eh

Motivation is hard. You can't just arbitrarily give yourself motivation with some sort of incentive/punishment, there's gotta be something there in you to do it. And it's not there. There comes a point where you dislike something enough that you have to do something about it. Part of me feels like I wanna move far away and I would be happier, but that's most likely an excuse to cover up the fact that I just haven't tried to help myself and giving myself an non-doable option is like an out. I dunno. I'll figure it out eventually