Those Who Do Not Move: Rina's Comfort

Those Who Do Not Move:  Rina's Comfort

Perhaps it's that the sky is shifting from the sharp, cloudless blue of early fall to the flat, blue-grey ceiling that heralds winter.  Perhaps it's that I jokingly mocked my oldest friend for something she didn't really have any control over.  Perhaps it's that I'm going to have to play a serious sport against a Werewolf.  Perhaps it's that I'm going on some sort of romance-less date with a stalker.  Perhaps it's that Lythalia is only going to get progressively more wrong the longer she's allowed to come to her own conclusions.  Perhaps it's that I might still have to deal with Tish when I get home.

I should be happier right now.  Aside from a simple soccer match, everything's going well.  Sure, most of the time she's holding back and visibly annoyed by how easily I wear out, but it's just a couple hours.  I might not have endurance on my side, but I've definitely got resilience.

The more I think about it, the less that seems like it's the source of my worries.  Maybe I just used up the last of my good mood.  After everything from this morning, helping Jen was only enough to bring everything back up to average, but average isn't what it used to be.  I just solved so many problems, and everything's gotten so much better than it was this morning, and yet nothing seems to have changed at all.  I feel like all I'm doing is catching up with all of the random shit that's been thrown at me.  Once the last of it is done, the second volley will be en route.

I'm back in front of my house again.  I guess I'm less worried than when I left.  The thought is enough to bring back a shadow of a smile.  It's been a really bad, really good, and really tiring day.

I head inside, wash the blood off my face, and go straight to my room.  I don't want to think about today anymore.  If anything, I just want to get it over with.  I'll play my games until Cara drags me out for our match.  Simple.  The only thing to think about now is how to spend skills on my Occultist/Detective.

---

How did it get this late?  I only just logged out, and it's barely a half an hour until dinner.
Hells, if Cara was expecting me to go get her then I'm in for-
No, she would've come and yelled at me long before now.  Could she still be asleep?  It's possible.

I walk down the hall to her room and whisper "Hey Cara."
There's no response.  That confirms it; if she were awake she would've heard that.  Looks like dad hasn't gotten rusty with his magic.
This means that I'm just gonna have to do it tomorrow, doesn't it?  Oh well, I guess I'll at least have time to rest from this morning.  My arm's still sore anyway.  It's still early to pick up Rina, but I guess I can still head over.  I can at least try to talk some sense into her.

My plan doesn't make it to the door.

A cry of "Oh, you poor thing," is the only warning I get before the world twists around and I land in something soft.
"I'm fine, mom."  It doesn't take long to realize that I'm talking into her chest.  Mercifully this doesn't last long as she pulls me away to get a better look at my face.
"Does it hurt," she asks as she brushes a finger along the broken skin, thus causing it to hurt.
"No."  It's weird; I get a lot worse, a lot more regularly, but she usually doesn't make this much of a fuss about it.
She strokes the cheek again, staring at me with unmasked concern.  "She must be really frustrated, I suppose."
I'd respond to that, but I know better.  Any denial will be met with a statement that she wasn't talking about anything sexual, and that I "doth protest too much."  I sigh internally; she's not even considering that I married her?  I guess she knows me too well for that.  Oh well, it was a good plan anyway.

She sighs as she stares at my cheek, then my face in general.  "I remember when you needed me to tend to your boo-boos.  It seems like it was just a couple months ago, and yet here you are: old enough to marry."
"I wouldn't say that."
She scoffs, "Of course you are.  Lots of young men your age have already found wives."  She slowly moves to separate from me while she speaks, leaving a couple feet of her tail around my legs and only her hands still holding my shoulders.  "You've reached the point where you can settle down, and not just with whatever girl happens to find you.  You get to make the decision, based on what you want," and here she punctuates the last "you" with a finger pressed to my chest.  "And the only question you need to worry about is 'who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?"  She waits, staring at me, as though expecting an answer right now.

"Right now, I'm thinking the answer is two hundred cats."
"Oh come now, you must have thought about it."  She looks off into the distance and dreamily begins, "Some girl who's perfect in every way, always makes you smile, whom you could dote on forever."
"I'm not marrying Tera.  That's never happening."
"Okay, okay, so you don't like younger women.  That's fine."  She keeps going before I can tell if she sounded honestly disappointed, "But that Ghoul friend of yours is going to be uncomfortable around you until you get married, just like your sisters.  You don't want to trouble her like that, do you?"

