Thread 12: Stories 1-15

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>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
-18-
[Chrysalis]
{Gaffer}
~~~~~

>So, SO glad you could make it, man! Wow, it's been forever.

"Oh, good, you know who this guy is?"

'The fact you don't is more a testament to how much things changed around here.'

-Was that a jab at us?-

[HAH! Change! I get it! Oh, sad-nerd, you slay me!]

{Y-yeah, well, decided to reconnect a bit, you know?}

>Hey, no explanations needed, anytime you want to visit you stop by.

'Hey, why isn't Princess Celestia here?'

{...Princess Celestia?}

"Chrysalis said she wouldn't play if Celestia was present, she was sick of dice raining from the sky and cockblocking her."

[And I stand by that! Seriously, how am I supposed to rut Shiny's brains out if she keeps jumping in the way?]

{...}

>You could always NOT do that and just play the game.

[HERESY!]

{So... you spend all this time... trying to sleep with him?}

>Ugh, CONSTANTLY! She never shuts up about it! Always rubbing her ass on my desk, offering all sorts of lewd acts, dressing up in more and more risque clothing, it's the worst.

{...}

[Speaking of, remind me to pour some laxative in Celestia's cakes. I've had that character for YEARS, and now I can't use her because of that damn chastity belt. I have to make a completely different succubi to screw you with.]

>Oh! That reminds me, you still have your old character, Gaffer?

{Yes?}

>Great! I still have mine too. Hey, Poindexter, whip out yours, it'll be just like old times.

'Sure, I'm down with that.'

{Yeah... just like old times}

-Hey pal, look the other way. Got enough propositioning from that first nerd.-

'Yeah, don't bother, she's trying to get with Shining Armor too.'

{You don't say.}

"Alright, let's get this party rolling! You find yourselves on the edge of the snowy forest of-"

[I USE MY ADVANCED INITIATIVE TO USE MY SEDUCTIVE GAZE ON SHINY!]

>OH COME ON! You can't do that, I'm immune!

"Not here."

>What!?

"This realm weakens a Paladin's resolve, she could manage it if she rolls high enough."

>It does not!

A shit eating grin said it all.

>YOU MOTHER-

{I have an even faster initiative than Chrysalis, so I am going to use that in response.}

>HAH! Gaffer to the rescue! Knew you would back me up, buddy!

[Oh, come on! I am so sick of other people trying to get-]

{To murder Shining Armor.}

The table went quiet.

"Did I hear that right?"

{Oh, would you look at that. Critical.}

"...Huh. I guess... I guess you succeed."

{I walk over, slip my rogue behind him, and I stab him. I stab him right in the heart. Over. And over. And over. And then I slit his throat. And then I start stomping down. And then I stab him one. last. time.}

>...
"..."
'...'
-...-
[...Wow.]

"You, uh, you're successful. He's dead."

>Gaffer? Gaffy? Laughy Gaffy? You okay?

{...}

>...I'm going to...scooch my chair a little bit back, that okay with everyone? Good? Gooooood...

{...Can I loot him?}

"Huh?"

{Shining Armor. Can I loot his body?}

"Your party is right there."

{Oh my, you're right. Well, that won't do. I use the agility bonus I get for a successful kill, and go after Chrysalis next.}

[WHOA, WHAT!?]

{Another critical? How lucky. Your turn, other Changeling.}

-My name is 18.-

{I'll put it on your tombstone, another critical. You. Poindexter. You're all that's left.}

'Uh-'

{Whoops, spoke too soon. Bye bye.}

"...Well, uh, parties all dead now."

{Are they? Well, I obviously can't win without them. I loot their bodies, and now I'm done. Good game, everyone. Have a nice night.}

Causal as could be, he left.

[...ooooookay.]

>...So, uh, maybe I should double check before inviting 8-bit?

"Yeah, I'd do that... and then invite him anyway."

>...

"What? Your faces were PRICELESS."
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>Celestia
“Applejack”
‘???’
_______

>Wellll….

“Right! Right, uh… soooo, um….”

‘Is there a problem?’

>Problem? No, no problem at all, just… Applejack, you wanted to say something?

“Now y’all know damn well Ah didn’t want to say- Ah mean… it’s just, this form here....”

‘Yes?’

“We can’t really make it out….”

‘Why not? I thought I wrote clear enough.’

>Wrote? The only thing on this slip of paper is the drawing of a rock.

‘I know. I drew it.’

>Yeah but that’s all it is. Just a rock. No heading, no subject, no body, nothing. Just a rock. What're we suppose to infer from that?

‘It’s Boulder.'

>...Boulder?

"Celly, don't a-"

'He's my pet, the forerock of our industry. We’re looking to expand the land.’

“Expand the… But why?”

‘There’s a market for rocks. We want to beat out the competition.’

“…”
>…

‘So is everything in order with our request form?’

“Yer’ request form to move rocks from one area… to another area.”

‘Yes.’

“Signed. Here ya go. Y’all have a good day, Maud.”

‘Thank you. Boulder and I will have a progress report in the following month.’

“Really, there’s no need to… annnnd she’s gone. ...Well, Ah'll be damned. That was simple, right Celly?”

>…no. Nothing’s ever that simple. Never. I don’t know how but this is going to come back to bite us square in the plot later. And when it does- oh, when it does- I’m going to blame you.

“Pshaw, as if. She’s movin’ rocks. Where’s the trouble in that?”

>Oh you poor, naive little pony.
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>Dadling
"Batmom"
~~~~~

