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- How Scilight Stole the Christmas Dance
- By IceMan
- Every student at Canterlot High liked the Christmas Dance a lot...
- But the Scilight, who was a new transfer, did not.
- The Scilight hated dances! And the whole holiday season!
- Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
- It could be that the brain in her head was too bright.
- It could be, perhaps, that her parents ruined that night.
- But I think the most likely reason of all,
- May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
- Whatever the reason, her heart or her parents,
- She stood there on Christmas Dance Eve, hating the students,
- Staring up from her lab in a sour, Scilight-y pall
- At all the decorations going up in the hall.
- For she knew every student in the high school above
- Was busy now, hanging a Christmas peace dove.
- “And they’re hanging the stockings!” she snarled with a sneer.
- “Tomorrow’s the Christmas Dance! It’s practically here!”
- Then she growled, with her Scilight fingers nervously drumming,
- "I must find some way to stop this dance from coming!"
- For, by tonight, she knew, all the students, girls and boys
- Would have prepared their dates with all of their poise.
- And oh, those boys! Oh, those boys!
- Boys! Boys! Boys!
- That’s one thing she hated! The boys!
- And then the students, young and old, would get to the dance
- And they'd dance! And they'd dance! And they'd dance!
- Dance! Dance! Dance!
- They’d boogie down, conga, foxtrot, and prance,
- Which was something the Scilight couldn’t stand, not a chance!
- And then they'd do something she liked least of all!
- Every student in the school, the tall and the small,
- Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
- They'd stand hand-in-hand. And they all would start singing!
- They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd sing!
- Sing! Sing! Sing!
- And the more the Scilight thought of the students' Christmas-Sing,
- The more the Scilight thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
- "Why, for eighteen years I've put up with it now!"
- "I must stop this Christmas Dance from coming! But how?"
- Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
- The Scilight got a wonderful, awful idea.
- “I know just what to do!” she laughed with a twinkle in her eyes
- And she made a quick little tricky device
- And she chuckled and clucked, “What a great science trick!”
- “With a push of this button, I’ll turn into Saint Nick!”
- “All I need is a reindeer....” the Scilight looked around.
- But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
- Did that stop old Scilight? No! She simply said,
- “If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
- So she called her dog Spike, and she took some gene splicers
- And, with her robots and chemicals and duo-triple-dicers,
- She mixed canine DNA with orangutan and fruit bat,
- Then added a horn and a merry red hat.
- With her deer complete she gave a guffaw
- At its kung-fu action grip and flamethrower maw.
- Then loading some old bags up with glee childlike
- On a hovercraft sleigh, she hitched up the new Spike.
- Then Scilight shouted “Giddy up!” and the sleigh leapt with a roar,
- Through the halls of the school, out through the front door.
- The school was all dark, class was done for today,
- But on top of the building Scilight halted her sleigh.
- “Here’s our stop one and only!” the old Scily Claus hissed,
- And she climbed to the ductwork, empty sacks in her fist.
- Then she slid down the air vent, though it was rather tight,
- But, if Santa could do it, then so could Scilight.
- She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
- Then she stuck her head out of the air conditioner, her glasses askew.
- On the wall all the students’ stockings hung in a row.
- "These stockings," she grinned, "are the first things to go!"
- Then she slithered and slunk, with a look of devious machination
- Around the whole room, and she took every decoration!
- Poinsettias! Mistletoe! Holly wreaths! Boxes!
- Colored lights! Speakers! Miniature reindeer and foxes!
- And she stuffed them in bags. Then Scilight, that great malcontent,
- Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the air vent!
- Then she slunk to the icebox. She took all the food!
- She took all the Hawaiian punch! She took the unbaked pizza, how rude!
- She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
- Why, Scilight even took their last can of potato latke hash!
- Then she stuffed all the food up the air vent with glee.
- "And now!" grinned the Scilight, "I will stuff up the tree!"
- And Scilight grabbed the tree, and she started to shove,
- When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
- She turned around fast, and she saw the former prom queen!
- Little Sunlight Shimmer, who was no more than eighteen.
- She stared at Scilight, and said “What the fuck? Why?”
- “Scilight, why are you dressed like Santa? Why?”
- “And why are you taking our Christmas tree?”
- “We need it for the dance, not for rhinoplasty,”
- “Or whatever other silly experiment you’ve got planned.”
- “Put it back down, this is getting out of hand!”
- But, you know, that Scilight was so smart and so slick,
- She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
- "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santa Claus lied,
- "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."
- "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
- "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
- And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head,
- And slammed her in a locker to knock her out dead.
- And when Scilight had completed her cover-up,
- She went to the air vent and stuffed the tree up!
- Then the last thing she took was the equipment for their band!
- Then she went up the air vent, herself, the old Chateaubriand.
- On the walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.
- And the one speck of food that she left in the school,
- Was a crumb that was even smaller than a gram molecule.
- It was quarter past dawn... All the students, still a-bed,
- All the students, still snoozing when she packed up her sled,
- Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
- The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
- Three thousand feet down! Down deep from the surface,
- She rode with her load to the rock-bottom furnace!
- "Pooh-pooh to those fools!" she was Scilightily humming.
- "They're finding out now that no Christmas Dance is coming!"
- "They're just walking in! I know just what they'll do!"
- "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,”
- “Then the students in the school will all cry boo hoo!"
- "That's a noise," grinned the Scilight, "That I simply must hear!"
- So she paused. And the Scilight put her hand to her ear.
- And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
- “Hey, Twilight,” it sounded, “I’m sorry, I’m late,”
- “But I just wanted to ask, if you might be my date?”
- It was Anon Y. Mous, holding a bouquet of white flowers
- While the snow fluttered down in gentle light showers,
- From someplace, which despite the depth and heat wasn’t clear,
- But fat flakes were falling, right there, close and near.
- And the Scilight, with her Scilight-feet ice-cold in the fresh snow,
- Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
- “No boy would like me, that much I know.”
- “You’ve got to be pranking me, is this some cruel joke?
- “Get lost, let me finish my masterstroke.”
- “I’m telling the truth,” said Anon making a cross on his heart.
- “Come now, stop this madness, be my Christmas sweetheart.”
- And the Scilight then puzzled till her puzzler was sore,
- And after that she puzzled some more.
- “You really mean it?” she said after a while.
- Anon gave her a hug and they shared a great smile.
- And what happened then? Well...in Canterlot High they say,
- That Scilight’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
- And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
- She whizzed with her date through the bright morning light,
- And she brought back the decor! And the food for the feast!
- And she, she herself! Scilight danced like a beast!
- Now, you may ask, “Is there a moral to find here?”
- Well, I thought for a while, and it wasn’t quite clear.
- But since I am no Aesop or Doctor of Rhyming,
- You’ll have to excuse my lack of principled writing.
- So in this story find whatever message you want,
- I’ve no ethics or maxims that I need flaunt.
- But I’ll leave you with the adage from the source of this story,
- And I really do hope you won’t find it trite or boring.
- Christmas and holidays don't come from a store.
- The holiday season means a little bit more!
- Now if you’ll pardon me, it is getting late
- I’ve dishes to do, and my long dick to masturbate.
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