How Scilight Stole the Christmas Dance

Dec 21st, 2016
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  1. How Scilight Stole the Christmas Dance
  2. By IceMan
  4. Every student at Canterlot High liked the Christmas Dance a lot...
  5. But the Scilight, who was a new transfer, did not.
  6. The Scilight hated dances! And the whole holiday season!
  7. Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
  8. It could be that the brain in her head was too bright.
  9. It could be, perhaps, that her parents ruined that night.
  10. But I think the most likely reason of all,
  11. May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
  12. Whatever the reason, her heart or her parents,
  13. She stood there on Christmas Dance Eve, hating the students,
  14. Staring up from her lab in a sour, Scilight-y pall
  15. At all the decorations going up in the hall.
  16. For she knew every student in the high school above
  17. Was busy now, hanging a Christmas peace dove.
  18. “And they’re hanging the stockings!” she snarled with a sneer.
  19. “Tomorrow’s the Christmas Dance! It’s practically here!”
  20. Then she growled, with her Scilight fingers nervously drumming,
  21. "I must find some way to stop this dance from coming!"
  22. For, by tonight, she knew, all the students, girls and boys
  23. Would have prepared their dates with all of their poise.
  24. And oh, those boys! Oh, those boys!
  25. Boys! Boys! Boys!
  26. That’s one thing she hated! The boys!
  27. And then the students, young and old, would get to the dance
  28. And they'd dance! And they'd dance! And they'd dance!
  29. Dance! Dance! Dance!
  30. They’d boogie down, conga, foxtrot, and prance,
  31. Which was something the Scilight couldn’t stand, not a chance!
  32. And then they'd do something she liked least of all!
  33. Every student in the school, the tall and the small,
  34. Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
  35. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they all would start singing!
  36. They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd sing!
  37. Sing! Sing! Sing!
  38. And the more the Scilight thought of the students' Christmas-Sing,
  39. The more the Scilight thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
  40. "Why, for eighteen years I've put up with it now!"
  41. "I must stop this Christmas Dance from coming! But how?"
  42. Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
  43. The Scilight got a wonderful, awful idea.
  44. “I know just what to do!” she laughed with a twinkle in her eyes
  45. And she made a quick little tricky device
  46. And she chuckled and clucked, “What a great science trick!”
  47. “With a push of this button, I’ll turn into Saint Nick!”
  48. “All I need is a reindeer....” the Scilight looked around.
  49. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
  50. Did that stop old Scilight? No! She simply said,
  51. “If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
  52. So she called her dog Spike, and she took some gene splicers
  53. And, with her robots and chemicals and duo-triple-dicers,
  54. She mixed canine DNA with orangutan and fruit bat,
  55. Then added a horn and a merry red hat.
  56. With her deer complete she gave a guffaw
  57. At its kung-fu action grip and flamethrower maw.
  58. Then loading some old bags up with glee childlike
  59. On a hovercraft sleigh, she hitched up the new Spike.
  60. Then Scilight shouted “Giddy up!” and the sleigh leapt with a roar,
  61. Through the halls of the school, out through the front door.
  62. The school was all dark, class was done for today,
  63. But on top of the building Scilight halted her sleigh.
  64. “Here’s our stop one and only!” the old Scily Claus hissed,
  65. And she climbed to the ductwork, empty sacks in her fist.
  66. Then she slid down the air vent, though it was rather tight,
  67. But, if Santa could do it, then so could Scilight.
  68. She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
  69. Then she stuck her head out of the air conditioner, her glasses askew.
  70. On the wall all the students’ stockings hung in a row.
  71. "These stockings," she grinned, "are the first things to go!"
  72. Then she slithered and slunk, with a look of devious machination
  73. Around the whole room, and she took every decoration!
  74. Poinsettias! Mistletoe! Holly wreaths! Boxes!
  75. Colored lights! Speakers! Miniature reindeer and foxes!
  76. And she stuffed them in bags. Then Scilight, that great malcontent,
  77. Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the air vent!
