Monsters & Mazes (Rogue route ver. 2)

You decide to be the Rogue. They're pretty cool.
Britt hands you the figure of your choice.
It's a thief in a mask identical to Gregg's.

gregg "Cool! Now we can be Chaotic Good together!"

Chaotic Good is exactly the term to describe Gregg.
Angus hands you your character sheet and dice. You look over your stats, and as far as you can remember, they're typical for your class.

eddie "Kinda sucks that the only people who like RPGs in this town are like, way older than me."
britt "I'm pretty much the same age."
eddie "Yeah but, like, that's it?"
eddie "My mom doesn't actually know you two are, like, over twenty. 'Cause that would sound weird, don't you think?"
angus "Call it adult supervision."
angus "Anyway… is everyone ready?"

The group nods eagerly. Eddie reaches for a handful of snack mix and loudly munches on it. Gregg takes another sip of his ale.

eddie "Yeah."
player "As ready as I'll ever be."
britt "Indeed."
gregg "Let's go!!"
gregg "It's time to go on an adventure!"
angus "Ok then, let's get to it."

Angus clears his throat and straightens himself.

angus "You have arrived in a small village, where you have heard rumors of bandits who have kidnapped much of the local children."
player "And we're here to rescue them?"
angus "Exactly."
angus "Their parents are distraught, but are afraid of the bandits. They threaten to harm the children if they do not pay three bags of gold, but none among them have enough."
angus "They have tried to gather all their life's savings together, but they sadly fall short."
gregg "Such cruel miscreants these bandits be!!"
gregg "Let's save the children!"

Well that was some hokey dialogue.

angus "You are standing at the outskirts of the town. Villagers are milling about in the marketplace, and there is an inn nearby, where a tavern can be found."
angus "Further down the road is the town hall."
angus "What will you do to find the children?"

Ask the townspeople

You look at your character sheet. You have a pretty high "Intelligence" stat, typical for a Rogue.

player "I say we ask the townspeople. Surely they know something?"
britt "Yes, surely they know where the last kidnapping occurred."
eddie "Alright, but let's do it quick, so I can give those bandits a taste of my blade as soon as possible!"
player "Maybe there's somebody in the tavern who knows?"
eddie "And perhaps a tankard of ale can be found, yes?"
gregg "Yes!! That too!"
britt "Good idea. Taverns are one of the best places to find information."
player "Ok… I head into the tavern."
angus "The inn and its tavern is an old wooden building with an aged, hand-painted sign hanging by the entrance."
angus "When you enter, you're met by the stench of a hundred spilled alcoholic beverages."
gregg "I breathe it in."
angus "…And a dozen smelly, large men."
gregg "Oh. Then I cough. Ew."
gregg "Unless he smells like you, Angus!"

Angus merely clears his throat.

player "…I approach the bartender and talk to him."
gregg "I order a drink."
player "…Me and my friends have heard tell of the kidnappings in town. What do you know about it?"
angus "The bartender, a big, gruff fellow with a thick mustache and an eyepatch, narrows his eyes at you."

Angus puts on a voice that's even deeper than usual.

angus "And why should I tell strangers like you anything about it?"
player "We want to help! We want to get rid of the bandits."
gregg "Down with the tyrants!!"
angus "Oh? And who are you?"
eddie "We are adventurers, come here to aid you!"
eddie "Yes, and we're gonna kill all the bandits!"
angus "Roll for Charisma to make the bartender cooperate."

You and the others roll the dice, and you do halfway decently.

angus "The bartender relaxes, but he still eyes you dubiously."
angus "Are you really? You don't look like the heroes any of us expected."
angus "Again, who are you?"

gregg "Call me Gregorious, dashing scoundrel of the Woods!"
gregg "My arrows shoot straight and true, like… like an arrow!"
player "Gregorious?"
angus "Oh right. Most of us are playing characters we've been playing for a while."
player "Ah, right."
eddie "I am Yüb, Barbarian of the Northern Mountains!"
britt "You may call me Drearkor, Warlock of the Eastern Wastelands."
player "And, uh, I'm…"

You realize you have no idea what to call yourself. You've never been a part of a proper adventuring party.
Not since you were a kid, anyway.

player "I'm… I'm Azor, the Black Nighthound!"
britt "…What?"
eddie "What the hell is a 'black nighthound'?"

You blush.

player "I dunno… those were the first words that came to my mind…"
player "It sounds cool, doesn't it?"
britt "Well, sure, but…"
gregg "I think it sounds awesome!"
player "Ok, ok… Azor the… Wayfarer?"
eddie "Ok yeah, that sounds cool."
britt "Sounds mysterious and elusive." says Britt.
angus "Whatever you like, [newname]. I take it you haven't played a game like this in a while?"
player "Er, no. Not in years."
angus "Well, it's not that complicated. Ask me anything, if you're confused, and I'll try to catch you up."

Gregg takes another swig of pumpkin ale and passes the bottle to you.

player "Oh, um, thanks Gregg, but… I'm driving my motorcycle home, remember?"
gregg "Huh? Oh right. I forgot."

