The Food Rap

(Jish as L. Piddy)
My name is L. Piddy and I’m here to eat!
Don’t lay the funk down on a nasty beat!
I’m the best rapper-slash-eater on the street,
And I’m looking forward to a tasty treat!
Food tastes so good when it’s in my mouth,
Munchin’ and crunchin’ and tumblin’ about.
Here is my handle, here is my spout,
My rappin’ ability you better not doubt!
Give it up for my DJ, the Grandmaster Flash!
The only one I know who wipes his ass with cash!
And he ain’t afraid to use Mrs. Dash,
In fact he always carries a secret stash!
I couldn’t believe it happened again!
The cat beat the carrot, the sword and the pen!
But let me take a break for a minute or ten,
I’ve got something cooking in the ov-en!
Did you know you can make a light from a lemon?
It’s like how the spice is used by the Fremmin.
Dune anyone, or is it just me?
At least we ain’t rappin’ about STDs!
(Harrison as DJ Grandmaster Flash)
And I’m the mic masta’,
It’s a disasta’!
I fill up my Hummer not with gas, but Shasta!
We all know that Piddy’s a bastahd,
But I’m so hungry I eat fasta!
First I’m gonna eat some pizza,
I better eat it before it eats ya!
You know I’m that master of dropping beats-uh,
I’d even eat salad if it had a meat sauce!
Then comes a round of my favorite food,
Burritos always improve my mood,
I’d even eat them with a spoon!
Nothing gets better than burritos, dood!
But keep in mind to eat your greens,
To reduce constipation and to help your spleen.
Me and L. Piddy are a vegetable team,
But you can call me the Bean Machine!
Then it’s time for a tasty dessert,
Something a bit fancier than your average Go-Gurt.
It may smell like cabbage and it may look like dirt,
But we’re still chowin’ like Bernie and Ert!
(Both)
And so ends our culinary adventure,
Lacking in words necessitating assenture.
We all love a filler or quencher,
Enjoying it now while we still don’t have dentures.