>AHHHHHHHHH!

"What!? What is it!?"

>OH SWEET CHITIN OF MY ANCESTORS! THAT'S HORRIFYING!

"What is!?"

>IT'S SOOOO DISGUSTNG!

"...Are you looking up how ponies give birth?"

>YES! I had no idea everything about this was so GROSS!

"...That's just the first page, all you're looking at is the egg before it's fertilization."

>THERE'S MORE!?

"...Shit."
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"77"
>PotatoJack
--------

"- and I can hardly BELIEVE that AJ42, Hero of the Empire, trained such a pathetic pile of BEANBAGS!"

>*munch*

"Alright, maggots, listen up. 42 has left you lot to my TENDER MINISTRATIONS for the following MONTH..."

>*munch munch*

"... during which TIME I will turn each and EVERY one of you SQUIRMING LARVAE into a pretty, poofy, sparkling, LETHAL BUTTERF-"

>*munch munch -* Mmphfwg fmphnuh?

"..."

>*munch*

"What ... is that ... in your mouth ... soldier?"

>Mfgh mphhfmh, dfgh. Mwuh wmph m'hphlmph?
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>12
"77"
'Applejack'
~~~~~
>Hey, guys, how was the gala for all of you?

'Holy hay! 12! Where ya been, ya look like hell!'

"Welcome back, friend."

>Well, guess what! I've been WORKING!"

'... Yer serious, righ'?'

>Deadly!

"Well congratulations, do we have wine for this?"

'A-Ah'll go git tha premium cider!'

>Thanks guys, but celebrations are gonna have to wait! I worked a late night rush during the Gala and I am DEAD tired.

12 promptly falls over into a twitching mess, still looks like doughnut batter-covered hell and exhausted... But the guy is still smiling.
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>Spike
"77"
'42'
[DT]
~PJ~
-???-
~~~~
'So that's what that brief moment of hellish fear I felt during the Gala was...'

>A bit unsettling...

[Goodbye, foalhood...]

~Mhm...~

"Ah, that reminded me, we have business, don't we, Spike?"

>Oh, yeah, first things first, I'd like to introduce everyone to the newest prospective member of the club: PotatoJack

~Hmhmm!~

"A pleasure!"

[Hey.]

-Seriously, Spike?! I've wanted to join for how long now and make your gear?!-

Twilight pops her head out of a potted plant

>Ugh... On a related note, all for the future consideration of Twilight's own membership at a later date?