Eddie licks his lips, as if watching Gregg drink triggered his thirst.

eddie "Do we have anything to drink? This snack mix is kinda dry."
gregg "You want some of my pumpkin ale?"
eddie "Yeah."
angus "Gregg, he's underage. He can't have any."
eddie "Killjoy."
gregg "Yeah, total killjoy."
angus "Besides, would you want him to be caught by his mom with alcohol on his breath?"
eddie "…Dammit."
gregg "Then his mom's a killjoy!"
eddie "Hey! That's my mom you're talking about! You want me to get into trouble?"
gregg "Ugh, fine. More for me, then."
gregg "Unless Britt wants some?"
britt "Uhh, no thanks. I prefer wine."
gregg "Whatever…"
angus "You drink wine?"
britt "Only sometimes!"
angus "Well no matter, because we're not serving anyone under 21."
gregg "I drank my first beer when I was eighteen…"
eddie "Hey, are we gonna talk about booze or are we gonna keep playing?"

Gregg takes another drink.
What's happening here? You've never seen Angus and Gregg argue before.
You'd gotten the impression that they were very happy.

angus "I have some sodas in the fridge."
angus "…Seems like Gregg forgot to bring them out."
gregg "…Alright, alright, sorry I forgot the sodas, ok??"
angus "…It's fine."

You can tell that it isn't fine.
The two of them exchange a look. You have no idea what that look means, but it makes you nervous.
Angus briskly stands up and goes to get the sodas. When he returns, Eddie cracks one open and acts as if nothing happened.

angus "Anyway…"

Angus goes back into character.

angus "Alright, you've convinced me. One of you did order something, after all."
gregg "Ha."
angus "Yeah, we've had kidnappings. They took my nephew, in fact."
angus "If you can find him and bring him back, you shall find that I am grateful."
britt "We wish to search for him and all your children!"
eddie "The villains will suffer for their heinous deed!"
player "Um… so what do you know about the kidnappings?"
angus "Not much. They come in the night where the children can be found, and they spirit them away, leaving only notes of warning."
angus "It was the day before my nephew's birthday when they snatched him."
angus "Last I heard, they're demanding that they be paid three bags of gold to release them. And nobody has enough."
gregg "Gadzooks! That's a large sum of money!"
angus "Sure is."
britt "Any idea where the bandits are hiding?"
angus "None. Except…"
player "…Yes?"
angus "…I have noticed that most of the kidnappings have occurred in the eastern part of town."
britt "Sounds like a lead. Thank you for your help, madam. We shall head east, then."
player "Yes, our, uh… skills of detection are unmatched."
player "We will find your nephew, we swear it."
angus "Good to hear. Kick them in the shins for me, will you?"
eddie "Let us be off, then! The sooner we discover their whereabouts the better!"
angus "Strictly business, eh? No time for mingling? Well, good luck to you."
player "Thank you, sir."
player "I get up and head out."

angus "The bartender returns to wiping up spilled drinks and doesn't even look up as you leave."
player "Ok everyone, we have a lead. We need to get to the turnip farm as soon as possible."
gregg "Agreed! The bandits won't stay hidden much longer!"
gregg "I head towards the east!"
player "Hey, wait up!"
player "I, uh… hurriedly follow after him."
eddie "Ditto."
gregg "You guys, hurry up!"
angus "As you work your way through the crowd, the houses begin to thin out, and you see farmhouses on the horizon."
britt "I start huffing as I try to catch up with him."
eddie "Ditto."
angus "There's only a few houses left, and then the street ends at the beginning of a large field."
britt "Gregorious, hadn't you better save that energy for when we must fight the bandits?"
gregg "I thought you were as impatient as me, Drearkor!"
gregg "This dumb plot has just barely started! I want action!!"

Gregg suddenly stands up to strike a dramatic pose, but winds up nearly knocking over his beer.
He barely catches it, and some of the fluid spills onto the table and soaks a corner of the map.

gregg "Oh crap, sorry…"
angus "Gregg, please! Be careful!"
gregg "Ok, ok…"

Gregg tries to wipe off the beer with his leather sleeve. All it does is spread it around.

angus "Use a napkin."
gregg "Ok! Geez!"

Gregg grabs a napkin and cleans up as quickly as possible, and tosses the soggy thing on the ground.

angus "Not on the floor!"
gregg "Ok, damn!"
britt "Guys, calm down. We're here to have fun, remember?"
gregg "Yeah, Angus."
angus "She means both of us. Sorry everyone, I guess I'm not in the best of moods right now."
gregg "You can say that again."
angus "…And you're not helping."
gregg "…Sorry."

This is definitely souring the mood. And making the game drag on longer than it should.
Gregg picks up his trash and tosses it in a wastebasket, and sits back down.

gregg "Let's just go."
gregg "…I stand at the edge of the field, looking around for clues."
britt "I begin investigating as well."
britt "Everyone look around! This is as far east as the town goes, so this is probably close to where the bandits are hiding."
angus "Roll for Intelligence to find clues, everyone."

Everyone rolls their dice. You all roll high numbers, except for Gregg, who rolls a 2.

gregg "Dammit!"

He takes a big chug of beer, exhaling loudly and spreading the smell across the table.
Eddie wrinkles his nose. Gregg belches.
Everyone tries to pretend nothing happened.

britt "What do you see, friend?"
angus "…You all discover fresh footprints in the soil."