemme take a look at the sheet and help edit!

Rarity hands Spike several pages.

>Uh, wow, this your backstory?

"Oh, no, darling! That's just my character's stats, item lists, skills, and feats!

Rarity hands Spike a Twilight-Worthy hand-made tome

"HERE is her backstory! And a bit of her genealogy too."

>I think I should start a second game with you, 42, and Sombra...
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>AJ 12
"Sea Captain"
~~~~~

>THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!

"Ay, laddie! What be ye' doin' on the top o' me sails, get down here and help with the goin's on of the ship!"

>Why!? Why would you leave port!? I told you I couldn't swim! I AM FULL OF HOLES!

"That jus' means ye' be lighter than the average pony!"

>No, it means when I try to paddle my legs, I get NO resistance, and thus CANNOT SWIM!

"...I admit, I know very little of swimmin' meself. Don't know much of the fixens fer' a boat either."

>So WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU A CAPTAIN OF A BOAT!?

"Me cutie mark says I'm destined to be a captain, and that what I be!"

>...Are those clouds supposed to be that color?

"I was actually hopin' ya' knew, laddie."

>...

"...Do ya?"

>Fuck my life.

"Ah'm takin' that as a no."
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>Spike
"42"
'DT'
-77-
~~~~~
>Well, it's been awhile, but it seems we're back to the usual meetings.

-I brought the snacks-

'Hey, anyone know where he other bug thing is?'

>42? That's a good question-

Whrrr-chnk! Whrrr-chnk! Whrrr-chnk!

Knock! Knock!

-I think she's here.-

Diamond Tiara opens the door and reveals a knelt down Juggernaut behind the frame

"Hello, fellow Gun Club! This week I would like to discuss a new weapon very near and dear to me."

>... I'm blaming Twilight for this.

'Does she take commissions?'
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>Spike
[Charity voiced by Spike]
"Various Guards"

>You ponies are here to learn how to shoot. Your gun is your friend. So say hello to my little friend, Charity.

[Greetings and salutations]

"Hello ma'am"

"Good Afternoon Miss Charity."

"Nice accessories"

[Why thank you.]

>These guns are your guns. There are many like them but the one you're holding is yours. Let's get though gun safety. Unless you want something to die make sure you leave the safety on.

*BANG*
"Argh, I shot my hoof!"

>Oh boy. MEDIC!

"It's kind of hard to switch it with your hoof." *BANG*

>Oh no. MEDIC!

[Oh my, we should find cover.]

*BANG*
"AGH! MY BUTT!"

"Sorry!"

>No, I've got this. Okay, everypony put your guns down!

*BANG*
"Uh, we're going to need a new medic!"

[Dear, perhaps it was a bad idea to give them live ammunition the first day.]

>Hm...I guess this was my fault...So that's what it feels like...NO! Don't look down the barrel!
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>Aj 29
"Zecora"
'???'
~~~~~

>Oh, little sandwich, you are my only friend-

"Greetings my fellow with skin so strong! Why, from the look on your face something seems wrong!"

>...N-nooooo...

"Such a stark shade of white you have just turned! It would seem in my presence you are most concerned!"

>I will sick 56 on you. I'm serious, you will live with a Changeling glued to your rump for days on end, I SWEAR IT!

"Whatever did I do to to earn such hostilities? How cruel to threaten me with such possibilities."

>Hah!

"At least, I might have shaken from the little ones deployment, if his ministrations did not give him such enjoyment. While his actions are crude and lacking in tact, I do so love hearing how I am stacked."

>...Crap. P-please, I JUST got my paycheck! I-I don't want to

"Did you ever hear of my cousin twice removed? It was only recently that his royal wedding was approved!"

>Wow, really? Say, doesn't that make you-

*SLAP!*

>MAKE IT STOOOP! How do you do that!?

"I cast no spell, I use no threat. All it takes are but a few simple stories to make you sweat."

>Y-you!

"My aunt would be so horrified to hear, that you would be so cold to her princess most dear."

>Princess? I... I...

"Perhaps you wish to visit my home? I have something you might enjoy, a royal tome."

>Well, I DO need a-

'29! Need help!'

>HAHA! I'm FREEEEE!

Zecora could only huff a bit and stamp her hoof as he took off, flying though the open window just across from the diner.

>WOO! Thank goodness. What did you need, Mayor?

'Nothing, but you looked like you wanted out of there.'

>...I.. Thanks...

'Anytime.'
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>AJ
"Celestia"
'Luna'
[Cadence]
-Twilight-
{Chrysalis}
~~~~~~~

>Alright, new order o' business! We need ta'

'OBTAIN MORE PRINCES!'

>...Tha's new.

"We have enough of-Wait, 'princes'? As in, male?"

'No, sister, we clearly mean we wish for MORE blasted alicorns to roam these halls and reduce our once proud stature even further. By all means!'

"..."

'Tis' was sarcasm, that I meant-'

>Got it. Why do we need princes?

'Because we tire of every yearly season passing by, and mine sister refusing to let us partake because there is not one of royal stature with which to engage with!'

"...Oh no, no no no, Luna shut up right now-"

'As it stands, with Blueblood gone we're all going to have to share Shining Armor! Regardless of our feelings on the matter, and they are negative, but he just can't manage ALL of us!'

{Aaaand, interest obtained! What's all this now?}

-I'm not liking where this is going.-

[Are you implying we would all share Shiny for... magic fun time stuff?]

'Precisely! Though we would not word it so childishly. So you see the problem?'

-EWEWEWEWEWEW-

'Oh stop, royals don't have a taboo on-'

{I AM ALL FOR THIS PLAN! The Shiny plan, not the... not the other thing.}

'You may have him! This year, we are going to bring a prince to the throne. Hopefully one with some decent breeding behind him and no history of possible ailments. This year is the year of Luna!'

>...Luna, do ya'll think we, uh... mate every season?

'...Do you not?'

>...Damn it, Celestia.

"I thought she would figure it out! It's been years, how has she NOT figured it out!?"

'You said we couldn't partake unless there was a prince available!'

"That was a thousand years ago!"

'... So, thine seasonal breeding-'

"Hasn't happened for CENTURIES."

'...MINE DREAMS! SHATTERED!'

Tears raining from her eyes, she tore off out of the room.

>...This is all yer'-

"I KNOW!"
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~~~~~
Amidst the rabble of changelings in the hall, a powerful voice called to them:

"BROTHERS! SISTERS! HEAR ME!"

Had anyone not a changeling been there, there would have been a great deal of surprise, not only that the other changelings heeded this voice, belonging to a changeling wearing burlap robes, topped with a make-shift stetson.

"Like many of you, I once was lost, but now: I have seen the light! I wish to tell all of you about the good word of the glorious princess APPLEJACK!"
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