"'[aye!]'"

~mph!~

>Fine, we'll consider it.

-That's all I could ask for.-

Twilight's head sunk back within the pot

>Next, I want to know if everyone is still up for that tournament, and if, you, PJ, would like to join?

PJ nods happily

[I WANT MY FIRST MATCH TO BE AGAINST SPIKE!]

"Your obvious grudge does not become you, poppet."

'Yeah, if you want to fight him so bad, make sure you-'

[Stuff it, mothra!]

>I accept

Everyone's Face When
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>Sombra
"Twilight"
'Shining'
-Chrysalis-

>Princess Sparkle, a pleasure as always.

"Sombra, do you know where my brother is?"

>Ah, uhm, well. He is in your Danger Ro-

"Grr..."

>Simulation Chamber...I don't remember the full title. He is, shall we say, testing out battle strategies."

"Really? That's great! Take me to it!"

>I don't think-

"Oh nevermind, I know the way!"

With a spring in her step, Twilight hops down the corridors of the castle with Sombra floating morosely behind. Soon they reach the chamber holding the simulator, already they can hear two voices inside.

'Squad Five regroup at rally point alpha!'

-Sub-Swarm Nine charge their defensive line here, here, and here!-

Twi looks back at Sombra, confused.

"He's doing it with Chrysalis, that's weird..."

>Uhhh...

-NOW SLUDGENOIDS! DESTROY THESE FOOLS!-

'FOR THE EMPEROR!'

Twi blinks, then frowns.

"Are they...?"

>Yes, they've commandeered your training device in order to play lifesized games of Hyperspace Hyperwars.

"..."

>If it's any consolation-

Twi's face breaks into a visage of childish glee, hopping into the air.

"IPLAYWINNER!"

>What!?

"I play winner, whoever wins out of these two, I play them~"

>But I was going next! They sent me out here so you wouldn't find out and get angry!

"No givesies backsies!"

>Bollocks!
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>Shining Armor
"Spike"
~~~~
"So why are we playing Magic inside the castle tonight, Shining?"

>Oh, you'll see, just follow me into this dark room.

"That looks like one of Twilight's"

>Just get in!

Simulation: Activated

The two now find themselves on opposite ends of a field with their decks

>Behold! My newest program for the Sub-Space Simulator! And with it, Spike, you shall witness the awesome power of me new deck!

"You just looked up for cheap deck builds on the Internet, didn't you?"

>Shut it! I go first, your heart of the cards wont's save you now!

"You're mixing up Duel Monsters with-"

>I summon my three BLIGHTSTEEL COLOSSI!

"... Did you just summon three different monsters that each require twelve mana to summon?"

>Yes, and?

"That's against the rules!"

>SCREW THE RULES, I'M THE PRINCE OF A FUCKING EMPIRE!
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>AJ56
“AJ2”
-Spike-
______

>Two?

“Yuh-huh?”

>Can you explain something to me?

“Course I can! Ya see, marchmalley’s aren’t something that can be created or born, they simple ARE. Because awesome. And once you’ve done enough good deeds you get access to them, forever! I don’t know why I’m not accessibled to them yet but I will be soon! It’s my dream, to be the Princess of Marchmalley’s! I’ll rule with a gooey hoof!”

>…dream big, Two, but that’s not what I wanted to know.

“Yeah you did, you jus’ don’t know it yet.”

56 pointed out the door.

>So I’m wonderin’… what are those?

“…they look like black tendril leg-things!”

>Thought so. And what’re they draggin’ down the hall?

“Hmmm… I think that’s Spike!”

-SWEET CELESTIA ABOVE HELP ME!-

>Again, thought so.

“…think we should help him? His claws are tearing up the floorboards!”

>Nah, I think he’s got it.

-I DON’T GOT ANYTHING! HELP!-

>Like I said, he’s got it.

-I’M SAYING NO TO THIS! THIS IS TICKLERAPE AND I DON’T APPRO-GAHAHAHAHAHA!-

“Have fun, Spike!”
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>Spike
"77"
'42'
[DT]
~PJ~
-Twi-
{Cheerlie}
~~~~
[I am going to leave you hurting Spike-Whatever-the-fuck-your-last-name-is...]