I don't want to answer that, so I don't.  I'd be a lot happier if it didn't make sense, or if I hadn't just seen proof that she's probably right.  Regardless how much Jen and I would like to just keep things how they are, she still has her instincts to deal with.
"It's been a month now, I think.  I asked you to think about who would make you happiest, remember?"  I nod hesitantly.  "And," she asks as she looks me dead in the eyes.
I slowly form my sentence as I'm speaking it, "And I was under the impression that there wouldn't be any follow-up questions."

"Oh Val," she says as she holds me closer again, "I'm just worried about you.  Can't your mother want to know what her little man wants to do with his life?"
It's not that I don't have an answer to the question, but I just know that it's not what she wants.  I squash the attempt to tell her that I've found some cute human girl at school; even if it would be better for me.  I don't want to lie to her.  My throat constricts to try to stop the words as I force them through, "I think I prefer being alone."

I remember one time I saw a car crash on the road.  For just an instant beforehand I knew what was about to happen, and there wasn't anything that could be done to stop it.
She sighs, and all of her upbeat, chipper mom-ness leaves with the breath.  In her place is a tired, confused, and deeply troubled woman who looks a decade older, staring at me like she's scared I'll shatter like china if I'm not handled properly.  "What happened to you?"  My gut clenches in the absolute, sickening discomfort of watching mom hurt.  "When Lythalia told me what she'd deduced, I thought she had to be wrong."
I latch onto the thing that looks like a lifeline, "That's good!  You should keep thinking that.  Forever."

Before I notice the change I'm being held again.  "She said," she starts before taking a breath, "she said we shouldn't bring it up again, but I can't.  We saw what happened this morning, and I can't ignore that."  She looks down at me nervously and brushes the hair from my forehead.  "I know someone who could help; she became a psychologist, and she's very good at what she does-"
"Can she control peoples' minds?"  First things first.
She stops.  Her eyebrows start pulling inward, threatening to meet in the middle.
That's answer enough for me.  "No."
"Well what else am I supposed to do?"  She takes a great, heaving breath in worried exasperation, "I can't just leave this alone."

All right, this is an emergency.  "It's not what you think, all right?  I just- I found someone at school."  I stop and hesitantly, quietly add, "She's this human I met."
The look of relief barely has a second to start to form before shock and horror takes its place.  I drawn-out, tired "No" is the first sign that I had made a mistake.  The second was the sudden squeeze around my legs.  "Val, what've I told you about them?"  The shock is gone, slowly turning into anger.  "They're liars and- and they cheat on men!  They can't comfort or understand men like we can.  She'll just use you and leave; they don't actually feel love!"

"You don't know her," I tell her flatly.  All the muscles in my face relax into an uncaring stare.
She pulls away even before she starts piecing together what's happening.  "Val, I'm sorry, this is just how they are; I'm trying to protect you.  I don't want to see you get hurt."
I don't answer.  I don't have to.  She slowly unwinds, holding her arms halfway between us, as though she can't figure out whether or not she can still hold me.  When my legs are free I mutter "I'm heading out" and head to the door.
I can almost feel her watching me go.

---

I can't believe I did that.  I couldn't just lie to her, oh no, that would've been awful.  I had to make her worry.  Couldn't I just say I was dating a Nekomata?  You know, the one I'm fucking dating?  No, it's way better to make her think that I'm angry at her.  That'll work out so damn much better.

I stomp down the road, stewing in my own bitter frustration at myself.  I can't even do that properly, since part of me is still going on about what a damn good plan is forming in my head.  A few days from now I'll come back late at night, say that I broke up with this fictional girl after some lengthy argument, and then I get to say that I can't consider other women for a while.  I get some time to be completely alone, without any sort of harassment, and best of all, everything is explained.

I just had to hurt mom to do it.

Was there another explanation, though?  What do I have, other than fear that I'd be stolen from some other girl?  I can't claim some sort of aphrodisiac allergy, since Lythalia knows better.  And hells if I'm going to let her go off on her stupid theory that I'm afraid of sex.  Mom already wanted me to go see some mind-raping psychologist to root around my brain and tear out anything that doesn't conform to - what the hells would it conform to, anyway?  Is there some sort of norm for personalities that I've never heard of before?

