Time to quit gaming??

Don't actually bother reading this if you don't wanna quit gaming.



 1) Long incoherent ramble.

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Been two years since i've posted on http://kingpinlifestyle.com/how-to-quit-playing-video-games/ and for the most part i managed to succeed in abstaining from video games and have tremendously reduced the amount of time i spend online playing multiplayer video games.

Looking back at the past year and a half - since Feburary 29th 2013 i've been playing more and more video games, focusing a lot less on my real life duties by being lazy at my job and academical research and i hate myself for being like that and i want to change for the better.

Over the past 3 weeks I've been more focused on playing competitively on online games than my real life obligations, my main problem is with gaming as a hole, 2012 was a great year for me - it was the first time i really didn't play any games and would spend most of my time outdoors - be it going to the gym, cycling, swimming in the ocean, working in excavations (its my profession) and just building up more sociability in my life. Fuck jagex for bringing me back to this game because it brought me back to gaming (basically pre-eoc/eoc was unplayable for me on my old laptop i'd get 1 fps so i just stop playing lol, thanks to jagex ruining the game not because i have high will power hahaha).


Runescape 07 isn't the specific issue for me, sure i was playing a hell lot of RS07 at the start but that drastically went down.. It just arose back the addiction sense into me and i needed a fix to fill in the gap, during the 3 months i quit Rs07 from Sept-Dec last year (I quit because my clan leader was a fool, made the game unappealing and i wasn't interested in changing atmosphere) i would spend almost every day at least 5-10 hours playing a browser based video game called Cs-Portable, i play for competitiveness and i really wanted to be on top of that game so i would practice and learn more about the game, eventually the hackers made it unplayable and when i contacted the creators they gave me a half assed response (and to this day the hackers are rampant, making it unplayable) that's about the time i needed my fix again which is why i decided to give Runescape one more go, my ex clan was closing and retards were getting eradicated from the game (jaja closed, ph closed etc) - clans were warring and the community seemed appealingly healthy so i made the come back with AF and have loved every single minute of it.

I'd play a lot with AF, attend almost every event i can and try to help out as much as i can. Eventually my activity went down and i needed a fix to fill the gap again so i made the most idiotic choice of my life so far (seriously.. dumb) and downloaded the free copy of Battlefield 3, several other Af members downloaded it and deleted it, but me? i just wanted to improve and get better at it. Currently i've unlocked every single Kit and unlocks for all vehicles - i have clocked in 257 hours of gameplay in just 3 months (minus the 20 or so days my laptop was broken) i know this doesn't sound like its a lot but to someone like me with so many pressing issues at my hand - thats a massive colossal waste of time and quite harmful to my professional career.

The sad part is that i cant stop, i cant quit. I've tried time and time and time again - from the first week i downloaded bf3 till this very day i kept trying to delete the game and stop playing it but i keep going back, i keep re-downloading and re-installing it and then feeling disgusted and deleting then repeating the same scenario a week later. What can i say? its fucking awesome, best game i've ever played and i've played a hell lot of games over the past two decades. Even right now i am so tempted just to close this page and go into the attack gunship and just shoot down enemies with my missiles.. Or stealth around with a sniper or carpet bomb my targets with missiles in my jet or even get in my tank and bombard buildings or suicide bomb in a jeep, you get what i mean i really really want to play that game and i am addicted to it and i am aware of that which is why i want and have to stop!.

And i say this because its destroying me, if its not Bf3 it will be CS:Go if not that it will be something else currently my brain is wrapped in a way that it needs a fix and i'll keep looking for one.. When my laptop was broken i spent most of my time playing Minecraft PE on my iphone (you can download a chinese app called Kouiyaong or something like to get it for free no jailbreak needed) i built up a fucking beautiful fortress on it.. I put in tens of hours playing it when i should of been paying attention to other pressing issues.. It filled the gap, i did not utilize that time to break away from gaming.

It started with RS07 and escalated in Bf3 and gotten much worse in Minecraft PE, sure i spend a lot of time reading stuff online watching videos but i feel like gaming is just so much unproductive to my life and overall well-being its extremely time consuming and since i am currently addictive to the most addictive game on the planet (battlefield 3) i lost much time. Yesterday i was supposed to study since it was a day off work - i woke up at 7 am ready to crack down on my research and opened up battlefield for a quick game -  what was supposed to be a 20 minute round that would end at 7:30 am ended up continuing on and on round after round i played, i took several breaks and went and outside for about 2 hours to only come back and play Bf3 till 11 pm - till our mass started.

This is not a one time thing, every single pk/event i've attended in the past 3 weeks - be it spur or mand was mainly done while i was playing Bf3, if i wasn't playing Bf3 i would of simply not been on my computer and i wouldn't of been to the events.  Its that BAD.  And i am not asking for sympathy or understanding i am simply rambling to get it all out of the system so i'll never think about it again.

This shit needs to stop, i want to lake drumming lessons (i actually talked to several street drummers and convinced them to teach me i just never followed suit) learn more french (started learning then stopped) and russian (started learning then stopped) and just do so much more (like take care and build up my professional career, my dream is to build up an archaeological institute that en-compensates and enables Syria's archaeological institutes to have dialog with Israel via jordan, perhaps it would bring peace between the two countries, if Bishara was able to open the borders and allow citizens to visit relatives then i am sure this would be possible too) achievable but far away and the fact i focus and put most of my attention on video games isn't helping my interest. (Well this was an aspiration before the Syrian civil war, they've managed to destroyed monumental historical and ancient buildings in Syria, it broke my heart to see bibar's grave and the Ummayed mosque completely demolished because of the fighting), sad how us arabs in Israel are next for the slaughter.. meh.  Why does it have to be this way :(.

Cam's article is exactly how i feel and his lecture for ted is really impressive!.
Good video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHmC2D0_Hdg#t=83



Looking back at my life i've wasted thousands of hours playing video games, rejected friends when they invited me to hang out and focused almost entirely on playing competitive games - how i managed to finish my B.A and now my M.A and find work in my field of studies baffles me, i feel like a spoiled person that always gets things to work for him when so many others are very less unfortunate.  Maybe its my charm or like-ability meh, whatever it may be if i don't respect it or give back to whatever force is helping me then it will obviously stop helping me and abandon me, then i'll be left homeless and worthless.

I dont think i am anything special but i have this clear view on life that i can't explain, like everything is not as complicated as it seems or as others make it seem to be, i wanna help others but i cant do it if i cant help myself first.

Either way its clear to me that i've wasted too much time on gaming and this escaping though i always have "you were so much better off without games, why would you go back to it????".. Sums it all up to me.

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2) Short coherent ramble (the bottom line of what am trying to say)


 I just need to get this out of my system so i can move on with my life and maximize the positive aspects out of it while i can, gota fight the temptation.

Unless you wanna quit gaming too, imo nothing is more pathetic and sad than a grown man rambling on an online forum to people that couldn't give two shits about his concerns (just like how i always try to focus on the little issues that no one gives a shit about either). But i am using this forum to just get this out of my system i dont really care for what anyone's opinion but i also think it would help others trapped in the same situation (insert troll/flame meme here, lol).

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3) Tl;dr:

- Going to "try" and stop playing video games, Runescape isn't the game i am addicted because it doesnt provide the fix i need, it's the root cause for my bad gaming habits, then i can focus on my real issues.. I still love my clan and all the people i've met online and i really dont want to part ways with them! :(.