>And I fully intend not to simply lay down and take it- 42, question?

'Yeah, I don't mean to put down my fellow changeling, but what can PotatoJack do, exactly?'

>Shall we step outside, and PJ, if you would give us a demonstration?

~Mhmm!~

The group steps out onto a balcony where PJ proceeds to launch herself from the ledge and then activate her 3DMG

SEID IHR DAS ESSEN? NEIN, WIR SIND DER JAEGER!!!

"Okay, that was cool, next question: what are we going to do about her in the tournament? I mean don't think any of us want to give up our matches..."

Cheerlie's head pops out a plant pot with Twilight's

{I have a proposal! Twilight and I could unleash some kind of gauntlet for her to pass!}

-Or we could use a demonic and robotic gauntlet for a prelim round. Last one to the finish line sets the rest of the tournament out!-

"Both sound excellent!"

>But we'll keep them on consideration to keep this thing from getting too crowded.

"By the way, what are you and Twilight doing in a potted plant, dear?"

-I don't know about her but I'm having troubles with the telportation system.-

{I like to randomly appear out of hiding spaces where other mares are to fuel rumors about my sexuality. Also I began to wonder where my trash kept vanishing to.}

>Now for my own question: why does everyone keep raising their hands and looking at me for Gun Club business?

'Well, you sort of are a defacto leader...'

"You were the more common of the bounds most of us shared, though I'll admit that you and I do not speak as much as we should."

[And you sleep with all of the princesses...]

>... Alright, DT, you just made our match rather personal. To quote Rarity: it is on.

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>AJ56
“Babs Seed”
‘DT’
-SS-
_________

The sound of scurrying hoofsteps coupled with a bark of laughter serenaded the air as 56 raced throughout Ponyville on his way to school, easily evading every single rocket and deadly projectile fired at him by his would-be killer.

‘GET BACK HERE DAMN YOU!’

>Sorry! I don’t deal with flatflanks!

‘Rrrrrrr my flank… is not… FLAT!’

-Tiara, calm d--

Another explosion shook the area yet not a single pony seemed disturbed by the chaotic events bursting around them, mostly because they were well accustomed to the daily spectacle.

56 rounded a corner into an alleyway and his laughing muzzle lost itself in something soft, something soft that yelped with surprise.

>Mnngh?

“What the hell…?”

‘AHA! Finally caught up with you, you little… you….’

-Oh wow. Are we… are we disturbing something?-

‘Babs? What’re you doing with that idiot?’

“Thas what I’d like to know. Any’a you mind givin’ this thing a hand? It’s stuck.”

With a mighty group tug, 56 was dislodged with an almost comical ‘pop’.

>Wooooow…

-…Uh-oh, I know that look. You might want to get out of here, Babs.-

“And who’re you to tell me what to do, Spoon?”

-Eh, fair warning.-

“Warnin’? Warnin’ for wh-”

>There’s no way you’re a filly with a booty like this!

“Eh! Where d’ya think you’re puttin’ those ho-”

>It’s so… so thick! But I guess that’s understandable ‘cause you’re a bit on the chubby side, ain’t cha?

“…”

‘PfffffHAHAHA!’

“Did this thing just call me fa- WILL YOU GET YOUR FACE OUT OF MY BUTT?”

>Nnnnope! And look at your cute, stubby little tail! Precious!

“H-hey, no, wait, what the hell are you doin’? Are you kissin’ my plot? Y-you freak! Get off’a me!”

‘Oh sweet Celestia, my sides hurt, they hurt so good… best day ever right here. C’mon, Spoons, we don’t want to be late for class.’

-Right.-

“You two can’t just leave like- aaaahn, n-no! Come back here and get this thing offa me!”

