Piano-Non (Parody of Piano Man)

Its nine o'clock on a Saturday
The Regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old mare sitting next to me
Makin' love to her cider and gin

She says, "Non, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's nice and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mare's clothes."

La la la, Di da da
La la, di da da da dum.

Sing us a song, dear Anonymous
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright.

Now Shy at the bar is an ex of mine,
She buys lots of drinks for me
And she's quick with a stroke on my sensitive bloke
But she'd rather jump ontop and make wet love to me
She says, "Non, I believe we are destined to be."
As a sultry grin crosses her face
"Well I'm sure that I could make you see bright stars
If only you would come back to my place"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

And the Waiter is practicing politics
as the businessmares slowly get stoned
Yes, they start to question my loneliness
But I prefer to drink all alone

Sing us a song, dear Anonymous
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright.

Now Octy is a fine concert cellist
Who never had time for a mate
Octy is talkin' to you, trying get in your boots
And probably will for a while

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
and the manager gives me a smile,
'Cause she knowns that it's me they've been comin' to see
To shamelessly flirt  for a long while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like beer
And they sit at the bar and put bits in your jar
And say, "Non, come with me away from here."

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song, dear Anonymous
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright.