Fluffy Metroid - Special Spaghettis

>”Bailey! Dinner’s ready!”
>Your fluffy metroid, that was playing with his blocks in the living room, cheerfully replies: “Yay! Baiwey tummy hungwy!”.
>Yeah, you called him Bailey, from the “Justin Bailey” cheat code. So what? You certainly didn’t want him to share the name with that Bieber guy.
>You watch him come rolling to the kitchen. He’s surprisingly fast for something so little and so funnily shaped: fluffy metroids are basically large green kiwifruits with a trio of red eyes and four crab-like keratin legs. Not exactly creatures built for speed. And yet…
>Bailey stops rolling against your feet and hugs one of them, squeeing in delight. “Baiwey wuv dahdeh! Wha’ nummies fo’ Baiwey?”.
>You smirk. You love the little fluffball, but today you’re feeling kinda… asshole-y.
>”It’s a really special spaghetti recipe!”, you declare while picking the metroid up and putting him on the table.
>Bailey is so excited about the prospect of eating his favourite food ever that he nearly soils himself.
>”Sketties! Speshal sketties fo’ Baiwey! Wuv dahdeh! Dahdeh bes’ dahdeh eva!”.
>You pat him kindly, knowing that his joy will probably leave place to sheer terror in a couple of minutes. “Thanks, Bailey”. You take two plates from the kitchen counter and place the smaller one in front on the metroid. “Here, buddy! Dig in!”.
>It’s the middle of August, and the weather outside is scorching hot. Bailey, being a fluffy metroid, doesn’t mind at all, but you do: your sleep tonight was plagued by sweat, mosquitos and nightmares, and that’s probably why you’re pranking your pet. But nevertheless you found some leftover wheat flour noodles in the cupboard, and because of that you decided to get creative and try to cook some somen.
>“NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”.
>In other words, Japanese noodles with ice cubes.
>”Dese sketties meanie, dahdeh! Why sketties cowd? Cowd meanie to Baiwey!”.
>You look at him, feigning confusion.
>”What are you talking about? These spaghettis are not mean!”. You put a forkful of them in your mouth and start chewing. “See? They’re delicious!”.
>Bailey is trembling, tears dripping from his three eyes. He tries to move closer to the plate, but the ice cubes in the pasta are too much for him. “Nuu-huu-huu! P-pwease dahdeh, teww meanie cowd bwockies go ‘way! Why cowd bwockies wan’ Baiwey sketties? Dese Baiwey sketties, go ‘way ow dahdeh gif big ouchies!”.
>He thinks the ice cubes are trying to ate his dinner! How cute.
>You shake your head in response. “If you’re not hungry you can just tell me so, Bailey”, you reply. “I know someone who would be glad to eat some spaghettis”. Dramatic pause. “Her name is Samus…”.
>The metroid’s eyes widen at the mere mention of his nemesis. “Nuuuu! Meanie Samus no can haf’ Baiwey sketties!”. He pouts. “Why dahdeh no hewp Baiwey?”. He looks at you with puppy eyes, hoping for some pity; when he realizes the tactic is not working – because you’re eating you somen without paying him attention in the slightest – he starts throwing a tantrum, rolling on the spot and bawling his eyes out. “Waaaaaaaaaa! Dahdeh meanie! Baiwey no wan’ cowd bwockies!”.
>You chuckle. Okay, when you finish eating your portion, you’ll put Bailey’s somen in the microwave.
>Maybe.
>Or maybe you’ll just wait for the ice to melt… Who knows!