‘Tough luck, Babsy girl. Your problem now.’

-Wait until he gets to the chocolate milk.-

"Chocolate what?!"

>Mmmm, smells like apples!
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Alright, go ahead.

"Ta daaaaa~!"

>...What happened?

"I am now visible in a completely different spectrum of light!"

>Oh. Which spectrum?

"Um... not sure."

>Can I see it?

"No, ah, I actually need to do the eye thing to see it myself."

>The one that almost blinded you?

"That one."

>Okay, fine, what's the story behind this one? What possible weird evolutionary branch could have ended up with this. What survival method could POSSIBLY bring this about?

"...It, uh, didn't. Millipeeda just thought it was cool."

>...

"...It is so cool! Why must you belittle my race? RACIST!"

>...

"...WHY CAN'T WE MAKE UP ANYTHING USEFUL!?"
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>Store Pony
"???"
~~~~

>...You know, I was pretty sure the weirdest thing I was going to see today was more of Cheer's demons or something.

"Shut up."

>Do you need help finding something? I could see why it would be a problem, you look like you can barely see out of that tiny opening.

"I'm fine."

>Aren't you hot? There are so many coats over you.

"I said I'm FINE."

>...You from the empire? You look like you're-

"NO!"

>... You find what you needed?

"Just ring me up."

>Birth control? Miss, ain't nobody going to judge you for-

"RING. ME. UP."

>Alright, JEEZ! So snippy! Not my business anyway.

"Damn straight."

The figured covered from hooftip to tailtip in clothing beat a hasty retreat, handing off her ticket and on her way back to the Crystal Empire in no time.

There weren't many days 42 honestly wondered if treason was the way to go.

This was one of them.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>I'm pretty sure this is actually worse than the time you got my hopes up with that 'time travel' spell.

"What do you mean, that one works perfectly!"

>It only lets you travel forward in time.

"...There are some limitations. So?"

>For periods of under sixty seconds.

"It lets you skip commercials, that's a perfectly valid use of--"

>To quote you, 'the force of the magic knocks you off your feet every time you use it.'

"And if you account for that, it's--"

>During the duration of the spell, your body just slumps over.

"...So what's your point?"

>Routinely blasting yourself unconscious is not a magical ability. In fact, that's probably some sort of medical condition.
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>Celestia
[Luna]
"???"
'???'
~~~~

>Heh, and Spike calls ME extravagant? Look at this.

[A lava filled hot tub? Surely he is jesting! Even he isn't that fireproof!]

>Oh, he likely is. He can withstand all sorts of firepower. Why, he could maybe even... step on the...

[...Sister?]

>You know, I wonder what he would look like when he was older-

Her back suddenly went rigid, and her eyes suddenly took on a glassy, unfocused air.

[Sister, are you-]

~~~~TWO MINUTES LATER!~~~~

>BLAAAAAAAAGGGGH~!

"Really? MY bathroom. All the bathrooms that you could use in all of Canterlot, and you picked MY bathroom. Mine."

'Ours.'

>BLLAAAAAAAGH!

"This smell will never leave. I'm going to have to set fire to this room."

>BLEEEEGhehhhh, j-just shut up and keep holding m-my hair!

"I don't see why you need me to, it floats."

>D-DO I-BLAAAAAGH!

"Gettin' some splashback there."

>BE LUCKY YOU AREN'T LUN-AHHGGGLGLL

"You puked all over Luna?"

>She will never forgive me.

'What's the big deal, anyway? You're not biologically related or anything! Little fantasy isn't going to kill you.'

>Y-you don't understand! I rocked him to sleep, I watched his first steps, I can still see his chubby little baby arms asking for a hug! It's like imagining TWO like that!

"..."

'Ew, auntia Celestia, that's... Shiny?...IN THE SINK! THE SINKTHESINKTHESINK!'

"BLEEEGGGGH!"

>BLEAAAAAAGHHHHH!"

>"BLAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!"
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