  78. Then she slunk to the icebox. She took all the food!
  79. She took all the Hawaiian punch! She took the unbaked pizza, how rude!
  80. She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
  81. Why, Scilight even took their last can of potato latke hash!
  82. Then she stuffed all the food up the air vent with glee.
  83. "And now!" grinned the Scilight, "I will stuff up the tree!"
  84. And Scilight grabbed the tree, and she started to shove,
  85. When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
  86. She turned around fast, and she saw the former prom queen!
  87. Little Sunlight Shimmer, who was no more than eighteen.
  88. She stared at Scilight, and said “What the fuck? Why?”
  89. “Scilight, why are you dressed like Santa? Why?”
  90. “And why are you taking our Christmas tree?”
  91. “We need it for the dance, not for rhinoplasty,”
  92. “Or whatever other silly experiment you’ve got planned.”
  93. “Put it back down, this is getting out of hand!”
  94. But, you know, that Scilight was so smart and so slick,
  95. She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
  96. "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santa Claus lied,
  97. "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."
  98. "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
  99. "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
  100. And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head,
  101. And slammed her in a locker to knock her out dead.
  102. And when Scilight had completed her cover-up,
  103. She went to the air vent and stuffed the tree up!
  104. Then the last thing she took was the equipment for their band!
  105. Then she went up the air vent, herself, the old Chateaubriand.
  106. On the walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.
  107. And the one speck of food that she left in the school,
  108. Was a crumb that was even smaller than a gram molecule.
  109. It was quarter past dawn... All the students, still a-bed,
  110. All the students, still snoozing when she packed up her sled,
  111. Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
  112. The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
  113. Three thousand feet down! Down deep from the surface,
  114. She rode with her load to the rock-bottom furnace!
  115. "Pooh-pooh to those fools!" she was Scilightily humming.
  116. "They're finding out now that no Christmas Dance is coming!"
  117. "They're just walking in! I know just what they'll do!"
  118. "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,”
  119. “Then the students in the school will all cry boo hoo!"
  120. "That's a noise," grinned the Scilight, "That I simply must hear!"
  121. So she paused. And the Scilight put her hand to her ear.
  122. And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
  123. “Hey, Twilight,” it sounded, “I’m sorry, I’m late,”
  124. “But I just wanted to ask, if you might be my date?”
  125. It was Anon Y. Mous, holding a bouquet of white flowers
  126. While the snow fluttered down in gentle light showers,
  127. From someplace, which despite the depth and heat wasn’t clear,
  128. But fat flakes were falling, right there, close and near.
  129. And the Scilight, with her Scilight-feet ice-cold in the fresh snow,
  130. Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
  131. “No boy would like me, that much I know.”
  132. “You’ve got to be pranking me, is this some cruel joke?
  133. “Get lost, let me finish my masterstroke.”
  134. “I’m telling the truth,” said Anon making a cross on his heart.
  135. “Come now, stop this madness, be my Christmas sweetheart.”
  136. And the Scilight then puzzled till her puzzler was sore,
  137. And after that she puzzled some more.
  138. “You really mean it?” she said after a while.
  139. Anon gave her a hug and they shared a great smile.
  140. And what happened then? Well...in Canterlot High they say,
  141. That Scilight’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
  142. And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
  143. She whizzed with her date through the bright morning light,
  144. And she brought back the decor! And the food for the feast!
  145. And she, she herself! Scilight danced like a beast!
  146. Now, you may ask, “Is there a moral to find here?”
  147. Well, I thought for a while, and it wasn’t quite clear.
  148. But since I am no Aesop or Doctor of Rhyming,
  149. You’ll have to excuse my lack of principled writing.
  150. So in this story find whatever message you want,
  151. I’ve no ethics or maxims that I need flaunt.
  152. But I’ll leave you with the adage from the source of this story,
  153. And I really do hope you won’t find it trite or boring.
  154. Christmas and holidays don't come from a store.
  155. The holiday season means a little bit more!
  156. Now if you’ll pardon me, it is getting late
  157. I’ve dishes to do, and my long dick to masturbate.
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