I could've just said no.  I could've held my ground and just left what happened a mystery, and they could've all just wondered over it forever.  But I didn't do that; I did what was best for me.  I did what would get me out of there the fastest, without sparing a thought for anyone else.  I had my perfect lie and I ran with it, because it's easier to hurt my mom than to deal with my own damn problems.

I'm standing in front of Rina's house in record time from the angry march I've been on.  I banish the lingering internal arguments that are still banging around my skull.  I'll fix everything tonight.  To whatever extent I can fix this.

I knock on the door.  It opens barely two seconds later, revealing Rina wearing a bright yellow sundress.  She looks up at me expectantly.
"One, you're trying too hard, and two, you're going to freeze in that thing."
Her shoulders slump.  "Dammit," she spits.  "I heard men really liked these things."
I shrug my shoulders, "Yeah, sure, they're nice.  In summer."
She takes a step back and waves inward, "Come in and have a seat; I need to get changed."

She slows before heading into the hallway.  "So what happened to your face?"
"I gave some spirit energy to a Ghoul."
She tilts her head briefly in confusion.  "Oh, you bought a manastone?"
This is not going as I expected.  "Something like that.  How'd you know?"
She shrugs slightly before heading into the hallway, calling back "You didn't have sex, so I guessed."
How'd she-
Beastmen have more acute senses.  Still, I could've bathed, right?  Or would she've still known?  Oh well, no sense worrying about it now.

I swear the house has gotten younger since I last got here.  It's warm, the floorboards aren't creaking as much as they used to, and there isn't any of the dust that springs out of the wood when you touch it.  Even the old sofa doesn't give as much complaint when I sit on it.
She calls out from the hallway, "What's with these things, anyway?"
"What?"
"Sundresses.  They don't show near as much as traditional mamono clothes, so it has to be something cultural, right?  Like with yukata."
I think on it for a moment, grateful for the chance to turn my thoughts toward something less miserable and self-deprecating.  "They're relaxed, I guess.  Informal, but still really feminine."  I think back to Jen for a moment.  "Maybe it's just that men are used to seeing mamono in really tight clothes, so loose, comfortable things are more interesting to look at."

She walks into the room with a long skirt and a jacket layered over something.  "You know, I can't tell if you're overthinking everything, or if that was really insightful."
I smile humorlessly.  Yeah, that's me all right.  Because I'm so damn smart.  "Come on, let's go get some fish and talk about wizards."
"Mages," she corrects me.
"What's the difference?"
Her answer is a completely deadpan "Pointy hats."

I assume she's joking.

---

"Yeah, the jacket was a good idea."  The night air is getting colder.  Soon it'll reach the point where it stings the throat to breathe, and that'll be when winter really starts.
I try to turn my attention to anything around me: the stars that come out earlier and earlier as the days pass, the Nekomata who's blowing into the still air to watch the fog, or just the slow transition from neighborhood to neighborhood as we walk toward the busy street corner that promises some dinner and what's probably going to be a really weird conversation.
In the end, though, my mind keeps coming back to what I'm going to do back home.  It's going to work, right?  It's not like they won't think that I've been secretive.  I've actually got a perfect position to make it work.  I just can't let it go to waste.

"Copper for your thoughts?"
"They're way more expensive than that."
There's a playful tug on the arm that she's latched onto.  "You look confused."
"I'm not.  I know exactly what's going on.  I even know what I'm going to do about it."
"So what's there to think about?"
"Whether or not I'm damned to the hells."
I get another tug on my arm.  I think she was trying to be forceful this time, but she only succeeded in lifting herself slightly off the ground.  "Of course you're not.  You're far too nice for that."
Yeah, I'm basically a saint.

---

It's always kind of weird to me that they make these places look like they're made out of stone on the outside, but on the inside they make the walls look like they're wooden.  Do they want it to look like a shack or not?  Or was the designer just schizophrenic?
"Party of two?"
"Yeah."
The black-winged Harpy puts on a fake, token smile while staring sullenly at Rina.
I can't even eat without being reminded that men are a commodity in this town.  It's not like they have a lot of options with it, either.  They can leave and face discrimination and hatred in human-dominated cities, or they can wait and see what men choose to move here, or are dragged here by their parents if they're young and the mamono doesn't mind robbing from the cradle.
Which most of them don't.

"The booth, please."  I don't like sitting out in the open, especially not like this.  Thinking back, I should've known the place would be busy.  I've probably already subjected myself to another run through the rumor mill; it's not like anyone would mistake me for someone else.  Oh well, I stopped really caring a long while back.
We sit down on opposite sides and start to browse through the menu.  Grilled salmon it is.  The act of setting the menu back down grabs Rina's attention, then her surprise.  "Really," she asks incredulously.
"What?"
"You didn't look at that for five seconds."
"I know what I want."

There's a sigh as she raises her menu again.  Can I blame her for thinking that this is going to be a chore?
Yes, yes I can.  She's the one who wanted this damn, stupid date.  Why did she even want that?
Because I'm single, and she doesn't have many other options but to settle for me.  She has plans for her life that probably involve magic, so she just needs to find a husband.  Any husband.
Not even that.  She needs a nanny, a maid, and a pair of testicles.  Everything else is superfluous.

"You look like you're going to murder the table."
The feeling of tension in my face is strange and foreign when I notice it.  I force it to relax before looking back up at the worried Nekomata.  "It knows what it did."
She folds up the menu and places it gingerly back onto the table.  "Do you want to talk about it?  Whatever it is that's been eating you since you knocked on my door."
Do I?  Hells, I don't know.  "I'd rather get my mind off of it."

"So how many kids do you want?"
The random non sequitur did, at least, get my mind off of it.  The thoughts come slowly when I drag them away from mass-producing bitterness, but at least it's possible.  "I don't know.  Part of me wants to keep things small.  Maybe four or five kids."
She laughs at this, turning downward to hide the smile on her face.  "You know, most people think of that as an average family."
"It just feels weird, you know?  A small family sounds like it would be easier to deal with, but it just doesn't feel like home."
She smiles further and raises her eyebrows as she asks "So what does feel like home?"
I think again about what Vee and Safi have both said.  Maybe they're right and the more love there is the more it's a family.  "Maybe seven or eight."

The waitress returns, and sullenly provides us with water and takes our orders.  I try not to laugh while I watch Rina fish out the slice of lemon from her water before daintily flicking the water off her hand.  "I wouldn't mind that."  She waits a moment for a reaction that I'm not giving her.  "It would take a great deal of energy to have that many girls, but I think you could handle that."
The conversation dies, leaving us to quietly avoid looking at each other and trying to find something less awkward to discuss.

I've got just the thing.  "So, magic?"
"Right, magic."

---

http://pastebin.com/58WTAgAm

---

I finish off the last of my mashed potatoes before asking, "That's all I need to know?"
She almost laughs into her drink, but pulls away in time, "Oh no, that was just everything from my first lesson.  I wanted you to have a basic understanding."
Well, I guess I can't be surprised.  This is something men have devoted their entire lives to; doing more than scratching the surface would be an investment of time that I don't have.
"Of course," she continues, "if you wanted to we could just hop right into lesson two."
"Oh no, that's fine.  Let's just wrap this up and head on out."

The sun has set, but the sky is still bright enough to hurt my eyes when we step out of the dark restaurant.  As soon I start the walk back Rina bounces up next to me and latches back onto my arm.  "So, where should we go next?"
We?  What else were we going to do?  "I was gonna drop you off back at your place then head home."
"But we hardly did anything, and most of that was just talking about magic," she protests.
"Yeah, but it was fun.  I don't get to hang out like this that much."

The weight on my arm disappears.  I turn to find her standing stock still, staring at me in disbelief.  After a moment she slowly begins to shake her head.  "You."  Her voice and expression are both flat, but I know better than to think that means a girl's calm.  "That's what this is to you, isn't it?  Just hanging out."
Damn.  I know what she's getting at now.  It doesn't make me any happier to know, but at least the confusion's gone.
She takes a deep breath before looking away.  "Seducing you doesn't work, spending time with you doesn't work; how is anyone supposed to get close to you?"

"Déjà vu."
She furrows her brow in confusion.
"I keep getting asked that, but I don't know.  I'm just not looking for a wife."
Her shoulders drop and her arms hang limply at her sides.  "That's not fair."
I don't know what to say.  I can't help her.
No, I just don't want to help her.

"Let me take you home."